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hard disagree with this as a blanket statement. I have dated multiple people who I didn’t text with every day/who sometimes took a while to respond and it doesn’t automatically mean that person is shitty or trying to be elusive or whatever.
Also, if you’ve established a day for the date, why would you need to necessarily text between the setting of said date and the day you’re meeting up?? I see literally no problem with there being a gap in conversation there. You’re about to see them IRL
Bc it’s rude to just ignore people? Why would I want to potentially set up a life with someone who didn’t even prioritize a 30 second text response? Like do you totally change and become this amazing answer when you decide you’re in love? That seems weird and arbitrary. How hard is it to say “just a heads up, I like to stay focused on in the moment life, so I’m terrible at texting. I’m so excited to see you on Tuesday tho!” Or “ugh work has been a bitch today, I’ll hit you up tomorrow “. Sorry, it’s common courtesy.
wanted to come back to this bolded part here because I think that's precisely part of the problem I'm having with the stance of "no matter what, across the board, it is rude/shows lack of interest/etc. to not respond quickly to a partner or new potential partner."
1) not everyone is dating to find a life long partner - that doesn't necessarily mean that they're just looking for a hookup either, though. there are all sorts of manifestations of romantic connection and levels of commitment that are valid and healthy as long as they're communicated about among the parties. so to assume that anyone going out on a date is looking for a life-long partner automatically is very short-sighted IMO. and again, even if that is what they're looking for, not everyone cares about a life partner being a quick text-responder.
2) one of the kindest humans i've ever dated who i still adore (but he moved across the country so we split up then, but we've seen each other a few times over years since he moved + he continues to be lovely, just no longer a feasible partner situation) was hilariously bad at texting. like i grew to find it quite adorable. this dude would sometimes leave his phone at home, other times just throw it in a drawer for a day when he really needed to focus on work (he was building a start-up at the time). he didn't tell me this RIGHT away but within a few weeks of dating, he let me know that's how he is with his phone - and that went for all his relationships...friends, partner(s), family. but he was SO present in person with me. because he was never on his damn phone! we got amazing in-person connection time, and yeah then sometimes i wouldn't talk with him for a couple days or barely, but it absolutely was not by way of him not being interested in me, because our relationship & chemistry was great.
If you don't communicate what your expectations are for communication, and then your expectations aren't met, any upsetness belongs to you.
The fact that there are so many different opinions on this is evidence enough that you should assume you are not on the same page until all parties make sure they're on the same page.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
Eh I say if someone gets freaked out or finds it needy/insecure to broach communication styles & expectations early on, they're not a compatible fit for me. I'd rather talk that shit out sooner than later, and that doesn't mean you need to sit down on your second date and list out all your needs and wants in a relationship, but honestly one of my favorite things I've unearthed through ditching monogamy ~7 yrs ago and identifying as poly has been the removal of an assumed relationship structure with its own set of assumed expectations about who should do what and what an action means, etc. etc.
It takes special effort in traditional mono relationships to step back and intentionally build from the ground-up instead of grabbing from the social norm structure we've all seen everywhere since we were kids (date --> become exclusive --> fall in love --> move in --> get married and have kids if you want them). I'm not saying it isn't possible to eschew norms & build from scratch when mono, not at all, but with nonmonogamy you are kinda forced to do so no matter what since there isn't a standard societal model to work from, really. And that involves conversations early on about expectations, boundaries (everything from safe-sex talk regarding other partners to needs around how much time you'd like to spend with each other in a week or month), etc.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Post by jorgeandthekraken on Apr 17, 2022 18:29:43 GMT -5
I agree 100% with the idea of having a conversation about expectations as early as possible. Clarity is so important.
On the flip side, I also think someone not meeting an expectation that’s either been unstated or stated but not fully explored deserves the chance to correct course without the assumption being that they’re just being a jerk (speaking generally, here - not saying anyone in this thread is making that claim). It took a lot of rough experiences for it to be hammered through my thick skull when I was a younger, actively dating person that two individuals with the absolute best intentions can approach certain scenarios around communication from completely different perspectives, neither of which is “wrong.”
Reading up on attachment theory and adult attachment styles was really helpful to me in this regard.
