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the g/f got fired from her job yesterday. they called her while she was driving home from work and didn't really give her a reason. she was hired through a temp service so I think they are able to just "terminate her contract" as they did. really really shitty. she was already looking for a new job and this does actually give her the time during the day to go to places at a reasonable time and not be pressing just to get to these places by the end of the day. hopefully she has as new job by the end of next week. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
If my garbage memory serves, she's been having a hell of a time with work in general. Sorry to hear it.
yup def the truth right there, thanks. hoping something good happens in the next couple of days
I think being an atheist makes death really hard to deal with compared to people with some type of religious beliefs. My family are talking about this person finally being in Heaven and seeing deceased relatives again and how it gives them peace. To me, death is the end for our existence. Obviously I don't get in debates about this while everyone is still grieving but it adds extra sadness to the proceedings for me. There is no heaven, hell, purgatory, or reincarnation from my standpoint. I think being a part of a very religious family makes this process more difficult for me to process. Being a really emotional person doesn't help either but I can't find peace in these situations, only the stark reality of the end of a life.
Do people with similar beliefs about the afterlife notice this themselves when someone they love dies?
When my dad died twenty years ago, I was really, really into church, and believing that he still existed in that way and that I would see him again was definitely a comfort to me at the time. I mean, it was my dad, so I was pretty devastated regardless, but I remember also knowing at the time that believing in an afterlife was part of what helped me keep myself somewhat together. I think I clung to religion for a long time largely because of that. Sometime around college, I admitted to myself that I didn't really believe in God. I haven't experienced the death of someone close to me since then, so I can't really compare, but I could definitely see where there would seem like there was more of a finality to it that would (will) add a level of difficulty to dealing with a death.
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
You can be angry until she apologizes, or at decreasing levels over a month I think. Once a month has passed, instead of being angry you should just be snarky until you get an apology.
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
You can be angry until she apologizes, or at decreasing levels over a month I think. Once a month has passed, instead of being angry you should just be snarky until you get an apology.
I think being an atheist makes death really hard to deal with compared to people with some type of religious beliefs. My family are talking about this person finally being in Heaven and seeing deceased relatives again and how it gives them peace. To me, death is the end for our existence. Obviously I don't get in debates about this while everyone is still grieving but it adds extra sadness to the proceedings for me. There is no heaven, hell, purgatory, or reincarnation from my standpoint. I think being a part of a very religious family makes this process more difficult for me to process. Being a really emotional person doesn't help either but I can't find peace in these situations, only the stark reality of the end of a life.
Do people with similar beliefs about the afterlife notice this themselves when someone they love dies?
I remember thinking similar things when my dad died (his family is very religious). I'm not completely atheist but the afterlife thing is something I'm not really on board with. I don't think it necessarily means that grieving has to be more difficult, though. Everybody deals with death differently, and for most there is a "going through the motions" period. I think that for many, the afterlife stuff is what they think they're supposed to say or believe.The groupthink that is often present in religious communities may make many reticent to express that the loss makes them completely doubt God's existence. Having that belief truly sink into your heart in a way that offers genuine comfort requires a sort of faith that I think very few genuinely have. For many, I think it provides comfort in the way a pat on the back does - it's a nice gesture and may make you feel better for a little bit, but a crutch won't heal a broken leg.
For me, facing that stark reality helps me deal with it. It forces me to face the grief in its entirety, right here right now. I'm pretty in tune with my emotions as well, so I just experience them for as long as I need to, but then when they pass, I can let go and move on. And I'm not at all implying that it's a quick process - just quicker than torturing my self with an afterlife Band-Aid that my doubt would cause me to continually tear off. I just let the waves pass through me.
