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I kept meaning to start this thread. Dave Maynar and others have some great workplace stories, as do I, and I thought it should probably get it's own thread. Post your work stories here - get it off your chest, but make us laugh or, at a minimum, empathize with you and feel your pain.
I'll start. The other day, guy comes into my office and starts talking. In the middle of his boring monologue, he pauses, picks at something in his nose, pulls out a treasure from the chest, looks at it with a small measure of pride, and then proceeds to flick it onto the floor of my office. Then continues talking as if nothing happened. I was too stunned to do or say anything.
I'll start. The other day, guy comes into my office and starts talking. In the middle of his boring monologue, he pauses, picks at something in his nose, pulls out a treasure from the chest, looks at it with a small measure of pride, and then proceeds to flick it onto the floor of my office. Then continues talking as if nothing happened. I was too stunned to do or say anything.
I kept meaning to start this thread. Dave Maynar and others have some great workplace stories, as do I, and I thought it should probably get it's own thread. Post your work stories here - get it off your chest, but make us laugh or, at a minimum, empathize with you and feel your pain.
I'll start. The other day, guy comes into my office and starts talking. In the middle of his boring monologue, he pauses, picks at something in his nose, pulls out a treasure from the chest, looks at it with a small measure of pride, and then proceeds to flick it onto the floor of my office. Then continues talking as if nothing happened. I was too stunned to do or say anything.
horrifying/disgusting/great story. we clean boogers off the walls on occasion at work, but at least they're from kids. also, great thread idea! I will be sure to contribute:)
I kept meaning to start this thread. Dave Maynar and others have some great workplace stories, as do I, and I thought it should probably get it's own thread. Post your work stories here - get it off your chest, but make us laugh or, at a minimum, empathize with you and feel your pain.
I'll start. The other day, guy comes into my office and starts talking. In the middle of his boring monologue, he pauses, picks at something in his nose, pulls out a treasure from the chest, looks at it with a small measure of pride, and then proceeds to flick it onto the floor of my office. Then continues talking as if nothing happened. I was too stunned to do or say anything.
horrifying/disgusting/great story. we clean boogers off the walls on occasion at work, but at least they're from kids. also, great thread idea! I will be sure to contribute:)
Oh man, when I worked at the rehab, we had the odd patient who would wipe poo on the stall wall for some reason. So gross.
A nice but functional alcoholic type dude who worked for me once came in on third shift and walked in on the Mexican cleaning lady while she was scrubbing the men's bathroom and--according to her allegations--offered her money in exchange for a blow job.
There were two reasons we couldn't fire him. One, he immediately entered rehab, which gave him protected status. Two, her English was terrible, so she wasn't able to swear beyond a reasonable doubt to what happened.
After like six months of brooming up nuclear fallout over that one, we were were able to lay him off in a staff reduction. A few months later I ran into him in a bar--where else?--and I said: "You know, I knew you had problems, but I never quite believed you were capable of something like that." Meaning that I thought he was smarter than to actually solicit the cleaning lady for sex.
But he doesn't deny it. Instead he leans back on his stool and gets this sad distant expression and says, "Well, there was a lot of shiz I did back when I was drinking."
And he's sitting there nursing a double Jameson over ice. I got up and left.
Last Edit: Jun 8, 2013 21:18:08 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
You guys may have some gross stories or bad bosses or whatever, but let me tell you that there is nothing worse than having to serve rich people their ridiculous coffee drinks.
You guys may have some gross stories or bad bosses or whatever, but let me tell you that there is nothing worse than having to serve rich people their ridiculous coffee drinks.
Have the rich people tried to spit blood on you? No? Then kindly shut it.
You guys may have some gross stories or bad bosses or whatever, but let me tell you that there is nothing worse than having to serve rich people their ridiculous coffee drinks.
Have the rich people tried to spit blood on you? No? Then kindly shut it.
No but I once had a lady send back a drink because it wasn't 155 degrees exactly (she had a thermometer with her). These kind of people just make me want to slam my head into a door repeatedly.
Or my favorite was the girl who once came in like 5 minutes before closing and ordered a really crazy drink. She then told me "Yeah I don't usually tip at coffee shops because coffee is so expensive! And honestly I can't even tell a difference between good coffee and gas station coffee." So why the f*ck don't you go to a gas station? And if you aren't going to tip me I don't care, but I really don't care about your reason for not doing it.
Or then there was the time I watched a woman have a crying fit because the Kroger next door closed early because their roof was leaking.
It's like these people have been so sheltered their whole life that they are just completely clueless. I don't understand how you can be so wealthy but so idiotic.
