Post by Homer J. Fong on Feb 5, 2013 21:57:12 GMT -5
Hey, I'm new here. Can I interest you folks in a tale? What, you don't know what happened the last time Kanye West played Bonnaroo? WELL PULL UP A CHAIR. I can't believe you guys don't know this, it was crazy! Well, first he was late because he was partying in Atlanta until 3:00 a.m., drinking sizzurp. Then he forced a bunch of nuns off a plane full of medicine bound for the Congo, hijacked the plane and made them fly at SUPERSONIC SPEED to get to Bonnaroo. He was mad that Phil Lesh's old ass was still droning on (who cares about old white guys) so he slapped him twice in the mouth and broke his walker. Then, he came on stage at 5:00 a.m., f*cked a robot right in front of everyone, then pulled an R.Kelly all over the front row of the audience. I swear to God, this is what happened. Finally, he broke his contract with Bonnaroo and totally counter sued because they refused to pay him, so now they're broke which is why they can't afford any good bands anymore and why the fountain is brown and why the sonic forest never comes back and why they have to keep booking WSP every other year. So he's never coming back, and Phil Lesh won't even though he plays fests like Outside Lands because that makes sense for some reason.
. . . so yeah, the sooner the better on those private forums, alright?