Philosophically, death is one of my favorite subjects. How we view it can dictate how we live our lives. You ever notice how death seems to bring people together, at least temporarily? For some it might be an insincere politeness around family you don't care for, but I know for me at least, in those moments I've really wanted to connect with people I've lost touch with or engage more fully with people at the post-funeral reception. Oddly, I feel more open, more vulnerable - more alive. I think this stems from an innate desire for connection - which makes sense, considering that death is a reminder that existentially, we are completely alone. Death is the Great Equalizer, so I think it reminds me to put my ego to the side and see everyone as the wonderfully flawed humans they are. We may each be alone, but we're alone together.
After getting back into the daily routine, that feeling starts to fade, but it still reminds me to stay open and connect with people. The finality of death encourages me to really live. I hug people tight, and I say "I love you" often. Death sucks, no doubt about it, but it becomes more bearable when I know that the time I do share with the people I love is authentic and intimate. I can't change when other people die and I can't change what's going to happen to me when I die - but I can change how I live now.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
kinda sounds to me like one of two things: one, said friend is oblivious, was caught up in the feels of a brand new crush and didn't even consider that it might be rude to not include you in the after-festivities. like, she may not have known you left your date, and figured since you agreed to the plans at such short notice you weren't super invested in the evening anyway. (also, the new dude may not have been expecting you to be there either, since you weren't expecting him, and may not have known how to handle the situation and also just came off as rude without realizing it.) or two, friend is just inconsiderate, and basically just had no problem with ignoring or ditching you in order to hang with the new guy.
either way, it seems like the kind of thing where it's likely to fester on your end and cause you to feel resentment, while she has no clue you're even mad or why. so my advice would be to either decide genuinely to let it go, or if she's a good friend, tell her how you felt and see where the conversation goes. hopefully you are able to get the resolution you're hoping for and y'all can move forward with no bad feelings.
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
I'd probably be pissed for several weeks unless you get an apology. And with that apology, I'd say she probably also owes you and should buy tickets for the two of you to go to another show without turning you into a third wheel.
That's just me though. Something like that would really get under my skin, lol. Good luck. Was it at least a decent show??
she apologized pretty hard today, and we talked it out. i really like having her as a friend and i think it is what oneil said, in that she was oblivious on how to handle the situation etc. i could tell she felt bad about it, so hopefully it is all worked out.
thanks for the advice guys (this is why i love you all!).
she apologized pretty hard today, and we talked it out. i really like having her as a friend and i think it is what oneil said, in that she was oblivious on how to handle the situation etc. i could tell she felt bad about it, so hopefully it is all worked out.
thanks for the advice guys (this is why i love you all!).
that's great that she apologized and you got some resolution. those beginning crush hormones are a doozy, but still no excuse to be a terrible friend, so I'm glad y'all worked it out!
my friend asked/begged me to go to this show with her last night b/c no one was going with her. i buy my ticket yesterday and then like 5 hours before we go, she tells me this guy SHE'S NEVER EVEN MET is going to meet up with us there. so basically we get there and i'm automatically the third wheel on my friend's first date. dude gets my friend a drink and doesn't even ask if i want anything. wtf. i end up spending the entire show alone (which i paid $30 and don't even know the band). she says she can get her own ride home. then this morning i see snaps that she was out till like 5 in the morning and didn't even invite me to go out to aftershows!
and to top it off, i left my OWN date early to go to this show with her.
how long am i allowed to be mad about this?? i'm pretty peeved right now.
I really hate doing the mopey emotional girl thing (stereotyping, sorry), but fuck.
Lover person leaves tomorrow, almost certainly. As long as he's gotten everything packed up by then. So last night was our last together; he's going to swing by to say final quick goodbye tomorrow but very quick. Even though we've both been gearing up towards this for literally months (and in some ways, from day 1 of our relationship, because we always knew it would eventually come to this), still all feels surreal and shitty and bleh.
We didn't leave it as "never want to see you again, bye," but uhh, 2814 is a lot of miles. A lot of miles and an expensive trip.
