Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
There must be some festival training manual I dont know about.
- No shoes. Shoes only prevent the dirt from working its way under your toenails. COMMIT TO THE GRIME. - Never use an indoor toilet. In fact, don't use a portolet. Just squat down in the middle of that hetti MMJ rage fest and let loose. No time for bathroom breaks, and your fellow festigoers will appreciate your commitment to not missing a single falsetto note from the Golden Voice of Yim Yamez. - Only eat food from the sketchiest dudes in the lot. Yes, you'll be eating lots of grilled cheese and yes, they'll dump garlic powder on your grilled cheese, call it a "garlic grilled cheese" and act like they did you a favor, but just roll with it. - If a band has a hit song on the radio, FUCK EM. - Electronic music is great, but only the stuff that you like. Everything else is bullshit artificial nonsense. Everyone else is wrong. You are right. You are a magical and uniquely aggressive sunflower and the best way to demonstrate just how cool you are is by telling everyone else. - Get untethered from the CORPORATE TEAT and ride your bike to the fest. Even better, walk. You'll be extra filthy and gross by the time you get there, and you won't be able to carry any supplies, but it's a festi, you guys. People will just share their goods and shelter with you and if they don't, they're probably some sort of fucking trendy wannabe Coachella-loving hipster dickbag piece of shit anyway. - If a festival doesn't offer camping, it sucks. - If you go to a festival and don't camp, you suck. - Prepare yourself for the festival by drinking yourself into a stupor on a weekly basis and careening around your apartment to shitty EDM and crappy alt-rock bands. This way, when you attend the festival purely to embrace a semi-lawless atmosphere, and not at all because of the quality of the actual performers, you'll be ready.
Off to Barnes and Noble some non-corporate bookstore that noone knows about to purchase said festival manual. Who knew my 11th Bonnaroo would be my first "real" Bonnaroo? This whole time I was looking to amenities that would make my experience more comfortable but instead they were totally detracting from the REAL festival experience. Shit Im not even bringing a canopy this year. Why not embrace the sun to the fullest? TO THE FULLEST! THE MAN CANT HOLD ME DOWN!
Off to Barnes and Noble some non-corporate bookstore that noone knows about to purchase said festival manual.
When you get to this magical bookstore that no longer exists, will you pick me up a Moderator handbook. I've been told I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I need me one of those.
Pay you back at the Unchained show that's playing in that dead hour Friday.
Off to Barnes and Noble some non-corporate bookstore that noone knows about to purchase said festival manual. Who knew my 11th Bonnaroo would be my first "real" Bonnaroo? This whole time I was looking to amenities that would make my experience more comfortable but instead they were totally detracting from the REAL festival experience. Shit Im not even bringing a canopy this year. Why not embrace the sun to the fullest? TO THE FULLEST! THE MAN CANT HOLD ME DOWN!
A canopy? Why don't you fuck off to Coachella or Lollapalooza with the other tweens. Go buy some fucking floppy hats, crop tops and high-waisted shorts at Urban Outfitters, you cheap poser.
I camp at Coachella. cant I get some festival cred for that?
A canopy? Why don't you fuck off to Coachella or Lollapalooza with the other tweens. Go buy some fucking floppy hats, crop tops and high-waisted shorts at Urban Outfitters, you cheap poser.
I camp at Coachella. cant I get some festival cred for that?
I camp at Coachella. cant I get some festival cred for that?
I'd hardly call that camping, you custie. The grass is kept meticulously soft and short, there are tons of really clean bathrooms, there's a goddamned farmer's market...you're not buying into the TROO FESTI SPIRIT when you're sucking down an egg-white omelet made from cage-free organic eggs with local fresh veggies and a $6 green drink every morning. Fuck your comfort, it doesn't count unless its uncomfortable so you can brag to everyone about what a festival warrior you are.
THE ONLY GOOD BONNAROO WAS 2004 WHEN EVERYTHING WAS COVERED IN 18 INCHES OF MUD YEAH I SAID IT FUCKERS.
daydreaming about the Coachella grass. Man is that stuff amazing
Post by OH ITS THE BIG CAPP DOGG on Apr 29, 2015 20:22:25 GMT -5
Oh, you didn’t know?
YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY!
Greetings, fellow gutter-dwellers! Just your ol’ pal THE BIG CAPP DOGG shouting at you from our here in the streets! It was a real close call for yours truly for a minute there. Sergei sent some of his HIRED GOONS over to try and outmuscle the Smashster! Guess he didn’t count on how surgical I can get with the double-barrel! BLAM! BLAM!
But after that showdown, I had to go underground, kiddos! Below the pavement, if you will. REAL DEEP COVER. Also, due to the abject failure of the beautifully vanilla monstrosity of a lineup I created, I’m dead broke! So I’m out here in the streets, grubbing for quarters and fighting with many loyal BONNAROOVIANS for the last scraps at the bottom of the bowl at the soup kitchen. It’s a real eye-opener, gang. I used to think you mindless hairfarmers were nothing but a bunch of lazy, slothful, misbegotten dope-smoking shut-ins with woefully misguided taste in tunes! Now I see, you’re just a bunch of lazy, slothful, misbegotten dope-smoking shut-ins with woefully misguided taste in music who hit a rough patch! If fortune’s wiles can lead to a CAPP-TAIN of industry such as myself being reduced to sleeping next to the dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly, I shouldn’t look down so hard on all you ALABAMA SHAKES SUPERFANS who can’t seem to get out of your parents’ basement!
So you heard it here first. When the Capp Dogg gets his fortune back, things are gonna change. No more ripping off you cretins for every last penny. I’ll start booking acts that matter! No more reheated servings of last season’s flavor of the month. And we’ll cut ticket prices a bit, just to make things easier on you goons. We’ll improve the farm, cut down on the mud and dust, SCREENZ FOR EVERYONE, maybe some artwork that DOESN’T smell like the Murfreesboro county fair. Hell, I’ll even convince THE FARMAN to take all his cameras out of the women’s portolets! I promise, gang, I’ve seen the light. ASHLEY THE ANGEL CAPPS, at your service!
[pay phone starts ringing]
Capp Dogg here. What? Speak up again Farman, I can’t hear you over the screams. Well, put her ball gag back in! Okay fine, tourniquet first, then the gag. You’re a sick bastard.
Okay, what was that? They did? Rapino wants to pay how much? Wait, has he seen our books? The real ones, not the ones we put out to the public with the phony attendance figures. And he still wants to pay us how much? You’re kidding me. Rapino start drinking again? Well I’ll be damned. Huh. And he’s using LiveNation’s wetworks division to take out Sergei, like we talked about? Fuck me Farman, we’re back! Yeah yeah, go finish her off, call up that twit Mayers and the rest of those hillbillies, go pull Peck out of Mardi Gras and yank those damned beads off his neck, we’ve got work to do!
[hangs up phone]
Huh. Whaddaya know. I think we need to start this one from the top, folks. Say it with me now:
OH, YOU DIDN’T KNOW?
YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY!!!!!
WOO HAH. Back in the saddle! All you BASIC BITCHES need to recognize!
I’m swimming in it, you goblins! Those fools over at LiveNation bought our package, hook, line and SUCKER! They just paid over market value for a lion’s share of a festival that hasn’t turned a profit in 8 years, plus a stake in 750 acres of land so diseased that the federal government wouldn’t even purchase it for use as a National Guard training center! But I know Michael Rapino, he’s a fiend with a carnal LUST for power. He won’t stop until there’s a LiveNation banner staked on the east lawn of the White House and Bono’s face on Mount Rushmore. So he’ll happily gobble up every available piece of musical real estate, no matter the cost.
