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My mom is refusing further medical treatment and has invoked a DNR and Do-not-Incubate. She said she doesn't want to fight anymore.
I don't know what to do
Is she of sound mind to make the decision? Can she communicate easily as of right now?
Edit: I ask because the longer response varies depending on those answers.
My sister is her health care proxy, and she said my mom was told refusing treatment could be fatal, and she accepted that. My sister is doing everything she can to try and change her mind, and they're having a sit down with the doctors again today, to go over the most recent tests and scans. My mother has said she doesn't want anymore procedures or tests. She had also turned off the hospital phone until later this afternoon after everyone talks. She is depressed, has been for awhile, and not healing has made it much worse.
Is she of sound mind to make the decision? Can she communicate easily as of right now?
Edit: I ask because the longer response varies depending on those answers.
My sister is her health care proxy, and she said my mom was told refusing treatment could be fatal, and she accepted that. My sister is doing everything she can to try and change her mind, and they're having a sit down with the doctors again today, to go over the most recent tests and scans. My mother has said she doesn't want anymore procedures or tests. She had also turned off the hospital phone until later this afternoon after everyone talks. She is depressed, has been for awhile, and not healing has made it much worse.
Understood. If she is of sound mind and fully understands the potential consequences of her actions, I am always of the mind that it is up to her. My grandmother had a larger ethic about people being responsible for their own lives. For her, one of the big areas it manifested in was in health. My grandmother watched her mother slowly progress through her kidneys failing. Dialysis started biweekly then weekly then progress to one or two trips a day. The idea that her mother became dependent on the dialysis machine for survival while not actually thriving had a large effect on her, and she raised us from a very young age with the knowledge that she in no uncertain terms ever wanted to be in a situation where she was being kept alive by machines. The idea was completely abhorrent to her. In her early seventies, she was diagnosed as having multiple blood clots in one of her calves. She ends up in the hospital, has an amputation and develops pneumonia which leads to a coma. The pneumonia progress to the point she is put in the CCU. The doctor is going over her prognosis with my uncle, sister and I. I ask the question about if the ventilator is keeping her alive. The doctor states that it is. I then remind my uncle and sister what she has told us hundreds of times about the situation, and we agree to take her off of it. She passes the next morning. All of that is to say that I very much understand that my opinion on the issue is easier said than done. At that point, I had spent the majority of my life with very concrete knowledge about what she wanted done in that situation. My uncle and sister knew it too, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it when the situation happened because they wanted her around for longer. I, of course, did too, but I found it more important to respect her wishes. Take some solace in that you'll have the time to say to her whatever it is you want before something might happen. A lot of people don't get that. Send me a message if you wanna talk about it.
Celine diabetes is weird from what little I understand. My girl and I'd cat was diagnosed diabetic almost a year ago. The cause of his problem though was his diet, he was refusin' to eat the cat food we had been buyin' him and would only eat the dog food. After a few months on insulin and now only eatin' grain free cat food he is good to go. It's not to say the problem won't come back as he gets older, and I don't know your cat's situation, but maybe a change in diet could help? Either way, keep up the good work with your cat!
Celine diabetes is weird from what little I understand. My girl and I'd cat was diagnosed diabetic almost a year ago. The cause of his problem though was his diet, he was refusin' to eat the cat food we had been buyin' him and would only eat the dog food. After a few months on insulin and now only eatin' grain free cat food he is good to go. It's not to say the problem won't come back as he gets older, and I don't know your cat's situation, but maybe a change in diet could help? Either way, keep up the good work with your cat!
Thanks, Dan'ROO. When my wife took the cat to the vet they said that after she gets used to the insulin shots we can try changing her diet and that could stabilize her and we might be able to stop with the insulin shots. She gained the weight from us having to give her steroids for her kitty Chrones disease. She's almost 15 so she's no spring chicken anymore. My wife has a friend that had to give her cat insulin shots and she said that it is easier to give than oral medicine. Which has been pretty tough the past week because she was also diagnosed with a urinary tract infection and we had to give her antibiotics that were bubble gum flavored because we could not afford to get it compounded with fish oil. Which she didn't like at all but at least she seems to be feeling a lot better and is not isolating as much.