Someone wanna invent teleportation right quick, please? Would benefit so many lives in so many ways.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I really hate doing the mopey emotional girl thing (stereotyping, sorry), but fuck.
Lover person leaves tomorrow, almost certainly. As long as he's gotten everything packed up by then. So last night was our last together; he's going to swing by to say final quick goodbye tomorrow but very quick. Even though we've both been gearing up towards this for literally months (and in some ways, from day 1 of our relationship, because we always knew it would eventually come to this), still all feels surreal and shitty and bleh.
We didn't leave it as "never want to see you again, bye," but uhh, 2814 is a lot of miles. A lot of miles and an expensive trip.
Someone wanna invent teleportation right quick, please? Would benefit so many lives in so many ways.
As someone who currently lives 2,173 miles from his lady, I can totally relate to the feels. She had a decent amount of notice before her assignment started, so we were able to prepare. The reality of them getting on a plane is something you can't really prepare for. Thankfully, her company pays for trips back and forth a couple times a month. She also has an end time to the assignment at which point she will come back to Knoxville. I don't know where we would be at if we were in your situation.
I am far too young to be throwing my back out just from going from kneeling to standing. (Yeah, yeah, phrasing and whatnot). But seriously. I wasn't even carrying anything. Wtf.
Last Edit: Nov 2, 2015 18:03:55 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I really hate doing the mopey emotional girl thing (stereotyping, sorry), but fuck.
Lover person leaves tomorrow, almost certainly. As long as he's gotten everything packed up by then. So last night was our last together; he's going to swing by to say final quick goodbye tomorrow but very quick. Even though we've both been gearing up towards this for literally months (and in some ways, from day 1 of our relationship, because we always knew it would eventually come to this), still all feels surreal and shitty and bleh.
We didn't leave it as "never want to see you again, bye," but uhh, 2814 is a lot of miles. A lot of miles and an expensive trip.
Someone wanna invent teleportation right quick, please? Would benefit so many lives in so many ways.
I'm going to blow everyone's mind and be nice right quick..
LDR kinda suck really hard.. if it makes you feel any better, SEVERAL people on this board have experience with them. Some of them just a few hours, some of them across the county and some of them across the world. Some of them have beautiful happy endings, some of them not so much. But my BIGGEST piece of advice here is to keep communication open and make time to video chat. If you want to keep this person around in more than a platonic way then you're going to have to put in the effort for it. Having visits planned is key. Even if they're months out. When we started our LDR we weren't sure when we'd ever see each other, we were just kinda goin for it. Luckily things worked out by chance that he is able to come back to the US this winter, and I will hopefully being going there next spring/early summer. As soon as his trip was planned and then when I found out I have a trip planned it really made things feel a lot less daunting.
Just remember, distance is something that can be remedied if you're serious enough about it. You just kinda have to decide for yourself if he's worth the effort. If he is then you can make it work, if he's not then that is your answer. Maybe he comes back to the east coast, maybe you go where ever he's going, maybe you both pick up and move somewhere new. But distance is temporary. Planes exist, cars exist, phones exist, Skype exists (FB also has free video/voice calls too, with decent quality and reliability), Snapchat exists, texting exists... all of these things will help immensely with feeling less far away from him. Trust me, it sucks at times, but if its good then its good. And you shouldn't end a good thing over something as silly and trivial as distance.
Oh, and there are enough of us on this board to back a huge kickstarter for teleportation. We need to find a scientist to make that happen. Like, really. They have teleported atoms and shit, how hard can it be to teleport just a fuckton more atoms at once... thousands of miles... over water....
I was gonna weigh in on the LDR stuff, but started feeling like a wet blanket because my view of them is rather negative - my needs just can't be met in an LDR. So I'll just say that LDR's are tough as fuck, and I sincerely wish all of you the best of luck in them.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I really hate doing the mopey emotional girl thing (stereotyping, sorry), but fuck.
