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Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 9:24:35 GMT -5
Ok, here's the situation. I have someone wanting to come to Bonnaroo with me, but I don't want this person to come. There are multiple issues as to why I don't want them there.
They know when/where it is. They haven't bought their ticket yet, and I'm hoping tickets sell out very soon so they can't get one. They may not have enough money to get the ticket in the first place, but it's kind of ruining my "excitement time" right now.
Any advice?
Edit: They will have to camp with me and my party because they don't know anyone else going.
Could you use the "small wedding" excuse and just tell your friend that you are already going with a bunch of people and you want to keep it small? You could tell her that everyone you are going with agreed not to invite anyone else so that it wasn't too large of a group.
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 9:34:36 GMT -5
dejaroo said:
Could you use the "small wedding" excuse and just tell your friend that you are already going with a bunch of people and you want to keep it small? You could tell her that everyone you are going with agreed not to invite anyone else so that it wasn't too large of a group.
Out of curiosity, what are the issues? Can they not take care of themselves? Is there no way to sit them down and say "Look, I can't watch you the entire weekend, you need to be responsible for your self, we may not be around eachother the whole time?"
Post by spookymonster on May 16, 2007 9:40:14 GMT -5
I'm guessing they're not taking the hint when you tell them you were looking forward to a weekend alone, just the 2 of you, away from your normal routines, spending quality time together, etc.?
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 9:48:01 GMT -5
knoxville said:
Out of curiosity, what are the issues? Can they not take care of themselves? Is there no way to sit them down and say "Look, I can't watch you the entire weekend, you need to be responsible for your self, we may not be around eachother the whole time?"
The issues are: 1. This person has some health issues that prevents them from walking far...falling arch in both feet. 2. They can't handle the heat and are often tired in normal conditions. 3. They are on blood thinning medication for a health problem. 4. I know this person uses other drugs and if they use them at the show, I may have to take care of them and not enjoy myself fully because of the worry of what will happen to them. 5. This person has a tendency to be depressing and bring me down.
I've told them how hard it is going to be on them, and that there will be more expenses other than the ticket to worry about. I just feel like such a turd when I don't want them to come. I very much care for this person, but I don't want them to do something I don't think they can do.
Just make them give you the money before you buy the ticket. Tell them you can't afford to cover the cost ahead of time as your card is maxxed out.
I understand your situation completely. I have come with friends who are okay to hang around with but not 24 hours a day for 4 days (especially at Roo where you come to leave your troubles behind.) I've told them, and everyone else, that I'm a loner and they're welcome to come as long as we don't have to hang together all the time. In fact I tell anyone I'm going with that they may not see me all weekend and don't take it personally if I brush them off when we meet in a crowd. I've even said the a state of mind brought on by "unmentionables" may require me to have a lot of alone time.
Post by sparklybecca on May 16, 2007 10:07:11 GMT -5
I am in a similar situation, i have a friend that wants to go and i really dont want her to - i dont feel like babysitting the entire weekend, and trust me, this is what id have to do- but i think she took the hint... thankfully anddd i dont think she can get off work
Ahhh - I think you just flat out need to highlight the worst of it - I have had two ankle surgeries and the walk for me last year was killer - we were in BFE off Woodlands and I had to stop at least 2 times each walk because my ankle was killing me.
Tell the person that the portapotties are horrible, the heat makes life miserable, and that on blood thinning medication - might not be a good idea because of the potential to overheat - I would just keep on and on about it and if that does not work
flat out tell them with a smile - "Look - I am going to get away from the real world, I really like your company and all BUT I want to enjoy myself and not have any responsibilities at all which includes feeling like I have to hang out with you because youhave never been to Bonnaroo" just be sure and say it with a smile and follow it with "Bless your heart"
Amen, Meg! Sorry we can't be of more help, Ole. It's a tough decision but you've got to be straight forward and selfish or risk the Roo weekend. By selfish I don't mean in a bad way. You have every right to want to enjoy Roo, You've spent a lot of time and money. This person has no right to expect you to babysit.
I know it's tough and you want to be nice and help out but there are pretty clear lines. That's why I'm VERY blunt with people who come to Roo with me. I'm a nice person who wants to help wherever I can but at Roo I WILL NOT be obligated to anyone. Most people understand with no hard feelings especially if I set the ground rules up from the start. If not, I can live with that.
I know the health problem make you feel like it's not their fault and you should help but, once again, they should realize their limitations are not yours. If they are going to be limited, they may not enjoy it anyway. Stress the negatives as per their problems.
It's tough decision but you should in no way feel bad about standing up for your self.
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 10:21:30 GMT -5
God, this is so hard because the person I'm talking about is my brother. I didn't want to say who it is because if we end up meeting you guys, you'll have this stuck in your minds (or probably not...this will prob be forgotten!!!)
I've tried telling him over and over again how hard it will be on him, but he wants to go so bad.
Please, gods of the universe, make Bonnaroo sell out today.
Post by sparklybecca on May 16, 2007 10:23:58 GMT -5
is there anyway your parents can intervene? (how old is he?) i just think you need to be honest with him and tell him u dont think its the best situation for him to be in - and its goin to take a toll on you..
Oh - I would not htink anything of it when I meet you if he is with you. but he really does need to understand the limitations upfront and that there is ALOT of walking involved - if you look at the Access Guide - it says there is about 2/3 of a mile between stages and tents at time - figure how many times you will walk from one end of Centeroo to the other.
I lost 8 lbs in one weekend last year just from not eating, drinking tons of water and walking so much. I cannot say it enough - there is ALOT of walking.
