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I have a 15 year old girl. I love her with all my heart.The last thing 15 year olds want to do is share with their parents. Give her time to work it out for herself. Between the hormones and the peer pressure, she is probably about to explode anyway.Let her come to you.
Post by princessvwc on Apr 19, 2007 12:12:55 GMT -5
Ask her. Withheld communication when not talked out into the open is acted out (usually negatively). She might not know but at least have her know where you stand. Don't play on assumptions or generalizations they are never good. If you brought it up you must be very concern at least. Cause you chose to talk of in on a forum instead of her. Go to the source. Let her know she can come to you. Show your respect. Better to have said and done then to not have at all. If you resist it...it persists...
As for her she is in transition stage of finding and growing into herself. The more support and counsel the better. Time, space, support and understanding.
I thought I might be bi when I was in high school. I told my mom just to freak her out. I'm not, but I thought I was at the time.
My 15 y.o. sister now claims to be bi, but she's always had boyfriends.
I'm in the "don't ask" crowd. She'll tell you when she wants to and when she's got it figured out. Does she know you look at her myspace? She wouldn't have put it on there if she didn't want you to know, so it's not like she's hiding it. She probably just doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. Other than freaking out my mom, I didn't want to talk about with anyone, not even my gay aunt. And my sister hasn't openly talked about it with me, even though she knows I wouldn't judge her.
You could try a round about approach to give her the opportunity to bring it up. A discussion about gay rights might be in order. That way she could bring it up if she wanted to, or could remain silent.
Post by trippindaisy on Apr 22, 2007 8:19:54 GMT -5
coulbean said:
I thought I might be bi when I was in high school. I told my mom just to freak her out. I'm not, but I thought I was at the time.
My 15 y.o. sister now claims to be bi, but she's always had boyfriends.
I'm in the "don't ask" crowd. She'll tell you when she wants to and when she's got it figured out. Does she know you look at her myspace? She wouldn't have put it on there if she didn't want you to know, so it's not like she's hiding it. She probably just doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. Other than freaking out my mom, I didn't want to talk about with anyone, not even my gay aunt. And my sister hasn't openly talked about it with me, even though she knows I wouldn't judge her.
You could try a round about approach to give her the opportunity to bring it up. A discussion about gay rights might be in order. That way she could bring it up if she wanted to, or could remain silent.
Thanks Coulbean We have had many discussions on gay rights, abortion, taxes, education, and many other issues - she knows my views on all of those things and we are in agreement with all of them. She knows that I really don't judge and believe that everyone is equal in all things (except that we both agree that women multi-task better than men ).
I am just going to let it go at this point, because I am pretty sure if anything, she is probably at the confused/I don't know stage. I am pretty positive she has had no sexual experience of any kind - she is always home and doesn't really socialize that much - if she does it is a movie or the mall. We will see what happens
I missed this thread up until now, but it's almost the same situation with my daughter, same age, same mixed circle of friends, same little comments. She came back from a (female) friend's house last week and was laughing about how she and her friend were 'making out' just to freak out the little sister, but it went as far as cutting her lip on her friend's braces!
I am firmly in the camp of "don't ask and show unconditional love". When I was 15, I couldn't even discuss my straight sexual feelings with my family, never mind anything else. Sexual identity takes years to work out and inviting her to put a label on herself early make get her locked into a groove that really wasn't more than a casual exploration.
You sound like a great Mom and any relationship where there's much communication as yours should be able to stand anything that life throws at it.
Post by blazinhazen on Apr 23, 2007 12:38:38 GMT -5
I wouldn't come right out and ask her because like you said she might not know yet...15 is awfully young to have something as complex as your sexuality figured out. I would strongly suggest talking in general about supporting your daughter for who she is and make it a point to acknowlegde your support for the gay community and for everyone's right to be ok being who they are. My main concern would be helping her to sort out her feelings and making sure that she knows that you'll support her for who she is regardless. There are so many gay young people who resort to suicide because they feel judged and rejected by everyone. It's hard enough trying to fit in during your teen years but feeling like you are constantly keeping a secret just to be accepted is too much for a lot of kids. You sound like a great mom and I'm sure you'll have the right words to say when the time is right. Kudos for being open-minded.
