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Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I love my girlfriend, and hopefully I'll be proposin' sometime this year (still need to secure the ring and plan the proposal), but fuck all does she infuriate me at times (which is fairly normal in relationships). My biggest pet peeves with her is how she will sometimes treat me like a child (but I am a guy, so I get it sometimes), and when she complains 'bout my drivin'. It's gotten to the point that when she makes any comment on my drivin' I just lose my shit. I drive like an ol' man, and she's known that fer some four years (as long as we've been datin'), but I will just 'bout yell at her to shut it unless she is drivin'.
So of course now I'm havin' drinks at he bar in an attempt to calm myself. Unsuccessfully.
Post by JustKillingTime on May 1, 2018 13:30:13 GMT -5
Need advice inforoo.
Current GF and I have been together for a year. It's had its ups and downs, but I've come to a realization over the last month or so; she's not my best friend, and never will be. When we hang out, we do typical date stuff, go out out eat, see a movie, watch tv. It's fun and it's fine. She's not into concerts, sports, video games (my interests), and she doesn't really have many hobbies. She likes to run, watch reality tv, and go on walks. We don't talk about that new album coming out, philly sports teams, or anything beyond work and making plans. Stuff I want to talk about with my best friend. We both do like traveling, but as young 20 somethings, we can't afford to go places frequently enough. I do genuinely like spending time with her, and I do love her, but if I'm not getting the most out of this relationship, I won't be holding up my end, and that's not fair to her. We've talked bout this a couple times, once before we started dating, we said we'd try and figure it out. It got brought up again a month ago, and I haven't let it go. I get I'm probably being selfish, but at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me. The thought of breaking up with her has been in my mind for about 2 weeks now. This is my first serious post grad relationship, so any advice is much appreciated.
Current GF and I have been together for a year. It's had its ups and downs, but I've come to a realization over the last month or so; she's not my best friend, and never will be. When we hang out, we do typical date stuff, go out out eat, see a movie, watch tv. It's fun and it's fine. She's not into concerts, sports, video games (my interests), and she doesn't really have many hobbies. She likes to run, watch reality tv, and go on walks. We don't talk about that new album coming out, philly sports teams, or anything beyond work and making plans. Stuff I want to talk about with my best friend. We both do like traveling, but as young 20 somethings, we can't afford to go places frequently enough. I do genuinely like spending time with her, and I do love her, but if I'm not getting the most out of this relationship, I won't be holding up my end, and that's not fair to her. We've talked bout this a couple times, once before we started dating, we said we'd try and figure it out. It got brought up again a month ago, and I haven't let it go. I get I'm probably being selfish, but at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me. The thought of breaking up with her has been in my mind for about 2 weeks now. This is my first serious post grad relationship, so any advice is much appreciated.
1) You have to be happy - and that's not selfish.
2) No relationship is perfect. There will always be some likes and dislikes among those in it. Obviously the more you agree on things and have interests in common, usually the better. Lots of women/girls play video games and are into sports and music. But to find one who is into Philadelphia Sports, wants to see tons of shows and is down with video gaming - you'd probably do better with a "he". haha
3) If it's bothering you, and you want to be the bigger person (you said it's not fair to her since you're not going to be putting full effort out), maybe see if there is a solution within the relationship. Usually the answer is going to be no, but you never know for sure. Maybe she'd be down with some changes. I mean, she's been with you for a year, so she obviously puts up with your life and lifestyle. But remember, not every relationship involves best friends. Ideally we all probably want to meet our so-called soulmates. But I think it's a pipe dream more than anything. Sometimes people are kindred spirits, sometimes they're two individuals in a partnership. If you want to remain in a relationship with her and be fair to her, you probably need to have that talk and see if there's an opportunity to grow together or change the framework of the relationship (or end it altogether if you'd feel better about that).
