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I'm coming here with this because I know you guys understand. I went Bonnaroo in 2007 and 2008. 2009 I couldn't afford it and 2010 I got married. This year, I can afford it, have the time and the lineup is thrilling to my music taste buds - more so than the past few years. I always said I would get back there eventually. All my friends are pestering me to get on board and I want to... but I don't know if I would end up getting there and being overwhelmed by the fact that this place was where Matt died.
I know that Matt loved music and loved Bonnaroo, and if he could, he would absolutely tell me to go and enjoy it on his behalf. That I am sure of. What I am not sure of is if my grief over his absence will keep me from enjoying it, and in turn keep my friends from enjoying it. Not to mention, I think its very possible I would have anxiety about the many people who won't be taking care of themselves and putting themselves in danger of having the same fate as our friend. I don't want to be a buzzkill, basically.
Is anyone else struggling with this? I know a few said they would never go back after he died, and more said they would go back and rock on in his memory, passing out water bottles and so forth to help keep other safe. How are you all feeling now that it's here?
You should certainly come, and if you ever want to talk about Matt come find me. I just can not imagine him resting easy knowing his absence is causing others not to go or have a good time if they do.
I had some of the same thoughts last night after looking through pics from 2009 and finding pics of Matt from the brunch but - like Jess said - Matt would want everyone to go. I can't see him resting easy knowing that us losing him caused others to not go and enjoy the music and celebrate his life.
So come to Bonnaroo - grieve and then help the rest of us celebrate Matt - celebrate the music that he loved - and Bonnaroo - which we all know that he loved!
BTW - I'm also taking my teenage daughter for the first time and - while very nervous about her safety in the heat and her ability to handle it - I just feel the pull to be there - this is life after all - anything could happen - anywhere - today - tomorrow - a year from now - no one knows - so we should embrace life and live every day to it's fullest
Last Edit: Feb 21, 2011 11:33:46 GMT -5 by Meg - Back to Top
I think you should definitely go! I also think you should embrace your emotions, it will be tough, but the support, love and happiness that will surround you ALL in Matt's name will be unbelievable
Post by billypilgrim on Feb 21, 2011 20:15:50 GMT -5
Caveats: 1. I don't know you. 2. I don't know what you're going through. 3. I've never dealt with the specific situation you're dealing with. 4. I believe very strongly that no one should rely on advice from strangers on message boards.
Having got that out of the way, I think you should go.
I think that letting this ruin Roo would be the last thing Matt would have wanted. Kind of compounding the tragedy. But we all must deal with things as best we can. Follow your heart
Post by pondo ROCKS on Feb 22, 2011 8:24:15 GMT -5
Here is my two cents on the deal....
I got the opportunity to meet Matt last year at the brunch and talk to him a bit. I can honestly say he would WELCOME YOU to come to Bonnaroo if you had the chance. I consider most people on this board like a form of family, even the ones I do not see eye to eye with. I have a special place in my heart for all Infoorooers who attend as well as those who do not....
I hope whatever you decide to do to just remember that CarpeDM (I know he spelled it different) means "to seize the day" and going to Bonnaroo and having fun while remembering our fallen "family" member may be doing just that....seizing the day
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Can I say as a benevolently interested quasi-stranger who's been through a similar situation (i.e., losing a loved one and then being forced to visit a place they loved on a frequent basis) that you might regret NOT going more than you might regret going? I hate to think you might spend the weekend of Bonnaroo shut away somewhere alone with what might've been.
I have never met Matt, never talked to him on the boards, only know him from a great recommendation about the best shoes for Bonnaroo, ever. (and they work nicely here in Florida as well) I have read a lot of post from Matt and about Matt, but I do not know Matt. I do know one thing, when we pass, when we die, we do not leave this place. I believe we pass on to another dimension. We transform into energy. To a place that is not here, but it is here. I believe our lost loved ones spirit, soul still lives in and around us and if I am right, then there is no doubt in my mind where CarpeDM01 will be come June 9. I think he would be sad to not see you on the Farm this summer.
Thank you all so much for your kind, gentle and honest words. I know Matt is somewhere saying basically the same thing he said to me both years I didn't go: that I was making a big mistake. I just don't know how I will handle my emotions if I do go. I'm afraid I will be too busy missing him, being angry with him, feeling anxious about the safety of others, to enjoy it and I know that would piss him off more than me not going. I know it would certainly be no fun for me and my friends. I just don't know if I am ready to be assaulted by the memories. Maybe 2012.