If you don't communicate what your expectations are for communication, and then your expectations aren't met, any upsetness belongs to you.
The fact that there are so many different opinions on this is evidence enough that you should assume you are not on the same page until all parties make sure they're on the same page.
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
For real though, great points. As a kinda blanket statement, I think if you're worried about coming off as needy or insecure, you very well may be needy or insecure (at least in that particular moment/situation). And that's okay and human; we all have needs and insecurities, and personally I'm someone who used to be pretty insecure in the early stages of dating. It's pretty normal to want a potential partner to see us in a good light too, even though in any lasting relationship that early facade will surely fade. I think it's good to acknowledge those things and let them guide you. For example, I know that a serious partner of mine is going to have to have enough bandwidth for anxieties/insecurities that I may have in a given area, and that's just part of baseline compatibility.
For this example let's say I'm insecure about my partner not texting back - if they don't text back soon enough I get afraid of being ghosted, and that sort of rejection makes me feel undesired and unworthy. If I can acknowledge I'm insecure, acknowledge I like this person enough to not want to scare them away, and acknowledge that they're going to see that part of me regardless at some point anyway, it really depends on which of those three factors is holding the most sway. Is my anxiety sky high? Maybe it's just more than I can tolerate and I just HAVE to say something. And maybe that scares them away, but if so they aren't someone who is compatible with that particular insecurity at that degree at that stage. (Admittedly this can narrow the dating pool depending on how bad the anxiety is and how early on). But maybe I really REALLY like them so I wait it out and tolerate the high levels of anxiety because I want them to see me in a positive light, hoping that over time our relationship will progress to a point where I can comfortably be more vulnerable and we can talk about it. Or maybe I'm at that point and ready to see how our relationship handles that sort of discussion. Or maybe the anxiety's not bad but I feel fine saying something because I'm just not too invested in their perception of me or the outcome of the relationship, or I'm just comfortable with myself and okay with talking about things early and letting the chips fall.
I agree that in many cases it would take at least a bit to healthily get to this point - too early and it's probably stemming from some sort of insecurity, a complete lack of emotional investment, or maybe you're the type who just prefers to talking about things earlier and seeing how it works out. I've been all three at various times, for better or worse. Approach matters a lot too.
A lot of this is therapy fodder but like many things, I think it's probably best just feeling through it.
If you don't communicate what your expectations are for communication, and then your expectations aren't met, any upsetness belongs to you.
The fact that there are so many different opinions on this is evidence enough that you should assume you are not on the same page until all parties make sure they're on the same page.
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
i've done it in my young-self past but don't plan to ever again lol
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Vieux
Global Moderator Moderator Goddess Extraordinaire
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
When you click, don't you want to spend as much time with that person as possible?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
When you click, don't you want to spend as much time with that person as possible?
part of my establishing boundaries and expectations in a relationship is through action, not just words, and that's super relevant to division of time/energy. this isn't only about potentially having multiple partners but also division of priority among friends, family, work, me time/hobbies, etc. all these things are important to me, so i'm personally not ever really looking to go 0 to 60 with someone where we are spending half the week together within the first month of dating.
but that's just me. i know plenty of people do it.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
When you click, don't you want to spend as much time with that person as possible?
Honestly, no. At least not within the first three weeks.
I agree with this pretty much all the way but feel the need to discuss your last point of "until all parties make sure they're on the same page."
Because I think in the early stages of dating someone (first 5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first), most people don't come right out saying "this is what I expect in terms of communication." I think most people would see that as overzealous, possibly obsessive or controlling and mark it as a red flag. You kinda risk losing the natural appeal.
I like to equate dating to surfing in that it's all about finding a balance to ride it through the crest or just wipe out and bail.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
If I was dating someone who lived relatively close to me we'd meet more than once in a week. Also just depends on how busy someone is and how hard your socks get knocked off in the first couple of meetings.
Definitely always felt with dating apps if you don't move fast enough the person gets bored and moves on to the next one. Maybe Americans are just busier than what I'm used to lol.
Like maybe dinner and a drink during the work week and then a day time date during the weekend. If multiple weekends passed in a row of the person not being available I'd probably label them too busy to date.