Lover person leaves tomorrow, almost certainly. As long as he's gotten everything packed up by then. So last night was our last together; he's going to swing by to say final quick goodbye tomorrow but very quick. Even though we've both been gearing up towards this for literally months (and in some ways, from day 1 of our relationship, because we always knew it would eventually come to this), still all feels surreal and shitty and bleh.
We didn't leave it as "never want to see you again, bye," but uhh, 2814 is a lot of miles. A lot of miles and an expensive trip.
Someone wanna invent teleportation right quick, please? Would benefit so many lives in so many ways.
As someone who currently lives 2,173 miles from his lady, I can totally relate to the feels. She had a decent amount of notice before her assignment started, so we were able to prepare. The reality of them getting on a plane is something you can't really prepare for. Thankfully, her company pays for trips back and forth a couple times a month. She also has an end time to the assignment at which point she will come back to Knoxville. I don't know where we would be at if we were in your situation.
Yeh, see that's the inherently shitty thing about our situation that makes it seem so much more bleak; we are both mid 20s somethings who are trying to do all these things and adventure all these places yet also definitely don't have the funds to just trapeze around as we'd like. If we had a way of being able to see each other a couple times a month, I think that would significantly change our thinking on the whole situation. I doubt we would commit to a traditional monogamous LDR even then because for me personally, that amount of distance and how I conceive of relationships (and how he does too, for that matter) would add up to us almost certainly being open to some degree but like, at least still each other's "person." That's all I want. He can go fuck lotsa cute San Fran girls and I'd be fine with that; it is the losing him as my person part that is killing me.
But it just doesn't feel feasible at all with the lack of opportunity to see each other once he's out there and I'm here. We have vaguely discussed me coming out there sometime in the next few coming months, but I don't really have the money to do that more than once or twice in the foreseeable future. And it is also very pertinent that he's moving out there to commit all his time and like sense of self, essentially, to his start-up. I want him to be able to go and pursue that to the fullest extent, and I know that to feel like your heart is left behind somewhere else but you can't hardly ever see that person...it really sucks.
I really hate doing the mopey emotional girl thing (stereotyping, sorry), but fuck.
Lover person leaves tomorrow, almost certainly. As long as he's gotten everything packed up by then. So last night was our last together; he's going to swing by to say final quick goodbye tomorrow but very quick. Even though we've both been gearing up towards this for literally months (and in some ways, from day 1 of our relationship, because we always knew it would eventually come to this), still all feels surreal and shitty and bleh.
We didn't leave it as "never want to see you again, bye," but uhh, 2814 is a lot of miles. A lot of miles and an expensive trip.
Someone wanna invent teleportation right quick, please? Would benefit so many lives in so many ways.
I'm going to blow everyone's mind and be nice right quick..
LDR kinda suck really hard.. if it makes you feel any better, SEVERAL people on this board have experience with them. Some of them just a few hours, some of them across the county and some of them across the world. Some of them have beautiful happy endings, some of them not so much. But my BIGGEST piece of advice here is to keep communication open and make time to video chat. If you want to keep this person around in more than a platonic way then you're going to have to put in the effort for it. Having visits planned is key. Even if they're months out. When we started our LDR we weren't sure when we'd ever see each other, we were just kinda goin for it. Luckily things worked out by chance that he is able to come back to the US this winter, and I will hopefully being going there next spring/early summer. As soon as his trip was planned and then when I found out I have a trip planned it really made things feel a lot less daunting.
Just remember, distance is something that can be remedied if you're serious enough about it. You just kinda have to decide for yourself if he's worth the effort. If he is then you can make it work, if he's not then that is your answer. Maybe he comes back to the east coast, maybe you go where ever he's going, maybe you both pick up and move somewhere new. But distance is temporary. Planes exist, cars exist, phones exist, Skype exists (FB also has free video/voice calls too, with decent quality and reliability), Snapchat exists, texting exists... all of these things will help immensely with feeling less far away from him. Trust me, it sucks at times, but if its good then its good. And you shouldn't end a good thing over something as silly and trivial as distance.