Current GF and I have been together for a year. It's had its ups and downs, but I've come to a realization over the last month or so; she's not my best friend, and never will be. When we hang out, we do typical date stuff, go out out eat, see a movie, watch tv. It's fun and it's fine. She's not into concerts, sports, video games (my interests), and she doesn't really have many hobbies. She likes to run, watch reality tv, and go on walks. We don't talk about that new album coming out, philly sports teams, or anything beyond work and making plans. Stuff I want to talk about with my best friend. We both do like traveling, but as young 20 somethings, we can't afford to go places frequently enough. I do genuinely like spending time with her, and I do love her, but if I'm not getting the most out of this relationship, I won't be holding up my end, and that's not fair to her. We've talked bout this a couple times, once before we started dating, we said we'd try and figure it out. It got brought up again a month ago, and I haven't let it go. I get I'm probably being selfish, but at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me. The thought of breaking up with her has been in my mind for about 2 weeks now. This is my first serious post grad relationship, so any advice is much appreciated.
Idk if I can offer much by way of advice, but I can relate. My girlfriend isn't my best friend, and sometimes we are on two different vibes completely. I enjoy deep philosophical conversations and witty banter; her conversational style is very surface-level and she has a different sense of humor from me. Both of those things are very important to me, and I'd be lying if I said I don't wish they were part of our relationship. But that's just called being in a relationship with someone. No one is necessarily gonna check all your boxes. But she's a good person, and I'm happy when I'm with her, which is what I think matters most in the end. She loves and supports me in the ways that really matter, and I feel the same way about her. And she got that bomb pussy.
As I get older I find myself siding more with esteban regarding the idea of soulmates being pretty much a pipe dream - but who's to say that that's not just something we tell ourselves because we haven't met that person? I can't answer that, and we can't answer that for you. If this relationship isn't doing it for you, that's okay. I have days where I feel the same. You gotta do what you feel is best for you though.
Yeah, I mean I’m not saying that people can’t be uber compatible in most ways. But I was like 44 before I ever found what I’d consider to be true love. I wouldn’t have even believed in that shit still if I hadn’t gone through it, and it wasn’t 1-sided. That’s the shit where you melt at the thought of your partner or looking into their eyes, maybe even to the point where they take your breath away from time to time long after the honeymoon/infatuation phase of a relationship. Thing was, this chick was a hardcore Republican. She wasn’t a right winger but ran in some high dolllar circles I’d typically avoid . Then there was the ex wife who was one of my best friends in the world, but we don’t get along well and tended to bicker over stupid shit.
I don’t think there’s a magic bullet, and I also think every relationship is different and has its own set of pros and cons.
Current GF and I have been together for a year. It's had its ups and downs, but I've come to a realization over the last month or so; she's not my best friend, and never will be. When we hang out, we do typical date stuff, go out out eat, see a movie, watch tv. It's fun and it's fine. She's not into concerts, sports, video games (my interests), and she doesn't really have many hobbies. She likes to run, watch reality tv, and go on walks. We don't talk about that new album coming out, philly sports teams, or anything beyond work and making plans. Stuff I want to talk about with my best friend. We both do like traveling, but as young 20 somethings, we can't afford to go places frequently enough. I do genuinely like spending time with her, and I do love her, but if I'm not getting the most out of this relationship, I won't be holding up my end, and that's not fair to her. We've talked bout this a couple times, once before we started dating, we said we'd try and figure it out. It got brought up again a month ago, and I haven't let it go. I get I'm probably being selfish, but at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me. The thought of breaking up with her has been in my mind for about 2 weeks now. This is my first serious post grad relationship, so any advice is much appreciated.
2) But to find one who is into Philadelphia Sports, wants to see tons of shows and is down with video gaming - you'd probably do better with a "he". haha
I've just turned 31 and am at a crossing roads with dating. I haven't been in a major relationship since I was 26 (6 months or more) and haven't dated much in the past 2 years. Dating is very hard for me with a history of divorced parents, and frankly, I just don't want another person telling me how to live, what do do, ect. I have seen so many of my friends become miserable home bodies because they just can't ever go out anymore. My life is mostly comfortable, I have no real issues going on other than figuring out a career path I am content with (X-Ray tech) and a couple little health issues.