My sister is her health care proxy, and she said my mom was told refusing treatment could be fatal, and she accepted that. My sister is doing everything she can to try and change her mind, and they're having a sit down with the doctors again today, to go over the most recent tests and scans. My mother has said she doesn't want anymore procedures or tests. She had also turned off the hospital phone until later this afternoon after everyone talks. She is depressed, has been for awhile, and not healing has made it much worse.
Understood. If she is of sound mind and fully understands the potential consequences of her actions, I am always of the mind that it is up to her. My grandmother had a larger ethic about people being responsible for their own lives. For her, one of the big areas it manifested in was in health. My grandmother watched her mother slowly progress through her kidneys failing. Dialysis started biweekly then weekly then progress to one or two trips a day. The idea that her mother became dependent on the dialysis machine for survival while not actually thriving had a large effect on her, and she raised us from a very young age with the knowledge that she in no uncertain terms ever wanted to be in a situation where she was being kept alive by machines. The idea was completely abhorrent to her. In her early seventies, she was diagnosed as having multiple blood clots in one of her calves. She ends up in the hospital, has an amputation and develops pneumonia which leads to a coma. The pneumonia progress to the point she is put in the CCU. The doctor is going over her prognosis with my uncle, sister and I. I ask the question about if the ventilator is keeping her alive. The doctor states that it is. I then remind my uncle and sister what she has told us hundreds of times about the situation, and we agree to take her off of it. She passes the next morning. All of that is to say that I very much understand that my opinion on the issue is easier said than done. At that point, I had spent the majority of my life with very concrete knowledge about what she wanted done in that situation. My uncle and sister knew it too, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it when the situation happened because they wanted her around for longer. I, of course, did too, but I found it more important to respect her wishes. Take some solace in that you'll have the time to say to her whatever it is you want before something might happen. A lot of people don't get that. Send me a message if you wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, I drove out to the hospital and then worked all night so it was a rough day. Thank you for your words, and I may message you sometime.
Post by crazykittensmile on Mar 10, 2017 13:51:10 GMT -5
Thinking of you and sending my love Katy Mae. You're in a position that no one envies, but I hope you know you have so many people here for you whenever you need us. Please let us know if we can help in any way, as I'm sure life is a bit upside down right now.
My mom is refusing further medical treatment and has invoked a DNR and Do-not-Incubate. She said she doesn't want to fight anymore.
I don't know what to do
We teach people how to live. We don't teach them how to die. When my Mom was dying from terminal breast cancer, I kept trying to feed her and get her to take her pills. She wasn't having any of it. Then a friend said, you have to let her go. All that time I spent fighting with her over her care, I could have spent talking to my Mom for the last few times. I will regret that to the day I die. And when that time comes, I'm going to do as I fucking please.
If she is of sound mind, and the prognosis is dire, make sure she knows she can change her mind, but let her do what she needs to do.
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
We started giving our cat insulin shots yesterday and this afternoon she started acting weird. She started to do nothing but sniff around her and she got really week. We definitely knew something was wrong when she peed on the he blanket she was lying on. So we rushed her to the pet ER. And they ran some tests on her. Yesterday when my wife took her to the vet they said her glucose level could not get below 80. The vet who ran tests on her said it was 26 and she was about to have a seizure. Right now we are waiting to see how long they need to keep her here.
What a relief. They said our cat is doing a lot better and we can pick her up at 10 PM.
Glad to hear that! Yeah, our cat had one or two episodes very similar, but as a fellow diabetic my first guess was to just immediately feed him and he turned out okay. Still scary stuff though.
The lady friend put an offer on a condo Saturday. It's in the end of town she wanted, has enough space, good school district, etc. The only issues with it are the kitchen is a little smaller than she wanted and the decor is going to need to be updated over time. All things considered, that's pretty good, and she's looked at enough houses to know she's doing well with the choice.
