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I think up until the feelings are acknowledged you can say that the "hanging with someone you like who doesn't like you back" thing isn't the worst thing in the world. Once feelings are acknowledged and are not reciprocated by one side of the situation, you can't come back from that.
Nailed it. Things had been getting more and more "intimate" (never sexual just hanging out a lot more, flirting, etc) and after a while I just kind of laid it out like "hey i like you, I know you like me (which she said yes she did) so what exactly are we doing right now?" to which I got a "yeah blah blah blah I just don't think it's a good idea right now"
After that we didn't speak for a while, but eventually started to again.We haven't addressed it since, and probably wont for a while. But I don't know. Whatever I guess
Don't get hung up on semantics. He explained what it meant:
ITM, I'm not trying to make a broader point and then getting "hung up on semantics." In fact, this IS my point. That you can't be "just friends" if you are hooking up with someone.
It felt like your post distracted from the ongoing conversation that was flowing pretty well. I didn't want to see a debate/argument about "can you be friends with a person your sleeping with" come up in the middle of a thoughtful back and forth session of advice-giving. That's all.
The cut-off line is whether you get sexual. And the ONLY reason I'm able to be "just friends" with that girl is because we never actually broke the drunk cuddling/actually hooking up barrier.
Once you hook up with someone you've entered a whole new arena beyond friendship.
I disagree.
I have hooked up with...well...enough people that I've encountered a lot of different situations. I had sex with my best friend and everyone warned me I ruined everything. BUt I didn't, we're still great friends and when we get drunk and are both single, we hook up. We're not in love, we're not acting out some life-long fantasy, we're just consenting adults who like to get down with the get down, naw'mean?
Maybe I'm weird, but before I really figured out how to talk to girls the only girls I hooked up with were my friends.
I don't think it's something to be impressed by (the sexing, that is), but maybe the communication it took to get there?
I know it's a stupid and obnoxious cliche to bring it up, but I am floored by how poorly people communicate. Be it at work, at home, in a relationship, between friends.
Sure, when giong through puberty you're going to get "feelings" (read: boners) for any girl who gives you the time of day, but once that stuff subsides it was one of those things where we had a few drinks and literally discussed what it'd be like to hook up. But once it was all out there things happened. We basically communicated the fact that neither of us saw the other as a long-term dating option and we weren't infatuated with one another, so what would some harmless fooling around do?
Will I always care about her and will she always be special to me? Absolutely. But that's not because we had sex, it's because I trust her completely. She's the girl I run my current flings by for the Ceaser thumbs-up-or-down.
This is just one girl, btw, who I would care about this way regardless of any physical connection we had in the past.
I have friends where it is literally as simple as the girl saying "Flanny, I haven't had sex in like (insert time period yourself so I don't insult anyone who is in a particularly rough dry spell), can we hook up?"
I have good looking friends, so I usually don't go "Ew! But.....we're FRIENDS!" I'm also drunk whenever this happens.
Music Midtown'01'02'04'05'11-'13::Ultra'02'03::Roo'07-'16::ACL'10::AF/TheNational'11::Sasquatch'11::Voodoo'11'16::Counterpoint'12'14::Moogfest'12::TommorowWorld'13'14::MOEMS'13::Coachella'14'15::ShakyKnees'13-'17::MFGLASTONBURY2017
I think having unrequited crushed keep life interesting- it's a reason to be excited to go somewhere, a reason to look your best... I think all-in-all, it's a boost to daily life. Harmless flirting is great. I do agree that once the word is out or you crossed the line, it does change things.
I have a friend at Cheesecake that I have worked with since October 2007. I have consistently said he’s my favorite male coworker, we flirt and give each other HUGE hugs every time we see each other. On a Saturday night, three weeks ago, me, him, and two other guys were hanging out watching football. He began aggressively hitting on me- pressing up against me, trying to slip his hands down my pants and at one point when we were alone, he whipped his dick out and said, “I’ve wanted you for five years, please just touch it.” Yeah.. I know. Smooth (and no, I didn’t). So skipping all the rest of the details, I see him a few days later and I am NERVOUS to see him. I finally do and I give him a half hug and give him an out, “soooo you were pretty drunk the other night…” And his response was that he wasn’t… Ever since, I can’t look at him the same, I have to force hug him… Life is different. He should have never crossed the line after having this banter for so many years. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to return to where we were before.
