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Alright, so my roomate Angela just called me and wanted to run something by me. Her friend Rachel called her and said she had nowhere to go, and asked if she could stay with us, she told her maybe but it couldnt be any longer than a week, she wanted to know how i felt about it and said we can talk about it when we get home. I didnt want to get any hopes up or anticipation of anyone up, so i told her right then that i am not down for it. Angela said she would sleep on our couch, and it would be no longer than a week, but i told her i was not down. I dont think she liked my answer, and i guess it does seem un-hippie like or whatever, but i have my reasons . . . . and they are as follows
-Before i get into any particulars about Rachel, i have to start with letting you all know that i enjoy my own time in our apartment at night after Angela goes to bed (which is always early) and in the morning before i go to work (angela is already gone). I like to stay up late, laugh at stupid things, and have my own time. On top of that, i feel uncomfortable at my house when people i dont really know that well are there. Its jut a thing of mine, and i cant help it, its just the way i am. I think home should be the place where i feel most comforable. I should not want to NOT go home, or dread going home or have anxiety about going home. Home should be my solace. As i said Angela goes to bed at 11, i am up till 2. Then it will be my job to entertain this person who i hardly know. Yes i could go in my room but why should i have to? my internet and DVR are in the living room.
-here is how Rachel got herself to where she is. She had an apartment with her friend Mary (our friend too), and they lived in another apartment complex right next door to a couple of our bestest friends (Ashley, John Zach). She used to sell greens, and she got caught with some on her, and had to go to drug diversion. She completed that sucessfully, but as soon as she could smoke again, she disapeared, went camping in NY with a bunch of wooks and didnt tell her job and got fired. So she has been super hippying out, not working and not paying rent for the past few months, which led to her and Mary being evicted from their apartment. She wont anwer phones messages and skipped out on a meeting they were supposed to have to try and avoid eviction. So she isnt working, and says she has no where to go (there is family around). But she can come out of the woodworks and ask Angela for a place to crash. I cant tell you when she last called Angela
-lastly, our best friends, the ones that lived next door to them before they got evicted, are putting up Mary (who is a wreck) and her boyfriend until they figure something out. So not only did Rachels actions effect Mary and Alex by getting them evicted and having one day to move out, she also inadvertadly effected Ashley and them who are stressin and feelin a little cramped in their own home right now. (Ashley is supposed to come over tonight and chill to get away from it all, and im sure they want to hear about how we are putting Rachel up in our living room)
So i said, No, I am not Down. I said im sorry, i dont care about looking like the "Ass hole", or "dick" (quotes make it not filtered), and i am willing to maybe seem like that for my own sanity.
Oh, and i never even got to the part where Rachel has never tried to talk or even start a convo with me. Ive bought green from her a couple times and she has never even looked me in the eyes. I tried to engage, but nothing. And im not going to sit in my living room for a week, feeling uncomfortable and awkward.
Does anyone understand where i am coming from?
Am I Wrong? Is it uncool of me to say No? What if Angela say well im going to let her stay anyway? I hope that doesnt happen.
Post by stallion pt. 2 on Jul 25, 2007 16:39:32 GMT -5
mikede said:
Is it uncool of me to say No?
Man, you used to be COOL.
But seriously, yr absolutly right. Sounds like it was a d!ck move on her part to bail on her friends and get em evicted. I'd say give yr roomate the week she promised this girl as long as she's respectful of yr shit and isn't doing anything illegal out of your house. after a week or after she shows she has no respect for you or anyone (which is what it sounds like), kick her ass to the curb.
John: We don't even understand our own music Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Post by canexplain on Jul 25, 2007 16:42:19 GMT -5
thats a hard one ... we let 4 guys in a band stay in our basement for "a week or so", they moved out 8 months later ..... sounds like you want no part of that kind of situation .... but its easy for us to say what you should do ... cr****
Post by strumntheguitar on Jul 25, 2007 17:00:07 GMT -5
Here's my advice... take it or leave it.