“But Mr. Capps, what about all those nice promises you made? Are we still going to get all the wonderful things you said?” SHUT IT DOWN, MOONBEAM! With the scratch they’re paying me, LiveNation is your God now. Get ready for SuperJamNation sponsored by Budweiser featuring Phillip Phillips! Headlining sets from Ariana Grande, my main man CALVIN HARRIS, and a special late night Which set from the QUEEN OF RAP, Iggy Azalea! We’re going to jack tickets up to $450 a pop, and you suckers will keep paying because of your sadly admirable BRAND LOYALTY. Keep believing that Bonnaroo is a magical fairy wonderland of jamz and vibez and JIM JAMES, and we’ll keep charging you an arm and a leg for uninspiring rosters full of crap you can find elsewhere better, and cheaper! Now with the mighty arm of LiveNation around our shoulders, we’ll get this thing homogenized faster than you can say “Taylor Swift.” We’ll pave the walkways! Install plenty of Aramark brand rubberized pizza distribution booths. Hell, we’ll even have the gimps that staff those things toss a fistful of jarred jalapenos on each slice and call it SPICY SLICES. Get rid of all the dirt and grime and FILTH you mongrels love to wallow in, and start courting some real Americans. Fresh faced youths with daddy’s credit card in their back pocket! Families, who won’t blink at paying $10 for a bottle of water just to keep their kids quiet for five seconds. Think about it gang, it’ll be like Disneyland took a giant hoofer on the mushroom fountain! Speaking of, that eyesore has got to go. Can’t have a massive, multinational corporate conglomerate live LiveNation looking like it supports the drugs you mindless hordes shovel into your bodies as a way to distract you from your empty lives!
And sure, we could do things like that human disease TOLLETT, and use this muscle to improve our facilities while attracting interesting, unique and daring bookings since we’ve got the backing where we don’t need to worry about ticket sales, but FUCK HIM AND HIS WHOLE OPERATION. If you think the might CAPP DOGG is going to be chasing down weird electronic acts and strange groups of Brits who haven’t played a show together in 15 years, you’re thinking wrong! We’ll pull out the Billboard Hot 100, close our eyes, poke a finger at it, and wham! BOOK IT.
So that’ll do it for the Capp Dogg, gang. I’m gonna go take some laps in my pool full of STRAIGHT CASH. Maybe buy a few helicopters, crash them, then buy a few more! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. Enjoy the rest of your shift at Arby’s, and make sure to start scraping your pennies together now for the limited discounted Bonnaroo 2016 presale. Tickets start at $395!
YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY!
Greetings, fellow gutter-dwellers! Just your ol’ pal THE BIG CAPP DOGG shouting at you from our here in the streets! It was a real close call for yours truly for a minute there. Sergei sent some of his HIRED GOONS over to try and outmuscle the Smashster! Guess he didn’t count on how surgical I can get with the double-barrel! BLAM! BLAM!
But after that showdown, I had to go underground, kiddos! Below the pavement, if you will. REAL DEEP COVER. Also, due to the abject failure of the beautifully vanilla monstrosity of a lineup I created, I’m dead broke! So I’m out here in the streets, grubbing for quarters and fighting with many loyal BONNAROOVIANS for the last scraps at the bottom of the bowl at the soup kitchen. It’s a real eye-opener, gang. I used to think you mindless hairfarmers were nothing but a bunch of lazy, slothful, misbegotten dope-smoking shut-ins with woefully misguided taste in tunes! Now I see, you’re just a bunch of lazy, slothful, misbegotten dope-smoking shut-ins with woefully misguided taste in music who hit a rough patch! If fortune’s wiles can lead to a CAPP-TAIN of industry such as myself being reduced to sleeping next to the dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly, I shouldn’t look down so hard on all you ALABAMA SHAKES SUPERFANS who can’t seem to get out of your parents’ basement!
So you heard it here first. When the Capp Dogg gets his fortune back, things are gonna change. No more ripping off you cretins for every last penny. I’ll start booking acts that matter! No more reheated servings of last season’s flavor of the month. And we’ll cut ticket prices a bit, just to make things easier on you goons. We’ll improve the farm, cut down on the mud and dust, SCREENZ FOR EVERYONE, maybe some artwork that DOESN’T smell like the Murfreesboro county fair. Hell, I’ll even convince THE FARMAN to take all his cameras out of the women’s portolets! I promise, gang, I’ve seen the light. ASHLEY THE ANGEL CAPPS, at your service!
