Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
Woah, that's intense. I'm guessing that you have a contract signed and/or she doesn't want to leave her at home boyfriend? I guess I'm not seeing where meeting someone with a connection like this wouldn't change your plans.
The thing is Abra, she has had a boyfriend for 20 months. 8 months back in Chicago, and 12 months long distance while she was here in Korea. She really only knew me for about 6 weeks. I don't agree with the long distance relationship fundamentally (I've done it twice and it is not for me), but I do respect the hell out of anyone who could make it work for so long for such a long distance (7,000 miles).
Yes I have 11 months left in my contract to work here, and then I have about 15 months of traveling planned after that. She applied to grad school over a year ago and deferred for a year to come to Korea to save money for it. The whole reason she came here was to prepare financially for that. While we do indeed have an incredibly strong connection, we have both had these plans for years. It's too scary of a thought to abandon these BIG plans for someone you have known for comparatively such a short amount of time. We both felt that there is too big of a possibility of losing respect for ourselves and each other and then perhaps resenting each other for abandoning such life-changing goals. Our big ambitions and stubbornness are part of why we are so attracted to each other.
But those six weeks were absolute magic. And while she is working her ass off through hell in "the place where fun goes to die" (nickname for her grad program), and perhaps still keeps seeing this guy who really is nowhere near as right for her as I am, she will remember me as the guy that made her so immensely happy in a mountain and beach paradise for six weeks.
The important thing, I think, is just to keep her as a close friend, and if possible over such a long distance, build on the connection. Since our time was so short, her only memories of me will be those positive and euphoric ones because they are the only ones we have. After two years, I will find her again. We might be different people then, but we will always have those six weeks. I really do feel I am in love with her, and that she has given me a direction.
*** The twist here, that is driving me CRAZY right now, is that she is traveling for six weeks right now through Japan, Vietnam, Laos, and Myanmar. She is coming back to Korea for two or three days before she flies home. We promised each other on our last night that we would see each other again while she was here and have another night like the ones from her last weekend. But I don't know how much a person can change in six weeks. The time she will be gone traveling is the exact same amount of time we knew each other. I guess a part of me is terrified that she will do a lot of thinking and come to some realization that I am just hazardous for her relationship with her boyfriend and that she will just get used to me not being around like I was and just declare our six weeks in paradise as a thought of the past. I fear that she will be ready to move on and work with what is ahead of her rather than linger in the past. I am so f*cking paranoid and insecure over this I've been losing sleep. All for just one last night together in which I will just have to say goodbye to her again. THIS IS TORTURE.
Best of luck, JP. This sounds like a movie almost. I can't say what I would do because I've always been a person who goes by feelings rather than plans. I think plans are just a map but one that doesn't necessarily say where you end up, more of a starting point and what to go back to if things don't work out. If you guys had such an intense connection for 6 weeks, I'm sure she will not forget about you or her feelings for you in that little amount of time.
You're just too young to grasp how stylin' I really was. All the boys wanted to do me when I was 5. Actually the girls did too. My haircut was confusing.
Over the last two months or so I had the pleasure of meeting and spending a lot of time with my soul mate. I met her back in December on a hike through my hiking club, we didn't talk much then, but back in early May we happened to go on another trip together and got to know each other well. I knew after the hike that I was in love with her and she was the girl I had always been searching for. We both felt this mutual connection. We knew we had shared strong enthusiasm and passion for so many of the same things in life. Soul mates is really almost an understatement. Unfortunately though the timing and circumstances of our meeting were nowhere near in our favor.
She is leaving Korea tomorrow. Forever maybe. She is going back to Chicago to start a two year grad program for Urban teaching. What perhaps made things even more complicated were that she has a boyfriend of about 20 months at home. It was weird though I knew from back in May when we first hit it off that she had a thing for me. We went on an extended weekend trip to different islands for hiking and beach time and our connection grew stronger. We knew we had feelings for each other but it was always unspoken. After that trip I suggested that she and two other of our close friends get together and hang out more often. We all saw each other every weekend after that going to the beach and going hiking all over South Korea.
