Funny Article - Good Charlotte

Wednesday April 5, 2006

Good Charlotte banned from claiming Maryland as home state; thousands rejoice
SATIRE: The Deceiver Weakly

By Kate Nunley
Retriever Weekly Gossip Columnist

Hordes of citizens from around the state of Maryland have banded together in an effort to prohibit the music group Good Charlotte from claiming Maryland as their home state. The quartet from Waldorf has been making a mockery of Maryland heritage since the debut of their self-titled first album in 2000.

The band's career began innocently enough. The single "Little Things" became a huge success. However, with each album the band has descended more obviously into the realm of boy bands. Even their tattoos and emo lyrics cannot hide the fact that their primary audience is preteens. Band members have even been seen hosting MTV's Total Request Live.

Recently, the band has added more embarrassing incidents to their track record including lead singer Joel Madden's relationship with Disney teenybopper Hilary Duff. The couple began dating when Duff was seventeen and Madden was twenty-five. Two weeks ago the pair announced their engagement and plans for a wedding abroad. Rumors have been flying that Duff is carrying his child. Besides raising issues of inappropriate relations with minors, Good Charlotte has also been implicated for fraud, forgery and arson.

The band also released a music video for "I Just Wanna Live" where the band members were dressed up as different types of food. With lyrics from other singles such as "The girls with the bodies like boys with Ferraris," is it easy to see why many residents are upset that the state's musical identity is defined by such worthless junk.

Marylanders are sick and tired of being associated with Good Charlotte's increasingly manufactured pop-punk. Protesters working for the BGCA (Ban Good Charlotte Association) have been circulating a petition over the past eight months in an effort to legally disassociate the band from Maryland.

One of the leaders in this movement, Kevin Rudensky, described the statewide reaction as "incredibly supportive." Rudensky started the infamous petition with a few neighbors in his hometown of Olney, Maryland. They began by going door-to-door and gathering support from the ground up. Last weekend the BCGA's petition grew to 200,000 signatures.

A countermovement has also started in South Dakota, which desperately wants to be adopted as Good Charlotte's home state. South Dakotans no longer want to be known as the state with no people, but the state with a well-known musical group. Good Charlotte has made no public statement in response to South Dakota's offer.

Despite all this media attention, protestor Kevin Rudensky remains confident that the petition will go through the Maryland Assembly with little conflict.

Unfortunately, all of this organized action has provoked some unpleasant reactions from band members. Joel and his twin brother Benji appeared on MTV recently trying to put a sympathetic spin on the story. Not more than a minute into their interview, MTV's phone lines were flooded with calls from Maryland residents who did not want to be portrayed as music haters. Joel and Benji have also been fighting back on their website blog.

Ironically, the extra publicity has also resulted in greater album sales for all items listed in Good Charlotte's discography. It may even result in a more lucrative contract with Sony. Meanwhile, Duff's album sales have decreased rapidly as her public image becomes overshadowed by the Maryland v. Good Charlotte controversy. This may be due in part to the fact that she released a greatest hits record after only two albums.

Despite all of the protestors' efforts, it seems inevitable that Good Charlotte will be inexorably connected with Maryland.

Kate Nunley once smacked Benji Madden in the head with a beer bottle, and he cried for hours. We love her.
Copyright: The Retriever Weekly