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I have a not so secret admirer. I've met her at my bar a couple of times and she's friends with my female friend that is a regular at my waterin' hole. She's cute and seems pretty chill, so hopefully we can hang out this week and see if somethin' more happens.
Seven months ago, I asked LoveLuckLaughter to go hike some caves and waterfalls on a cold, crappy Oct weekend. Best idea I've ever had. Caught more feelings out on those strolls in the woods than any one man deserves. And I'm still falling head over heels for her crunchy, unicorn-asss every second since.
Seven months ago, I asked LoveLuckLaughter to go hike some caves and waterfalls on a cold, crappy Oct weekend. Best idea I've ever had. Caught more feelings out on those strolls in the woods than any one man deserves. And I'm still falling head over heels for her crunchy, unicorn-asss every second since.
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
This past weekend I was at a little house party get together. A beautiful young lady was sitting across from the bar and I offered to make her a drink (she politely asked for a beer, which was a relief because I can't make drinks to save my life) and we struck up a nice little convo. The music stops and she goes over to plug in her phone and she starts playing Alt-J. My heart swoons and when she gets back we start talking about them. I'm thinking I'm in deep here, she's hitting all the right notes for me, and then she says it. "Yeah, I knew these guys before they were big, before anyone else did." I was crushed. From that point on she was just extremely self-indulgent and slightly annoying throughout the rest of the night. I don't know what was going through that mind of hers, but I was uninterested to find out to say the least. Oh well, plenty of fish, all that jazz. Whore and LLL's love gives me hope that this was just a minor misfire
I've been hangin' with the girl from my last post almost non-stop. She's been really groovy about the roller coaster that has been my life the last few weeks! I don't think we're officially datin', but I see that conversation comin' sooner than later and I'm actually totally okay with it.
I've been hangin' with the girl from my last post almost non-stop. She's been really groovy about the roller coaster that has been my life the last few weeks! I don't think we're officially datin', but I see that conversation comin' sooner than later and I'm actually totally okay with it.
I hope she's not a stickler for full present participles.
I've been hangin' with the girl from my last post almost non-stop. She's been really groovy about the roller coaster that has been my life the last few weeks! I don't think we're officially datin', but I see that conversation comin' sooner than later and I'm actually totally okay with it.
I hope she's not a stickler for full present participles.
I hope she's not a stickler for full present participles.
True love doesn't give a f*ck about grammar, sir.
So true. True love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.
Post by funkybuttlovin on Jun 17, 2013 2:49:46 GMT -5
Caught a feeling at bonnaroo for a chick who camped with us met through mutual friends. I never made a move and I regret it already as I'll probably never see her again. Really upset with myself. Didn't ruin my bonnaroo since I caught a feeling for the awesome crowd this weekend as well
Over the last two months or so I had the pleasure of meeting and spending a lot of time with my soul mate. I met her back in December on a hike through my hiking club, we didn't talk much then, but back in early May we happened to go on another trip together and got to know each other well. I knew after the hike that I was in love with her and she was the girl I had always been searching for. We both felt this mutual connection. We knew we had shared strong enthusiasm and passion for so many of the same things in life. Soul mates is really almost an understatement. Unfortunately though the timing and circumstances of our meeting were nowhere near in our favor.
She is leaving Korea tomorrow. Forever maybe. She is going back to Chicago to start a two year grad program for Urban teaching. What perhaps made things even more complicated were that she has a boyfriend of about 20 months at home. It was weird though I knew from back in May when we first hit it off that she had a thing for me. We went on an extended weekend trip to different islands for hiking and beach time and our connection grew stronger. We knew we had feelings for each other but it was always unspoken. After that trip I suggested that she and two other of our close friends get together and hang out more often. We all saw each other every weekend after that going to the beach and going hiking all over South Korea.
Our friendship remained platonic on the outside towards our friends, but things got closer and more intimate when we were alone. I would set up my hammock on the beach and we would lay in it together and she would put her head on my shoulder. I knew she liked me, but I was trying hard to keep my feelings in check. I wanted her to trust me. I didn't care that I couldn't be with her because of her leaving Korea and her having a boyfriend. I wanted our friendship to be as strong as it could be by the time she left so that one day, two years from now maybe, we could meet again and pick up from where we left off.
Well two weekends ago we went on her last trip with the club and that night in the hammock she came clean with me and told me about her strong feelings for me. I told her I felt the same. I was such a relief to have it out in the open and knowing for sure we both felt this mutual connection. We didn't kiss or have sex or anything. I didn't want to be the villain. In the long run I felt it would have hurt everything up to this point.
This past weekend was her last weekend in Seoul. I stayed with her at our friends' apartment and slept next to her three nights in a row. I didn't want to be away from her side. We ended up making out for about six hours until the sun came up on both saturday and sunday. I didn't want that to happen but I am glad it did. We are crazy about each other and we are both in a lot of pain because we have to say goodbye for so long. We are both starting new chapters of our lives and there is really no room in either of our lives right now for each other. We are making a pact or whatever that in two years when she is done with grad school and I am done hiking the PCT that we will see each other again. Who knows if it will pan out it's damn near impossible to see that far into the future with any certainty but I really hope it does.
