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Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I've got a pretty awesome bread IMO lol. And its not like I'm closed off and shy. I'm very out going and open. I love to go out and have fun (typical libra) and most first dates seem to go well but I can't seem, no matter what, to get past that. I've almost completely given up. I blame the radiation around here.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
I've got a pretty awesome bread IMO lol. And its not like I'm closed off and shy. I'm very out going and open. I love to go out and have fun (typical libra) and most first dates seem to go well but I can't seem, no matter what, to get past that. I've almost completely given up. I blame the radiation around here.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
So true. It is easy to be blinded by the present. When I look back on each time in the past I was put in this predicament, I can see much more clearly that it would never have worked.
I've got a pretty awesome bread IMO lol. And its not like I'm closed off and shy. I'm very out going and open. I love to go out and have fun (typical libra) and most first dates seem to go well but I can't seem, no matter what, to get past that. I've almost completely given up. I blame the radiation around here.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
Tom, my logical side wants to agree with this 100 percent. Deep down I know it is probably true. Without going into too much detail: When the time frame starts to stretch into years (well beyond 4)...and the same scenario plays out over and over and over, it is hard to not start to believe you are doing it wrong. It is a nice thought that "If you are patient it will happen" but very difficult to sustain that patience for years on end. I am not complaining, I have a lot to be thankful for. This conversation just hit close to home with me. It finally occurred to me that in universe of infinite possibilities, several of possible outcomes are not positive. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to be rational.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
Tom, my logical side wants to agree with this 100 percent. Deep down I know it is probably true. Without going into too much detail: When the time frame starts to stretch into years (well beyond 4)...and the same scenario plays out over and over and over, it is hard to not start to believe you are doing it wrong. It is a nice thought that "If you are patient it will happen" but very difficult to sustain that patience for years on end. I am not complaining, I have a lot to be thankful for. This conversation just hit close to home with me. It finally occurred to me that in universe of infinite possibilities, several of possible outcomes are not positive. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to be rational.
Keep up the good work and positivity. :-)
You know you can still be a nice guy and tell a girl that you want a relationship not friendship with her, and explain that it is too frustrating to maintain close contact with someone that you are that attracted to. Just tell them you need distance to work on your own personal life at the moment.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
Tom, my logical side wants to agree with this 100 percent. Deep down I know it is probably true. Without going into too much detail: When the time frame starts to stretch into years (well beyond 4)...and the same scenario plays out over and over and over, it is hard to not start to believe you are doing it wrong. It is a nice thought that "If you are patient it will happen" but very difficult to sustain that patience for years on end. I am not complaining, I have a lot to be thankful for. This conversation just hit close to home with me. It finally occurred to me that in universe of infinite possibilities, several of possible outcomes are not positive. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to be rational.
Keep up the good work and positivity. :-)
I should have been more specific - I went through this period for 10 years, so everything you say is perfectly understandable.
Post by A$AP Rosko on Jan 23, 2013 14:35:15 GMT -5
This conversation hits close to home for me as well. I definitely fall in the category of "nice guy that gets friendzoned my girls he's attracted too far too often," but I try to be optimistic and keep putting myself out there (as Flanz said, you have to make it known to women that you're available and have confidence, even if it's an odd confidence in the things that make you unique), and for me it'll usually lead to a solid lead about once a month. None of those leads have gone anywhere, but if I take a step back and look at it, it's only been seven months since my last serioius relationship ended. It's really a numbers game, ultimately.
That said, it's probably not fair for me to offer that advice to someone in Gibran's shoes, since over four years is obviously a lot longer than seven months, and I don't know how that would feel. That'd be like a rookie trying to tell a veteran how to make in the NBA. But I'm still confident Brock will find somebody someday, because he's a good guy, and I hope that optimism in me is never worn down to the point of defeat.
Tom, my logical side wants to agree with this 100 percent. Deep down I know it is probably true. Without going into too much detail: When the time frame starts to stretch into years (well beyond 4)...and the same scenario plays out over and over and over, it is hard to not start to believe you are doing it wrong. It is a nice thought that "If you are patient it will happen" but very difficult to sustain that patience for years on end. I am not complaining, I have a lot to be thankful for. This conversation just hit close to home with me. It finally occurred to me that in universe of infinite possibilities, several of possible outcomes are not positive. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to be rational.
