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Maybeeee but I can see how going to a small most likely crowded punk show at some hipster ass venue for a band you're not familiar with at all can be uncomfortable for most people.
This is the Atlanta show, right? You've got Bookhouse right next door for some library drinking vibes, a fun gay bar upstairs, a hipstery dive bar up the road, and bougie-as-hell Ponce City Market right across the street. So if you go and she hates it you can bail and still have plenty of good date options.
Or if she's real champ you can take her to the Clermont afterwards.
Also I'm going to that show. If your lady friend doesn't want to go then I'll drink a beer with you.
I almost spit coffee on my computer screen when I read the bolded line.
Orrrrrr it is the optimal way to gauge if she is right for you.
Maybeeee but I can see how going to a small most likely crowded punk show at some hipster ass venue for a band you're not familiar with at all can be uncomfortable for most people.
One of the times I saw my husband at his happiest was at a Cannibal Corpse show right before people started throwing metal trashcans around the crowd. I, on the other hand, get uncomfortable if I just have to stand in the middle of any crowd, whether rowdy or not.
If she's into it, that's great; but if she's not, I think you're on the right track with not getting too hung up on that (unless, of course, this is the kind of thing you do like every week for fun and her not being into it would be an actual barrier to you spending time together).
Thanks for all the responses everyone, I appreciate it! I'm gonna make an account right now. And to echo what several of you have said, while I'm not necessarily looking for anything in particular, I'm just jones-ing for some new experiences and meeting new people. I think this is a good way to open up.
I also realize that the indoor soccer comment was far too specific to not be rooted in reality. If anyone has any idea how to join such a thing, I'd absolutely love that.
there should be adult sport and social clubs in your area. i've recently joined a kickball and bowling league. it is basically an excuse to drink and touch balls. i'd def recommend it, as i've made new friends for sure.
I could be way off here, but I'm assuming these two correlated?
This is the Atlanta show, right? You've got Bookhouse right next door for some library drinking vibes, a fun gay bar upstairs, a hipstery dive bar up the road, and bougie-as-hell Ponce City Market right across the street. So if you go and she hates it you can bail and still have plenty of good date options.
Or if she's real champ you can take her to the Clermont afterwards.
Also I'm going to that show. If your lady friend doesn't want to go then I'll drink a beer with you.
I almost spit coffee on my computer screen when I read the bolded line.
Maybeeee but I can see how going to a small most likely crowded punk show at some hipster ass venue for a band you're not familiar with at all can be uncomfortable for most people.
This is the Atlanta show, right? You've got Bookhouse right next door for some library drinking vibes, a fun gay bar upstairs, a hipstery dive bar up the road, and bougie-as-hell Ponce City Market right across the street. So if you go and she hates it you can bail and still have plenty of good date options.
Or if she's real champ you can take her to the Clermont afterwards.
Also I'm going to that show. If your lady friend doesn't want to go then I'll drink a beer with you.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
A few things of note: 1) my experience of OKC (I first made a profile 3 or more years ago and then have been very off/on with it - much more off than on but still enough to gauge some patterns and tendencies of the site and its users) has been that you gotta weed through a lot of not so great matches until you find a few people you actually want to chat with and maybe meet. I've had much more success with tinder than OKC but that doesn't mean OKC is a waste of time. Just for whatever reason, that's been my experience and I've heard others say the same thing. 2) just a few days? Definitely give it time! Have you tried filtering for more specific things than just age and gender? You can filter for religion, political leanings, monogamy v non monogamy, etc. These can help refine the matches that show up for you. 3) If you think you've seen most of what your area has to offer already, you're probably wrong. New people show up on the site all the time. 4) I've had people be slow to respond before who were actually very interested. And I know I'll sometimes read a message then think "I'll come back to this later" and remember to do so a week after I read it.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
Your standards seem ridiculously high. Or alternately, there could be something in your head that's making you resistant to pretty much anyone that comes along and shows interest.