Bc it’s rude to just ignore people? Why would I want to potentially set up a life with someone who didn’t even prioritize a 30 second text response? Like do you totally change and become this amazing answer when you decide you’re in love? That seems weird and arbitrary. How hard is it to say “just a heads up, I like to stay focused on in the moment life, so I’m terrible at texting. I’m so excited to see you on Tuesday tho!” Or “ugh work has been a bitch today, I’ll hit you up tomorrow “. Sorry, it’s common courtesy.
wanted to come back to this bolded part here because I think that's precisely part of the problem I'm having with the stance of "no matter what, across the board, it is rude/shows lack of interest/etc. to not respond quickly to a partner or new potential partner."
1) not everyone is dating to find a life long partner - that doesn't necessarily mean that they're just looking for a hookup either, though. there are all sorts of manifestations of romantic connection and levels of commitment that are valid and healthy as long as they're communicated about among the parties. so to assume that anyone going out on a date is looking for a life-long partner automatically is very short-sighted IMO. and again, even if that is what they're looking for, not everyone cares about a life partner being a quick text-responder.
2) one of the kindest humans i've ever dated who i still adore (but he moved across the country so we split up then, but we've seen each other a few times over years since he moved + he continues to be lovely, just no longer a feasible partner situation) was hilariously bad at texting. like i grew to find it quite adorable. this dude would sometimes leave his phone at home, other times just throw it in a drawer for a day when he really needed to focus on work (he was building a start-up at the time). he didn't tell me this RIGHT away but within a few weeks of dating, he let me know that's how he is with his phone - and that went for all his relationships...friends, partner(s), family. but he was SO present in person with me. because he was never on his damn phone! we got amazing in-person connection time, and yeah then sometimes i wouldn't talk with him for a couple days or barely, but it absolutely was not by way of him not being interested in me, because our relationship & chemistry was great.
So the real question is when have you made it to the safe point of being able to discuss your needs to feel comfortable in something without coming off as needy or insecure, and how do you bring it up naturally without a prior incident that necessitates bringing it up?
Eh I say if someone gets freaked out or finds it needy/insecure to broach communication styles & expectations early on, they're not a compatible fit for me. I'd rather talk that shit out sooner than later, and that doesn't mean you need to sit down on your second date and list out all your needs and wants in a relationship, but honestly one of my favorite things I've unearthed through ditching monogamy ~7 yrs ago and identifying as poly has been the removal of an assumed relationship structure with its own set of assumed expectations about who should do what and what an action means, etc. etc.
It takes special effort in traditional mono relationships to step back and intentionally build from the ground-up instead of grabbing from the social norm structure we've all seen everywhere since we were kids (date --> become exclusive --> fall in love --> move in --> get married and have kids if you want them). I'm not saying it isn't possible to eschew norms & build from scratch when mono, not at all, but with nonmonogamy you are kinda forced to do so no matter what since there isn't a standard societal model to work from, really. And that involves conversations early on about expectations, boundaries (everything from safe-sex talk regarding other partners to needs around how much time you'd like to spend with each other in a week or month), etc.
You didn’t need to type that many words to say you’re a fan of ghosting. 🤷🏻♀️
ok sorry to quote you thrice but "5 dates or three weeks, whichever comes first"? Are there people going on five dates with the same person in a three week span? This is wild to me.
If I was dating someone who lived relatively close to me we'd meet more than once in a week. Also just depends on how busy someone is and how hard your socks get knocked off in the first couple of meetings.
Definitely always felt with dating apps if you don't move fast enough the person gets bored and moves on to the next one. Maybe Americans are just busier than what I'm used to lol.
Ok. Here's all the facts. The days I were working on 12 hr moving days (meaning the shoot goes from location to location.) I did not have anything relevant to say after responding to her last message other than confirming our date. I HATE that my industry makes 12hr days normal, and if the person had texted me to just check in I would have responded. I've spent this entire day feeling like utter shit about myself, AGAIN. I stopped dating completely after this experience. All it was supposed to be was a goddamn walk around the area we live in and getting to know each other, and a stop at a restaurant bc she didn't drink. I did all the leg work and just felt torn down completely as a person because I feel like my job makes my life untenable for love and relationships and it re-affirmed it.
wanted to come back to this bolded part here because I think that's precisely part of the problem I'm having with the stance of "no matter what, across the board, it is rude/shows lack of interest/etc. to not respond quickly to a partner or new potential partner."