Our friendship remained platonic on the outside towards our friends, but things got closer and more intimate when we were alone. I would set up my hammock on the beach and we would lay in it together and she would put her head on my shoulder. I knew she liked me, but I was trying hard to keep my feelings in check. I wanted her to trust me. I didn't care that I couldn't be with her because of her leaving Korea and her having a boyfriend. I wanted our friendship to be as strong as it could be by the time she left so that one day, two years from now maybe, we could meet again and pick up from where we left off.
Well two weekends ago we went on her last trip with the club and that night in the hammock she came clean with me and told me about her strong feelings for me. I told her I felt the same. I was such a relief to have it out in the open and knowing for sure we both felt this mutual connection. We didn't kiss or have sex or anything. I didn't want to be the villain. In the long run I felt it would have hurt everything up to this point.
This past weekend was her last weekend in Seoul. I stayed with her at our friends' apartment and slept next to her three nights in a row. I didn't want to be away from her side. We ended up making out for about six hours until the sun came up on both saturday and sunday. I didn't want that to happen but I am glad it did. We are crazy about each other and we are both in a lot of pain because we have to say goodbye for so long. We are both starting new chapters of our lives and there is really no room in either of our lives right now for each other. We are making a pact or whatever that in two years when she is done with grad school and I am done hiking the PCT that we will see each other again. Who knows if it will pan out it's damn near impossible to see that far into the future with any certainty but I really hope it does.
So yeah tonight is her last night in Seoul. I am on my way to work with literally no sleep because I was up all night with her. I will see her again tonight and saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I've hiked in the woods over mountains for six months at a time, but that seems like a cakewalk to this. Part of me just really wants to quit my job and go with her, but I know I can't. I just really hope she keeps me in her mind and heart so that I can see her again and maybe have a shot with her for real.
Sorry for rambling on with this short novella of a post. I just needed to vent. This is one of the most emotionally taxing things I've ever had to experience. As an expat over the one year mark, I've said goodbye to many good friends already, but not like this. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone, but I guess these are those feels they call love.
Cut my heart out with a plastic spork this is gut-wrenching. Best wishes to you, I hope this works out.
I mentioned a little while back that a good friend is trying to advance our friendship to something else- or at least test the waters. With a few exceptions, no one really knows that there is/was more than friendship between us. As a result, mutual friends don't realize I'm not available to them. His older brother just messaged me this morning asking me out for drinks... AWKWARD. I have no idea how to respond.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I mentioned a little while back that a good friend is trying to advance our friendship to something else- or at least test the waters. With a few exceptions, no one really knows that there is/was more than friendship between us. As a result, mutual friends don't realize I'm not available to them. His older brother just messaged me this morning asking me out for drinks... AWKWARD. I have no idea how to respond.
Yeah, I guess... originally, I was scared of "Bonnie's dating someone" would get back to the brother. But if he asks.. I'll roll with it.
And ehhh... feels never really got that strong. He'd only text to make plaaanss and we didn't really chat in between which made whatever feels fade... I haven't even talked to him since last Monday. So unless he texts me this weekend (not sure what I'd say), I'd say that is dead.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Yeah, I guess... originally, I was scared of "Bonnie's dating someone" would get back to the brother. But if he asks.. I'll roll with it.
And ehhh... feels never really got that strong. He'd only text to make plaaanss and we didn't really chat in between which made whatever feels fade... I haven't even talked to him since last Monday. So unless he texts me this weekend (not sure what I'd say), I'd say that is dead.
Hmmmmm, so you're only not wanting to see the brother because it would be awkward, then? I was under the assumption that feels may still be in play with the first dude. I wouldn't advise using the "seeing someone" reason if it isn't true, could make things even more weird
Yeah, I guess... originally, I was scared of "Bonnie's dating someone" would get back to the brother. But if he asks.. I'll roll with it.
