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Tennessee authorities, on both state and local levels, have been alerted to the potential for gang conflict at the annual Bonnaroo Arts and Music Festival. The two gangs in question, the “Dirty Chuck Taylors” and “Exposed Toes,” are known to be affiliated with music scenes converging in Manchester this June. The Taylors, as they often go by, are said to be rallying in support of artists like Radiohead, Death Cab for Cutie, Sonic Youth, The Dresden Dolls, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and, most importantly, their defacto leader Stephen Malkmus. The “Toes,” proclaiming Bonnaroo as their yearly “Mecca,” are set to bow down to artists like Phil Lesh, moe., Mike Gordon, Les Claypool, MMW, Disco Biscuits and their unofficial leader, Trey Anastasio.
Authorities caught wind of the rising tensions through internet message board surveillance. Speaking on behalf of local Coffee County authorities who oversee law enforcement for the festival, Sheriff Jim Wiggins said, “These kids speak freely on these message boards and think that no one with the right to shoot, kill and handcuff is going to read this stuff. We are.”
While Wiggins declined to comment on the potential for profiling abuse, it was clear he knew who and what authorities are looking for. “When one user named HumboldtDew told another user, MopeyGirl, that ‘at least when I do get my hair cut, it’s at straight angles,’ it reinforces the notion that, like all gangs, they use outward symbols to convey allegiance and strengthen group identity.”
Among the traits most-likely on authorities’ checklists for Taylors profiling: heavy mascara, vintage t-shirts with esoteric language, hairstyle that suggests product use without a comb or brush, skintight long-sleeved shirts with horizontal stripes, jelly bracelets, green flats (women only), neatly ripped denim skirts or jeans, excessive use of blush, manorexic-like body (men only), hair in eyes and, of course, dirty Chuck Taylors.
Another authority, who asked for anonymity, said, “Basically, we know the Toes to be a pretty mellow, fun-loving bunch with the exception of your few naked trippers. Hopefully those self-professed “heady vibes” will continue, but the presence of a large about of Taylors does create a dynamic riddled with tension and squint-eyed stares.”
Whether or not the two gangs will physically clash, nobody can say. However, Williamsburg, NY resident Margot Ritaman was not holding her breath. “All I’m saying is that if anyone with a stupid hemp necklace or glass pipe starts dancing next to me while I’m trying to gaze at my Vans during the Bright Eyes set, then it’s on.”
Post by absentmind86 on Apr 3, 2006 9:16:18 GMT -5
“All I’m saying is that if anyone with a stupid hemp necklace or glass pipe starts dancing next to me while I’m trying to gaze at my Vans during the Bright Eyes set, then it’s on.”
That's why it was neccessary for the two to join forces in order to assure that a battle of such epic proportions did not occur. It may have caused a catastrophe that could bring an end to this universe as we know it.
Post by ziggyandthemonkeys on Apr 3, 2006 21:24:42 GMT -5
saintcash said:
That's why it was neccessary for the two to join forces in order to assure that a battle of such epic proportions did not occur. It may have caused a catastrophe that could bring an end to this universe as we know it.
Thats a very good point, good thing i had no influence on these gangs.
Post by nativepangean on Apr 4, 2006 9:26:36 GMT -5
a gang war at bonnaroo, irony at its best, im shocked that scensters have actually formulated a gang, not only this but they have a sworn enemy! please i need to hear more of this ahaha
Post by venusinfurs on Apr 4, 2006 13:42:14 GMT -5
thedrugsdowork said:
A buch of hippies and indie kids having a gang fight. I don't think I've had a funnier mental image.
It'd be like a scene from Braveheart. The hippies would come in with their faces painted in mud, carrying banners with pictures inspired by The Grateful Dead, ready to charge in their Tevas and smack the indie kids with vegan corndogs and other such food products... ...meanwhile, the indie kids stand firm with their tight clothes offering them little protection, lifting their scrawny arms in the air to give one last shout of "In Malkmus with trust!". They raise their Hair-Product Rifles and get ready to shoot as the hippies charge forward in unison.
Oh, what a grand battle it shall be... yet, somewhere in the middle of it all, a hippie girl and a scene kid boy have fallen in love and are now torn apart by this foul feud. Can't the hippies and the indie kids realize they have a lot in common after you get passed the difference in hygiene?
the two sides are about to face off, corndogs and jelly bracelets in hand. but then out of nowhere micheal jackson appears from the mist and starts breaking out into a rendition of "Bad." At first both sides are kind of weirded out, but soon enough the music starts to take over, everyone starts dancing, and all is well.
afterwards keith remarks, "micheal jackson, are you serious?"
Post by venusinfurs on Apr 4, 2006 16:19:06 GMT -5
nol13 said:
i can see it now...
the two sides are about to face off, corndogs and jelly bracelets in hand. but then out of nowhere micheal jackson appears from the mist and starts breaking out into a rendition of "Bad." At first both sides are kind of weirded out, but soon enough the music starts to take over, everyone starts dancing, and all is well.
afterwards keith remarks, "micheal jackson, are you serious?"
But this is after Super Secret Scene Survellience (S.S.S.S for short) cameras catch Keth dancing to Michael Jackson in his tent. ;D
hey... i like michael jackson....in fact last year they were sayin that jackson 5 was going to tour and i wouldnt have minded seeing it...not the j5 i wanna see at roo but an enjoyable show i would bet....thriller was one fo the best albims ever.... i dont have the hatred of the mainstream like it has been made out that i do... i just dont like it showing up at roo...but id love to see jacko...shit id even think that madonna wouldnt be all that bad of a show....so bring on the wacko jacko dance party im down
the two sides are about to face off, corndogs and jelly bracelets in hand. but then out of nowhere micheal jackson appears from the mist and starts breaking out into a rendition of "Bad." At first both sides are kind of weirded out, but soon enough the music starts to take over, everyone starts dancing, and all is well.
;
You see I was picturing more of a Westside Story kind of thing. Complete with Bob Fosse jazz hands. But I can deal with an MJ type showdown. I was really looking forward to the jazzhands though.
We should do something to stop the violence. Maybe all us inforoo regulars should wear red berets and patrol centeroo to protect the innocent bystanders...
Post by venusinfurs on Apr 7, 2006 19:03:24 GMT -5
We could be revolutionaries! Alright, Kampy, you get the red berets, someone get the uniforms, someone else get the sleek combat boots, and I'll get the AK-47s. This is a revolution, motherfuckers. We're going to rise against these gangs and take back the festival we love! Guerilla tactics, firefights, glowstick bombardments... be prepared, my brethern. It is a long road to peace.