She looked at it the first time in November. In January, they raised the price a little which was odd since it's been on the market a while. In her offer, she offered the price it was when she first looked at it plus the seller pay closing. They had until Monday night to respond. They kind of half responded without an official offer. Since then, she's gotten how they're gonna respond tomorrow basically every day. It's getting really stressful for her because she's here for the next few weeks before starting her new assignment which will have her out of town all week. Closing on a house and/or doing all the things you have to do with a new house (paint/cleaning/appliance delivery/etc) will be super hard if she's out of town. To compound this, the assignment will take her out of the country in mid May. This means she will likely be unable to get another house found, offered and closed before that, so she'll have to wait until July before buying a house. She is staying at her parents temporarily, but they're selling their house in May when her mom retires. This means she'll have to move all her stuff into storage and find someone who is willing to let her crash until she finds a house. Needless to say, that's not an ideal situation. I just wish this people would get their stuff together so she can know if this deal is gonna work.
Update: The deal worked. Some of you saw pictures on the facebook this past weekend.
Update on mom: after everyone flew in after the news of last week and visited with her, she showed major improvement and is being moved to a rehab facility. Miracles do happen, thank you to everyone who sent good vibes and wishes my way.
Update on my cat. She is doing a lot better right now and we are not going to give her insulin shots until we get more testing done with our vet. They said that she was hissing at everyone but she had an IV, a catheter, the cone of shame & she was in a strange place. Also, give her state she probably didn't even remember being taken there. So naturally, she is going to be really cranky at best.
Here is a picture of her right after she got out.
Last Edit: Mar 14, 2017 17:27:55 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Update on my cat. She is doing a lot better right now and we are not going to give her insulin shots until we get more testing done with our vet. They said that she was hissing at everyone but she had an IV, a catheter, the cone of shame & she was in a strange place. Also, give her state she probably didn't even remember being taken there. So naturally, she is going to be really cranky at best.
Here is a picture of her right after she got out.
Glad to hear she is doing better. You bet your butt I would be cranky too!
Update on my cat. She is doing a lot better right now and we are not going to give her insulin shots until we get more testing done with our vet. They said that she was hissing at everyone but she had an IV, a catheter, the cone of shame & she was in a strange place. Also, give her state she probably didn't even remember being taken there. So naturally, she is going to be really cranky at best.
Here is a picture of her right after she got out.
Glad to hear she is doing better. You bet your butt I would be cranky too!
I'm irritable and resentful. I keep snapping at my girlfriend over nothing because I don't have the balls to talk about the myriad ways in which our relationship is unfulfilling. But yet I stay in it because my job is a dead end, my living situation sucks and I'm broke and directionless, but at least this gives me something to hold onto. As I push her away, of course.
I'm grateful for my family and faith because they keep my head above water, but all around me sharks are swimming. Until a couple hours, when my mood swings the other way and everything is fine and dandy.
But right now, no place I lay my head feels like home.
These mood swings are a motherfucker. I go from so low that I have no energy to make changes to just high enough that I see no need to make them. But rarely is there true contentment.
It'll pass, just like everything else. But I'm way out of my groove right now.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I'm irritable and resentful. I keep snapping at my girlfriend over nothing because I don't have the balls to talk about the myriad ways in which our relationship is unfulfilling. But yet I stay in it because my job is a dead end, my living situation sucks and I'm broke and directionless, but at least this gives me something to hold onto. As I push her away, of course.
I'm grateful for my family and faith because they keep my head above water, but all around me sharks are swimming. Until a couple hours, when my mood swings the other way and everything is fine and dandy.
But right now, no place I lay my head feels like home.
These mood swings are a motherfucker. I go from so low that I have no energy to make changes to just high enough that I see no need to make them. But rarely is there true contentment.
It'll pass, just like everything else. But I'm way out of my groove right now.
