sarcastic genie game

Granted, but it's scaly, and too long, and people step on it, and you can't sleep in a bed with it, or ever drive a car.

I wish I had more coffee

Granted but school starts anyway and you see beautiful summer days through the windows

I wish someone would fight club credit card debt away

Granted the board is flooded with arcade gamers and in the posting madness Insider drops an ultra advanced lineup but because of the traffic it is quickly buried and never noticed

I wish the AC in my car worked


p.s. Happy birthday mike d!!!!

Granted, I guess we won't see you on inforoo anymore since you are too busy getting stuff done.

I wish Billy would come back

You'll be there, but every artist has to cancel and will be replaced with nu metal bands

I wish I didn't have to go to work right now

wish granted you are now 1mm taller.

i wish i was better at budgeting.

Wish granted, it's the rabbit from Holy Grail.
I wish I could move objects with my mind.

Granted. You're the best curler of all time, but you'll go to your grave without ever hearing anyone say "That guy throws the stones to the house on every shot!". In an M. Night-ish twist, the epitaph on your gravestone will read "Totally threw every stone to the house!", but your archrivals the Finns steal your gravestone, enter the next Olympics with curling stones fashioned from it, and lose in the semifinals to Canada (with their noticeably all-Nova Scotian team). You go down in history as the "Mozart of Olympic Curling"- not because of your otherworldly curling prowess, but because nobody knows where you're buried anymore.
I wish the person reading this would make a wish for me so I can reply to my own wish as the sarcastic genie granting it, therefore saving Rory and Amy from the Weeping Angels. (Karen Gillan is hot, and you know it.)

Wish granted, but the cloos remain unsolvable because people here are too stupid to figure it out.

I wish I was the promoter of the biggest music festival in the world.

Wish granted, however, once you arrive in Miami, you're mistaken by the Colombians as a drug dealer that owes them money; so they chainsaw you in a dinky bathroom of a hotel Scarface style.

I wish I didn't fracture my ankle this past week.

Wish granted, but Nicholas Cage has the lead role.

I wish I had my Master's degree already.

Granted. You're expelled with a black mark so you can't get into even a community college ever again. And they took back all of your credits and degrees you have learned thus far.

I wish I was listed in Rolling Stones top 10 guitarists of all time list as a guitar god.

Wish granted, though it was the start of the decline of human population as men didn't need women anymore as the dogs became their best friend; and all the women became crazy cat ladies.

I wish I was just a little more funky.

Wish granted, unfortunately your life is a parody of a false messiah, and people follow everywhere you go, waiting for your next speech.

I wish I had a disclaimer written by the finest attorneys that no sarcastic genie could defeat that granted me everlasting wealth, happiness, & great sex.