Also, you're having waaaaaaaay more success than I ever did, before finding my eventual fiancee.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
Your standards seem ridiculously high. Or alternately, there could be something in your head that's making you resistant to pretty much anyone that comes along and shows interest.
Also, you're having waaaaaaaay more success than I ever did, before finding my eventual fiancee.
i dunno about that. maybe okcupid is better in bigger metropolitan areas like nola, but a couple years ago i used it in the greater st. louis area and the pickin's were slim to say the least. like really slim.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
Your standards seem ridiculously high. Or alternately, there could be something in your head that's making you resistant to pretty much anyone that comes along and shows interest.
Also, you're having waaaaaaaay more success than I ever did, before finding my eventual fiancee.
I think there is a lot of truth to what you're saying. I think my mindset is that if I have a really good idea that I'm not going to be into them, I don't want to waste my time. But I'm probably cutting myself off from some real connections, which is a problem with online dating.
I'd like a female perspective on dating sites and apps. I feel like women are probably bombarded with unwanted messages and attention
Post by NothingButFlowers on Jan 27, 2016 19:24:17 GMT -5
I think it's maybe been mentioned before, but everything about the last couple of pages of this thread reminds me of Aziz Ansari's book, Modern Romance. It was pretty interesting.
I can't offer a female perspective on dating sites. I met my husband a million years ago because he lived downstairs from me and worked with my roommate.
Your standards seem ridiculously high. Or alternately, there could be something in your head that's making you resistant to pretty much anyone that comes along and shows interest.
Also, you're having waaaaaaaay more success than I ever did, before finding my eventual fiancee.
I think there is a lot of truth to what you're saying. I think my mindset is that if I have a really good idea that I'm not going to be into them, I don't want to waste my time. But I'm probably cutting myself off from some real connections, which is a problem with online dating.
I'd like a female perspective on dating sites and apps. I feel like women are probably bombarded with unwanted messages and attention
I JUST GAVE YOU ONE. AM I NOT FEMALE ENOUGH FOR U?
Yeah and I get creepy messages all the fucking time. Eh it is annoying but that's what the delete and block buttons are for.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
A few things of note: 1) my experience of OKC (I first made a profile 3 or more years ago and then have been very off/on with it - much more off than on but still enough to gauge some patterns and tendencies of the site and its users) has been that you gotta weed through a lot of not so great matches until you find a few people you actually want to chat with and maybe meet. I've had much more success with tinder than OKC but that doesn't mean OKC is a waste of time. Just for whatever reason, that's been my experience and I've heard others say the same thing. 2) just a few days? Definitely give it time! Have you tried filtering for more specific things than just age and gender? You can filter for religion, political leanings, monogamy v non monogamy, etc. These can help refine the matches that show up for you. 3) If you think you've seen most of what your area has to offer already, you're probably wrong. New people show up on the site all the time. 4) I've had people be slow to respond before who were actually very interested. And I know I'll sometimes read a message then think "I'll come back to this later" and remember to do so a week after I read it.
I'm going to try out the filtering process more. I do think I'm being impatient. It's always when you aren't trying when you meet someone. Can that still hold true for online dating? Maybe so.
I'm just on a down cycle. I go from feast to famine in the dating scene. Ill give it another week or two to pick up
I think there is a lot of truth to what you're saying. I think my mindset is that if I have a really good idea that I'm not going to be into them, I don't want to waste my time. But I'm probably cutting myself off from some real connections, which is a problem with online dating.
I'd like a female perspective on dating sites and apps. I feel like women are probably bombarded with unwanted messages and attention
I JUST GAVE YOU ONE. AM I NOT FEMALE ENOUGH FOR U?
Yeah and I get creepy messages all the fucking time. Eh it is annoying but that's what the delete and block buttons are for.
I honestly just saw your response and responded haha sorry!