Are the things that you feel are deficient in your life stay consistent throughout the mood swings? It's important to separate what is ok/not ok based solely off mood. I know, when I get in a down place, I really unfairly diminish things that I otherwise see as good and I'm sure the opposite is true with many where they overrate things when they're up.
I'm irritable and resentful. I keep snapping at my girlfriend over nothing because I don't have the balls to talk about the myriad ways in which our relationship is unfulfilling. But yet I stay in it because my job is a dead end, my living situation sucks and I'm broke and directionless, but at least this gives me something to hold onto. As I push her away, of course.
I'm grateful for my family and faith because they keep my head above water, but all around me sharks are swimming. Until a couple hours, when my mood swings the other way and everything is fine and dandy.
But right now, no place I lay my head feels like home.
These mood swings are a motherfucker. I go from so low that I have no energy to make changes to just high enough that I see no need to make them. But rarely is there true contentment.
It'll pass, just like everything else. But I'm way out of my groove right now.
Are the things that you feel are deficient in your life stay consistent throughout the mood swings? It's important to separate what is ok/not ok based solely off mood. I know, when I get in a down place, I really unfairly diminish things that I otherwise see as good and I'm sure the opposite is true with many where they overrate things when they're up.
The living situation is all-around sucky but I know I'll be out by June even if it means I end up living with my grandparents. The job situation is a neutrally acceptable most days. I don't hate it and I'm glad it pays the bills, but it's isolating, and provides no sense of meaning for me. As for the relationship; I'm happy when I'm with her and I enjoy her company. She treats me right and by most measures is a good girlfriend. But I have needs that I don't think she can fulfill. So I overthink and brood and want to leave her, then I go see her and my edges soften and I just want to stay. It's actually a pattern I've noticed in my past relationships - I love being with them when I'm with them, but when I'm not, I'm kinda like "eh". I don't know what that's about nor do I know how to change it.
Last Edit: Mar 17, 2017 15:49:09 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
Are the things that you feel are deficient in your life stay consistent throughout the mood swings? It's important to separate what is ok/not ok based solely off mood. I know, when I get in a down place, I really unfairly diminish things that I otherwise see as good and I'm sure the opposite is true with many where they overrate things when they're up.
The living situation is all-around sucky but I know I'll be out by June even if it means I end up living with my grandparents. The job situation is a neutrally acceptable most days. I don't hate it and I'm glad it pays the bills, but it's isolating, and provides no sense of meaning for me. As for the relationship; I'm happy when I'm with her and I enjoy her company. She treats me right and by most measures is a good girlfriend. But I have needs that I don't think she can fulfill. So I overthink and brood and want to leave her, then I go see her and my edges soften and I just want to stay. It's actually a pattern I've noticed in my past relationships - I love being with them when I'm with them, but when I'm not, I'm kinda like "eh". I don't know what that's about nor do I know how to change it.
How is the job isolating? I know generally what you do and that's a surprising adjective for it.
It's good you're recognizing where the issue is with the lady in that it's not her doing. By the use of the word needs, I am thinking these are things you require. How do you feel like you could reconcile not having these things long term? It's probably worth exploring that pattern that you're seeing with your relationships. Not sure how you best process such things. Maybe a list of pros and cons to what relationship v. single provides.
Other note: are these mood swings of a severity you feel is acceptable in the grand scheme of things? If they're ever at a level you feel is worrisome, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your local university's psych department probably offers some services on the cheap.
The living situation is all-around sucky but I know I'll be out by June even if it means I end up living with my grandparents. The job situation is a neutrally acceptable most days. I don't hate it and I'm glad it pays the bills, but it's isolating, and provides no sense of meaning for me. As for the relationship; I'm happy when I'm with her and I enjoy her company. She treats me right and by most measures is a good girlfriend. But I have needs that I don't think she can fulfill. So I overthink and brood and want to leave her, then I go see her and my edges soften and I just want to stay. It's actually a pattern I've noticed in my past relationships - I love being with them when I'm with them, but when I'm not, I'm kinda like "eh". I don't know what that's about nor do I know how to change it.