For whatever reason, dating has just become so hard. I've started looking back at hold flames and "could have been..." and really wonder what the heck went wrong. Why couldn't I just figure things out, been more patient, been more likable, the list goes on. To jump to the point, I have been uncomfortable content with possibly not finding someone in my life. It sucks but it exists.
As far as you are concerned, it really is a give and take. The soulmate glorification is certainly exaggerated but you want a solid % of compatibility. It really comes down to what %.
So far it sounds like y'all not having too much in common is leading to a distancing in connection. Connection and communications is key. I feel there are many couples that are attached at the hip and do EVERYTHING together, there are polar opposite couples who just meet at the relationship, and everything in between. Perhaps you need something new to connect upon. A new hobby or experience? Maybe you have tried this already? Is the relationship so comfortable that it is boring? Do you feel you have given all you can to mend or create connection? Do you feel she has reciprocated that attempt?
Soulmates are not a pipe dream. I found mine. It took a long time. We were both in our thirties when we met. We have been through some incredible horror inducing shit together. Parents dying, two cancers, and three jobs lost, just to name a few. But he is my best friend. They have to be your best friend to get though this crap without going crazy. They don’t have to like everything you do. My husband would rather be drawn and quartered than go to some of the shows I go to. But he drives me there. And picks me up afterward, with a cold Diet Coke waiting for me in the car. That’s love.
Soulmates are not a pipe dream. I found mine. It took a long time. We were both in our thirties when we met. We have been through some incredible horror inducing shit together. Parents dying, two cancers, and three jobs lost, just to name a few. But he is my best friend. They have to be your best friend to get though this crap without going crazy. They don’t have to like everything you do. My husband would rather be drawn and quartered than go to some of the shows I go to. But he drives me there. And picks me up afterward, with a cold Diet Coke waiting for me in the car. That’s love.
I’m not denying it, but I don’t think it’s automatic that any given person is going to find that type of partner. I think anyone in ove will go through thick and thin. I mean I did everything from eyewitnessing our biggest fear (episiotomy and oars) to cleaning up a floor full of violent pregnancy thrown up crawfish. Getting along is the biggest deal of all, and along with love, I think most people will take the bullet for a loving partner. What I didn’t believe in was that a Cinderella/Snow White world existed where emotional intensity could allow me - a pretty hardened and cynical old guy - to express all emotion without filter. That was a weird revelation to me. It was a little bit like I would imagine people coming out preference or gender wise, where you were free to be a completely unguarded you. It was ultra liberating, but as someone who doesn’t ever want to be vulnerable, is was a bit of an internal paradox. But still, I’ll always cherish the fuck out of being able to have experienced that shit. It wasn’t soulmate, but she and I knew we could (if we could have) always been together because the emotional connection was insane
1) can confirm Druid and her husband are the cutest couple ever. 2) given the chance, I would totally check all Jaz's boxes.
[x] dreamy eyes [x] considerable clout on my favorite online message board [x] could use role play to help me work through my daddy issues [x] probably hasn't killed many people
I've gotta say, you've got potential. Please submit an application via PM and I will give this opportunity consideration. Queries will be answered within 3-5 business days. Thank you.
I've just turned 31 and am at a crossing roads with dating. I haven't been in a major relationship since I was 26 (6 months or more) and haven't dated much in the past 2 years. Dating is very hard for me with a history of divorced parents, and frankly, I just don't want another person telling me how to live, what do do, ect. I have seen so many of my friends become miserable home bodies because they just can't ever go out anymore. My life is mostly comfortable, I have no real issues going on other than figuring out a career path I am content with (X-Ray tech) and a couple little health issues.
For whatever reason, dating has just become so hard. I've started looking back at hold flames and "could have been..." and really wonder what the heck went wrong. Why couldn't I just figure things out, been more patient, been more likable, the list goes on. To jump to the point, I have been uncomfortable content with possibly not finding someone in my life. It sucks but it exists.