So yeah tonight is her last night in Seoul. I am on my way to work with literally no sleep because I was up all night with her. I will see her again tonight and saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I've hiked in the woods over mountains for six months at a time, but that seems like a cakewalk to this. Part of me just really wants to quit my job and go with her, but I know I can't. I just really hope she keeps me in her mind and heart so that I can see her again and maybe have a shot with her for real.
Sorry for rambling on with this short novella of a post. I just needed to vent. This is one of the most emotionally taxing things I've ever had to experience. As an expat over the one year mark, I've said goodbye to many good friends already, but not like this. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone, but I guess these are those feels they call love.
You're just too young to grasp how stylin' I really was. All the boys wanted to do me when I was 5. Actually the girls did too. My haircut was confusing.
Over the last two months or so I had the pleasure of meeting and spending a lot of time with my soul mate. I met her back in December on a hike through my hiking club, we didn't talk much then, but back in early May we happened to go on another trip together and got to know each other well. I knew after the hike that I was in love with her and she was the girl I had always been searching for. We both felt this mutual connection. We knew we had shared strong enthusiasm and passion for so many of the same things in life. Soul mates is really almost an understatement. Unfortunately though the timing and circumstances of our meeting were nowhere near in our favor.
She is leaving Korea tomorrow. Forever maybe. She is going back to Chicago to start a two year grad program for Urban teaching. What perhaps made things even more complicated were that she has a boyfriend of about 20 months at home. It was weird though I knew from back in May when we first hit it off that she had a thing for me. We went on an extended weekend trip to different islands for hiking and beach time and our connection grew stronger. We knew we had feelings for each other but it was always unspoken. After that trip I suggested that she and two other of our close friends get together and hang out more often. We all saw each other every weekend after that going to the beach and going hiking all over South Korea.
Our friendship remained platonic on the outside towards our friends, but things got closer and more intimate when we were alone. I would set up my hammock on the beach and we would lay in it together and she would put her head on my shoulder. I knew she liked me, but I was trying hard to keep my feelings in check. I wanted her to trust me. I didn't care that I couldn't be with her because of her leaving Korea and her having a boyfriend. I wanted our friendship to be as strong as it could be by the time she left so that one day, two years from now maybe, we could meet again and pick up from where we left off.
Well two weekends ago we went on her last trip with the club and that night in the hammock she came clean with me and told me about her strong feelings for me. I told her I felt the same. I was such a relief to have it out in the open and knowing for sure we both felt this mutual connection. We didn't kiss or have sex or anything. I didn't want to be the villain. In the long run I felt it would have hurt everything up to this point.
This past weekend was her last weekend in Seoul. I stayed with her at our friends' apartment and slept next to her three nights in a row. I didn't want to be away from her side. We ended up making out for about six hours until the sun came up on both saturday and sunday. I didn't want that to happen but I am glad it did. We are crazy about each other and we are both in a lot of pain because we have to say goodbye for so long. We are both starting new chapters of our lives and there is really no room in either of our lives right now for each other. We are making a pact or whatever that in two years when she is done with grad school and I am done hiking the PCT that we will see each other again. Who knows if it will pan out it's damn near impossible to see that far into the future with any certainty but I really hope it does.
So yeah tonight is her last night in Seoul. I am on my way to work with literally no sleep because I was up all night with her. I will see her again tonight and saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I've hiked in the woods over mountains for six months at a time, but that seems like a cakewalk to this. Part of me just really wants to quit my job and go with her, but I know I can't. I just really hope she keeps me in her mind and heart so that I can see her again and maybe have a shot with her for real.
Sorry for rambling on with this short novella of a post. I just needed to vent. This is one of the most emotionally taxing things I've ever had to experience. As an expat over the one year mark, I've said goodbye to many good friends already, but not like this. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone, but I guess these are those feels they call love.
Woah, that's intense. I'm guessing that you have a contract signed and/or she doesn't want to leave her at home boyfriend? I guess I'm not seeing where meeting someone with a connection like this wouldn't change your plans.
I had a date last night with a certain chubby bearded man and totally caught feels. I was a complete gentleman and bought his dinner and drinks. I was gonna try to get him back to my house but he had to go pick someone up at the airport. I'm praying he calls me sometime.
Over the last two months or so I had the pleasure of meeting and spending a lot of time with my soul mate. I met her back in December on a hike through my hiking club, we didn't talk much then, but back in early May we happened to go on another trip together and got to know each other well. I knew after the hike that I was in love with her and she was the girl I had always been searching for. We both felt this mutual connection. We knew we had shared strong enthusiasm and passion for so many of the same things in life. Soul mates is really almost an understatement. Unfortunately though the timing and circumstances of our meeting were nowhere near in our favor.