I was in a similar situation not too long ago as far as needing a place to stay. My circumstances, however, were not my fault. Because of this, every one of my friends opened their door to me. Heck, even some of the people on here opened their doors for me to stay for a while. I turned down the majority of the invites because I hate feeling like I'm relying on other people. I work hard to be independent and if all else fails, I have friends to fall back on. That's the kicker right there... friends. It doesn't sound like this girl really is friends with you or really your roommate for that matter since she hasn't called her in years.
I say, have this girl over for the first night. Don't tell her she's allowed to stay for a while, rather use it almost as an "interview" of some sort. Ask her what her plans are to get out of the mess she's in, ask her what she's done already, and most importantly ask her why she's relying on you guys all of a sudden to help her. If she doesn't have adequate answers to those, she doesn't belong in your place. Before you open your doors to someone, you should always ensure they have intentions of leaving.
Just my two cents worth.... best of luck with the situation.
edit: dude I just noticed your money tab in your sig. Congrats on saving so much money off of cigs so far. makes it seem that much sweeter to know you haven't let $100 "go up in smokes"
See, situations like yours are different. This was her fault, and she is exhausting all of her options because shes apparently not trying to help herself. It would be a different story if i heard she was sleeping in her car, or on the street, but she is about one step away from 'Wook'dom. I really want nothing to do with it.
Dont get me wrong, id be there for my friends, they could sleep in my bed with me if need be, but i dont think this is a situation i want to be in, deal with.
Mike - I gotta agree with you - sounds like a bad deal to me - and you said she has family around - so it is not a matter of she has no where to stay - more a matter of she has no where that she WANTS to stay and continue to live like she has been
I'm with you too. To be honest, I don't particularly like for people that I know and like to spend the night at my apartment for reasons very similar to the first one you listed. While I don't have much time in the mornings before work, I really enjoy my weekend mornings alone while Jesus sleeps in. I find it very important to have some time by myself, and it doesn't sound like you will. Like you, for a friend I would be willing to put my comfort aside, but for someone I barely know, it would be a different story. . . especially when it sounds like they are going to take it for granted and take advantage of you. Even if she says just a week, once she's in, it is going to be a lot harder to get her out (i.e. saying no know is going to be a lot easier than kicking someone out). Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you.
ive had way too many 1 week guests that i have to kick out on the street after 3 or 4 weeks. and then i come off like an even bigger dick then if i had said no in the first place. and i have ruined friendships as a result. for most people its easier to respect the i need my privacy thing then it is to be thrown out because you cant take another day with them even if they are staying longer then they said. i have a no extended stay policy for all but my closest friends. the ones i know would do the same for me. so i dont think your wrong at all. hopefully your roomate will respect your wishes. if not i can recommend some obnoxious handout hippie couch surfers that you could have visit that im sure would convincer a no visitor rule would be a good idea.
Ummm, if your roomate is the one who told her it was ok, then she can sleep in her room with her right? And go to bed at 11 right? And sleep on the floor with blankets and pillows right? And leave you the hell alone to enjoy your time in your apartment that you pay good rent for ON TIME EVERY MONTH right??? ;D And then get the hell out after a week like she promised and stay out of your hair when she is there.....and get the hell out after a week like she promised.... ;D
Your absolutely right to feel the way you do Mike, no doubt.
we had a similar situation to where Cheryl's siter wanted us to let her and her bf stay with us a while. they were living with My mother in law and F.I.L. and "couldn't take it" anymore.
No jobs, not paying bills, basically acting like a couple of 25 y/o high school students.
Luckilt, Cheryl was on my side and we both said absolutely NOT! But sometimes, you just gotta let people learn to grow up on thier own. Cheryls sister still hasnt grown up, this was tow years agao and she is still living with thier parents. Barely making any money and mooching off her mom and dad. The bf is gone now, but she isnt any better than she was then. Mater of fact, she just went to Jail last weekened (whole different story)
I down with helping people in need as much as the next guy, but there is a point where you draw the line, and that line is certainly drawn at my front doorstep. I, like you, consider my home my santuary.....It has to be!
