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Post by ☮ superbek ☮ on May 26, 2011 11:44:06 GMT -5
Myself and two of my best friends decided that we were going to go to waka this year. I was reluctant to buy my ticket before the roo line up came out bc I like to think of myself as an informed shopper. Friend A put the pressure on me to go ahead and buy my ticket bc it didn't matter bc I didn't want to go to roo and I knew it (sad but true). She kept saying I was just hanging on to that security blanket and I was gonna dump them. In an act of defiance and to prove myself, I went ahead and bought my waka ticket before both of them.
Then, in late April, they decided (w/o me) that they wanted to go camping in Gulf Shores, leaving out on 5/27 and then go to waka from there. I told them I wasn't really into it bc I would have to use another PTO day and I did not want to spend my whole vacation traveling as I had stuff to take care of at home that I can't normally get done during business hours since I'm at work. Also, it was going to cost more $$ which weighed heavy on me and the fact that I have started seeing someone and my new beau's bday is tomorrow, the day they want to leave. Their response? "Well, we guess we'll see you in Arkansas!"
Awesome. So now I have been faced with a way to try to get to the Ozarks on my own accord. Plane tix are $300+ so that's out. Been trying to find a ride with someone but so far that hasn't really panned out (although many thanks to cheeky for the thought and consideration ). A bus ticket is $115 but I'm scared. I pretty much accepted my fate that I was gonna have ride a bus even though it is against my will when Friend A tells me that her ELEMENT blows a fuse everything she uses an air pump so I should probably get a cot from Dick's... they're only $60! I told her I will just have to bring a hand pump or hope my lungs repair by then (did I mention I have had a ear and sinus infection as well as bronchitis all week?) because I couldn't afford it. She told me I could return it when I got back, I told her that is tacky.
Additionally I just bought a new car bc the hail storm demolished mine and my first payment is due in two weeks along with my insurance. $$$$$
There has been friction with Friend A during the course of all this and she keeps telling me that it is not all about me but the funny thing is that it is obviously all about her. I'm to the point now that I don't even know if I want to go anymore. I have been receiving negative vibes from the past three fests that I have gone to which kinda makes me feel like in today's world the whole thing is a corporate gimmick although I had convinced myself that waka wouldn't be like that. Still, questions like will I have enough money, am I too old for this, how is this going to effect our friendship, should I be more responsible, etc.... have been buzzing around my head.
I don't know if I should keep trying to swing this or throw in the towel and sell my ticket. Honestly my drive to go is dwindling given the circumstances and my boyfriend def doesn't want me to go. Not bc he is an ass or anything but when I went to Memphis in May we missed each other sooo much (gag) and that was only three days. I need outsiders opinions bc right now I'm at a loss. What has happened when adventures I used to adore just don't feel the same anymore?
Post by fyreflye23 on May 26, 2011 11:52:14 GMT -5
Man up. Watch this, and then just go. You don't want to be like the guy in this video that said "drinking" and then come to find out he killed himself about 2 weeks ago. Seriously. watch the video, realize that you have to Live you life for joy...and just go to the farm. Just do it.
major bummer that your friends put you in this situation. how are they going to arkansas though? couldn't they meet you in or around memphis? You could drive you car that far, then hook up with them, and hit up dicks sporting goods / bass pro shop to buy whatever else you needed.
I would suggest this to them, even if its out of their way, they should do it.
Call your PCP and ask them to perscribe you a valium or 5. Life sucks less with Valium.
I'm sorry you're down, Bek And I'm sorry your friends put you in this situation. I can't really offer advice but if you want to talk/vent, just let me know.
Post by NothingButFlowers on May 26, 2011 11:59:51 GMT -5
It kind of sounds like you already know what you want to do (or not do), but you feel bad about it. I know this is kind of generic advice, but ultimately it's true that you've got to do what is going to make you happy. There's no point in going if you're going to be miserable the whole time, and there's no point in staying if you are just going to wish you went. Sometimes our priorities change and the things we used to think of as great fun aren't anymore. Sometimes we just need a break from those things, and then they become fun again. Don't feel bad for doing what is right for you.
Bek, it sounds like a perfect storm of negative things all happening at once. Cut out as much external noise (your former? friend) as you can and focus on what makes YOU happy - not everybody else. It doesn't mean you have to be selfish about it. It seems like spending time with your man would make you both happy and fuck what anybody else thinks about it.
It seems like maybe you are letting things get to you a bit more than they should. Relax, put things in perspective and just try to enjoy. There's plenty of time later in life to be stressed out and depressed. Enjoy your youth while you have it.