And ehhh... feels never really got that strong. He'd only text to make plaaanss and we didn't really chat in between which made whatever feels fade... I haven't even talked to him since last Monday. So unless he texts me this weekend (not sure what I'd say), I'd say that is dead.
Hmmmmm, so you're only not wanting to see the brother because it would be awkward, then? I was under the assumption that feels may still be in play with the first dude. I wouldn't advise using the "seeing someone" reason if it isn't true, could make things even more weird
Younger brother- things are still in a limbo stage, but I don't think that I want to go anywhere. Older brother who asked me out- No interest to begin with, but worried about my excuse getting back to the younger brother and the younger brother thinks that I think I am dating him. Plus I hate to assume that someone who I kiiiinda know as a friend is asking me out as more than just a friend. I'm always terrified in this type of situation that I'll say something like, "I'm dating someone," and the kid will be like whow whow whow! I just thought we were going to hang out as friends!"
I'd prefer to just to avoid the situation.. Avoidance... yeah, I like that
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Hmmmmm, so you're only not wanting to see the brother because it would be awkward, then? I was under the assumption that feels may still be in play with the first dude. I wouldn't advise using the "seeing someone" reason if it isn't true, could make things even more weird
Younger brother- things are still in a limbo stage, but I don't think that I want to go anywhere. Older brother who asked me out- No interest to begin with, but worried about my excuse getting back to the younger brother and the younger brother thinks that I think I am dating him. Plus I hate to assume that someone who I kiiiinda know as a friend is asking me out as more than just a friend. I'm always terrified in this type of situation that I'll say something like, "I'm dating someone," and the kid will be like whow whow whow! I just thought we were going to hang out as friends!"
I'd prefer to just to avoid the situation.. Avoidance... yeah, I like that
I totally get that.
Probably a good time to change your name and move!
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Hmmmmm, so you're only not wanting to see the brother because it would be awkward, then? I was under the assumption that feels may still be in play with the first dude. I wouldn't advise using the "seeing someone" reason if it isn't true, could make things even more weird
Younger brother- things are still in a limbo stage, but I don't think that I want to go anywhere. Older brother who asked me out- No interest to begin with, but worried about my excuse getting back to the younger brother and the younger brother thinks that I think I am dating him. Plus I hate to assume that someone who I kiiiinda know as a friend is asking me out as more than just a friend. I'm always terrified in this type of situation that I'll say something like, "I'm dating someone," and the kid will be like whow whow whow! I just thought we were going to hang out as friends!"
I'd prefer to just to avoid the situation.. Avoidance... yeah, I like that
Just say no. To both. Just end it and save these guys the grief and aggravation.
Younger brother- things are still in a limbo stage, but I don't think that I want to go anywhere. Older brother who asked me out- No interest to begin with, but worried about my excuse getting back to the younger brother and the younger brother thinks that I think I am dating him. Plus I hate to assume that someone who I kiiiinda know as a friend is asking me out as more than just a friend. I'm always terrified in this type of situation that I'll say something like, "I'm dating someone," and the kid will be like whow whow whow! I just thought we were going to hang out as friends!"
I'd prefer to just to avoid the situation.. Avoidance... yeah, I like that
Just say no. To both. Just end it and save these guys the grief and aggravation.
I doubt either are experiencing grief or aggravation, sometimes shiz just doesn't work out. A lot of the time, actually.
Younger brother- things are still in a limbo stage, but I don't think that I want to go anywhere. Older brother who asked me out- No interest to begin with, but worried about my excuse getting back to the younger brother and the younger brother thinks that I think I am dating him. Plus I hate to assume that someone who I kiiiinda know as a friend is asking me out as more than just a friend. I'm always terrified in this type of situation that I'll say something like, "I'm dating someone," and the kid will be like whow whow whow! I just thought we were going to hang out as friends!"
I'd prefer to just to avoid the situation.. Avoidance... yeah, I like that
Just say no. To both. Just end it and save these guys the grief and aggravation.
Well, at least that wasn't an awkward response or anything.
