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I was recently asked by a friend of mine to be the best man in his wedding. Without thinking too much about it, I agreed.
No big deal - right? Well, the wedding is in the UK and flights cost around $1200. My gf wants to go and we are planning on spending a few days in Amsterdam after the trip. Let's ratchet the total cost of this thing to probably 4 grand. It's not an issue of not having the money to spend on the trip, it's just really expensive and that money could be put to better use.
How much of a d-bag would I be to recant on my acceptance and tell him I can't make it?
Honestly, the guy doesn't have that many friends - I was pretty surprised when he asked me, since we are colleagues.
Full disclosure: The wedding is in August. They met last December. They are getting married so that she can come over on his visa.
I don't think so at all given the distance and relationship to this person. I would just thank the person for the honor of being best man but it just isn't in your budget to go that far at that time. If this guy isn't a-hole himself he will understand.
Post by questionablesanity on May 24, 2010 14:02:57 GMT -5
Hell I refused to be in my brother's wedding because I didn't want to spend $100 on a tux and because I hate any kind of attention like that. I like to be in the background. I don't think you'd be an ass for backing out. They'll be divorced in a year anyways.
A Thieve's Parade 2/24 Conspirator 2/26 Kevin Smith 3/11 Keller 3/17 Papadosio 3/18 JJ Grey 3/25 Bela Fleck/Edgar Meyer 3/26 Toubab Krewe 3/27 O'Death 4/11 Budos Band 4/22 EOTO 4/28 Summer Camp 5/6-29 All Good
I guess it would depend on how long ago he asked you. If it hasn't been very long any friend would realize the distance could be a major problem. England is not exactly across town.
Although when you throw AMSTERDAM into the equation...maybe you should rethink it and go!
/never been there //it 's my "disneyland" destination
We work out together (although less so for the last year) and sometimes see shows / hang out. He's a good guy, although a little quiet / reserved. I didn't know he counted me as a "best man" kind of friend.
I would take the invitation as a cosmic nudge to get you to make the trip. You've gotta do what you've gotta do and if you explain it gently to your friend I'm sure he'll understand but it sounds like he doesn't have anyone and the idea of him standing up there alone makes me kind of sad. Besides, it's nice to go on vacation and, although there are always better ways to spend money, it's not a bad way to go.
if it werent for the INS issue of getting her over here, though, it doesn't sound like they would be doing a wedding at all right now, right? maybe just choose to date a little longer?
tough call...indeed. I do feel bad for him having to stand it alone but it doesn't sound like a traditional wedding scenario anyway. I'm all for going to Europe anytime - keep my passport ready and updated in case anything comes up....but would rather do it on my agenda or my family's rather than someone else.
you could perhaps offer to throw him a party or a dinner here in the States when they get here...that way you're not totally deserting him, just spending a lot less money AND precious time off.
Couple questions... Did he tell you (or at least know) that the wedding was overseas before he asked you? Did he include that in the invitation? Do both you and your girlfriend currently have a valid passport?
Oh man, tough situation. When did he ask you? It doesn't make you an asshole to bail on the wedding. But it definitely doesn't make things any easier the longer you wait.
Post by Perennial Addict on Jun 3, 2010 19:48:31 GMT -5
I think that the main points to consider... how long has it been since you agreed? weeks? month? And then did you know the whole time that it was in UK? How long have you known that? Did you just come to the conclusion recently that it would be that expensive? Would you consider going by yourself? Seems like more fun to bring you S/O... but just throwing out options. It can't have been THAT long ago if they just 'met' in December.
If he turns around and offers to pay part of you expenses... would that affect your decision?
Wow... that is in like 2 months... does she have a brother that could do it?
My brother met someone who moved back to Poland... he went there for about year to teach ESL. He is trying goto go back... if they get married... you better believe I would hop on a plane to see that go down.... would I do it for my best friend... probably.... would I do it for a casual friend? not likely.
The only way I could back out of it is if I didn't have a passport, vacation time, the money. If I had all 3, I'm gone. Also, no one will ever consider me a best man -- so if I got that honor I'd take it seriously no matter what my impressions of the groom.
Post by tangerinetrees on Jun 23, 2010 16:47:10 GMT -5
GO GO GO !!!!!!!!!!!! What else can you do with money but spend it on whatever your heart desires like travelling. See the world enjoy Amsterdam and their many strands of corn. Take lots of pictures and report back.
