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Every number between 0 and 100 should have been a selectable answer. I want to know the real numbers. Not only that, I want to see someone climbing those rungs in real time. "Oh, they were 33 yesterday, now they're 34. Good for them."
Does anyone who voted wish their number was different? If so, why? And what number do you wish you were at?
It’s only 2 for me. I am both introverted and shy and I met and started dating my husband when I was 20. I don’t wish my number was different. Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like to have been with more people, but I don’t regret that I wasn’t.
Does anyone who voted wish their number was different? If so, why? And what number do you wish you were at?
I've thought about this for 45 minutes. This is very personal to share, and I'm struggling a bit with it, but what the quack I guess. My number is 2, and I'm only counting PiV. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 32 by choice. I was raised in an evangelical Christian household, went to a conservative Christian college, did the whole abstinence pledge, etc. So the number is pretty intentional. In addition to those formerly held spiritual beliefs on sex, I've dealt with body issues (like others have mentioned) and was terrified of STIs.
I'm only counting PiV because while I was pledging abstinence, oral/digital manipulation was something I could justify in my head (which I now know is crazy).
So maybe I wish I didn't have the shackles of my beliefs when I was younger and my number would be higher; but there's no way it would be much higher based on some of the other things I mentioned. If my number were higher I'd also probably have a wider range of experiences, but I'm pretty comfortable with where I am.
My wife's number is 7, and she definitely gets freaked out when I ask her questions about her other lovers while we are being intimate, but it turns me on, so whatever.
Does anyone who voted wish their number was different? If so, why? And what number do you wish you were at?
I've thought about this for 45 minutes. This is very personal to share, and I'm struggling a bit with it, but what the quack I guess. My number is 2, and I'm only counting PiV. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 32 by choice. I was raised in an evangelical Christian household, went to a conservative Christian college, did the whole abstinence pledge, etc. So the number is pretty intentional. In addition to those formerly held spiritual beliefs on sex, I've dealt with body issues (like others have mentioned) and was terrified of STIs.
I'm only counting PiV because while I was pledging abstinence, oral/digital manipulation was something I could justify in my head (which I now know is crazy).
So maybe I wish I didn't have the shackles of my beliefs when I was younger and my number would be higher; but there's no way it would be much higher based on some of the other things I mentioned. If my number were higher I'd also probably have a wider range of experiences, but I'm pretty comfortable with where I am.
My wife's number is 7, and she definitely gets freaked out when I ask her questions about her other lovers while we are being intimate, but it turns me on, so whatever.
Sending you a hug!
All joking aside (and wow the jokes today have been...something....) I think it's beautiful that people are sharing their journeys here. I un-learned a lot of internalized homophobia and sex negativity for YEARS and only in the last couple years do I feel like I finally am comfy with who I am, what I want, and being open to that changing (as it always does).
I dabble in community outreach for mental and sexual health (part of the organization I volunteer for a lot) so if people really do have questions or need resources, feel free to message me*. I believe the internet CAN be a positive resource if used with the right people in the right circles!
Well, since Potent was willing to share - I guess I'll throw my two cents in.
Do I wish I had more? Probably a few. Nothing too crazy. Let's say +3.
So as some of you know, I deal with what I call the unholy trinity of autism, depression, and anxiety. I also come from a conservative Christian background and a controlling insular family. Sex negative obviously, and premarital was something to avoid. There's mental blocks that affect me to this day.
I've had one partner in the last 10 years. And I'm fine with that. It's the nothing before that that bums me out. Feels like there could of been something before 2012 to make me feel like I wasn't missing out on life experiences.
There were probably a few opportunities when I was younger that I missed - but whether it was religious reasons, or me being too depressed and hopeless to pursue crushes, or being too clueless to recognize if a girl actually did like me - I probably didn't have a chance anyway.
And well, I'm hopeful there'll be a second one out there.
I'm happy with my number, I'm somewhere around the low 20's. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone... Although I had a good little run after the ex an I separated, I really toned it down over the last 6 months. I'm looking for a connection more so than a hookup and I'm not in a hurry to get into another committed relationship.
Post by Nathan Fieldcяab on Apr 8, 2022 16:38:32 GMT -5
I am (at this point in time) the lone "0" vote and normally that doesnt bother me very much but in the specific context of this poll it does make me feel rather conspicuous lol
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
I am (at this point in time) the lone "0" vote and normally that doesnt bother me very much but in the specific context of this poll it does make me feel rather conspicuous lol
You're just the first one brave or honest enough to admit it.