I will pray that Bonnaroo sells out for you soon tho
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 10:28:25 GMT -5
sparklybecca said:
is there anyway your parents can intervene? (how old is he?) i just think you need to be honest with him and tell him u dont think its the best situation for him to be in - and its goin to take a toll on you..
I've gotten my mom in on this. I told her to talk to him again for me. He is older than me...he's 33.
He's just a stubborn a$$ and won't listen to me when I tell him I'm afraid of what could happen with his health. I even told him we could end up an hour's walk to the stages and he still wants to go.
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 10:29:33 GMT -5
bos1969 said:
Oh - I would not htink anything of it when I meet you if he is with you. but he really does need to understand the limitations upfront and that there is ALOT of walking involved - if you look at the Access Guide - it says there is about 2/3 of a mile between stages and tents at time - figure how many times you will walk from one end of Centeroo to the other.
I lost 8 lbs in one weekend last year just from not eating, drinking tons of water and walking so much. I cannot say it enough - there is ALOT of walking.
I will pray that Bonnaroo sells out for you soon tho
When I went with my sister (she has similar health problems), I told her we couldn't camp together (yeah, I can be mean sometimes.) She ended up in BFE and I was next to Centeroo so I did let her use my site as a day camp. She did find a friend to go with her, though.
No one will hold anyone else's behavior against you. A friend just asked if he could ride with me this year and he's okay but a little annoying in large doses (But as I said I'm a loner so that may just be me.) Just don't hold anything he may or may not do against me either.
BTW, he's fully aware that I am under no obligation to see him over the weekend.
Worst case senario. He does attend the festival. I am sure he is not the only person with health concerns. He could pal up with someone his speed. He could hang out at one of the airconditioned tents. Perhaps the Bonnaroo folks have a special staff to help him out?
It sounds like your biggest issue is you believe you will be become a "babysitter". Do you believe he does not have the street smarts to take care of himself? You know him better than us.
Out of curiosity, what are the issues? Can they not take care of themselves? Is there no way to sit them down and say "Look, I can't watch you the entire weekend, you need to be responsible for your self, we may not be around eachother the whole time?"
The issues are: 1. This person has some health issues that prevents them from walking far...falling arch in both feet. 2. They can't handle the heat and are often tired in normal conditions. 3. They are on blood thinning medication for a health problem. 4. I know this person uses other drugs and if they use them at the show, I may have to take care of them and not enjoy myself fully because of the worry of what will happen to them. 5. This person has a tendency to be depressing and bring me down.
I've told them how hard it is going to be on them, and that there will be more expenses other than the ticket to worry about. I just feel like such a turd when I don't want them to come. I very much care for this person, but I don't want them to do something I don't think they can do.
say "for these reasons (then list what you just listed 1-5) i feel as your friend that bonnaroo isn't going to be enjoyable for you, and as my friend i feel you should have respect for me knowing i don't want to have to worry about you and want to be able to enjoy myself"
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 11:24:39 GMT -5
brian444 said:
smeman said:
Honesty is the best policy.
I agree. Tell what your concerns are.
Worst case senario. He does attend the festival. I am sure he is not the only person with health concerns. He could pal up with someone his speed. He could hang out at one of the airconditioned tents. Perhaps the Bonnaroo folks have a special staff to help him out?
It sounds like your biggest issue is you believe you will be become a "babysitter". Do you believe he does not have the street smarts to take care of himself? You know him better than us.
Well, he is a smart dude, but he doesn't take care of himself like he should. He is underestimating the weather and I think it will be harder on him than he thinks.
Post by billypilgrim on May 16, 2007 11:37:00 GMT -5
I can tell this is really stressing you out. I suggest telling him something like this:
[Name], you know i love you. I love you like a brother. But Bonnaroo is something I do for me. It's something that I've been looking forward to since _____. I'm really worried that, if you go, with the heat and all the walking and the long days, you're going to have some problem or health issue. And if that happens, I'm going to spend so much time and energy worrying about you and taking care of you, that I won't be able to enjoy myself. It pains me to tell you this, but I really wish you wouldn't go. I've been looking forward to this as an opportunity to get away from everything except the people and the music. I didn't spend the money and make the arrangemnts, so that I could play the concerned little sister.
[fallback position:]
I can't keep you from going. But if you do go, don't expect to piggyback on my effort and arrangements. You're a big boy. Plan on taking care of yourself. In terms of getting there, what to bring, where to camp, how to get around. We may run into eachother. But don't plan on much more than that. Like I said. This is something I'm doing for me. I need this for my sanity.
i wonder if you guys can get into handicapped access... due to his health issues
I wonder if his doc would give him a placard.
My dad has a placard, and maybe he could borrow it. Would that work? If you have a placard, do they make you show proof of a handicap?
Most states have a form that has to be filled out by the doctor to get a placard and then youtake it to the place where yougets your tags and they issue the placard.
and no - they do not check for the handicap - they just check to make sure you have the right documentation - either placard or license plate
Post by oleander124 on May 16, 2007 12:05:15 GMT -5
well then, I guess if he does end up going, he could grab my dads placard and use that, right? are handicapped tickets sold differently than regular tickets?
Also, if he were to use the placard and park in the handicapped area, could I park with him or not?
nope - he can grab your dad's - no special ticket needed - go to the Bonnaroo website and read through the Access guide - it has some good information in there
is there anyway your parents can intervene? (how old is he?) i just think you need to be honest with him and tell him u dont think its the best situation for him to be in - and its goin to take a toll on you.. 
He does attend the festival. I am sure he is not the only