Have the rich people tried to spit blood on you? No? Then kindly shut it.
No but I once had a lady send back a drink because it wasn't 155 degrees exactly (she had a thermometer with her). These kind of people just make me want to slam my head into a door repeatedly.
Or my favorite was the girl who once came in like 5 minutes before closing and ordered a really crazy drink. She then told me "Yeah I don't usually tip at coffee shops because coffee is so expensive! And honestly I can't even tell a difference between good coffee and gas station coffee." So why the f*ck don't you go to a gas station? And if you aren't going to tip me I don't care, but I really don't care about your reason for not doing it.
Or then there was the time I watched a woman have a crying fit because the Kroger next door closed early because their roof was leaking.
It's like these people have been so sheltered their whole life that they are just completely clueless. I don't understand how you can be so wealthy but so idiotic.
When I worked at K-Mart, I had a woman whip an alarm clock at my head because I wouldn't exchange it for a new one because hers was years old, she didn't have a receipt and we didn't carry that brand.
Post by Mista Don't Play on Jun 9, 2013 12:17:26 GMT -5
A while back a woman came into the bank, her son was 18 and had recently began his first year of college at Wake Forest, about 2 hours from here. They had opened him a checking account, in addition to the savings that had set up for him a while back. Well, in the 21st century most checking accounts come with a debit card, her son had used this debit card, A LOT. He had spent the thousand or so dollars in his checking and also had gone to the ATM, A LOT, and drained another few thousand from his savings account. Nothing outrageous yet, typical college behavior. If you give your kid money he will spend it. Not rocket science. Well this crazy b*tch blamed us, saying we shouldn't have let him (her son, the adult) spend all of his money. She wanted us to reimburse all the money he had blown over the past couple months. She said "he didn't know any better, he just thought it was an endless stream of money," and some other silly irresponsible bullsh*t that I tuned out. Eventually I got fed up explaining to her about how life was all about decisions and it was out of our control and told her she could make an appointment with the branch manager or president if she wanted to discuss it any further. No money was ever reimbursed, obviously.
You guys may have some gross stories or bad bosses or whatever, but let me tell you that there is nothing worse than having to serve rich people their ridiculous coffee drinks.
Have the rich people tried to spit blood on you? No? Then kindly shut it.
No, but I have had rich (and non-rich) people lick their ring to get it off their finger and then place it in my hand, which is gross for SO many reasons
Lord. I might wind up posting in this thread a lot, sort of like primal scream therapy.
My first corporate job, in a big power company's marketing department, was working for a guy named Russell. Archetypical pointy-haired boss. He was an obsequious suckass who'd do anything to put himself in front of the board of directors.
So somehow he cons his way onto a BOD meeting agenda with like a 500-slide presentation, each slide of which was designed to make him look clever. Except that in one of the very first slides he'd left the leading "L" out of the phrase "PUBLIC UTILITY COMMISSION" like so:
PUBIC UTILITY COMMISSION
That being an error a spell-checker wouldn't catch.
Naturally a deep chuckle welled up out of the BOD. So far as I know, Russell is still stuck in middle management, lo these many years later.
Edit: which is not to imply that I'm ungrateful to Russell. By being a bad boss, he showed me how to be a good one. Everybody needs the perspective of having worked for an asshat.
Last Edit: Jun 9, 2013 13:57:03 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Post by Paroxysm714 on Jun 9, 2013 14:12:09 GMT -5
I teach math to 160 or so high school kids each day (except right now I'm on summer break!) so I mostly have to get used to repeating myself over and over again because many 15 year olds aren't really listening when you talk to them.
My bad work stories involve breaking up fights, which I've gotten pretty good at doing while avoiding injury. The worst part is dealing with the crowd of bystanders pulling out their stupid cellphones trying to film the fight. Most kids don't really think you're gonna run past them and dive into the middle of a fight to break it up, so it's easy to fake them out when you do exactly that. Thank you to all those mosh pits I've been in.
Post by monkybunney on Jun 9, 2013 18:11:18 GMT -5
Great thread idea Pops I'll be lurking in here allot. I definitely got some war stories!