Keep up the good work and positivity. :-)
You know you can still be a nice guy and tell a girl that you want a relationship not friendship with her, and explain that it is too frustrating to maintain close contact with someone that you are that attracted to. Just tell them you need distance to work on your own personal life at the moment.
Yea, I do Jess. I know this all too well. I harbor no anger or ill will toward them at all, but you are right. It does get frustrating at some point. Timing is a bitch sometimes..or all the time. :-) Good points though.
I got stuck in the "just friends" rut once or twice. My two cents: Don't let things get too laidback too fast. It's ok to brush your teeth while she's taking a dump a couple of years (decades?) in, but that excited phase needs to last beyond approximately breakfast. Just Friends means she's already bored with you, in my opinion.
I got stuck in the "just friends" rut once or twice. My two cents: Don't let things get too laidback too fast. It's ok to brush your teeth while she's taking a dump a couple of years (decades?) in, but that excited phase needs to last beyond approximately breakfast. Just Friends means she's already bored with you, in my opinion.
What?
Sometimes you're just not attracted in that way to someone, it doesn't have anything to do with boredom. I have plenty of friends who are interesting and fun and who I absolutely adore, but don't want to be in a relationship with.
I got stuck in the "just friends" rut once or twice. My two cents: Don't let things get too laidback too fast. It's ok to brush your teeth while she's taking a dump a couple of years (decades?) in, but that excited phase needs to last beyond approximately breakfast. Just Friends means she's already bored with you, in my opinion.
What?
Sometimes you're just not attracted in that way to someone, it doesn't have anything to do with boredom. I have plenty of friends who are interesting and fun and who I absolutely adore, but don't want to be in a relationship with.
Depending on the situation it could be either/or. I don't think one specific occurrence of something like this is a problem. It happens, I understand that. It is several occurrences of this type of thing over a span of literally years that begins to give a guy a complex.
Sometimes you're just not attracted in that way to someone, it doesn't have anything to do with boredom. I have plenty of friends who are interesting and fun and who I absolutely adore, but don't want to be in a relationship with.
Depending on the situation it could be either/or. I don't think one specific occurrence of something like this is a problem. It happens, I understand that. It is several occurrences of this type of thing over a span of literally years that begins to give a guy a complex.
Just be mindful not to make that complex a self-fulfilling one, Brock. You are a catch. Sometimes these things just take time.
Depending on the situation it could be either/or. I don't think one specific occurrence of something like this is a problem. It happens, I understand that. It is several occurrences of this type of thing over a span of literally years that begins to give a guy a complex.
Just be mindful not to make that complex a self-fulfilling one, Brock. You are a catch. Sometimes these things just take time.
I am really not trying to come off as a whiner or Droopy Dog like person here. It is frustrating, but like I said, I have more to be thankful for than not. For the most part I am a happy guy. It is just this one aspect that seems to be taking an abnormal amount of time. :-) After awhile, although very much appreciated, hearing that you are a great guy BUT...becomes cringe worthy. Just one dudes perspective. lol
Sometimes you're just not attracted in that way to someone, it doesn't have anything to do with boredom. I have plenty of friends who are interesting and fun and who I absolutely adore, but don't want to be in a relationship with.
Depending on the situation it could be either/or. I don't think one specific occurrence of something like this is a problem. It happens, I understand that. It is several occurrences of this type of thing over a span of literally years that begins to give a guy a complex.
I am sure you know this as well but I want to throw it out there. When you do get put in the friendzone make sure that you put up appropriate boundaries. No more lunch is on me, or I just picked up an extra ticket etc.... Start splitting dinner checks movie tickets and everything else. This stops people from using your attraction to them from walking all over you, and you can really make a value judgement on how much they like you and want to be your friend.
Last Edit: Jan 23, 2013 15:19:27 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Depending on the situation it could be either/or. I don't think one specific occurrence of something like this is a problem. It happens, I understand that. It is several occurrences of this type of thing over a span of literally years that begins to give a guy a complex.