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
g a b f r a b
Showerless Shakedown Vendor Sasha Fierce
I think there is a lot of truth to what you're saying. I think my mindset is that if I have a really good idea that I'm not going to be into them, I don't want to waste my time. But I'm probably cutting myself off from some real connections, which is a problem with online dating.
I'd like a female perspective on dating sites and apps. I feel like women are probably bombarded with unwanted messages and attention
I JUST GAVE YOU ONE. AM I NOT FEMALE ENOUGH FOR U?
Yeah and I get creepy messages all the fucking time. Eh it is annoying but that's what the delete and block buttons are for.
This is my "On this Day" memory from this morning. I miss Sasha:
Okay now I'm looking through her old messages and saw this gold:
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
From my perspective I found online dating to be very difficult. I tried a couple of different sites and tried to DM at least 20 women per site. I didn't get any responses from anyone.
I think there's a structure or an art to it that you'll master with some practice.
I gave up because I found it frustrating that I could meet women easily face to face but online was near impossible. I'm sure you can have way more success.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
This is pretty much par for the course. A man's experience vs. a woman's experience on OKC are two totally different things. You've received two new messages? Cool. I guarantee you that some of the women you messaged probably opened up their inbox to find 50-100 new messages, depending on how often they check OKC and how attractive they are. You have to really stand out to get a response. Be witty; be interesting. Luckily for you, you're attractive, eloquent, and from what I can tell on here, you probably have a decent personality. So you will get more responses than most - but even so, I wouldn't expect a response rate of greater than 5-10%. Honestly, the fact that two women messaged you out of the 34 who viewed you is a really good sign.
In short: yes, lower your expectations. If you're looking for something serious, then by all means take it seriously and look at lots of profiles and message lots of women. Lots of people have had success with OKC - indeed, that's where I found my last SO. But I find it helpful to pretend that there's a little note at the bottom of the screen that says "For entertainment purposes only". Have fun with it, and don't expect much.
And I wouldn't think you're an asshole for not being attracted to the people who liked your profile (though I may be an asshole for what I'm about to say). I think that less attractive people are generally going to cast a wider net than more attractive ones. The latter group of women already are spending a half hour or more sifting through their inbox full of messages, so not only are they in a better position to be selective, but they likely aren't going to spend the time to craft a whole lot of messages, either.
Thanks for all the responses everyone, I appreciate it! I'm gonna make an account right now. And to echo what several of you have said, while I'm not necessarily looking for anything in particular, I'm just jones-ing for some new experiences and meeting new people. I think this is a good way to open up.
I also realize that the indoor soccer comment was far too specific to not be rooted in reality. If anyone has any idea how to join such a thing, I'd absolutely love that.
there should be adult sport and social clubs in your area. i've recently joined a kickball and bowling league. it is basically an excuse to drink and touch balls. i'd def recommend it, as i've made new friends for sure.
Really though, I've done some research and haven't come up with anything that actually exists beyond forums regarding it. No idea about finding things like this in real life. Thoughts?
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
This is pretty much par for the course. A man's experience vs. a woman's experience on OKC are two totally different things. You've received two new messages? Cool. I guarantee you that some of the women you messaged probably opened up their inbox to find 50-100 new messages, depending on how often they check OKC and how attractive they are. You have to really stand out to get a response. Be witty; be interesting. Luckily for you, you're attractive, eloquent, and from what I can tell on here, you probably have a decent personality. So you will get more responses than most - but even so, I wouldn't expect a response rate of greater than 5-10%. Honestly, the fact that two women messaged you out of the 34 who viewed you is a really good sign.
In short: yes, lower your expectations. If you're looking for something serious, then by all means take it seriously and look at lots of profiles and message lots of women. Lots of people have had success with OKC - indeed, that's where I found my last SO. But I find it helpful to pretend that there's a little note at the bottom of the screen that says "For entertainment purposes only". Have fun with it, and don't expect much.
