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Ok, just need to vent a little at the moment. I am furious with my ex husband. We have a 13 1/2 year old daughter. This year she has her first "boyfriend". When she told her dad about it, his comment was "I told you no boyfriends until you're 16".
She doesn't see this boy outside of school, they don't talk on the phone etc. etc. Well, yesterday, my ex unexpectedly picked her up from school to take her to softball practice. He saw my daughter and her boyfriend holding hands.
So what is he doing now? Totally ignorning her. For the last two nights, she has been calling him and he is not answering her calls etc. etc. What kind of father does that????? I mean, I'd rather she didn't have a BF right now but I really can't control who she likes. All I can do is control her environment so that it doesn't get out of hand. I would never ignore her and make her feel like she did something wrong when she is just growing up and acting like a normal 13 year old.
Thanks for letting me rant. I just had to get it off my chest!
While I disagree with his tactics, it did illicit the response he wanted in your daughter (that she was doing something wrong - disobeying his request to not have a boyfriend until 16).
Keeping the lines of communication open would be a much more productive, in the long run, way of resolving this, IMO.
If I disobeyed a direct order from my father growing up, getting the silent treatment would have been my favorite response...
While I agree that dis-obeying your father is wrong, I think that he's blowing this out of proportion. She doesn't see this kid outside of school, she doesn't talk on the phone with him all the time, etc, etc. It's a very innocent thing right now.
The more he "demands" that she doesn't have a BF until she's 16, the more she will rebel and catching her holding hands will be the least of our worries.
I think he needs to just remember what it was like be 13 almost 14 years old.
Post by madsweeney on Mar 23, 2005 13:01:28 GMT -5
I don't understand how not talking to someone that is 13 would do much good on the long run. Thats getting very close to the age that kids tend to stop talking to their parents alot anyway.
ok granted you may not be able to reach him to kick him but i have two words for you. Speed bag!
cfish, I think your ex-husband is a d#ck head! So we shall call him... {in best Dr. Evil voice}... [glow=blue,2,300]"Richard Cranium"[/glow].
This isn't 1952 anymore. He may not want her to have a b/f until she's 16, but she's almost 14 and reality has hit. She's into puberty, full swing.. there's no way of stopping that. The best he should do is to sit her down and tell her that while he doesn't approve, he understands she's growing up and like you said, maybe do what he can to control her environment.
Last Edit: Mar 23, 2005 13:42:44 GMT -5 by KC - Back to Top
Exactly KC! That is what I have done with her. I'm not happy about it either. God, if I could turn back time I would but my baby is growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it!
I imagine his fears are similar to what many Dads get over their suddenly grown-up daughters. They will get pregnant.
Being a man, he might have projected all the bad things guys do onto this new boyfriend. That's most likely why he's so upset over this.
BTW, I wasn't condoning his actions in my previous response - just wanted to clear that up if there was any confusion.
I'm a new father of a baby girl and I already dread when that time comes (puberty). Hopefully then I'll have a good relationship with 'Livvie and can express what concerns me in particular without using the cold shoulder.
I think he needs to just remember what it was like be 13 almost 14 years old.
Do you see that nail over there? Yeah, that one. Now check out the head on it. Ok, I think you're getting it, yes definitely. You've hit the nail on the head.
This seems to be the fatal flaw of so many parents. When you lose the ability to remember your youth, you've (obviously) lost the ability to connect with your child. The world goes to sh1t when people aren't able to place themselves in the shoes of another. Whether it's global politics or the diplomacy taking place in your own kitchen, you have to practice empathy. Bah -- just hang in there and keep reminding your daughter she has at least one parent who sees her side of things!
My daughter and her father spoke last night. Of course, he's making her feel like she did something horrible.
Thank you all for your comments. It really helps to hear what other people have to say. Sometimes when you're so close to the situation it's hard to have an open mind.
I'm 6'3" and have a 13 and a half year old daughter -- but I don't think I'm your ex-husband...
He's setting limits and she's rebelling - all perfectly natural, but he sounds pretty immature...but then again he doesn't like the visual of Daddy's Little Girl possibly getting schtupped.
My daughter has been forbidden, by me, to pierce her ears until she's 14; boy does she think I'm a jerk...but I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. She pushes my button in different ways. I look forward to her having kids of her own one day...but not soon!
Jellyfish, I'm sure you're not my ex because he certainly isn't cool enough to even know what Inforoo is or what it's all about! ;D
Just to give you guys an idea of how immature this man is, I just found out that he told my daughter that he doesn't ground her (never has) because he's afraid if he did, she'd have a stronger bond with me than with him????? Do you believe that? Talk about insecure. I just told her that the next time he says something like that to just say "dad, I'm close with both of you for different reasons"
I am still in amazment that I was with this man for 15 years.
;D