As far as you are concerned, it really is a give and take. The soulmate glorification is certainly exaggerated but you want a solid % of compatibility. It really comes down to what %.
So far it sounds like y'all not having too much in common is leading to a distancing in connection. Connection and communications is key. I feel there are many couples that are attached at the hip and do EVERYTHING together, there are polar opposite couples who just meet at the relationship, and everything in between. Perhaps you need something new to connect upon. A new hobby or experience? Maybe you have tried this already? Is the relationship so comfortable that it is boring? Do you feel you have given all you can to mend or create connection? Do you feel she has reciprocated that attempt?
Your story sounds painfully accurate to my situation.
1) can confirm Druid and her husband are the cutest couple ever. 2) given the chance, I would totally check all Jaz's boxes.
[x] dreamy eyes [x] considerable clout on my favorite online message board [x] could use role play to help me work through my daddy issues [x] probably hasn't killed many people
I've gotta say, you've got potential. Please submit an application via PM and I will give this opportunity consideration. Queries will be answered within 3-5 business days. Thank you.
In the last bullet, I don't know if I find "probably" or "many" funnier.
Post by JustKillingTime on May 2, 2018 8:20:59 GMT -5
lotta good responses here, so I'll try and give so more info.
No I don't want to do everything together with her, but I feel like having at least one hobby in common would help with our connection. I've brought it up twice before. Once before we started officially dating, and again about 2 months ago. Before we started dating, it was, oh well, just try and figure it out. When I brought it up recently, again, we said we'd both try new things, I've made some effort, but she genuinely doesn't have many hobbies, so it would be here trying more of my hobbies, and I've said I don't want to her to resent spending time together when I'm the only one enjoying what we're doing.
To add to this, she isn't the most social person and doesn't have the most self-confidence because of it. She actually called me yesterday afternoon saying she wanted to cancel our plans this week because she wanted to try and get herself straightened out. She's been pretty down recently, had some family issues and isn't the happiest at her job. I've made efforts to try and have her talk to me about this stuff, but she mostly keeps it in. There's just a lot going on and a lot of uncertainty going on now.
Of course I like spending time with her, we're very compatible when we're together, I also realize life is mostly mundane, and a vast majority of a relationship is gonna be routine, but I can't help but feel like I could be getting more out of a relationship.
I don't know if this is right thread for this or not, but here goes. I have a pretty well-documented post-divorce dating history that can be read about in the Catch a Feeling thread, so I won't go into TOO much backstory here. But long story short, after my divorce I had a solid two years of hardcore dating and tom-foolery. It took a minute, but I learned how the rules of modern dating work (ie dating apps/sites, always having options, etc). And after two years of thinking I'd never be able mend my broken heart and fall in love again, I found someone very special to me and we dated for the past year.
The first six months were pretty amazing. The second six months, for various reasons I won't go into right now, the relationship was really hard and we didn't work out. We broke up about 6 weeks or so ago. I've since dated a few women, and just had a first date last night with someone who I really believe has potential to be just what I'm looking for (hooray!).
This morning, I see on FB that Father John Misty is coming to New Orleans on his upcoming tour! I hit the "going" button on the calendar event and go about my day. About an hour ago, my phone sends me an FB alert. My ex "liked" that I'm going to the concert. We don't really communicate any more, so it was a surprise, but on the surface it didn't seem like much to think about. But I did think about it. I tried to remember if she even liked FJM. Then I remembered that when we first started dating, when I would go over to her old house when she had roommates, and I would wear my FJM t-shirt. And then I was triggered. I started remembering how I would leave her house at 6 am to go home to change for work and I'd be playing "In Twenty Years or So" and looking into the sunrise and thinking to myself "I'm not a lost cause. I can love someone again. I'm capable of emotional intimacy. I'm not completely fucked up." And I remember just being so happy.
I appreciate that relationship for showing me that I can love someone again and be fulfilled again. And she wasn't the person I'm supposed to be with forever. But it did make me cry just now. And I realized that this isn't the last time that I'm going to feel this way.
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