And I wouldn't think you're an asshole for not being attracted to the people who liked your profile (though I may be an asshole for what I'm about to say). I think that less attractive people are generally going to cast a wider net than more attractive ones. The latter group of women already are spending a half hour or more sifting through their inbox full of messages, so not only are they in a better position to be selective, but they likely aren't going to spend the time to craft a whole lot of messages, either.
Jaz is right. I know that objectively speaking I'm not an ugly female - though certainly not super model 10/10 either - and nearly every time I log onto the site (which makes my profile pop up as "online" and thus more likely to be messaged), I'll get 5-10 messages within 30 minutes. I reply to maybe 5% of the ones I receive - maybe more like 3/4 %. I'm not being overly picky or elitist in any way; I just don't want to waste time by responding to people who I know I'm not into. If I'm distinctly not attracted to them on a physical level, then pass (just like you wouldn't pursue conversation with someone at a bar who you feel no sexual attraction to). But more often it is the profile that will turn me off vs pique my interest. Anyone who comes off as (and this is for me, personally - of course everyone has their own "things" or dealbreakers) at all conservative, hyper religious, cocky, not interested in music and art, money oriented, strict about wanting total monogamy in a long term sense, non-kinky, and likely some other stuff I'm forgetting will almost certainly not be someone I reply to.
Does that mean that those people are undesirable to everyone? Of course not. You just have to enter the online dating world with the awareness that a lot of women will approach messages they receive in the way that I explained above. If one of their deal breakers seems evidenced in the profile, not gonna reply. If the message isn't very interesting, not gonna reply. If you come off as too aggressive, not gonna reply.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
From my perspective I found online dating to be very difficult. I tried a couple of different sites and tried to DM at least 20 women per site. I didn't get any responses from anyone.
I think there's a structure or an art to it that you'll master with some practice.
I gave up because I found it frustrating that I could meet women easily face to face but online was near impossible. I'm sure you can have way more success.
I feel like I would have a better chance in real life if I were better at making the initial contact. Seems to be the problem in the online world too. I'm sorry to hear you had tough online luck
I need advice from anyone else who is using OK Cupid. I joined a few days ago and I'm not having the type of luck I was hoping for. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little in assuming I'd see better results by now. I also feel bad because I'm probably being hypocritical.
So I created a profile that I personally feel like is a good representation of myself. I picked photos that show off my general appearance and some that demonstrate how I like to have fun. I then went through about 50-100 "matches," and sent a personalized (and I felt like clever) message to 12 different women. Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I paid for the premium version so that I could track people who view my account, like my account, and also I'm notified when a woman reads my message.
Now for the statistics because I'm a data nerd. So far, my profile has been visited by 34 women, liked by 28 of them, and messaged by two. This sounds great, right? Except that I'm not attracted to any of the 28 women who liked me. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, but I don't find any of them a match. Out of the 12 that I sent personal messages, six have read them and none have responded. It is making me ask myself what is wrong with me that these six women are not interested in messaging back? And am I the real asshole here because I'm not attracted to the 28 women who liked my profile?
This is pretty much par for the course. A man's experience vs. a woman's experience on OKC are two totally different things. You've received two new messages? Cool. I guarantee you that some of the women you messaged probably opened up their inbox to find 50-100 new messages, depending on how often they check OKC and how attractive they are. You have to really stand out to get a response. Be witty; be interesting. Luckily for you, you're attractive, eloquent, and from what I can tell on here, you probably have a decent personality. So you will get more responses than most - but even so, I wouldn't expect a response rate of greater than 5-10%. Honestly, the fact that two women messaged you out of the 34 who viewed you is a really good sign.
In short: yes, lower your expectations. If you're looking for something serious, then by all means take it seriously and look at lots of profiles and message lots of women. Lots of people have had success with OKC - indeed, that's where I found my last SO. But I find it helpful to pretend that there's a little note at the bottom of the screen that says "For entertainment purposes only". Have fun with it, and don't expect much.