How is the job isolating? I know generally what you do and that's a surprising adjective for it.
It's good you're recognizing where the issue is with the lady in that it's not her doing. By the use of the word needs, I am thinking these are things you require. How do you feel like you could reconcile not having these things long term? It's probably worth exploring that pattern that you're seeing with your relationships. Not sure how you best process such things. Maybe a list of pros and cons to what relationship v. single provides.
Other note: are these mood swings of a severity you feel is acceptable in the grand scheme of things? If they're ever at a level you feel is worrisome, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your local university's psych department probably offers some services on the cheap.
The job is isolating in the sense that since I'm a middle level manager, I have mostly employees and a couple bosses, and very few actual coworkers. Three, to be precise, and I'm not particularly close with them. It forces me to be constantly navigating a power dynamic and leads to no socialization outside of work.
As for the mood swings, they're pretty much in the realm of normal and aren't frequent enough to warrant objective concern. I've been screened for bipolar disorder and spoke about them with the therapist I was seeing; she wasn't too worried about it. I just feel deeply sometimes. I appreciate your care and concern.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
How is the job isolating? I know generally what you do and that's a surprising adjective for it.
It's good you're recognizing where the issue is with the lady in that it's not her doing. By the use of the word needs, I am thinking these are things you require. How do you feel like you could reconcile not having these things long term? It's probably worth exploring that pattern that you're seeing with your relationships. Not sure how you best process such things. Maybe a list of pros and cons to what relationship v. single provides.
Other note: are these mood swings of a severity you feel is acceptable in the grand scheme of things? If they're ever at a level you feel is worrisome, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your local university's psych department probably offers some services on the cheap.
The job is isolating in the sense that since I'm a middle level manager, I have mostly employees and a couple bosses, and very few actual coworkers. Three, to be precise, and I'm not particularly close with them. It forces me to be constantly navigating a power dynamic and leads to no socialization outside of work.
As for the mood swings, they're pretty much in the realm of normal and aren't frequent enough to warrant objective concern. I've been screened for bipolar disorder and spoke about them with the therapist I was seeing; she wasn't too worried about it. I just feel deeply sometimes. I appreciate your care and concern.
Any time, sir. I can definitely relate to some of the feels you're having. Always feel free to send me a message if you wanna.
How is the job isolating? I know generally what you do and that's a surprising adjective for it.
It's good you're recognizing where the issue is with the lady in that it's not her doing. By the use of the word needs, I am thinking these are things you require. How do you feel like you could reconcile not having these things long term? It's probably worth exploring that pattern that you're seeing with your relationships. Not sure how you best process such things. Maybe a list of pros and cons to what relationship v. single provides.
Other note: are these mood swings of a severity you feel is acceptable in the grand scheme of things? If they're ever at a level you feel is worrisome, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your local university's psych department probably offers some services on the cheap.
The job is isolating in the sense that since I'm a middle level manager, I have mostly employees and a couple bosses, and very few actual coworkers. Three, to be precise, and I'm not particularly close with them. It forces me to be constantly navigating a power dynamic and leads to no socialization outside of work.
As for the mood swings, they're pretty much in the realm of normal and aren't frequent enough to warrant objective concern. I've been screened for bipolar disorder and spoke about them with the therapist I was seeing; she wasn't too worried about it. I just feel deeply sometimes. I appreciate your care and concern.
As you know, I have some experience with the mood swings. My advice is to not act like me.
That advice is free. The next time you're on my couch it's $150. Feel better! <3
How is the job isolating? I know generally what you do and that's a surprising adjective for it.
It's good you're recognizing where the issue is with the lady in that it's not her doing. By the use of the word needs, I am thinking these are things you require. How do you feel like you could reconcile not having these things long term? It's probably worth exploring that pattern that you're seeing with your relationships. Not sure how you best process such things. Maybe a list of pros and cons to what relationship v. single provides.