I am sure you know this as well but I want to throw it out there. When you do get put in the friendzone make sure that you put up appropriate boundaries. No more lunch is on me, or I just picked up an extra ticket etc.... Start splitting dinner checks movie tickets and everything else. This stops people from using your attraction to them from walking all over you, and you can really make a value judgement on how much they like you and want to be your friend.
This is also true - a friend is a friend. And I did not do this for a long time - which tended to up the frustration ante.
I am sure you know this as well but I want to throw it out there. When you do get put in the friendzone make sure that you put up appropriate boundaries. No more lunch is on me, or I just picked up an extra ticket etc.... Start splitting dinner checks movie tickets and everything else. This stops people from using your attraction to them from walking all over you, and you can really make a value judgement on how much they like you and want to be your friend.
This is also true - a friend is a friend. And I did not do this for a long time - which tended to up the frustration ante.
Knowing when to cut your losses and move on is the hardest part. It is really easy to double guess yourself and think that if you just try a little harder surely they will feel the same way, but honestly odds are they won't. I usually have about a two week time limit where if things are not moving forward romantically I just assume I am in the friendzone then do the same thing to them.
In all seriousness, I think a couple of other folks have said it pretty well. I've yet to meet anyone who ultimately, no matter what their personality or appearance, didn't find someone else. I've been the "friend" and "like a brother" before and at first it always sucks, but every time I looked back, I realized they weren't good for a meaningful relationship anyway. Keep being yourself and I promise you'll run into someone, someday who will be looking for someone to fall in love with, or maybe just hang out with for a long while, who also wants that person to be trustworthy and special - just like a friend or brother.
Tom, my logical side wants to agree with this 100 percent. Deep down I know it is probably true. Without going into too much detail: When the time frame starts to stretch into years (well beyond 4)...and the same scenario plays out over and over and over, it is hard to not start to believe you are doing it wrong. It is a nice thought that "If you are patient it will happen" but very difficult to sustain that patience for years on end. I am not complaining, I have a lot to be thankful for. This conversation just hit close to home with me. It finally occurred to me that in universe of infinite possibilities, several of possible outcomes are not positive. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to be rational.
Keep up the good work and positivity. :-)
It's been friend zone since my sophomore year (i graduated in 2010). And I know I'm young and I've got a lot to look forward to its just frustrating to put in the time and effort to be thrown in the friend zone. There loss I guess. Not many guys I know of cook clean and do laundry cuz they want to. Ho well
It's been friend zone since my sophomore year (i graduated in 2010). And I know I'm young and I've got a lot to look forward to its just frustrating to put in the time and effort to be thrown in the friend zone. There loss I guess. Not many guys I know of cook clean and do laundry cuz they want to. Ho well
It's been friend zone since my sophomore year (i graduated in 2010). And I know I'm young and I've got a lot to look forward to its just frustrating to put in the time and effort to be thrown in the friend zone. There loss I guess. Not many guys I know of cook clean and do laundry cuz they want to. Ho well
I married my friend.
See sometimes friends make for the best relationship because they know u better than anyone and obviously you can tolerate each other.
Just be mindful not to make that complex a self-fulfilling one, Brock. You are a catch. Sometimes these things just take time.
I am really not trying to come off as a whiner or Droopy Dog like person here. It is frustrating, but like I said, I have more to be thankful for than not. For the most part I am a happy guy. It is just this one aspect that seems to be taking an abnormal amount of time. :-) After awhile, although very much appreciated, hearing that you are a great guy BUT...becomes cringe worthy. Just one dudes perspective. lol
I'm really happy and content being single right now, but damn do I miss having someone that will go to any concert with me regardless if they know/like the band.
Post by abrakapokus on Apr 10, 2014 14:14:48 GMT -5
A good friend of mine met her most recent girlfriend by going on Okcupid and typing in the band she had an extra ticket for and inviting her. She has done it twice. Out of the first she has a good friend and concert buddy, the second time a lover.
I'm really happy and content being single right now, but damn do I miss having someone that will go to any concert with me regardless if they know/like the band.
Agreed 100%. I've realized that this is easily the biggest inconvenience of being single. I've remedied this by going alone anyways. It's really not that bad. Festivals alone may be a little weird though, I'll let you know after this summer how those go.
but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal. 