And I wouldn't think you're an asshole for not being attracted to the people who liked your profile (though I may be an asshole for what I'm about to say). I think that less attractive people are generally going to cast a wider net than more attractive ones. The latter group of women already are spending a half hour or more sifting through their inbox full of messages, so not only are they in a better position to be selective, but they likely aren't going to spend the time to craft a whole lot of messages, either.
I pretty much like everything you just wrote here. I'm definitely going to process all this. thank you
This is pretty much par for the course. A man's experience vs. a woman's experience on OKC are two totally different things. You've received two new messages? Cool. I guarantee you that some of the women you messaged probably opened up their inbox to find 50-100 new messages, depending on how often they check OKC and how attractive they are. You have to really stand out to get a response. Be witty; be interesting. Luckily for you, you're attractive, eloquent, and from what I can tell on here, you probably have a decent personality. So you will get more responses than most - but even so, I wouldn't expect a response rate of greater than 5-10%. Honestly, the fact that two women messaged you out of the 34 who viewed you is a really good sign.
In short: yes, lower your expectations. If you're looking for something serious, then by all means take it seriously and look at lots of profiles and message lots of women. Lots of people have had success with OKC - indeed, that's where I found my last SO. But I find it helpful to pretend that there's a little note at the bottom of the screen that says "For entertainment purposes only". Have fun with it, and don't expect much.
And I wouldn't think you're an asshole for not being attracted to the people who liked your profile (though I may be an asshole for what I'm about to say). I think that less attractive people are generally going to cast a wider net than more attractive ones. The latter group of women already are spending a half hour or more sifting through their inbox full of messages, so not only are they in a better position to be selective, but they likely aren't going to spend the time to craft a whole lot of messages, either.
Jaz is right. I know that objectively speaking I'm not an ugly female - though certainly not super model 10/10 either - and nearly every time I log onto the site (which makes my profile pop up as "online" and thus more likely to be messaged), I'll get 5-10 messages within 30 minutes. I reply to maybe 5% of the ones I receive - maybe more like 3/4 %. I'm not being overly picky or elitist in any way; I just don't want to waste time by responding to people who I know I'm not into. If I'm distinctly not attracted to them on a physical level, then pass (just like you wouldn't pursue conversation with someone at a bar who you feel no sexual attraction to). But more often it is the profile that will turn me off vs pique my interest. Anyone who comes off as (and this is for me, personally - of course everyone has their own "things" or dealbreakers) at all conservative, hyper religious, cocky, not interested in music and art, money oriented, strict about wanting total monogamy in a long term sense, non-kinky, and likely some other stuff I'm forgetting will almost certainly not be someone I reply to.
Does that mean that those people are undesirable to everyone? Of course not. You just have to enter the online dating world with the awareness that a lot of women will approach messages they receive in the way that I explained above. If one of their deal breakers seems evidenced in the profile, not gonna reply. If the message isn't very interesting, not gonna reply. If you come off as too aggressive, not gonna reply.
So all us guys have to do, in real life and online, is find someone who doesn't have on a ring, doesn't have a boyfriend, is interested in men, is interested in actually dating, and stand out more than the 20-30 guys a day that are also openly interested in her.
Jaz is right. I know that objectively speaking I'm not an ugly female - though certainly not super model 10/10 either - and nearly every time I log onto the site (which makes my profile pop up as "online" and thus more likely to be messaged), I'll get 5-10 messages within 30 minutes. I reply to maybe 5% of the ones I receive - maybe more like 3/4 %. I'm not being overly picky or elitist in any way; I just don't want to waste time by responding to people who I know I'm not into. If I'm distinctly not attracted to them on a physical level, then pass (just like you wouldn't pursue conversation with someone at a bar who you feel no sexual attraction to). But more often it is the profile that will turn me off vs pique my interest. Anyone who comes off as (and this is for me, personally - of course everyone has their own "things" or dealbreakers) at all conservative, hyper religious, cocky, not interested in music and art, money oriented, strict about wanting total monogamy in a long term sense, non-kinky, and likely some other stuff I'm forgetting will almost certainly not be someone I reply to.