I use to be a pool cleaner to the rich and famous. The company I worked for builds super fancy high end pools, $80K-$100K on average but pools costing as much as $500K were not at all uncommon. So I got a new pool on one of my routes and I get there and I'm immediately wierded out. The pool had a pirate shipwreck theme complete with a beech and wrecked boat on one side. I know the owner is a professional athlete in the NFL, I also know he doesn't have any kids. The pirate theme is fun and I can understand an adult wanting that but what I found to be kinda creepy was that there were dozens of toy rubber snakes all along the decking. Why would a grown man without children place toys all along the side of his pool? Eh, whatever floats your boat. So I clean the pool and balance the water. While I'm securing my gear on the work truck Takeo Spikes, the owner, comes out. I have never..EVER..seen a human being that size before! The dude is ENORMOUS and I'm literally scared! I have no reason to be, it's silly, but being in the presence of someone like that is fucking intimidating. The muscles on his neck alone were bigger than both my legs. So Tekao asks me "You didn't move any of my snakes did you?" Me, "No. I didn't need to so I left them. Is that OK?" Tekao, "Yeah, all right good. If you ever need to move them when you come here I need you to make sure you put them back exactly where they were." Me, "Sure no problem. Tekao, "They keep the frogs out of the pool", shaking his head "I can not handle frogs!"
I have had some doozies through the years. I can not share most of them because I am a health care worker and HIPAA blah blah blah. But I did recently have a customer draw me a picture of their butt hole. @natureboy was kind enough to put it in art form.
Great thread idea Pops I'll be lurking in here allot. I definitely got some war stories!
I use to be a pool cleaner to the rich and famous. The company I worked for builds super fancy high end pools, $80K-$100K on average but pools costing as much as $500K were not at all uncommon. So I got a new pool on one of my routes and I get there and I'm immediately wierded out. The pool had a pirate shipwreck theme complete with a beech and wrecked boat on one side. I know the owner is a professional athlete in the NFL, I also know he doesn't have any kids. The pirate theme is fun and I can understand an adult wanting that but what I found to be kinda creepy was that there were dozens of toy rubber snakes all along the decking. Why would a grown man without children place toys all along the side of his pool? Eh, whatever floats your boat. So I clean the pool and balance the water. While I'm securing my gear on the work truck Takeo Spikes, the owner, comes out. I have never..EVER..seen a human being that size before! The dude is ENORMOUS and I'm literally scared! I have no reason to be, it's silly, but being in the presence of someone like that is quacking intimidating. The muscles on his neck alone were bigger than both my legs. So Tekao asks me "You didn't move any of my snakes did you?" Me, "No. I didn't need to so I left them. Is that OK?" Tekao, "Yeah, all right good. If you ever need to move them when you come here I need you to make sure you put them back exactly where they were." Me, "Sure no problem. Tekao, "They keep the frogs out of the pool", shaking his head "I can not handle frogs!"
1. that's a little bizarre but everyone has their issues I suppose. 2. did you get hit on a lot by rich older women? I've been conditioned to expect that to be true by various movies/TV shows, so just say yes either way. 3. also, I googled that guy and his neck is really, really big.
1. that's a little bizarre but everyone has their issues I suppose. 2. did you get hit on a lot by rich older women? I've been conditioned to expect that to be true by various movies/TV shows, so just say yes either way. 3. also, I googled that guy and his neck is really, really big.
It was very weird, but it made sense to me after he explained it. I have an irrational fear of bees, his is of frogs. Oh yeah, I got hit on ALL THE TIME by bored rich trophy wives, and by ALL THE TIME I mean never! I just googled him to and pictures just don't do this man justice. I can't overstate how ridiculously stacked he is! He is one scary looking dude.
Friday I had an 84 year old lady doing leg kicks down the hallway to demonstrate how much energy she had. then looks at me straight in the eye and says "IT'S MY BRAIN THAT'S THE PROBLEM" I just started laughing. neurology is never a dull moment
Post by Dave Maynar on Jun 21, 2013 7:25:31 GMT -5
We had a meeting that was scheduled to start yesterday at 8:30am. Everyone cleared their schedules accordingly. At 8:25am, we find out that the visiting person we were meeting with was actually just meeting with a supervisor at 8:30am, and we would meet as a group when they were done. We then got to sit around for two hours while they talked about whatever they talked about not knowing when the meeting would begin, so nobody really wanted to start anything since we had no idea when we would be called away. I put on BTBAM. When does our part of the meeting begin? Right at one of the biggest peaks of the album because work hates me.
Every time someone quits around here (which is often) the decision is made that their responsibilities just get absorbed by other people instead of hiring a new person. Two people just quit and now I am quacked. When this happens, donuts are brought in so people can eat their complaints and go into carb comas.
We have several government systems that we need access to which requires the password(s) to be changed about every 45 days. This morning, I get the e-mail to notify me that my password will expire in 15 days. So I enter my username and password, only to get an error message that tells me my password is wrong. Apparently, my password expired today. So I got locked out of the system. Fantastic.