I really feel bad for people who have a ton of things go wrong. A few weeks ago I started having nerve damage around my left rib. Then a little over a week ago I had my first case of migraines. They have lasted the entire week when not treated with painkillers. I went to an actual headache specialist in Atlanta yesterday to get an experts opinion. I actually thought I was going to get rid of them, but then this morning I had an allergic Reaction to what was prescribed. My face is bright red and hot. I have been doing everything I can think of to make Bonnaroo a possibility, but at this point I'm incredibly fed up with my situation, and really don't want to go thru Bonnaroo with migraines after going thru Roo 2010 with difficulties resulting from a tick bite as well as missing some of Moogfest due to a spider bite. It's just getting really old at this point.
-When I Hear My Name -Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground -Blue Orchid -Passive Manipulation -Red Rain -Death Letter -My Doorbell -Hotel Yorba -Same Boy You've Always Known -Lovesick -Little Ghost -We're Going to Be Friends -The Hardest Button to Button -Black Math -The Nurse -I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself
Encore: -Ball and Biscuit -Seven Nation Army -Screwdriver
Post by ☮ superbek ☮ on May 26, 2011 14:00:50 GMT -5
Thanks for the support everybody.... I guess, I just don't want to go on a trip like this if there has already been bad blood about everything. Doesn't seem like a healthy way to start off especially if I am already feeling a financial burden. It just breaks my heart because I have been wanting to go to waka for the past four years and now that I have the chance, it just seems wrong.
fyreflye - I will def check out that vid when I'm not at work (I ain't got no speakers round these here parts).
and NBF, I really feel like you hit the nail on the head. I want to go... or rather, I wanted to go but now it just feels tainted and I don't want myself or anyone else to have a bad time. I feel like me being there is just gonna cause stress between me and my friend. At this point, I feel like she would have a better time without me... she has kinda made it seem that way already, albeit unintentional. The point of vacation is to relax and that doesn't feel possible with this trip anymore. :-(
Last year I went to Vegas with three other people (friend B was there) and everything just flowed perfectly. We all agreed on everything and everything flowed so well and we had a lovely time. I wish I could have a trip like that again...
Last year I went to Vegas with three other people (friend B was there) and everything just flowed perfectly. We all agreed on everything and everything flowed so well and we had a lovely time. I wish I could have a trip like that again...
Maybe you and your fella could take a trip like that sometime. But don't go back to Vegas, come here! (Well, to Reno or Tahoe, not to Carson City. This place is lame sauce. )
Post by sweetmelissa on May 26, 2011 14:42:41 GMT -5
Here's my little bit of advice:
Go with what you feel is right and what is best for you. I just had a similar situation take place yesterday. The husband and I got VIP tickets to Mountain Jam and had planned on driving the 17 hours to get there. We have been talking about going for 2 years now. Funds got tight and I got another job, but they wanted me to start right away. I could have told them that I had the trip paid for already and go anyway. The responsible adult in me knew what the right thing to do was. I sold our VIP tix, cancelled the vacation, and I am starting a new gig Tuesday.
You should have no problem selling your ticket, if that is what you choose to do. I wouldn't worry about feeling regret for not going. What is more important to you, in the big picture, a music festival or your safety (I would be scared of the bus too) and financial well-being?
Post by NothingButFlowers on May 26, 2011 14:46:54 GMT -5
Also, at the rate we're going, there's no way this mafia game is going to end before June, so it would be really irresponsible of you to abandon us just to go to Wakarusa.
I really feel bad for people who have a ton of things go wrong. A few weeks ago I started having nerve damage around my left rib. Then a little over a week ago I had my first case of migraines. They have lasted the entire week when not treated with painkillers. I went to an actual headache specialist in Atlanta yesterday to get an experts opinion. I actually thought I was going to get rid of them, but then this morning I had an allergic Reaction to what was prescribed. My face is bright red and hot. I have been doing everything I can think of to make Bonnaroo a possibility, but at this point I'm incredibly fed up with my situation, and really don't want to go thru Bonnaroo with migraines after going thru Roo 2010 with difficulties resulting from a tick bite as well as missing some of Moogfest due to a spider bite. It's just getting really old at this point.
A put the pressure on me to go ahead and buy my ticket bc it didn't matter bc I didn't want to go to roo and I knew it (sad but true).
@superbek time=1306428246 said:
She kept saying I was just hanging on to that security blanket and I was gonna dump them.
superbek said:
Then, in late April, they decided (w/o me) that they wanted to go camping in Gulf Shores... Their response? "Well, we guess we'll see you in Arkansas!"
superbek said:
...Friend A tells me that her ELEMENT blows a fuse everything she uses an air pump so I should probably get a cot from Dick's... they're only $60!
superbek said:
She told me I could return it when I got back, I told her that is tacky.
superbek said:
There has been friction with Friend A during the course of all this and she keeps telling me that it is not all about me but the funny thing is that it is obviously all about her.