Other note: are these mood swings of a severity you feel is acceptable in the grand scheme of things? If they're ever at a level you feel is worrisome, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your local university's psych department probably offers some services on the cheap.
The job is isolating in the sense that since I'm a middle level manager, I have mostly employees and a couple bosses, and very few actual coworkers. Three, to be precise, and I'm not particularly close with them. It forces me to be constantly navigating a power dynamic and leads to no socialization outside of work.
As for the mood swings, they're pretty much in the realm of normal and aren't frequent enough to warrant objective concern. I've been screened for bipolar disorder and spoke about them with the therapist I was seeing; she wasn't too worried about it. I just feel deeply sometimes. I appreciate your care and concern.
I tend to have anxiety over little things I probably shouldn't... any kind of life change or social situations (it only took me how many years to break out of my shell here on inforoo). I overthink everything. You aren't alone in confusing thoughts. I'm here if you need another ear as well.
I'm irritable and resentful. I keep snapping at my girlfriend over nothing because I don't have the balls to talk about the myriad ways in which our relationship is unfulfilling. But yet I stay in it because my job is a dead end, my living situation sucks and I'm broke and directionless, but at least this gives me something to hold onto. As I push her away, of course.
I'm grateful for my family and faith because they keep my head above water, but all around me sharks are swimming. Until a couple hours, when my mood swings the other way and everything is fine and dandy.
But right now, no place I lay my head feels like home.
These mood swings are a motherfucker. I go from so low that I have no energy to make changes to just high enough that I see no need to make them. But rarely is there true contentment.
It'll pass, just like everything else. But I'm way out of my groove right now.
While I don't know your job situation, I feel overall very similar in my life right now, friend.
I've been lookin' to get out of the restaurant biz fer a good time now, but unfortunately that is where I've made my money to pay my bills in an adult capacity fer the last 10-ish years. And while I went to a technical school (and would have an associates degree from community college, but they did not accept my submitted internship letter), I just can't seem to find full time work outside of where I'm at.
And I love, love, love my lady (and will hopefully propose this year), if I "cant find better work" it'll be over this year. While I understand her frustration, I don't think she understands mine. Could I do better with puttin' out resumes, absolutely! But when you've been beaten down, especially over the last two years it just gets harder to try.
Sorry, did not mean to get my whine on! Just know you've got friends here who only want and hope fer the best on your end!
I hate hate hate how the school gave "February to May" as the vaguest of timeframes for giving the 5th graders the talk about changes about to happen to their body.
So I just got ambushed with an interesting answer to "how was school today?"
We have nesting boxes in our backyard for birds. Supposed to be for eastern bluebirds, but we always get chickadees. (Better than nothing! So fun to watch them build nests and check out their eggs and watch the babies grow).
After seeing 2 bluebirds frolicking around the yard a bit, I discovered a bluebird egg in a box yesterday! I was so excited. I went back to look today (they "usually" lay about one a day, so I went to check progress). Nothing. I found 2 eggs pecked up on the ground though. ARG! We planted some grass seed recently which attracted some wrens and sparrows. I think one of those jerks decided to empty the bluebird nest box.
We have nesting boxes in our backyard for birds. Supposed to be for eastern bluebirds, but we always get chickadees. (Better than nothing! So fun to watch them build nests and check out their eggs and watch the babies grow).
After seeing 2 bluebirds frolicking around the yard a bit, I discovered a bluebird egg in a box yesterday! I was so excited. I went back to look today (they "usually" lay about one a day, so I went to check progress). Nothing. I found 2 eggs pecked up on the ground though. ARG! We planted some grass seed recently which attracted some wrens and sparrows. I think one of those jerks decided to empty the bluebird nest box.
Birds are dicks. My sister (and soon me) has chickens. All the sudden she noticed that she wasn't getting as many eggs as normal. She set up a camera and come to find out, the crows where literally walking into the coop (it isn't open enough for them to fly into it) and stealing the fucking eggs. Fucking jerks.
I don't know what you can do to fix that solution. That really sucks.