[pay phone starts ringing]
Capp Dogg here. What? Speak up again Farman, I can’t hear you over the screams. Well, put her ball gag back in! Okay fine, tourniquet first, then the gag. You’re a sick bastard.
Okay, what was that? They did? Rapino wants to pay how much? Wait, has he seen our books? The real ones, not the ones we put out to the public with the phony attendance figures. And he still wants to pay us how much? You’re kidding me. Rapino start drinking again? Well I’ll be damned. Huh. And he’s using LiveNation’s wetworks division to take out Sergei, like we talked about? Fuck me Farman, we’re back! Yeah yeah, go finish her off, call up that twit Mayers and the rest of those hillbillies, go pull Peck out of Mardi Gras and yank those damned beads off his neck, we’ve got work to do!
[hangs up phone]
Huh. Whaddaya know. I think we need to start this one from the top, folks. Say it with me now:
OH, YOU DIDN’T KNOW?
YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY!!!!!
WOO HAH. Back in the saddle! All you BASIC BITCHES need to recognize!
I’m swimming in it, you goblins! Those fools over at LiveNation bought our package, hook, line and SUCKER! They just paid over market value for a lion’s share of a festival that hasn’t turned a profit in 8 years, plus a stake in 750 acres of land so diseased that the federal government wouldn’t even purchase it for use as a National Guard training center! But I know Michael Rapino, he’s a fiend with a carnal LUST for power. He won’t stop until there’s a LiveNation banner staked on the east lawn of the White House and Bono’s face on Mount Rushmore. So he’ll happily gobble up every available piece of musical real estate, no matter the cost.
“But Mr. Capps, what about all those nice promises you made? Are we still going to get all the wonderful things you said?” SHUT IT DOWN, MOONBEAM! With the scratch they’re paying me, LiveNation is your God now. Get ready for SuperJamNation sponsored by Budweiser featuring Phillip Phillips! Headlining sets from Ariana Grande, my main man CALVIN HARRIS, and a special late night Which set from the QUEEN OF RAP, Iggy Azalea! We’re going to jack tickets up to $450 a pop, and you suckers will keep paying because of your sadly admirable BRAND LOYALTY. Keep believing that Bonnaroo is a magical fairy wonderland of jamz and vibez and JIM JAMES, and we’ll keep charging you an arm and a leg for uninspiring rosters full of crap you can find elsewhere better, and cheaper! Now with the mighty arm of LiveNation around our shoulders, we’ll get this thing homogenized faster than you can say “Taylor Swift.” We’ll pave the walkways! Install plenty of Aramark brand rubberized pizza distribution booths. Hell, we’ll even have the gimps that staff those things toss a fistful of jarred jalapenos on each slice and call it SPICY SLICES. Get rid of all the dirt and grime and FILTH you mongrels love to wallow in, and start courting some real Americans. Fresh faced youths with daddy’s credit card in their back pocket! Families, who won’t blink at paying $10 for a bottle of water just to keep their kids quiet for five seconds. Think about it gang, it’ll be like Disneyland took a giant hoofer on the mushroom fountain! Speaking of, that eyesore has got to go. Can’t have a massive, multinational corporate conglomerate live LiveNation looking like it supports the drugs you mindless hordes shovel into your bodies as a way to distract you from your empty lives!
And sure, we could do things like that human disease TOLLETT, and use this muscle to improve our facilities while attracting interesting, unique and daring bookings since we’ve got the backing where we don’t need to worry about ticket sales, but FUCK HIM AND HIS WHOLE OPERATION. If you think the might CAPP DOGG is going to be chasing down weird electronic acts and strange groups of Brits who haven’t played a show together in 15 years, you’re thinking wrong! We’ll pull out the Billboard Hot 100, close our eyes, poke a finger at it, and wham! BOOK IT.
So that’ll do it for the Capp Dogg, gang. I’m gonna go take some laps in my pool full of STRAIGHT CASH. Maybe buy a few helicopters, crash them, then buy a few more! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. Enjoy the rest of your shift at Arby’s, and make sure to start scraping your pennies together now for the limited discounted Bonnaroo 2016 presale. Tickets start at $395!