Oh, and there are enough of us on this board to back a huge kickstarter for teleportation. We need to find a scientist to make that happen. Like, really. They have teleported atoms and shit, how hard can it be to teleport just a fuckton more atoms at once... thousands of miles... over water....
Mind is blown - you are correct haha. But thank you, honestly, for writing such a detailed and thoughtful response. I think it is truly fantastic that you guys are happy with your set-up and that it is working for you. That's amazing. I think some people have it more in them, though, to sustain happiness through an LDR. It is worth noting that he and I both have had a past serious relationship crash and burn through distance (and both have admitted that that wasn't the ONLY factor that led to the demise but certainly a significant one), and we had the "nah, fuck LDRs" convo super soon into us starting to date. With the context of knowing he'd eventually move. I know to some that might read as us just not caring enough to put the time in or take the risk, but that isn't it for me at all. He is pretty much everything I want and need in a partner, and it completely devastates me to lose him. I just know myself and how much I deeply value regular opportunities for physical touch/affection with the person I love and am with, and to try to stay together with someone who I'm only going to get to hold and kiss and fuck 3-4 times a year (that's a generous estimate of how often I think we could see each other in the next year, even if true efforts were made) sounds so so so difficult to me. And for some people, it works! I kind of envy them.
I guess my current stance though is that if I want any chance at a potential future maybe later on with him, I need to let him go as best I can right now - to go focus on this project that he's been invested in for years and to see what the other coast has to offer him, and all of that. And that isn't to say that we will get the opportunity to be together again, which is a shitty reality that I have to face. But knowing me and knowing him and our thoughts on love and relationships, I think attempting an official committed LDR right now, given the circumstances, would likely crash and burn. He has been such a source of happiness and inner peace and security for me, and I want to keep that alive but without expectations. And by doing that, I think we are doing the best we can, both for each other and our own selves, right now.
But fuck it sucks. I don't fall in love easily, at all. I've felt this strongly about one other person before, but I knew that we weren't going to work out by way of incompatibilities. It is so much harder to let go when it is just stupid fucking circumstances and timing getting in the way.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I was gonna weigh in on the LDR stuff, but started feeling like a wet blanket because my view of them is rather negative - my needs just can't be met in an LDR. So I'll just say that LDR's are tough as fuck, and I sincerely wish all of you the best of luck in them.
Nope, that's how I feel too. I am so glad that some people can make them work, but the notion and expectations of LDRs just lead to lots of sadness and confusion and negativity, IMO. Would be different if we had a specific date we were working towards, at which point we would be near each other again. In that case, I would be all in. But we don't.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I was gonna weigh in on the LDR stuff, but started feeling like a wet blanket because my view of them is rather negative - my needs just can't be met in an LDR. So I'll just say that LDR's are tough as fuck, and I sincerely wish all of you the best of luck in them.
Don't feel bad, sir. It just not being something that can work for someone is a completely valid viewpoint especially when you've tried it before and took the time to really look into what it was about the relationship that couldn't make you happy.
I was gonna weigh in on the LDR stuff, but started feeling like a wet blanket because my view of them is rather negative - my needs just can't be met in an LDR. So I'll just say that LDR's are tough as fuck, and I sincerely wish all of you the best of luck in them.
Don't feel bad, sir. It just not being something that can work for someone is a completely valid viewpoint especially when you've tried it before and took the time to really look into what it was about the relationship that couldn't make you happy.
Oh I don't feel bad, for exactly the reason you mentioned. It's more that I realized the points I'd be making were ones that the people in LDRs are surely all too aware of and it would probably make them sad to think about them, so I felt no need to bring them up.
