Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
Post by kingvamp999wrld on Jun 30, 2023 11:33:41 GMT -5
Being from an immigrant household mental health is something not talked about. But after this past year I've done a great job managing it and I'm feeling alright.
There's a taboo too with medication but finally took the steps and got lexapro a few weeks ago and happy to say I think it's actually working. It's been a stressful month at work but managing it enough. Idk just feeling proud of myself today.
Being from an immigrant household mental health is something not talked about. But after this past year I've done a great job managing it and I'm feeling alright.
There's a taboo too with medication but finally took the steps and got lexapro a few weeks ago and happy to say I think it's actually working. It's been a stressful month at work but managing it enough. Idk just feeling proud of myself today.
happy it’s work so well so fast for you! When I started Zoloft 8 months ago, it was the worst 2-3 weeks of my life. Legitimately averaged 2 hours of sleep a night. But then one day it was just better, and 8 months on I feel mentally better than I maybe ever have before. self help books, gratitude journaling, and meditation have been helpful too! Anyone on the fence about therapy/medication/taking your mental health seriously, do it asap, huge quality of life boost.
Being from an immigrant household mental health is something not talked about. But after this past year I've done a great job managing it and I'm feeling alright.
There's a taboo too with medication but finally took the steps and got lexapro a few weeks ago and happy to say I think it's actually working. It's been a stressful month at work but managing it enough. Idk just feeling proud of myself today.
Therapist confirmed yesterday that I have ADHD. We didn't do a formal testing but we talked about a lot of things that I find inherently difficult but have learned to manage through structuring my environment and stuff like that. We're gonna try some meds and see how it goes; I'm a little nervous about being on medication but struggle with motivation to do things until they're absolutely pressing, and I'm really hoping I'll be able to do things I enjoy like cook regularly instead of waiting until I'm too famished and maybe even peeing when I need to instead of keeping myself in physical discomfort for a half hour for no reason.
My wife has officially gotten cold feet on moving to America and told me today during a videochat through a lot of tears. Looks like we will be getting a divorce only a year after our wedding. Sure I am devastated and have cried a lot also, but I do love her to death and want what's best for her. I couldn't lie to her and tell her her life would be easy here. I have a lot more feelings to process and may use this thread as an outlet.
It's been cold, gray, and rainy for the last four days. The dark months have officially begun, and I'm mentally preparing (crashing) for another cruel New England winter. Alone, to the couch, I will be - struggling to find inner peace and happiness for the rest of the year.
My wife has officially gotten cold feet on moving to America and told me today during a videochat through a lot of tears. Looks like we will be getting a divorce only a year after our wedding. Sure I am devastated and have cried a lot also, but I do love her to death and want what's best for her. I couldn't lie to her and tell her her life would be easy here. I have a lot more feelings to process and may use this thread as an outlet.
I missed that when you posted it since I don't check this thread. Any resolution?
My wife has officially gotten cold feet on moving to America and told me today during a videochat through a lot of tears. Looks like we will be getting a divorce only a year after our wedding. Sure I am devastated and have cried a lot also, but I do love her to death and want what's best for her. I couldn't lie to her and tell her her life would be easy here. I have a lot more feelings to process and may use this thread as an outlet.
I missed that when you posted it since I don't check this thread. Any resolution?
We are in the process of a divorce. Difficult with us living in different countries. I have an appointment with the Korean consulate in October to have papers notarized. May or may not move back to Korea next year idk. Tomorrow marks 2 years to the day of returning to the States and I'm exhausted by America to be honest. I wasn't making a lot of money in Korea but since my expenses were so low I was saving a lot more. If I do go back I may try to patch things up with her, but in Asian cultures, when something is finished they tend to move on and not dwell in the past so I'm not sure.
If I may be so bold, if you love each other, and you are willing and able to move back, what’s the hold up here? Get you butt back over there and patch things up and live your best life with her. Of course I’m sure I’m simplifying a much more complicated issue. If there is more to it than that, I apologize. I hope you can find the best resolution for you both.
I couldn't find the right thread for this so using this one. (Do we still have a relationship advice thread? Did we ever?) If there is a more appropriate thread for this, mods feel free to move this post.
I've been fully divorced for about 8 months now and have reentered the dating pool in a way beyond casual hookups. Dating with intention now.