I think “just friends” can have sex. I’ve been there. However, for me it still had to be monogamous. I had an long-time ongoing situation with someone my sophomore year in college. We didn’t do dinner, we didn’t call… we just partied and messed around. Until the day that I walked in on him with another girl in his bed. Oddly, I was actually quite happy for him. He had been pining over this girl forever and I was glad that he snagged her. But we were over. No sharing.
I had sex with my best friend and everyone warned me I ruined everything. BUt I didn't, we're still great friends and when we get drunk and are both single, we hook up. We're not in love, we're not acting out some life-long fantasy, we're just consenting adults who like to get down with the get down, naw'mean?
I’d keep that more quiet. If I knew that about my boyfriend, I would be so insanely jealous every time they hung out. And I am not an insanely jealous person. Everyone has their limits.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I had sex with my best friend and everyone warned me I ruined everything. BUt I didn't, we're still great friends and when we get drunk and are both single, we hook up. We're not in love, we're not acting out some life-long fantasy, we're just consenting adults who like to get down with the get down, naw'mean?
I’d keep that more quiet. If I knew that about my boyfriend, I would be so insanely jealous every time they hung out. And I am not an insanely jealous person. Everyone has their limits.
Duh.
Also, I'm still shocked guys whip their d*cks out as if the sheer presence of the male phallus is all a woman needs to get the juices flowing.
Music Midtown'01'02'04'05'11-'13::Ultra'02'03::Roo'07-'16::ACL'10::AF/TheNational'11::Sasquatch'11::Voodoo'11'16::Counterpoint'12'14::Moogfest'12::TommorowWorld'13'14::MOEMS'13::Coachella'14'15::ShakyKnees'13-'17::MFGLASTONBURY2017
I’d keep that more quiet. If I knew that about my boyfriend, I would be so insanely jealous every time they hung out. And I am not an insanely jealous person. Everyone has their limits.
Duh.
Also, I'm still shocked guys whip their d*cks out as if the sheer presence of the male phallus is all a woman needs to get the juices flowing.
No way would that ever work. What was that guy thinking??
No way would that ever work. What was that guy thinking??
There needs to be visible scrotum too.
THAT'S what I've been missing.
Gotta show off the goods in their entirety, how foolish of me to forget that the whole purpose behind sex is to create offspring. Women can't get turned on without the male baby makers on display!
Post by A$AP Rosko on Jan 30, 2013 13:55:29 GMT -5
Back to the "friend zone" thing, I am KING of the friend zone. But that's like when Balon Greyjoy was King of Pyke. Nobody respects your title and your kingdom is a giant pile of sh*t so it doesn't do you much good anyway.
I admire your kindness and optimism, Nick, but I'm with those who say that once I make my feelings clear and they go unrequited, it's pretty hard to go back to friendship. I think it depends on the person, though. So if you can handle that NoD, more power to you.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jan 30, 2013 14:12:55 GMT -5
You know what's one step more uncomfortable than unrequited crushes? Telling people you've hooked up when you haven't.
I had a friend ask me "Did you have sex with so-and-so?" and I told him no, not a chance. We were friends and had gone to a few concerts with other friends. She was my good friend's long time girlfriend for a while and I don't think I'd make a move even though they aren't together anymore. But anyway, someone told me that she liked/had a crush on me which I did not feel the same way and then I was told she mentioned that we had fucked and hooked up a few times. I stopped talking to her after that. Kinda weirded me out.
I just plain haven't been trying. Haven't met too many new ladies lately. Need to get my ass in gear and stop being a lazy bum who just eats corn and listens to music.
I would have so many feelings to a few men in here, but we are all spread out!
As for my update: I hate how I can be into someone, and once they start messing up grammar/spelling (of simple words) I'm over it.... Am I searching for something wrong? Too picky? Ugh.
I just plain haven't been trying. Haven't met too many new ladies lately. Need to get my ass in gear and stop being a lazy bum who just eats corn and listens to music.
I would have so many feelings to a few men in here, but we are all spread out!
As for my update: I hate how I can be into someone, and once they start messing up grammar/spelling (of simple words) I'm over it.... Am I searching for something wrong? Too picky? Ugh.
Well, it kind of depends. Like, let's say I was a fitness fanatic. I work out 4 hours a day (before and after work), count calories, do all the crazy stuff that Ben Stiller's character in Heavyweights was about.
Is it too picky for me to only want a person that's fit and dedicated to their workouts the way I am?
If you're attracted to intelligent people, it's stands to reason that's going to be one of the things you focus on.
If a girl uses words like "wat" or shortens words that don't need to be shortened, I immediately get turned off because I don't like texting someone and feeling like the responses are being filtered through a 9 year old.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.