As for me, I tend to have a high need for touch - it's how I form bonds and it makes me feel more secure about the relationship. Without that it's hard for me to maintain a feeling of connection to my partner, especially in the early stages of a relationship. I also find that the best gauge for how I feel about a relationship comes from how I feel when I'm actually around them - I dated a girl in high school that was long distance, but when we were together I still felt the same way I did when we weren't. Distance was actually never a factor in that relationship, and it ended for completely unrelated reasons. On the other hand, I've also been in situations where distance has caused me to invest more in my idea of the person because my mind tried to fill in the blanks caused by that person's absence, only to find that the vibe wasn't really right when we were together. It's also led me to ignore differences in compatibility, because I didn't really get to see how our lifestyles lined up with each other. So yeah, just not my steez really. If I met the right girl I'd probably give it a shot, but I'd have to feel very strongly about it and I'd need some sort of end plan (which can be weird to talk about early in a relationship).
And I love me some pheromones, so there's that as well.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I'd need some sort of end plan (which can be weird to talk about early in a relationship).
This is the most awkward thing I noticed early on. Talking about things that are sooooo far off sooooo early on is a little awkward and I think it puts pressure on something that isn't even a factor yet. But at the same time, it is something that needs to be discussed early, because if your end games (whatever that is, whether it be if you're willing to move or if you want to have kids or if you want to get married or if you are just looking for something less serious) aren't compatible then there is no reason to even attempt a a LDR. It is so much heartache for something that won't work because of some fundamental differences. At least that is the way I thought about it.
Granted, this only applies if you're starting out as long distance, not really if you're like Rummy or Dave, where the distance was a factor later.
Don't feel bad, sir. It just not being something that can work for someone is a completely valid viewpoint especially when you've tried it before and took the time to really look into what it was about the relationship that couldn't make you happy.
Oh I don't feel bad, for exactly the reason you mentioned. It's more that I realized the points I'd be making were ones that the people in LDRs are surely all too aware of and it would probably make them sad to think about them, so I felt no need to bring them up.
As for me, I tend to have a high need for touch - it's how I form bonds and it makes me feel more secure about the relationship. Without that it's hard for me to maintain a feeling of connection to my partner, especially in the early stages of a relationship. I also find that the best gauge for how I feel about a relationship comes from how I feel when I'm actually around them .
This, so much.
And as I said before, and a few of you in this convo already know about me, I wouldn't even need to know that I was the only one he wanted to touch and be intimate with - having other casual partners would be totally fine (and honestly preferable) for me, if we were to attempt long distance. But that is if it was like NYC to DC. Or NC to NC. Something driveable. The idea of only being able to physically be present with my person a few times a year? God that sounds so fucking heart-wrenching. I need that in person connection, I just do.
On the other hand, I've also been in situations where distance has caused me to invest more in my idea of the person because my mind tried to fill in the blanks caused by that person's absence, only to find that the vibe wasn't really right when we were together. It's also led me to ignore differences in compatibility, because I didn't really get to see how our lifestyles lined up with each other.
Bleh, well, neither of those are issues with us, honestly. We've spent lots and lots of time together in the past six months; I feel so completely myself around him, which I think he does too, and our vibe is super natural and great. We also have extreme compatibility, both intellectually and sexually.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Moved into new place. Have repeatedly asked one of my roommates when they would be available to help me reorganize and clean the fridge and the cabinets, as I have nowhere to put my food. No response.
I finally gave up trying to get help from them and simply asked what food/dishes were theirs, so that I wouldn't toss anything that needn't be tossed. No response.
Cleaning the fridge and cabinets tomorrow and if they can't find anything, tough shit.
Post by justinmn9319 on Nov 3, 2015 9:20:49 GMT -5
well the GF finally started what should be her last new job for a while today. got a factory job like what she used to have. and on the way in she gets a ticket for a left turn on a road that is no left turns between 6 and 9am. probably a new road that she hasn't been on and just a shitty way to start the day. hopefully from here on out things start going better for her!