Thank you all so much for your kind, gentle and honest words. I know Matt is somewhere saying basically the same thing he said to me both years I didn't go: that I was making a big mistake. I just don't know how I will handle my emotions if I do go. I'm afraid I will be too busy missing him, being angry with him, feeling anxious about the safety of others, to enjoy it and I know that would piss him off more than me not going. I know it would certainly be no fun for me and my friends. I just don't know if I am ready to be assaulted by the memories. Maybe 2012.
I actually think attending would be a great help to your healing process. Personally, I think you should come, and just let your emotions go. If you cry, you will have a shoulder to lean on and a hanky to wipe your eyes. If you laugh or worry, there will be folks to do it right along with you.
I also think that Matt's tragedy has opened the eyes to a large portion of the Inforoo family. I honestly believe everyone will be a little more careful this year, and hopefully, a little more likely to lend a helping hand to a person in need. I know I sure will, with CarpeDM's on my feet!
Whichever you choose, I hope you know you have the support and love from a lot of people!!
Post by hibouxdufromage on Feb 24, 2011 21:44:49 GMT -5
I was gonna offer some pith advice or something, but Billy had better advice than I could offer. The only thing I have to add is that we've been friends on le facebook for 2 or 3 years and haven't ever hung out, so I'd like you to come to roo this year and you and your husband could hang out with me and my girlfriend in person.
Thank you all so much for your kind, gentle and honest words. I know Matt is somewhere saying basically the same thing he said to me both years I didn't go: that I was making a big mistake. I just don't know how I will handle my emotions if I do go. I'm afraid I will be too busy missing him, being angry with him, feeling anxious about the safety of others, to enjoy it and I know that would piss him off more than me not going. I know it would certainly be no fun for me and my friends. I just don't know if I am ready to be assaulted by the memories. Maybe 2012.
I actually think attending would be a great help to your healing process. Personally, I think you should come, and just let your emotions go. If you cry, you will have a shoulder to lean on and a hanky to wipe your eyes. If you laugh or worry, there will be folks to do it right along with you.
I also think that Matt's tragedy has opened the eyes to a large portion of the Inforoo family. I honestly believe everyone will be a little more careful this year, and hopefully, a little more likely to lend a helping hand to a person in need. I know I sure will, with CarpeDM's on my feet!
Whichever you choose, I hope you know you have the support and love from a lot of people!!
I don't think I could have said this any better.
I feel like Matt has been on my mind every day since I decided to go and I didn't even know him as well as you. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you, but I will tell you this, Matt has shown us how truly amazing this family is, this family full of people who spend a few days out of the year together, who have never met, who have become great friends and who are there for you when you need them. Like Higgi said, if it becomes overwhelming you have all of us to turn to for support.
Post by Whoreshack on May 23, 2011 16:42:18 GMT -5
R.I.P. Matt. I met him briefly at Monolith Fest in Red Rocks. Opened up his cooler & started pouring me drinks from the get-go. I kept thinkin' how the hell did he get a big-ass cooler past security when I got my flask confiscated? Magician? Such a cool, kind soul.
hcts - I think you already know what Matt would say were he here.
You really NEED to come, we are planning a small get together/moment of silence at his tree Friday morning, you certainly need to be a part of that!!!
I didn't know Matt, but as a member of this board (under different monikers) since 2006 I'd really like to be at this memorial. It's just the right thing to do. Also, in the 4 years I've gone I've never once made it to Camp Inforoo.
Girl, I am in the same boat as far as not going last year and missing Matt. I met him in 2007 at the brunch and he was nothing but awesome! I know I wasn't as close as you guys were but know something of what you are feeling. I will be wearing my Carpe DMs from Sanuk and celebrating one of the loves of Matt's life this year. Just like I did at VooDoo last Oct. Matt will ALWAYS live on as long as there are people who love music and bond over it. If you EVER need anyone to talk to...I am here. I have lost too many friends over bad circumstances not to understand the conflict you feel. But I KNOW if ANYONE would want you to deal and get past it, Matt would be the one. Love and comfort always!