1) not everyone is dating to find a life long partner - that doesn't necessarily mean that they're just looking for a hookup either, though. there are all sorts of manifestations of romantic connection and levels of commitment that are valid and healthy as long as they're communicated about among the parties. so to assume that anyone going out on a date is looking for a life-long partner automatically is very short-sighted IMO. and again, even if that is what they're looking for, not everyone cares about a life partner being a quick text-responder.
2) one of the kindest humans i've ever dated who i still adore (but he moved across the country so we split up then, but we've seen each other a few times over years since he moved + he continues to be lovely, just no longer a feasible partner situation) was hilariously bad at texting. like i grew to find it quite adorable. this dude would sometimes leave his phone at home, other times just throw it in a drawer for a day when he really needed to focus on work (he was building a start-up at the time). he didn't tell me this RIGHT away but within a few weeks of dating, he let me know that's how he is with his phone - and that went for all his relationships...friends, partner(s), family. but he was SO present in person with me. because he was never on his damn phone! we got amazing in-person connection time, and yeah then sometimes i wouldn't talk with him for a couple days or barely, but it absolutely was not by way of him not being interested in me, because our relationship & chemistry was great.
Eh I say if someone gets freaked out or finds it needy/insecure to broach communication styles & expectations early on, they're not a compatible fit for me. I'd rather talk that shit out sooner than later, and that doesn't mean you need to sit down on your second date and list out all your needs and wants in a relationship, but honestly one of my favorite things I've unearthed through ditching monogamy ~7 yrs ago and identifying as poly has been the removal of an assumed relationship structure with its own set of assumed expectations about who should do what and what an action means, etc. etc.
It takes special effort in traditional mono relationships to step back and intentionally build from the ground-up instead of grabbing from the social norm structure we've all seen everywhere since we were kids (date --> become exclusive --> fall in love --> move in --> get married and have kids if you want them). I'm not saying it isn't possible to eschew norms & build from scratch when mono, not at all, but with nonmonogamy you are kinda forced to do so no matter what since there isn't a standard societal model to work from, really. And that involves conversations early on about expectations, boundaries (everything from safe-sex talk regarding other partners to needs around how much time you'd like to spend with each other in a week or month), etc.
You didn’t need to type that many words to say you’re a fan of ghosting. 🤷🏻♀️
lmao oh ok sure, just misinterpret everything i've thoughtfully posed, cool cool
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
You didn’t need to type that many words to say you’re a fan of ghosting. 🤷🏻♀️
lmao oh ok sure, just misinterpret everything i've thoughtfully posed, cool cool
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
lmao oh ok sure, just misinterpret everything i've thoughtfully posed, cool cool
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
So from the person you've known for almost 10 years. Are my answers excuses.
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
So from the person you've known for almost 10 years. Are my answers excuses.
Did you tell her you were busy and overwhelmed at work? If yes, then that’s her bad. If no, then yes you should have communicated that but it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. Just be more up front, less assuming on both ends.
lmao oh ok sure, just misinterpret everything i've thoughtfully posed, cool cool
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
is this slut shaming?? it isnt a cute look.
Lolllllll nice reach
When you are seeing multiple people at once and one person wants to hoard your attention, that rarely works. 🤷🏻♀️
So from the person you've known for almost 10 years. Are my answers excuses.
Did you tell her you were busy and overwhelmed at work? If yes, then that’s her bad. If no, then yes you should have communicated that but it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. Just be more up front, less assuming on both ends.
I spoke to her for like an hour on okcupid, I told her my job but that doesn't really tell anyone how busy one gets.
And I've literally had experiences where texting someone while there at work, had them break up with me.
Did you tell her you were busy and overwhelmed at work? If yes, then that’s her bad. If no, then yes you should have communicated that but it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. Just be more up front, less assuming on both ends.
I spoke to her for like an hour on okcupid, I told her my job but that doesn't really tell anyone how busy one gets.
And I've literally had experiences where texting someone while there at work, had them break up with me.
