Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?" And the New Yorker responds, "I got your canoe right here"l!
Coach had put together the perfect team for Dallas Cowboys. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a handgrenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away, ka-boom! He threw another handgrenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away, > ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph, bulls-eye! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Cowboys go on to win the Super Bowl for another time in history. The young Bosnian is hailed as the Great Hero of football, and when Coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl."
"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son." "I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight." The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "..I'll never forgive you for making us move to Dallas.
^^^ but jokes have to have some shred of credibility. Do you really want us to to suspend disbelief and go as far as imagining the Lions winning the Super Bowl?
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.
Mens Love Poem
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a "shit".
Three guys are driving cross country and their car breaks down somewhere in the middle of farm country late one night. The three guys go knock on a farmers door and ask if they can have a place to sleep for the night so they can look for help in the morning. The farmer says that they can sleep in the barn, but it's very cluttered and there is not much room. The three guys walk into the barn and find themselves in very close quarters. They realize there is not much room so they all have to lie down one next to the other.
The next morning they all wake up. The guy on the left says, "Man, I had an amazing dream. I dreamt that I was getting the best handjob in my life!" The guy on the right says "Wow, that's strange...I had the exact same dream that I was getting the best handjob of my life!" The guy in the middle looks confused and says "That's weird, I only had a dream that I was skiing."
Post by Fishing Maniac on May 9, 2008 19:19:30 GMT -5
Guy buys a new car. He's driving down the road opening it up. 60 mph, 70 mph, 90....120mph Suddenly he hears a siren and pulls over. Cop walks up to the car and asks to see his license and registration. The driver responds "No." Cop replies "what do ya mean no?" "Well officer, I'd be happy to give you my license, but the registration is in the glove compartment next to my loaded revolver which I don't want to take out in front of you since it's not registered." "OK" replies the cop "Do you have anything else that I should know about?" "Funny you should ask" says the driver. "I have a dead body in the trunk and 2 kilos of cocaine in the arm rest." Th cop tells him to stay put and calls the station for assistance. The chief shows up along with some other back up. About 20 minute later the driver is now handcuffed in the back of a squad car and the chief comes over to him and says "My officer who pulled you over said that you have a loaded weapon, a dead body and a large quantity of narcotics. We just tore your whole car apart and haven't found a thing." The driver replies "Oh yea? I'll bet that ****ing liar probably said I was speeding too."
Post by Fishing Maniac on May 11, 2008 10:07:56 GMT -5
An ugly biker walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the barman. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!" "Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?" "Dunno...Never found the head."
Who do you think are the most cynical people in the world? Cops? Executioners? Or maybe prostitutes? Clowns? We're thinking it's doctors. If you want proof, check out some of the horrifying-yet-hilarious slang they use around the office. Yes, these are real.
#8. PRATFO
What It Means: Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off. When It's Used: When a patient comes into the ER more hysterical than ill, the doctor reassures the patient and asks them to leave. However, this acronym has gotten at least one doctor into trouble when he scribbled it in a patient's chart and then later was asked to explain it in court. We're not saying you should ever lie in court, but in that situation you should at least consider it.
#7. AMYOYO Syndrome
What It Means: Alright, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own. When It's Used: If television is to be believed, any condition, no matter how egregious or how slim the chances of survival, can be surmounted with the intervention of a charismatic, slightly eccentric doctor or the introduction of a particularly salient plot point. Well, television is not to be believed. If a patient split from crotch to neck, sustained a shotgun wound to the chest, or fell twenty stories onto the pavement, then a great deal's up to a God. Assuming he exists, or cares. Thus we get the AMYOYO Syndrome diagnosis, with the variations SOLOMFYOYO (So long, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own) and GPO (Good for Parts Only).
#6. Faecal Encephalopathy
What It Means: Shit-for-Brains. When It's Used: If you wind up in the emergency room because, say, you were trying to launch bottle rockets out of your anus, you can expect to hear this term thrown around. Latin, or pseudo-latin, is often used to convey unflattering terms and make it sound grandiloquent to the uninformed (or faecal-encephalopathic) ear. Variations include Cranio-Rectal Syndrome and Cranial Rectosis, presumably for when the patient doesn't have shit for brains but merely has his head up his ass.
#5. Cut and Paste
What It Means: Also called an "Open and Close" or a "Peek and Shriek," this is when a surgeon opens up a patient for surgery, discovers nothing can be done to avert the inevitable, and sews them back up immediately. Or, if they feel like it, practice surgical technique for a while. When It's Used: Generally, this is encoded as "C&P," "CNP" or something similar, so that the head of the department knows what happened but the to-be-aggrieved family doesn't. Typically this happens with very old people, those with suddenly aggravated chronic health problems, or people with inoperable cancer, soon resulting in a "healthy tumor" (a dead patient).