I am (at this point in time) the lone "0" vote and normally that doesnt bother me very much but in the specific context of this poll it does make me feel rather conspicuous lol
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
I hope you use "ok at sex" in your dating profiles
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
I hope you use "ok at sex" in your dating profiles
happily married, my number stopped going up six years ago. She was the last one in the friend group, to the point where when everyone else realized how into her I actually was, they said "holy shit lock it down" to her
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
It was also obviously the glasses and the beanie too
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
heh, love that for you.
and, with no intention of taking away any of the positivity of those experiences for you, it does nonetheless make it hard not to be reminded of the huge social discrepancy we certainly all have experienced and/or witnessed wherein dudes can do that kind of thing and still be very socially accepted (even revered), while women--at least in most HS/college aged circles-- simply cannot.
i only bring this up because it was already on my mind a couple days ago when the list topic came up, and i was taking a glance at mine which brought me down memory lane a bit--in both good and bad ways.
there was this one guy in college, Chris, who i had a pretty toxic push/pull, on/off sexual relationship with during the first half of freshman year and then again junior spring semester and even briefly again senior year (basically during the gaps between my two more serious relationships in college), and uhh to summarize things he was quite shitty to me but we had magnetic sexual chemistry and would just end up...in each other's beds again.
over the course of college i ended up sleeping with two of his friends at some point, neither in ongoing or at all serious manners--and one wasn't even a close friend of Chris's, just a "frat brother," while the other was actually a pretty good friend of mine too, and we just happened to hook up a few times. but like, the things that were said to/about me due to the fact that i happened to have sexual encounters (at different periods of time, mind you) with 3 guys within a pretty wide circle of dude friends.... ugh. fuck that noise.
im sure i am far from the only girl here who has had that experience. i really really really want to believe that culture of sort of slut shaming young women has subsided a bit in recent years, but idk if it has (i obviously dont run in those college circles anymore, so it is hard to know). so toxic, so harmful, and that kind of stuff lingers in terms of impact for years and years.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
lmao, similar boat, before my current partner, i dated one of my best friends’ ex. That ex also asked out my current partner and got rejected by them. and my current partner dated an ex of my ex. College radio is weird man
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
heh, love that for you.
and, with no intention of taking away any of the positivity of those experiences for you, it does nonetheless make it hard not to be reminded of the huge social discrepancy we certainly all have experienced and/or witnessed wherein dudes can do that kind of thing and still be very socially accepted (even revered), while women--at least in most HS/college aged circles-- simply cannot.
i only bring this up because it was already on my mind a couple days ago when the list topic came up, and i was taking a glance at mine which brought me down memory lane a bit--in both good and bad ways.
there was this one guy in college, Chris, who i had a pretty toxic push/pull, on/off sexual relationship with during the first half of freshman year and then again junior spring semester and even briefly again senior year (basically during the gaps between my two more serious relationships in college), and uhh to summarize things he was quite shitty to me but we had magnetic sexual chemistry and would just end up...in each other's beds again.
over the course of college i ended up sleeping with two of his friends at some point, neither in ongoing or at all serious manners--and one wasn't even a close friend of Chris's, just a "frat brother," while the other was actually a pretty good friend of mine too, and we just happened to hook up a few times. but like, the things that were said to/about me due to the fact that i happened to have sexual encounters (at different periods of time, mind you) with 3 guys within a pretty wide circle of dude friends.... ugh. fuck that noise.
im sure i am far from the only girl here who has had that experience. i really really really want to believe that culture of sort of slut shaming young women has subsided a bit in recent years, but idk if it has (i obviously dont run in those college circles anymore, so it is hard to know). so toxic, so harmful, and that kind of stuff lingers in terms of impact for years and years.
TL,DR: fuck slut shaming culture of women
I had a friend in highschool and she would say “I’m not a slut, I’m sexually popular” and I’ve always liked that phrasing
Things had been going poorly in my relationship for most of 2021. The final straw should of been in Charleston. We were at a restaurant having lunch, and she openly cussed me out and questioned why we were still together - on my birthday, in front of my good friend who moved down there. But I wasn't mentally prepared to walk away, I kept telling myself wait until after Bonnaroo. Maybe things will get better with time. Maybe I'll cheer up once I do something really fun. But, things didn't get better and I finally had enough. We split up the beginning of October.
It was about a week before I found myself on a dating app - because
have that relationship go down in flames along with the last shred of your self-affirmable self esteem, decide that the only way you can feel at all good about yourself is if other people desire you and so engage in a campaign of consensually casual encounters that are fun and make you feel good about yourself temporarily but aren’t a substitute for real self-worth
Ngl, this part hits a little close to home
In mid-October I started talking to some girl about 20 minutes south of here. 35, blonde, 5'3". There wasn't much chemistry there, but I loved the attention. Instead of my (now former) girlfriend texting me all the time, I now had M. We met in person a couple of times. Turns out she was in the process of getting a divorce. Her estranged husband was an alcoholic, plus emotionally and verbally abusive to her and her family. If I put any amount of effort into it, I probably could have slept with her. But by early November, I was just thinking to myself - what the fuck am I doing? I didn't want to hurt the girl, because I was just using her as a rebound. She had been through enough. Maybe she was doing the same thing with me, but my conscience kicked in.