I've been seeing this girl for about two months and we really hit it off from the very beginning. We've gone on camping/hiking trips. Have tripped mushrooms together twice now. Conversation comes so easy and we both feel very connected considering how relatively short it's been. We both feel comfortable being our weird selves in front of each other
There is one thing that is kind of stressing me out. One of her best friends is a guy she has a sexual history with, and upon our most recent camping trip, I found out he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up (he sent walls of text on her IG messages at first expressing how hurt he was that she went on the camping trip with me and not him, and then another wall of text trying to walk it back and apologize). I am all for platonic friends of the opposite sex. I have several gal pals so I of course don't want to be hypocritical. But the fact that they have a history of hooking up (even if she claims it was like a year ago), and the fact he isn't respecting the boundary of her being with someone else now is of course giving me pause and hesitation. Another added twist is that this guy's mother just entered hospice and is expected to die within the week, and I know he is going to try to lean on her for comfort.
I am really not sure how to navigate this situation. I want to be supportive of her friendship, as she has expressed to me more than once that her friendship with him means a lot. But also I feel that given their sexual history and the fact he can't respect the boundary of her new relationship is causing a problem. Am I within rights to tell her to minimize contact or even end her friendship with this guy? Should I try to be more open minded and put more trust in her? Or should I just consider this a big red flag and end things before they get more involved? I really don't want to get with option 3, but I also feel uncomfortable telling her to stop being friends with someone she has known a lot longer than me.
In the language of the AITA forum on reddit: Would I be an asshole for telling her to move on from this guy's friendship? Would she be an asshole for continuing to see this guy as a friend even though it makes me uncomfortable? Really not sure. Help me out, inforoo.
I couldn't find the right thread for this so using this one. (Do we still have a relationship advice thread? Did we ever?) If there is a more appropriate thread for this, mods feel free to move this post.
I've been fully divorced for about 8 months now and have reentered the dating pool in a way beyond casual hookups. Dating with intention now.
I've been seeing this girl for about two months and we really hit it off from the very beginning. We've gone on camping/hiking trips. Have tripped mushrooms together twice now. Conversation comes so easy and we both feel very connected considering how relatively short it's been. We both feel comfortable being our weird selves in front of each other
There is one thing that is kind of stressing me out. One of her best friends is a guy she has a sexual history with, and upon our most recent camping trip, I found out he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up (he sent walls of text on her IG messages at first expressing how hurt he was that she went on the camping trip with me and not him, and then another wall of text trying to walk it back and apologize). I am all for platonic friends of the opposite sex. I have several gal pals so I of course don't want to be hypocritical. But the fact that they have a history of hooking up (even if she claims it was like a year ago), and the fact he isn't respecting the boundary of her being with someone else now is of course giving me pause and hesitation. Another added twist is that this guy's mother just entered hospice and is expected to die within the week, and I know he is going to try to lean on her for comfort.
I am really not sure how to navigate this situation. I want to be supportive of her friendship, as she has expressed to me more than once that her friendship with him means a lot. But also I feel that given their sexual history and the fact he can't respect the boundary of her new relationship is causing a problem. Am I within rights to tell her to minimize contact or even end her friendship with this guy? Should I try to be more open minded and put more trust in her? Or should I just consider this a big red flag and end things before they get more involved? I really don't want to get with option 3, but I also feel uncomfortable telling her to stop being friends with someone she has known a lot longer than me.
In the language of the AITA forum on reddit: Would I be an asshole for telling her to move on from this guy's friendship? Would she be an asshole for continuing to see this guy as a friend even though it makes me uncomfortable? Really not sure. Help me out, inforoo.
I may be missing a bit of context, here: You say you “found out” that he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up. Did she tell you, or did you discover it through the IG comments? How does she talk about her ex’s disrespect of boundaries? Has she had a conversation with him about this and expressed that his advances are unwelcome?
I dunno. I am not a fan of ultimatums in relationships, and as someone who had problems early in my relationship with my wife because I remained friends with my most recent ex, I’m a little sensitive to the idea that being told who one can and can’t be friends with sucks.
That said, I think you’re not the asshole to a) talk to this woman and tell her how this guy’s advances are making you feel in this situation; b) ask her to establish firm boundaries with this guy vis a vis this kind of behavior; and c) express that continued violations of those boundaries are disrespectful on his part. If she knows all this, if it’s been communicated clearly, and she continues to go along with him acting this way and doesn’t do anything about it, then I hate to say it, but maybe the match isn’t right…which isn’t a value judgment on anybody, but just that what’s important to you isn’t in alignment with what’s important to her.
Ultimately, I think the key is talking about it openly and without rancor. “This is how this situation and this guy’s behavior makes me feel as the person with whom you’re currently involved.” And then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that information, and up to you what to do with her reaction.
Do you want to dance while also thinking about all the ways you've failed as a human?