#4. SBI
What It Means: Something Bad Inside. When It's Used: When the medical staff encounters a strange complaint that doesn't meet any known diagnostic criteria. As much as you don't want to hear SBI as your diagnosis, it's still better than the alternate SVBI (Something Very Bad Inside) which means whatever it is appears to be killing you. Either may be followed up with a "SWAG" (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess).
#3. CTF
What It Means: Cletus the Fetus. Used to describe infants born at 23 weeks or earlier, where their survival rate is less than 1%. There are no confirmed cases of babies surviving at 22 weeks or earlier, which means that children born then are less likely to live than someone who just jumped off the Empire State Building. When It's Used: New parents have a tendency to not hear anything that doesn't fit the "Our child will survive because he is special, we are special, and we love him" paradigm. No. Little Cletus will make it no matter what those mean old overpaid white coats tell Mommy and Daddy. Because life works like Lifetime home movies.
It's at this point you should realize that when you're surrounded by the sick and dying every day, no subject is too dark for comedy.
#2. Slow Code to China
What It Means: Hospitals use a series of emergency codes (Code Blue, for instance, means the patient is dying and needs immediate resuscitation). Not listed among the official codes is the Slow Code, meaning the patient is dying, and not to worry too much about it. When It's Used: Sometimes, a very ill, very elderly, or very hopeless patient wants the doctors to do everything they can to keep them alive. And sometimes, doctors don't want to do that: it's too much work, the patient will die anyway, or the person just isn't worth preserving.
#1. CBT
What It Means: Chronic Biscuit Toxicity. Patient is really fat. When It's Used: Doctors seem to be inventing more and more of these unflattering terms as obesity becomes more chronic in the western world. You may also hear Polydipose Dysfunction, BW (beached whale) and others, all of which are sure to see plenty of usage until some enlightened future when a doctor can just say the phrase "lard ass" to a patient's face. Here are some other, rather self-explanatory terms you probably don't want to hear in the halls outside your hospital room:
Cunts and Runts The gynecology/obstetrics department.
BFH Big Fucking Head. As in, the patient has one.
Brothel Sprouts Genital warts.
COPS Chronic Old Person's Disease.
Donorcycle Motorcycle. As in, a frequent source of organ donors.
CTD Circling The Drain. Just picture the world of the living as a bath tub.
^LOL Actually about two years ago a guy kept on me to repair a broken CRT instead of replacing it. I ended up telling him he had a bad monitron, and there was nothing I could do.
A rabbi and a priest were having lunch together in a cafe. The priest asks the rabbi, "I know you are a very devout man, but have you ever gone against any of the major laws of your religion?" The rabbi says, "well, you know, back in my youth, I was something of a rebel, and I once had a ham sandwich". The rabbi then turns to the priest and asks him the same question. The priest says, "I also went through a rebellious phase when I was young and stupid, and I once had sex with a woman". The rabbi says, "isn't is so much better than a ham sandwich?"
A small zoo way out in the country obtains a female gorilla from a very rare species. The gorilla soon becomes very agitated, and the zookeeper starts to believe that the gorilla is in heat. Unfortunately, there are no male gorillas in the zoo. Unsure what to do, he goes up to the janitor and says, "hey, would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?" The janitor says, "okay, but on three conditions." The zookeeper agrees, and asks what his conditions are. "My first condition is that I don't want anyone to know about this, not a single soul. My second condition is that I will not kiss the gorilla." "Okay", says the zookeeper. "What's the third condition?" "Well, I'll need a bit of time to come up with the $500."
Last Edit: May 28, 2008 15:39:35 GMT -5 by jack324 - Back to Top
"...when it comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to throw that f**kin radio into the tub with me." -Dr. Gonzo, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
This word also has a underground meaning once you break it down. Let’s take “Bonn” for example and it actually turns into the word “Bone”. We all know gays use this word to describe the action of when they are fecal fisting their Cuban cabana boy at their sex bath house parties. Now let’s look at Roo, “Roo” is short for “Kangaroo”.So put the full true message together and you get“Bone a Kangaroo
Post by jambandjohn on Jun 5, 2008 23:57:46 GMT -5
Ethics Test
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer . . . somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.
It's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.
You have two options--you can save the life of G.W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?