"Friend" A is an a$$hole. And not anyone I would call a friend.
Sell your ticket and spend the money on some other activity/trip that you feel you would enjoy more. Nothing wrong with skipping a fest if you're not feeling it.
Also, May 26th is statistically my worst day of the year...
Must be why I had such a craptacular day. My awesome karma does not extend to motor vehicles. I'm going to have a HUGE car repair bill waiting for me when I get back from roo.
Post by Vw'ndeadchick on May 26, 2011 16:44:39 GMT -5
I claim no prises at the advice game... but here goes. go with your gut. If you dont want to take a plunge save the money and do it later this summer with your guy. If you do... I ride public trans all the time, the bus isn't that bad. take some headphones and some benadryl so its easier to sleep.
Post by girlnectar on May 26, 2011 18:07:43 GMT -5
"and financial well-being?" - sweetmelissa (i dunno how you guys get boxes around someone's previous statements) I'm in the boat of being financially challenged, but I wanna say go for it and go. You got your ticket/wristband ( I do as well) so come down to the farm, ditch the people your with and come join our camp I lost my job shortly after getting my ticket so I'm damn poor, but im doing all I can to make sure I'll be there for my first Bonnaroo. Hell, if you like us enough you can come live with us and find new, better friends.
Sorry to hear you've got friction with Friend A. May I ask the opinion of Friend B regarding this situation?
Sure, a festival is a vacation... but it also entails a lot of expense and logistical coordination. Money issues can always be a source of stress, and the packing/planning that goes into a festival plays a part as well.
I attend Bonnaroo with the same core group every year. Phil has been every year since I talked him into first going in 2005. Chris joined us in 2006 during his final year living in Madison, and has been bringing his girlfriend-turned-fiancée-turned-wife from Maryland since the following year. These days, we usually only see Chris once a year - at Bonnaroo.
The night before Bonnaroo 08/09 (I forget which) during our rendezvous in Tennessee, Chris & I had major friction between us over certain logistical issues. A particular point of contention was which entrance we would take into the farm. We nearly took separate entrances that year and didn't camp together. Even up until our pre-departure Waffle House, we weren't seeing eye to eye. Chris' better half talked some sense and calm into us both, and we still went in and camped together. We wound up having one of the best campsite locations my group has ever had, and a good time was had by all. That kind of tension can subside quickly once you all actually get to the festival and start achieving/enjoying your shared goal.
Of course, your negative vibes from your recent festivals (were Friend A and/or B with you then?) is another legitimate concern. Maybe it's just me, but I can't say I've ever really had bad vibes at a festival like that before. I understand your mileage may vary. I do recall your being excited when you shared your Wakarusa ticket purchase on your Facebook feed, and I have to admit I had at least some degree of jealousy you were going.
I know you've had expenses arise and situations change since you ordered the ticket. C'est la vie. Your friends should know how it goes. That's part of what friendship is about, anyway - understanding. I know somewhat what you're going through, as well. My boy Phil, with whom I'd be attending our 7th consecutive Bonnaroo together, can't attend this year after originally planning on going. For me, this means that I will be paying twice as much for gas & hotel without someone to split. It sucks for me, yes, but it sucks worse for my friend who has to skip Bonnaroo for the first time he began going.
Sometimes shit happens. It's not always in one's control what occurs after it does, but I would hope that a good friend would realize that that's life and not let it create a rift in your relationship. If that's not the case, I might have to echo Bunny's sentiments shared earlier in this thread.
In response to some of the more specific questions/issues you raised I don't feel I already touched upon: You should be able to pick up a battery-operated air pump somewhere for less than the $60 it would take you to buy the cot. In today's world, most things are corporate gimmicks. I don't know enough about your money situation to comment... is Wakarusa sold out? Do you think you would have an easy time finding a buyer? Do you think you'd take a loss on selling it? As far as responsibility... I do think you're entitled to enjoy yourself as part of this, too. All work and no play, you know... it actually sounds like you could use a break from your status quo. A vacation might help.
Not bc he is an ass or anything but when I went to Memphis in May we missed each other sooo much (gag) and that was only three days.
I concur. (Gag.)
You are not allowed to be too old for this, because I've got five years on you and I'm not too old for festivals. You've got at least that much time before you even think about being too old for festivals - I know I haven't given the subject any consideration myself.
What has happened when adventures I used to adore just don't feel the same anymore?
I want to give you a snarky answer to this implying that all your festival experiences after the one Bonnaroo where we met were ruined as a result of my absence, but I've got a serious question before I can resort to that: May I ask exactly what it was about your recent handful of festivals that imparted such bad vibes on you?
hey Bek, I feel your pain, shug! It seems that deep down (or maybe only about halfway down?) inside, you're angry at FriendA's attitude and the inevitable loss of the friendship. Lemme guess: you're always there for her, but it's never reciprocal?
