Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"
Post by strumntheguitar on Jul 19, 2007 10:52:45 GMT -5
bos1969 said:
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $12
Second Opinion - PRICELESS !!!
I think I just choked on a potato chip while reading this joke! ;D ;D
Post by strumntheguitar on Jul 20, 2007 14:04:34 GMT -5
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?", the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Confusion was understandable at a Chinese buffet serving sushi to a mostly Hispanic clientele. To avoid a painful mix-up, the owners posted this warning:
These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before. The first guy said, ''''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''''
The second guy said, ''''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''''
The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''''
Then the first guy said, ''''No -- you guys don''t understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Three women go to Mexico. After a night of partying they end up in jail and find out they are being executed.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the chair and ask if she has any last words. She says "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all fall to the floor and beg for forgiveness and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in the chair and ask if she has any last words. She says " I just graduated from the Harvard Law School and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all fall to the floor and beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped into the chair and says "Well, I just graduated from the University of Kentucky with a degree in Electrical engineering and I'll tell you all right now you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plus this thing in.
this came from my hubby who has a degree in electrical engineering
We treat mishaps like sinking ships and I know that I don't want to be out to drift Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and They both tell me that we're better than this
*****disclaimer*****Oh - please please please do not get offended by these jokes - I realize I am in the minority on this board - but I found these hilarious!
It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious.
From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax. Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women. Even now? Look at him... His wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with " Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations'most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada ..
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do "Hanky Panky between Bushes."
Last Edit: Aug 2, 2007 12:05:51 GMT -5 by Meg - Back to Top
Butt Measurements >> >> A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man >>looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I >>mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." >>With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill >>and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his >>wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider t han >>the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband. >> >>Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He >>makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. >>"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going >>to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?
Post by oleander124 on Aug 3, 2007 11:09:15 GMT -5
bos1969 said:
Butt Measurements >> >> A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man >>looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I >>mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." >>With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill >>and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his >>wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider t han >>the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband. >> >>Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He >>makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. >>"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going >>to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?
Oh yeah. That is classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
Two IT guys were talking in a bar after work. "Guess what," says the first IT guy, "I met this gorgeous blonde in a bar." "What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off!" "You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy. "Nope." says the first IT guy. "I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her up and put her on my desk, next to my new laptop." "Really?" asked the second IT guy. "You got a new laptop?"
Post by strumntheguitar on Aug 13, 2007 17:07:37 GMT -5
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that i s why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.