In January, I read an article in the Providence Journal that her husband got arrested for getting drunk and beating up his brother, plus gun and disorderly charges.
I wonder what happened to M. I hope she's doing alright, and that she'll find someone better.
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
for me, it was get passed around an entire college extended friend group once word got out that I was ok at it, not clingy, and usually pretty fun to be around. I was like, the designated rebound
For me it's being emotionally available (am therapist) and good at eating pussy
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
For me it's a combination of things.
1. I can't deny that liking all genders opens things up a bit, and men are phenomenally easier to hook up with. Just hold your gaze for a half second too long and BOOM you're inside someone. Or with Grindr nowadays you can have dick at your doorstep in five minutes if you really wanted. 2. Being kind and genuinely interested in other people. People can smell desperation and/or when they're being approached solely for sexual aims. Some are fine with that, many aren't. I'm friendly and have generally disarming vibes. People don't wanna fuck when they're not at ease. 3. Direct communication. This one's huge. The last new person I had sex with was a Tinder date, things were going okay but it had started lightly raining so we were just walking around a bookstore, and during a lull in conversation I just said "So do you wanna mess around?" It catches people off guard sometimes, but it's an easy way to find out if they wanna mess around. And that also goes for setting boundaries. With the last person I dated on our first date I asked if she wanted to go to my place and make out, and that was genuinely all I was looking to do. She loved that I communicated a clear boundary and that I didn't try to go past it. Nothing wrong with waiting to have sex in the future (and thank God I did because that shit was S-tier OMG). 4. Confidence. This one kinda builds upon itself, but I have had enough practice that I know I'm both good at sex and am able to find a partner if I put in some effort. The line between confidence and ego can be thin (and being egotistical is a turnoff for most), but confidence is both objectively attractive and also means I'm not gonna be upset in the least if I get rejected. Actually this is a big one. Men handle rejection HORRIBLY and many are wary of this, so if you give off the vibe that you're perfectly fine with being rejected, you're less likely to actually be rejected. 5. I don't have low standards, but my standards are mostly non-physical. If you're solely going after people who are considerably attractive and always receiving offers for sex, you're less likely to have sex with them. But I've had sex with some people that made others go "Really?", and that sex has often been BOMB. Again, be kind. Drop your judgments. Get to know people. 6. On the flipside - I take good care of my body and generally meet most people's standards for attractiveness. Being a hottie with a body does a lot of lifting for me and though it feels douchey to say, it's absolutely a contributing factor and it'd be dishonest to omit it. 7. Also legit like watch documentaries and read up on shit about sex and pleasure. I was looking up "how to eat pussy" when I was like 15 and the fact that there are so many adult men who can't find the clitoris that it's still a trope is positively mind-boggling for me. And learn some fucking technique, plebs. 8. Foreplay starts with conversation. 9. Have fun! If you can't laugh during sex, you're taking it too seriously. Queefs are funny. Making a mattress fall through a bed frame is hilarious.
Get comfy with yourself, make sure others are genuinely comfy too, and don't take it too seriously. Those three things will take you a long way.
My question is, for the ones in the higher brackets - how do y'all even get so many partners in the first place?
For me it's a combination of things.
1. I can't deny that liking all genders opens things up a bit, and men are phenomenally easier to hook up with. Just hold your gaze for a half second too long and BOOM you're inside someone. Or with Grindr nowadays you can have dick at your doorstep in five minutes if you really wanted. 2. Being kind and genuinely interested in other people. People can smell desperation and/or when they're being approached solely for sexual aims. Some are fine with that, many aren't. I'm friendly and have generally disarming vibes. People don't wanna fuck when they're not at ease. 3. Direct communication. This one's huge. The last new person I had sex with was a Tinder date, things were going okay but it had started lightly raining so we were just walking around a bookstore, and during a lull in conversation I just said "So do you wanna mess around?" It catches people off guard sometimes, but it's an easy way to find out if they wanna mess around. And that also goes for setting boundaries. With the last person I dated on our first date I asked if she wanted to go to my place and make out, and that was genuinely all I was looking to do. She loved that I communicated a clear boundary and that I didn't try to go past it. Nothing wrong with waiting to have sex in the future (and thank God I did because that shit was S-tier OMG). 4. Confidence. This one kinda builds upon itself, but I have had enough practice that I know I'm both good at sex and am able to find a partner if I put in some effort. The line between confidence and ego can be thin (and being egotistical is a turnoff for most), but confidence is both objectively attractive and also means I'm not gonna be upset in the least if I get rejected. Actually this is a big one. Men handle rejection HORRIBLY and many are wary of this, so if you give off the vibe that you're perfectly fine with being rejected, you're less likely to actually be rejected. 5. I don't have low standards, but my standards are mostly non-physical. If you're solely going after people who are considerably attractive and always receiving offers for sex, you're less likely to have sex with them. But I've had sex with some people that made others go "Really?", and that sex has often been BOMB. Again, be kind. Drop your judgments. Get to know people. 6. On the flipside - I take good care of my body and generally meet most people's standards for attractiveness. Being a hottie with a body does a lot of lifting for me and though it feels douchey to say, it's absolutely a contributing factor and it'd be dishonest to omit it. 7. Also legit like watch documentaries and read up on shit about sex and pleasure. I was looking up "how to eat pussy" when I was like 15 and the fact that there are so many adult men who can't find the clitoris that it's still a trope is positively mind-boggling for me. And learn some fucking technique, plebs. 8. Foreplay starts with conversation. 9. Have fun! If you can't laugh during sex, you're taking it too seriously. Queefs are funny. Making a mattress fall through a bed frame is hilarious.