She is leaving Korea tomorrow. Forever maybe. She is going back to Chicago to start a two year grad program for Urban teaching. What perhaps made things even more complicated were that she has a boyfriend of about 20 months at home. It was weird though I knew from back in May when we first hit it off that she had a thing for me. We went on an extended weekend trip to different islands for hiking and beach time and our connection grew stronger. We knew we had feelings for each other but it was always unspoken. After that trip I suggested that she and two other of our close friends get together and hang out more often. We all saw each other every weekend after that going to the beach and going hiking all over South Korea.
Our friendship remained platonic on the outside towards our friends, but things got closer and more intimate when we were alone. I would set up my hammock on the beach and we would lay in it together and she would put her head on my shoulder. I knew she liked me, but I was trying hard to keep my feelings in check. I wanted her to trust me. I didn't care that I couldn't be with her because of her leaving Korea and her having a boyfriend. I wanted our friendship to be as strong as it could be by the time she left so that one day, two years from now maybe, we could meet again and pick up from where we left off.
Well two weekends ago we went on her last trip with the club and that night in the hammock she came clean with me and told me about her strong feelings for me. I told her I felt the same. I was such a relief to have it out in the open and knowing for sure we both felt this mutual connection. We didn't kiss or have sex or anything. I didn't want to be the villain. In the long run I felt it would have hurt everything up to this point.
This past weekend was her last weekend in Seoul. I stayed with her at our friends' apartment and slept next to her three nights in a row. I didn't want to be away from her side. We ended up making out for about six hours until the sun came up on both saturday and sunday. I didn't want that to happen but I am glad it did. We are crazy about each other and we are both in a lot of pain because we have to say goodbye for so long. We are both starting new chapters of our lives and there is really no room in either of our lives right now for each other. We are making a pact or whatever that in two years when she is done with grad school and I am done hiking the PCT that we will see each other again. Who knows if it will pan out it's damn near impossible to see that far into the future with any certainty but I really hope it does.
So yeah tonight is her last night in Seoul. I am on my way to work with literally no sleep because I was up all night with her. I will see her again tonight and saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I've hiked in the woods over mountains for six months at a time, but that seems like a cakewalk to this. Part of me just really wants to quit my job and go with her, but I know I can't. I just really hope she keeps me in her mind and heart so that I can see her again and maybe have a shot with her for real.
Sorry for rambling on with this short novella of a post. I just needed to vent. This is one of the most emotionally taxing things I've ever had to experience. As an expat over the one year mark, I've said goodbye to many good friends already, but not like this. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone, but I guess these are those feels they call love.
Woah, that's intense. I'm guessing that you have a contract signed and/or she doesn't want to leave her at home boyfriend? I guess I'm not seeing where meeting someone with a connection like this wouldn't change your plans.
The thing is Abra, she has had a boyfriend for 20 months. 8 months back in Chicago, and 12 months long distance while she was here in Korea. She really only knew me for about 6 weeks. I don't agree with the long distance relationship fundamentally (I've done it twice and it is not for me), but I do respect the hell out of anyone who could make it work for so long for such a long distance (7,000 miles).
Yes I have 11 months left in my contract to work here, and then I have about 15 months of traveling planned after that. She applied to grad school over a year ago and deferred for a year to come to Korea to save money for it. The whole reason she came here was to prepare financially for that. While we do indeed have an incredibly strong connection, we have both had these plans for years. It's too scary of a thought to abandon these BIG plans for someone you have known for comparatively such a short amount of time. We both felt that there is too big of a possibility of losing respect for ourselves and each other and then perhaps resenting each other for abandoning such life-changing goals. Our big ambitions and stubbornness are part of why we are so attracted to each other.
But those six weeks were absolute magic. And while she is working her ass off through hell in "the place where fun goes to die" (nickname for her grad program), and perhaps still keeps seeing this guy who really is nowhere near as right for her as I am, she will remember me as the guy that made her so immensely happy in a mountain and beach paradise for six weeks.
The important thing, I think, is just to keep her as a close friend, and if possible over such a long distance, build on the connection. Since our time was so short, her only memories of me will be those positive and euphoric ones because they are the only ones we have. After two years, I will find her again. We might be different people then, but we will always have those six weeks. I really do feel I am in love with her, and that she has given me a direction.
*** The twist here, that is driving me CRAZY right now, is that she is traveling for six weeks right now through Japan, Vietnam, Laos, and Myanmar. She is coming back to Korea for two or three days before she flies home. We promised each other on our last night that we would see each other again while she was here and have another night like the ones from her last weekend. But I don't know how much a person can change in six weeks. The time she will be gone traveling is the exact same amount of time we knew each other. I guess a part of me is terrified that she will do a lot of thinking and come to some realization that I am just hazardous for her relationship with her boyfriend and that she will just get used to me not being around like I was and just declare our six weeks in paradise as a thought of the past. I fear that she will be ready to move on and work with what is ahead of her rather than linger in the past. I am so f*cking paranoid and insecure over this I've been losing sleep. All for just one last night together in which I will just have to say goodbye to her again. THIS IS TORTURE.