I don’t know what you are wanting me to say here bud
If I was dating someone who lived relatively close to me we'd meet more than once in a week. Also just depends on how busy someone is and how hard your socks get knocked off in the first couple of meetings.
Definitely always felt with dating apps if you don't move fast enough the person gets bored and moves on to the next one. Maybe Americans are just busier than what I'm used to lol.
Ok. Here's all the facts. The days I were working on 12 hr moving days (meaning the shoot goes from location to location.) I did not have anything relevant to say after responding to her last message other than confirming our date. I HATE that my industry makes 12hr days normal, and if the person had texted me to just check in I would have responded. I've spent this entire day feeling like utter shit about myself, AGAIN. I stopped dating completely after this experience. All it was supposed to be was a goddamn walk around the area we live in and getting to know each other, and a stop at a restaurant bc she didn't drink. I did all the leg work and just felt torn down completely as a person because I feel like my job makes my life untenable for love and relationships and it re-affirmed it.
Based on the details you provide it sounds like more a her thing than a you thing. Sounds like you guys didnt know each other well (and that's what the date was for) so there was really no reason for her to get upset and react that way. I think it takes more than two days to ghost someone, and a job like yours seems way more than a valid excuse, assuming she knew the details of your work.
Not that I defend her in anyway but it sounds like she may have been ghosted by someone she liked before which is what may have triggered her response to your work-related texting absence. When people have their trust betrayed like that they tend to jump to conclusions and assume the worst as a defense mechanism.
I'm truly sorry you struggle with this though man. I've taken dating sabbaticals before because I do believe the scene has turned to shit overall. Just depends on how much shit I want to wade in at the time. Sometimes a lot.
lmao oh ok sure, just misinterpret everything i've thoughtfully posed, cool cool
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
One of the nice things about this community is that differing views are welcome, even - and perhaps especially - if they are not reflected by the majority. Regardless, one's age or number of sexual partners does not in any way invalidate their views. We have established that you would not want to date someone who thinks about this the way Rummy does, and she would not date someone who thinks like you. Let's move on.
Last Edit: Apr 17, 2022 20:44:17 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
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Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
One of the nice things about this community is that differing views are welcome, even - and perhaps especially - if they are not reflected by the majority. Regardless, one's age or number of sexual partners does not in any way invalidate their views. We have established that you would not want to date someone who thinks about this the way Rummy does, and she would not date someone who thinks like you. Let's move on.
Age absolutely has tons to do with relationships? What things you’ve lived through, your life experiences with trauma etc?
And when you are polyamorous and have multiple partners simultaneously, no one gets to hog all the attention, not even primaries.
Yeah I read it all and it was excuses. You’re under 30 and routinely have multiple partners. It’s doubtful your stance is going to be reflected among the majority. If someone acted like you’re saying is ok, I wouldn’t want to date them, poly or not. Is that a better answer for you?
One of the nice things about this community is that differing views are welcome, even - and perhaps especially - if they are not reflected by the majority. Regardless, one's age or number of sexual partners does not in any way invalidate their views. We have established that you would not want to date someone who thinks about this the way Rummy does, and she would not date someone who thinks like you. Let's move on.
One of the nice things about this community is that differing views are welcome, even - and perhaps especially - if they are not reflected by the majority. Regardless, one's age or number of sexual partners does not in any way invalidate their views. We have established that you would not want to date someone who thinks about this the way Rummy does, and she would not date someone who thinks like you. Let's move on.
Age absolutely has tons to do with relationships? What things you’ve lived through, your life experiences with trauma etc?
And when you are polyamorous and have multiple partners simultaneously, no one gets to hog all the attention, not even primaries.
Not what I said. Regardless, I know people who have lived lifetimes by their twenties and some in their forties who have yet to date seriously. Everyone has something unique to add to the conversation, and their views are valid. As are yours.
Age absolutely has tons to do with relationships? What things you’ve lived through, your life experiences with trauma etc?
And when you are polyamorous and have multiple partners simultaneously, no one gets to hog all the attention, not even primaries.
Not what I said. Regardless, I know people who have lived lifetimes by their twenties and some in their forties who have yet to date seriously. Everyone has something unique to add to the conversation, and their views are valid. As are yours.