Great thread idea Pops I'll be lurking in here allot. I definitely got some war stories!
I use to be a pool cleaner to the rich and famous. The company I worked for builds super fancy high end pools, $80K-$100K on average but pools costing as much as $500K were not at all uncommon. So I got a new pool on one of my routes and I get there and I'm immediately wierded out. The pool had a pirate shipwreck theme complete with a beech and wrecked boat on one side. I know the owner is a professional athlete in the NFL, I also know he doesn't have any kids. The pirate theme is fun and I can understand an adult wanting that but what I found to be kinda creepy was that there were dozens of toy rubber snakes all along the decking. Why would a grown man without children place toys all along the side of his pool? Eh, whatever floats your boat. So I clean the pool and balance the water. While I'm securing my gear on the work truck Takeo Spikes, the owner, comes out. I have never..EVER..seen a human being that size before! The dude is ENORMOUS and I'm literally scared! I have no reason to be, it's silly, but being in the presence of someone like that is quacking intimidating. The muscles on his neck alone were bigger than both my legs. So Tekao asks me "You didn't move any of my snakes did you?" Me, "No. I didn't need to so I left them. Is that OK?" Tekao, "Yeah, all right good. If you ever need to move them when you come here I need you to make sure you put them back exactly where they were." Me, "Sure no problem. Tekao, "They keep the frogs out of the pool", shaking his head "I can not handle frogs!"
I'm glad there is an explanation for the snakes besides "I like to lure children to my backyard."
My husband and I don't have children, so we just have to endure the stares of the neighbors when we buy anything child-like. I had a small trampoline in my basement for cardio, but it broke. I kept talking about replacing it, but my husband took it a step further. I come home one day and there's a 12 ft trampoline in my backyard! He got it off craiglist for me since a) I needed a new trampoline and b) I never had one as a kid.
Actually, I used to spend a lot of my time doing childish things. I lived a VERY sheltered childhood (I wasn't allowed to watch anything besides PBS until I was 12, couldn't have any food with more than five grams of sugar, had very few toys, etc), so I spent most of my high school and college years trying to catch up on all the pop culture from my friends' childhoods. So yeah, hopefully the cops never come to my door to ask about missing kids!
I tell you what, though...work is sometimes literally hell.
I used to have let's call it a hobby job as an EMT for a Boston ambulance service. We didn't have the city EMS contract so we were basically dialysis wagon drivers.
One evening, when I was still a probie, we returned a middle-aged disabled woman to her convalescent home, but before we wheeled her in she asked if she could smoke a cigarette. We weren't supposed to let patients smoke, but here's a dying woman, so what are you going to do? You're going to light her cigarette for her, that's what.
She smoked it about halfway down and then said, "OK, I'm done, can you put this out?" And I took it from her and dropped it on the ground and stepped on it. She got really sad-faced and both the medics who were training me rolled their eyes.
"What did I just do wrong?" I asked.
"I wasn't done with it," the woman protested.
"I'll tell you in a minute," one of my trainers said. He went to the ambulance cab and came back with a half-pack, which he handed to her. She thanked him, a little excessively I thought.
We wheeled her in and when we came back, my trainer said, "Look, she's lucky if she sees a hundred bucks a month, so a half a cigarette is a big deal. Next time stub it out gently and put it back in the pack for her, OK?"
I nodded. Another reminder that I wasn't street-smart yet.
Riding around that evening I was really quiet. Then, later, we were on standby at Kenmore Square. My trainers were taking a smoke break behind the ambulance and I was standing out there with them, in the freezing cold. Both of them chain-smoking.
"Hey," I said. "Doesn't being around these critically-ill people all day long make you want to take better care of yourselves?"
The one who'd clued me in on what to do with stubbed-out cigarettes chuckled bitterly. "When I see these people," he said, "it makes me want to die young."
I once did safety for an agency that used a lot of forklifts.
Now, all the forklift drivers were fat, and I mean morbidly obese.
Part of forklift safety is that if a forklift is equipped with a safety belt, you must wear it. Every forklift that came into that building had immediate maintenance done to it. Seeing as they were union, we couldn't really do anything to stop it.
In high school I worked at Abercrombie. My manager regularly ate a half pound of sliced turkey for lunch with nothing else (no bread, no condiments, nothing). He also referred to using the restroom as "rocking a piss." It was a struggle being 17 and the only person with a functional brain in the entire store.
Apparently, my password expired today. So I got locked out of the system. Fantastic.