Does that mean that those people are undesirable to everyone? Of course not. You just have to enter the online dating world with the awareness that a lot of women will approach messages they receive in the way that I explained above. If one of their deal breakers seems evidenced in the profile, not gonna reply. If the message isn't very interesting, not gonna reply. If you come off as too aggressive, not gonna reply.
So all us guys have to do, in real life and online, is find someone who doesn't have on a ring, doesn't have a boyfriend, is interested in men, is interested in actually dating, and stand out more than the 20-30 guys a day that are also openly interested in her.
This is why I'm always amazed/thankful that I manage to get laid/occasionally have a girl interested in me. I ran a fake OK Cupid as a female (a disgusting lady with 7 fingers who only dated married men) and she got 100% more messages than me. I helped my sister set up her OKC and within a week or two she mad more messages/likes than I've had in over four years. Girls really are inundated online (and real life too I suppose).
I've kind of lost the drive to message girls on OKC but when I used to I always made it funny/personal to them. Still had little luck with response rate. I'd rate myself as average in looks but my lifestyle is largely incompatible with dating. I'm sure that's all part of it. From your report I'd say you're doing about as well if not better than most guys on there. It may not be "fair" but that's the reality of it.
Edit: I should also say I've met some awesome ladies off OKC and had some interesting experiences because of it. It's not all doom and gloom.
there should be adult sport and social clubs in your area. i've recently joined a kickball and bowling league. it is basically an excuse to drink and touch balls. i'd def recommend it, as i've made new friends for sure.
Really though, I've done some research and haven't come up with anything that actually exists beyond forums regarding it. No idea about finding things like this in real life. Thoughts?
So all us guys have to do, in real life and online, is find someone who doesn't have on a ring, doesn't have a boyfriend, is interested in men, is interested in actually dating, and stand out more than the 20-30 guys a day that are also openly interested in her.
This is why I'm always amazed/thankful that I manage to get laid/occasionally have a girl interested in me. I ran a fake OK Cupid as a female (a disgusting lady with 7 fingers who only dated married men) and she got 100% more messages than me. I helped my sister set up her OKC and within a week or two she mad more messages/likes than I've had in over four years. Girls really are inundated online (and real life too I suppose).
I've kind of lost the drive to message girls on OKC but when I used to I always made it funny/personal to them. Still had little luck with response rate. I'd rate myself as average in looks but my lifestyle is largely incompatible with dating. I'm sure that's all part of it. From your report I'd say you're doing about as well if not better than most guys on there. It may not be "fair" but that's the reality of it.
Edit: I should also say I've met some awesome ladies off OKC and had some interesting experiences because of it. It's not all doom and gloom.
I love hearing your stories because you always go for things full throttle. I think I did have unrealistic expectations.
From my perspective I found online dating to be very difficult. I tried a couple of different sites and tried to DM at least 20 women per site. I didn't get any responses from anyone.
I think there's a structure or an art to it that you'll master with some practice.
I gave up because I found it frustrating that I could meet women easily face to face but online was near impossible. I'm sure you can have way more success.
I feel like I would have a better chance in real life if I were better at making the initial contact. Seems to be the problem in the online world too. I'm sorry to hear you had tough online luck
Thanks but don't worry about me. This was a few years back and I'm engaged now to a wonderfully sassy woman I met face to face. Our interests are pretty divergent so we never would have met online
I had dinner with some friends on Sunday and one friend pulled her phone out to Tinder. She would match with people- so hypothetically she already finds them attractive and interesting- and often get exasperated when they messaged her. I am not sure what her goal on that thing is, but in addition to inundation of options, some girls don't really have an excuse as to why they don't message back...
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I wasn't genuinely offended in the least 
but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.