My experience has been that festivals are a true litmus test of friendships. I just went thru that w/my version of FriendA @ Hangout. He's a shameless, freeloading ingrate who expects me to pay for everything and never bothers to pay me back. After experiencing this at ACL Fest in October and Hangout last weekend, I realized the truth: he's just using me because I have money and he doesn't. So I left his freeloading asss at the shuttle stop on Saturday nite and let him find his own way back to the condo, 12mi away. And on Sunday? I left without him, again forcing him to mooch off somebody else. You know what happened? I had a FANTASTIC TIME, BY MYSELF!!! It felt good to be rid of him.
Bottom line: if you suspect you'll have a bad time because of friendship friction, it will manifest into reality. Then you've spent $$$ on gas, bus, etc (money that is earmarked for your car) just to have a bad time with a girl you don't like while being away from the guy you DO like.
But...if you DO think you'll be able to swing the funds to make it there (buses aren't bad, just slow!), by all means GOOOOOO! Just steer clear of Princess Attitude & try to enjoy the spectacular lineup. MUSIC IS YOUR BEST FRIEND at a festival...it's better to have a lot of personal memories of you enjoying the shows, absorbing the healing powers of melody, than to have bad memories of the people around you. The musicians came to PERFORM FOR YOU!!! They're putting on the show - watch theirs, not that of the drama queen in your camp.
Oh, and if I can help get you there, I'll drive up there, pick you up, and take you wherever you need to go...if that helps! Whatever you decide, do what makes YOU happy. ((( hugs )))
Will not presume to suggest what choice you should make. Though suspect in your heart you've already made it. Hope you are feeling the love of Inforoo and feeling a little better tonight.
Will on the chance it helps another, share some very wise advice that was passed along many years back. Our family was faced with the impending death of an amazing person after a relatively brief illness, after losing two other immediate family members in the months before. We were not in the best shape. We had two hospice volunteers to help us through. One a beautiful, sensitive, older gray haired women that was so sweet... and yet ..
She overheard a conversation with a friend and said 'my dear, may I offer you an observation?" Observation accepted she said.. You need to take a good heartfelt look at your 'friends' right now because you need to take care of your family and yourself . "Ask yourself - Are these 'friends' a source of strength or a source of stress? If its the latter.. Cut them OUT! (and she was fist pounding adament!)
Years later I have never forgotten and never regretted the decisions that followed. Have wavered along the way then went back to above ^^ and asked that question. The friends in our lives are life long and truly wonderful beyond words.
Might be time to take that look 'my dear'. (Not mike D.. no appropriate smiley.) Sending a hug and hoping you have sweet dreams and peaceful sleep tonight.
I may be a little presumptious, but sometimes advice requires that.I would not advise going to Wakarusa IMO just cause that friction about selfishness is gonna manifest worse at the festival. Because I worry they might ditch you at certain shows because of schedule conflicts or your feeling sick, leaving you with that abandoned feeling again but only worse because you took the time to bend around them. So avoid that and enjoy the time with your man.
Plus, on a financial standpoint it's impractical. Let's just say they let you spend time with your bf, and leave the 28th for Gulf Shores then Waka. That's like 8 days! So you're gonna be forced to use up more PTO while worrying about daily expenses on this trip. And you have a brand new car to worry about! $$$! It sucks when you have to bail important trips, due to finances, with friends cuz you're worried about them when you should be concerned about your own situation. I missed Bonnaroo in '09 with some longstanding friends because I had a crappy situation with 3 roommates at a house I was living in. One bailed halfway through the lease, replaced with a roommate who paid less than the previous renter because of the shortsell. Then a second roommate bailed 3 months before the lease. So during this period, My rent nearly doubled for a season which had me kill my plans. Point is, don't let a few weeks hold you financially back for many months.
You are feeling sad right now because of strains in friendship and losing a good vacation,but you are not too old for adventures and it's not lost on you and you survived the "rapture" so cheer up . My solution is sell your ticket to Waka and check the boards and such for a ticket to Roo for you and your boyfriend. One of my buddies right now is trying to sell an extra he has right now, so there's one I can hook you up with. That way you and your bf can enjoy Bonnaroo to nearby Manchester (less time off work and less expense) and your friends can go to Waka. Everybody wins! Plus Roo's lineup is better than Waka anyway. Wish the best for you. ( hug followed by a lift off the ground)
Last Edit: May 26, 2011 22:20:03 GMT -5 by Jury - Back to Top
you survived the "rapture" so cheer up . My solution is sell your ticket to Waka and check the boards and such for a ticket to Roo for you and your boyfriend.
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