UPCOMING SHOWS 11/21 - Caribou @ Avant Gardner 11/23 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 11/25 - TV on the Radio @ Webster Hall 12/5 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/7 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/14 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center
I couldn't find the right thread for this so using this one. (Do we still have a relationship advice thread? Did we ever?) If there is a more appropriate thread for this, mods feel free to move this post.
I've been fully divorced for about 8 months now and have reentered the dating pool in a way beyond casual hookups. Dating with intention now.
I've been seeing this girl for about two months and we really hit it off from the very beginning. We've gone on camping/hiking trips. Have tripped mushrooms together twice now. Conversation comes so easy and we both feel very connected considering how relatively short it's been. We both feel comfortable being our weird selves in front of each other
There is one thing that is kind of stressing me out. One of her best friends is a guy she has a sexual history with, and upon our most recent camping trip, I found out he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up (he sent walls of text on her IG messages at first expressing how hurt he was that she went on the camping trip with me and not him, and then another wall of text trying to walk it back and apologize). I am all for platonic friends of the opposite sex. I have several gal pals so I of course don't want to be hypocritical. But the fact that they have a history of hooking up (even if she claims it was like a year ago), and the fact he isn't respecting the boundary of her being with someone else now is of course giving me pause and hesitation. Another added twist is that this guy's mother just entered hospice and is expected to die within the week, and I know he is going to try to lean on her for comfort.
I am really not sure how to navigate this situation. I want to be supportive of her friendship, as she has expressed to me more than once that her friendship with him means a lot. But also I feel that given their sexual history and the fact he can't respect the boundary of her new relationship is causing a problem. Am I within rights to tell her to minimize contact or even end her friendship with this guy? Should I try to be more open minded and put more trust in her? Or should I just consider this a big red flag and end things before they get more involved? I really don't want to get with option 3, but I also feel uncomfortable telling her to stop being friends with someone she has known a lot longer than me.
In the language of the AITA forum on reddit: Would I be an asshole for telling her to move on from this guy's friendship? Would she be an asshole for continuing to see this guy as a friend even though it makes me uncomfortable? Really not sure. Help me out, inforoo.
I may be missing a bit of context, here: You say you “found out” that he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up. Did she tell you, or did you discover it through the IG comments?How does she talk about her ex’s disrespect of boundaries? Has she had a conversation with him about this and expressed that his advances are unwelcome?
I dunno. I am not a fan of ultimatums in relationships, and as someone who had problems early in my relationship with my wife because I remained friends with my most recent ex, I’m a little sensitive to the idea that being told who one can and can’t be friends with sucks.
That said, I think you’re not the asshole to a) talk to this woman and tell her how this guy’s advances are making you feel in this situation; b) ask her to establish firm boundaries with this guy vis a vis this kind of behavior; and c) express that continued violations of those boundaries are disrespectful on his part. If she knows all this, if it’s been communicated clearly, and she continues to go along with him acting this way and doesn’t do anything about it, then I hate to say it, but maybe the match isn’t right…which isn’t a value judgment on anybody, but just that what’s important to you isn’t in alignment with what’s important to her.
Ultimately, I think the key is talking about it openly and without rancor. “This is how this situation and this guy’s behavior makes me feel as the person with whom you’re currently involved.” And then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that information, and up to you what to do with her reaction.
So like I knew of him as her friend and drug dealer. She spoke positively of him in the past and I paid it no mind. Then on the way to our camping trip this past weekend, I asked her about a show she was going to at the end of this month, for her favorite band. We have made lots of future plans together and have expressed a lot our excitement to share our favorite things with each other. But I thought it weird she hadn't invited me to this show with how much she was trying to turn me on to this band.
So I asked her "so are you going to the show alone or are you going with a friend?" And she said "Im going with (lets call him Jake for the sake of this thread)" And then she was very forthcoming about their history. He isn't an ex. Just an old friend that she hooked up with when fresh out her last relationship. I think she ended the hooking up after he started taking it too seriously whereas she just wanted some physical fun being recently set free from a toxic relationship.
I applaud her for being so forthcoming about it but also wonder if she ever would have told me if I didn't ask about the show. Anyway the next morning after camping when we woke up and turned our phones on she said "ah Jake sent me like walls of texts on instagram" and I didnt read them but she summarized them for me. She then later said "fuck it. I want you to come to the show with me instead. Im gonna have to uninvite Jake but I think we need some time apart after this." She claimed she didnt know he still had feelings but now that she knows she is going to create distance.