Post by A$AP Rosko on Jul 18, 2013 13:21:52 GMT -5
No response is definitely your best option, Bonz. No response might irritate the guy a little bit, but all things considered, it's kind of your only option right now, considering what's going on with the younger brother. He'll know what it means when you don't get back to him. And if you're worried about losing a friend by ignoring his text, I mean, if he's asking you out on a date, he probably didn't have designs on friendship anyway.
Also, if a single guy wants to hang out with a single, attractive girl as just friends (unlikely), he'd definitely do everything he could to clarify that he wasn't asking you out on a date. So 99.9% chance your instincts are correct.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Update: So I never responded to the message. He was at the local festival on Saturday and goes to me, "Hey! Do you go on Facebook often?" Knowing exactly where he was going with this I replied, "No... Not really." So he goes, "I sent you a message on there. I really think you should see it." ACK!!! So I went home and replied that I am seeing someone. Gah. Awkward. So I also decide to tell the little brother(better safe than sorry) and luckily he just thinks it's "random" and "funny." So I guess it's all cool now, but now little bro goes, "so you told him you're seeing someone.. are you?" dfkljadfsgdjvnzsfajaf. I just want to be a freaking cat lady. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Update: So I never responded to the message. He was at the local festival on Saturday and goes to me, "Hey! Do you go on Facebook often?" Knowing exactly where he was going with this I replied, "No... Not really." So he goes, "I sent you a message on there. I really think you should see it." ACK!!! So I went home and replied that I am seeing someone.
If he had you there in person why not just ask you out for drinks? That seems weird to say "go check your facebook messages".
Update: So I never responded to the message. He was at the local festival on Saturday and goes to me, "Hey! Do you go on Facebook often?" Knowing exactly where he was going with this I replied, "No... Not really." So he goes, "I sent you a message on there. I really think you should see it." ACK!!! So I went home and replied that I am seeing someone.
If he had you there in person why not just ask you out for drinks? That seems weird to say "go check your facebook messages".
Yeah, there are many weird things about the conversation. A. If you ask someone out and they haven't responded- assume they don't want to. Brush it off and move on. B. What you said.
He is probably about 34 and is not an awkward or weird in general, so I am not sure why has been so weird... The only thing I can think of is that he just moved back from North Carolina where he's been for the past 5 or so years and was in a relationship for most of that time, too. So maybe he's just having trouble getting back into the dating scene?
Also, apparently the older bro's ex in NC texted younger bro's ex on Saturday to ask who he (older bro) was hanging out with. Our (me and younger bro) assumption is that she is logging into his Facebook and saw the message. Creeper crazy ex!
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Post by A$AP Rosko on Jul 22, 2013 13:27:47 GMT -5
If things were dying down with the younger brother, hopefully he didn't think you were talking about him. That's an awkward position to be in. But still I could understand why he would wonder what the "seeing somebody" thing meant. If he asks you directly about it, maybe it's just time to be honest with him and tell him you don't see it going anywhere.
If things were dying down with the younger brother, hopefully he didn't think you were talking about him. That's an awkward position to be in. But still I could understand why he would wonder what the "seeing somebody" thing meant. If he asks you directly about it, maybe it's just time to be honest with him and tell him you don't see it going anywhere.
It might sound kinda bad, but I'm not that worried about the younger brother. It's not dying down per say because we haven't even tried anything. Between festivals and weddings and such, we haven't really hung out besides in a few large group situations. And we do have a very unique relationship that morphs every day/week/year, so it's not like we really need to choose a path because we never really have in the past 16 years. I wouldn't be surprised if we don't ever really try.
And the younger brother knows about the other kid that I have mentioned that I was dating, so nothing is really secret from him. The texts actually went:
Me:...so I just responded that I'm dating someone. Him: Gotcha Him: Are you...? Me: Nope. Just the easiest response Him: I know you mentioned at one point that you were kinda seeing someone Me: Yeah, but I haven't talked to him in awhile.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
!!!
but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal. 