Post by billypilgrim on Apr 23, 2007 19:13:49 GMT -5
thelowend said:
billypilgrim said:
Being from San Francisco, I have incredibly powerful gaydar. So I can tell you that your daughter is not gay.
jsut cause you have powerful gaydar doesnt mean you can tell from a short description if her daughter is gay or not.
You're right. I meant it kiddingly (at least the gaydar part). The part I feel strongest about (and that we seem to agree on) is to let the kid be a kid. 15 year olds are hyper-sensitive regarding how they're perceived by others. To find out your mom perceives you as gay when you may not perceive yourself that way could really freak out the daughter and put a strain on the mother-daughter relationship (at an age when mother-daughter relationships don't need any extra strain).
Perhaps I need to get past my fear of emoticons so I can better show when I should't be taken seriously. [Edit: Or maybe my new signature will take care of that.]
good god man, you too? i'd like a study done, because i think that emoticonaphobia has surpassed homophobia as the #1 irrational male fear in this country ;D
yes they are very useful... just don't overuse ??? them
Maybe I'll throw myself to the dogs, but my back's not to the wall Maybe I'll lay some bricks for the man, but the days just aren't that long So if I settle back and chill will I see far enough to feel the angel's dream? I thought it was the Story of the World!
jsut cause you have powerful gaydar doesnt mean you can tell from a short description if her daughter is gay or not.
You're right. I meant it kiddingly (at least the gaydar part). The part I feel strongest about (and that we seem to agree on) is to let the kid be a kid. 15 year olds are hyper-sensitive regarding how they're perceived by others. To find out your mom perceives you as gay when you may not perceive yourself that way could really freak out the daughter and put a strain on the mother-daughter relationship (at an age when mother-daughter relationships don't need any extra strain).
Perhaps I need to get past my fear of emoticons so I can better show when I should't be taken seriously. [Edit: Or maybe my new signature will take care of that.]
aight, jsut making sure. yeah, i enver use emoticons, jsut never think to. oh well
hmm, i feel a little wierd posting this - but my mother asked me if I was gay when I was in high school. at a gas station.
since im not, i thought this was strange. i could only imagine the amount of discussion and deliberation that went into that question. in the end, she was thinking my friends were gay (some were, and some that she thought were gay had basically slept with every woman they met). I guess I was just shy...
we never talked about it again...but it was no big deal.
Post by burntpapers on Apr 26, 2007 8:16:35 GMT -5
I must say some people had really good advice; but even still. Every person, every reaction is different and so in this case it could all be false advice!
I did not come out to my parents until i had a steady boyfriend... after being with him for five months. And, i was 20. But, on the other hand. I did not even really realize the fact that i was gay when i was 15; even if i was messing around with guys! I say give her a little bit of time. She could just be a plain out tom-boy... cant they still exist without the worry of being gay?
So, as a gay dude... i say give her a little time. Show signs of support if you yourself feel it neccesary.. but dont pressure her to talk...
when I was 16 or 17 my parents were out of town and my best friend stayed over. I know all of you had sleep overs with your friends when you were kids. We slept in the same bed, didnt you? Neither him nor myself are gay.
My grand dad was there to "take care of the dog" while my parents were out (Yeah right!).
One morning he just outta the blue asked me, are you and your friend there, gay?
Remebering that I was only 16 ish, my answer was "Hell NO, Women only for me, that is disgusting grand dad!"
End of story, right. Well, only about 6 or 8 months ago (Grand dad has been dead for about 8 years now) I found out that my grand dad was VERY Bi-Sexual. Actually, he was probably more gay than he was Bi, but in those days, you couldnt show. He actually had a boyfriend that he would go visit and my grandmother knew about it.
I didnt know this until I was 33 years old. My father had kept it from me all those years, and when he told me that, that day way back when I was 16, finally made perfect sense!
We have had many discussions on gay rights, abortion, taxes, education, and many other issues - she knows my views on all of those things and we are in agreement with all of them. She knows that I really don't judge and believe that everyone is equal in all things (except that we both agree that women multi-task better than men 
). 
don't 
overuse ??? them 