Get comfy with yourself, make sure others are genuinely comfy too, and don't take it too seriously. Those three things will take you a long way.
I will say a lot of people struggle with confidence, especially longer periods of time without attention/intimacy. I KNOW in my heart by the way that the quality over quantity thing is true especially after writing down my list. But I have to ask the more confident members of the board, how do they pull that energy from? After a couple years, I feel drained romantically out of lack of exercise basically
Does anyone who voted wish their number was different? If so, why? And what number do you wish you were at?
i'm absolutely fine with my number, and it is also bound to continue to change (okay, technically the only "change" possible is to increase haha, though I think most of us in the "higher brackets" likely have at least one or two people we wish we could subtract away from our sexual historyies..) for not just years but decades to come. i do not see anything/anyone ever shifting me away from being poly, so even though i definitely go through periods of time where i'm just dating one person (because circumstances, because capacity, because time availability--whatever the reason) or no persons, it'll pretty much always be on the table for me to add additional/future partners.
but going back to the subtraction thing...yeah, i am totally good with my number as it stands now and whatever it'll be in the future too, but there *are* a couple people i wish i could erase from my sexual history. i'm not talking "that guy who wasn't good at head" or "that girl who got a little too clingy for my tastes after we messed around a few times" but like, people who really did a number on me in terms of lasting impacts that border on the side of full-on trauma tbh.
heavy to say/bring up, but i'm sure some others (esp females but not only) can relate too.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I just learned after more experience how to read when someone is attracted to me or not. I don't have 100% accuracy on it, but sometimes it is pretty clear and that gives me a lot more confidence.
Also after striking out a lot, I got thicker skin and have been able to rebound from any rejection blues pretty quick.
A friend told me once the answer is always no if you don't ask. Just be polite and not crude and you'll get better results.
Every number between 0 and 100 should have been a selectable answer. I want to know the real numbers. Not only that, I want to see someone climbing those rungs in real time. "Oh, they were 33 yesterday, now they're 34. Good for them."
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
Post by abrakapokus on Apr 11, 2022 13:07:32 GMT -5
I spent my lunch hour thinking about this thread and how we all define for ourselves what counts and doesn't count. For myself, what matters most to me is being safe (r) so penetrative sex definitely counts more than oral, and hand jobs/fingering even less. So I guess it's like 20 handjobs= one oral and 4 orals make a tic on your body count 😂
I had a long term relationship/marriage so my count was pretty low/average until after we separated. I dated around and hooked up quite a bit after that. Dating apps, being fairly outgoing, okay looking, and female certainly made that easier. I don't take sex too seriously, either. If I think it might be fun or interesting, AND drama free, I'll try it. I'm usually pretty safe and get tested quite often. Other than for safety - and low numbers do not equal safe sex practices - I don't find that the number of partners really means much. There are plenty of ppl with high numbers who are awful in bed.
I spent my lunch hour thinking about this thread and how we all define for ourselves what counts and doesn't count. For myself, what matters most to me is being safe (r) so penetrative sex definitely counts more than oral, and hand jobs/fingering even less. So I guess it's like 20 handjobs= one oral and 4 orals make a tic on your body count 😂
I had a long term relationship/marriage so my count was pretty low/average until after we separated. I dated around and hooked up quite a bit after that. Dating apps, being fairly outgoing, okay looking, and female certainly made that easier. I don't take sex too seriously, either. If I think it might be fun or interesting, AND drama free, I'll try it. I'm usually pretty safe and get tested quite often. Other than for safety - and low numbers do not equal safe sex practices - I don't find that the number of partners really means much. There are plenty of ppl with high numbers who are awful in bed.
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