I've tried expressing my concern about him and the situation to her and she has been very receptive but she has also said that they are close friends and that she values that friendship and she doesn't want to hurt him further. I do think she was planning to ice him for a bit, but this stuff with his mom has him leaning into her a lot. I'm trying to be the bigger understanding guy and letting her be there for her friend but idk. Idk how extensive their hooking up went and how likely it would be to happen again if she kept seeing him.
I may be missing a bit of context, here: You say you “found out” that he still has feelings for her and keeps asking her if she wants to hook up. Did she tell you, or did you discover it through the IG comments?How does she talk about her ex’s disrespect of boundaries? Has she had a conversation with him about this and expressed that his advances are unwelcome?
I dunno. I am not a fan of ultimatums in relationships, and as someone who had problems early in my relationship with my wife because I remained friends with my most recent ex, I’m a little sensitive to the idea that being told who one can and can’t be friends with sucks.
That said, I think you’re not the asshole to a) talk to this woman and tell her how this guy’s advances are making you feel in this situation; b) ask her to establish firm boundaries with this guy vis a vis this kind of behavior; and c) express that continued violations of those boundaries are disrespectful on his part. If she knows all this, if it’s been communicated clearly, and she continues to go along with him acting this way and doesn’t do anything about it, then I hate to say it, but maybe the match isn’t right…which isn’t a value judgment on anybody, but just that what’s important to you isn’t in alignment with what’s important to her.
Ultimately, I think the key is talking about it openly and without rancor. “This is how this situation and this guy’s behavior makes me feel as the person with whom you’re currently involved.” And then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that information, and up to you what to do with her reaction.
So like I knew of him as her friend and drug dealer. She spoke positively of him in the past and I paid it no mind. Then on the way to our camping trip this past weekend, I asked her about a show she was going to at the end of this month, for her favorite band. We have made lots of future plans together and have expressed a lot our excitement to share our favorite things with each other. But I thought it weird she hadn't invited me to this show with how much she was trying to turn me on to this band.
So I asked her "so are you going to the show alone or are you going with a friend?" And she said "Im going with (lets call him Jake for the sake of this thread)" And then she was very forthcoming about their history. He isn't an ex. Just an old friend that she hooked up with when fresh out her last relationship. I think she ended the hooking up after he started taking it too seriously whereas she just wanted some physical fun being recently set free from a toxic relationship.
I applaud her for being so forthcoming about it but also wonder if she ever would have told me if I didn't ask about the show. Anyway the next morning after camping when we woke up and turned our phones on she said "ah Jake sent me like walls of texts on instagram" and I didnt read them but she summarized them for me. She then later said "fuck it. I want you to come to the show with me instead. Im gonna have to uninvite Jake but I think we need some time apart after this." She claimed she didnt know he still had feelings but now that she knows she is going to create distance.
I've tried expressing my concern about him and the situation to her and she has been very receptive but she has also said that they are close friends and that she values that friendship and she doesn't want to hurt him further. I do think she was planning to ice him for a bit, but this stuff with his mom has him leaning into her a lot. I'm trying to be the bigger understanding guy and letting her be there for her friend but idk. Idk how extensive their hooking up went and how likely it would be to happen again if she kept seeing him.
Alright, so, having read this, I'm *personally* (keeping in mind I am no romantic expert and have fucked up plenty in that arena in my life) inclined to say asking her to completely sever ties with him at this stage isn't the way to go.
As I'm sure you know, there's no way to guarantee someone's not going to hurt you - being in a relationship is giving that power over to another person and just hoping like hell they can be trusted with it. And if this person is inclined to hook up with Jake again, and can't be trusted with your emotional wellbeing, you saying, "I'm not comfortable with him, cut him out of your life" isn't going to change that, or address the root issues that would lead to it. On the other hand, if she's being sincere about creating space between her and Jake, what she wants out of their relationship, and what she wants out of the one between you and her, all laying down an ultimatum is going to do IMO is a) make her feel not trusted, and b) breed resentment.
But, of course, if putting that trust in her at this stage doesn't work for you, that's important information, too. My therapist used to say it's super-important to be clear with yourself about what problems with somebody are things that are workable or digestible, and which ones are dealbreakers. Ultimately, you have to decide if you're OK rolling the dice that you believe her when she says all she wants is a friendship with Jake. If she's being truthful, then nothing Jake says or does matters because she'll create those boundaries and make sure they're honored or decide to cut him loose if he can't adhere to them. If she isn't, then it's a bigger question of why, and whether that makes her someone you want to be with at all. But if you think him being around and having to trust her in that way will make you uncomfortable enough that it'll make you unhappy in the relationship - if it's a dealbreaker-level problem - then the issues are yours, and I think the move there would be a) to communicate that to her and see where that goes, and then b) break it off rather than demand she sever a friendship that predates you.
I certainly think you can and should express your feelings (again, keeping it level and not heated in the emotional sense) and that you have a discomfort with him if that's your truth. But, were it me, I'd give her the opportunity to back up what she's saying. Again, it opens you up to being hurt in the end...but that's table stakes any time you go down this road with somebody.
Do you want to dance while also thinking about all the ways you've failed as a human?
UPCOMING SHOWS 11/21 - Caribou @ Avant Gardner 11/23 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 11/25 - TV on the Radio @ Webster Hall 12/5 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/7 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/14 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center
So like I knew of him as her friend and drug dealer. She spoke positively of him in the past and I paid it no mind. Then on the way to our camping trip this past weekend, I asked her about a show she was going to at the end of this month, for her favorite band. We have made lots of future plans together and have expressed a lot our excitement to share our favorite things with each other. But I thought it weird she hadn't invited me to this show with how much she was trying to turn me on to this band.
So I asked her "so are you going to the show alone or are you going with a friend?" And she said "Im going with (lets call him Jake for the sake of this thread)" And then she was very forthcoming about their history. He isn't an ex. Just an old friend that she hooked up with when fresh out her last relationship. I think she ended the hooking up after he started taking it too seriously whereas she just wanted some physical fun being recently set free from a toxic relationship.
I applaud her for being so forthcoming about it but also wonder if she ever would have told me if I didn't ask about the show. Anyway the next morning after camping when we woke up and turned our phones on she said "ah Jake sent me like walls of texts on instagram" and I didnt read them but she summarized them for me. She then later said "fuck it. I want you to come to the show with me instead. Im gonna have to uninvite Jake but I think we need some time apart after this." She claimed she didnt know he still had feelings but now that she knows she is going to create distance.
I've tried expressing my concern about him and the situation to her and she has been very receptive but she has also said that they are close friends and that she values that friendship and she doesn't want to hurt him further. I do think she was planning to ice him for a bit, but this stuff with his mom has him leaning into her a lot. I'm trying to be the bigger understanding guy and letting her be there for her friend but idk. Idk how extensive their hooking up went and how likely it would be to happen again if she kept seeing him.
Alright, so, having read this, I'm *personally* (keeping in mind I am no romantic expert and have fucked up plenty in that arena in my life) inclined to say asking her to completely sever ties with him at this stage isn't the way to go.
As I'm sure you know, there's no way to guarantee someone's not going to hurt you - being in a relationship is giving that power over to another person and just hoping like hell they can be trusted with it. And if this person is inclined to hook up with Jake again, and can't be trusted with your emotional wellbeing, you saying, "I'm not comfortable with him, cut him out of your life" isn't going to change that, or address the root issues that would lead to it. On the other hand, if she's being sincere about creating space between her and Jake, what she wants out of their relationship, and what she wants out of the one between you and her, all laying down an ultimatum is going to do IMO is a) make her feel not trusted, and b) breed resentment.
But, of course, if putting that trust in her at this stage doesn't work for you, that's important information, too. My therapist used to say it's super-important to be clear with yourself about what problems with somebody are things that are workable or digestible, and which ones are dealbreakers. Ultimately, you have to decide if you're OK rolling the dice that you believe her when she says all she wants is a friendship with Jake. If she's being truthful, then nothing Jake says or does matters because she'll create those boundaries and make sure they're honored or decide to cut him loose if he can't adhere to them. If she isn't, then it's a bigger question of why, and whether that makes her someone you want to be with at all. But if you think him being around and having to trust her in that way will make you uncomfortable enough that it'll make you unhappy in the relationship - if it's a dealbreaker-level problem - then the issues are yours, and I think the move there would be a) to communicate that to her and see where that goes, and then b) break it off rather than demand she sever a friendship that predates you.
I certainly think you can and should express your feelings (again, keeping it level and not heated in the emotional sense) and that you have a discomfort with him if that's your truth. But, were it me, I'd give her the opportunity to back up what she's saying. Again, it opens you up to being hurt in the end...but that's table stakes any time you go down this road with somebody.
Again, just my $0.02. Good luck, man.
All good advice. Im not planning on giving her an ultimatum. I do plan on talking about it more with her though and I definitely feel that if I am really serious about her (which I think I am) then I need to put some trust in her and let her show me she is for real about keeping up boundaries with him. If he continues to not respect those boundaries then we will probably need to talk about cutting him out, as he obviously doesn't respect her or her boundaries and isn't really that good of a friend.
