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Date #2 went well. About halfway through the date I noticed that conversation still wasn't getting much deeper than music discussion, but afterwards we went out for food and I realized I was really enjoying her company. I think it just takes me a while to get comfortable and start to open up. It was a good night.
Date #2 went well. About halfway through the date I noticed that conversation still wasn't getting much deeper than music discussion, but afterwards we went out for food and I realized I was really enjoying her company. I think it just takes me a while to get comfortable and start to open up. It was a good night.
I usually have the opposite problem. I want to talk about music but many of the dates are of the "I like pretty much all music (i.e. top 40) except country/hardcore rap" variety. The fact that she is jazzed about music is a really good sign. And it sounds like things got better as the date went along which is also what you really hope to happen. That's awesome! Good luck on #3.
]What's interesting is that I'm responding to this at a bar by myself right now. I mean, it's early, but I'm just as lonely as anyone else.
First line of a country song.
PS how did your night end?
That night ended after two drinks and an appetizer. A guy walked in and started asking people if they wanted to play pool with him on the pool table that no one ever uses, so to avoid feeling obligated to play with him as one of the only solo people there, I bolted. I felt bad about it afterwards because he probably just wanted someone to hang out with him. It was a slower night anyway and most people there were already on dates. It's a popular bar for dating app dates.
I went back out with the new girl on Saturday. She had been day-drinking at a festival so the date only lasted a few hours before she got tired. She seems cool and in a lot of ways we are very similar people. I still keep finding excuses to not be happy with someone. I mean, I should be very happy that there are people who want to spend time with me, but I'm not. The 21 year old was hitting me up all weekend (at 1 and 2 am) but I wasn't interested. I have an ex who is basically the female version of me has been keeping in touch with me daily. And the new girl wanted to hang out with me yesterday, but I chose to day drink with friends instead. Even when I'm with my friends, female and male, all they seem to want to hear about are stories of my dating and sexual adventures. It's like I'm being defined by it and I find myself trying to keep feeding that dragon, when what I really want is to catch a feeling.
Even when I'm with my friends, female and male, all they seem to want to hear about are stories of my dating and sexual adventures. It's like I'm being defined by it and I find myself trying to keep feeding that dragon, when what I really want is to catch a feeling.
Not to turn this into the "Unable to Catch a Feeling" thread, but I'm in a similar situation as you. Over the last couple of years I've been on a sexual rampage compared to what I was used to prior to my ex. My friends don't define me this way, since many of them also have a lot of funny sex stories, but I'm known as one of the more wild people in our group. I have basically went through a bunch fuck buddies and one-timers without a single emotion being involved.
I don't actively think about how much I want to catch a feeling. If I wanted a feeling so badly, I'd settle for a lesser girl, or try to convince myself that I had more feelings than I did for every girl. I guess I'm kind of glad that I'm not one of the guys who gets way too excited about every single girl.
As an example, I've caught one feeling in the last two years. This was someone I knew I would never be with long term for various reasons (religious, political, long distance), but she was so funny and pretty that I just couldn't think rationally about it. I could have done without that experience. Annoying. Plus I love being single. Its not as good as being in a great relationship, but its so much better than being in a stale/boring one IMO.
IDK why im posting this. Do you relate to where I'm coming from?
Not to turn this into the "Unable to Catch a Feeling" thread, but I'm in a similar situation as you. Over the last couple of years I've been on a sexual rampage compared to what I was used to prior to my ex. My friends don't define me this way, since many of them also have a lot of funny sex stories, but I'm known as one of the more wild people in our group. I have basically went through a bunch fuck buddies and one-timers without a single emotion being involved.
I don't actively think about how much I want to catch a feeling. If I wanted a feeling so badly, I'd settle for a lesser girl, or try to convince myself that I had more feelings than I did for every girl. I guess I'm kind of glad that I'm not one of the guys who gets way too excited about every single girl.
As an example, I've caught one feeling in the last two years. This was someone I knew I would never be with long term for various reasons (religious, political, long distance), but she was so funny and pretty that I just couldn't think rationally about it. I could have done without that experience. Annoying. Plus I love being single. Its not as good as being in a great relationship, but its so much better than being in a stale/boring one IMO.
IDK why im posting this. Do you relate to where I'm coming from?
I completely understand. Thank you so much for sharing. My biggest issue is that over half my friends are married with kids and the other half are either in weird relationships or perpetually single and not looking. Therefore, I don't have a lot of actively single friends. Because of this, it's like I'm the wild single guy with all the stories.
I can totally relate to what you mean about being single. I haven't settled because, like you said, I'd rather be single than in a less than stellar relationship. I'm just nervous that I may be either too picky or worse yet - not even capable of having feelings for someone again. Like maybe I'm subconsciously not allowing myself to be emotionally available so that I never get hurt again or something cliche like that.
But it's good to hear other people going through similar situations. I start feeling like I'm crazy sometimes.
I'm just nervous that I may be either too picky or worse yet - not even capable of having feelings for someone again. Like maybe I'm subconsciously not allowing myself to be emotionally available so that I never get hurt again or something cliche like that.
But it's good to hear other people going through similar situations. I start feeling like I'm crazy sometimes.
You've put yourself in a good spot. I think you will be able to develop a loving relationship when someone actually meets your criteria. You may miss out on the initial butterflies. That's a good thing. Those butterflies have basically blinded me in the past. Hopefully, you will accidentally avoid those bullshit 3 month dating relationships, but I don't think you'll be unable to recognize someone special.
But yeah, I'm 24. So a lot of people my age are in this oh so dreadful situation of having a lot of sex with many partners. You aren't alone.
A couple weeks ago I was at the bar attached to my work. I'm often down there after work. On this particular night I was watching some ncaa basketball when out of absolutely nowhere this girl I've been attracted to for maybe three years or so whom I haven't seen since I graduated two years ago appears next to the vacant stool next to me. I practically gasp and say (if I remember correctly and can guess my typical manner of speaking) "Holy shit, what's up?! What the hell are you doing here?" She tells me she's there to meet her friend who works in the kitchen. After that brief fact we essentially riff, joke very seriously about outrageously hypothetical situations, and talk absolute nonsensical bullshit for 45 straight minutes almost without coming up for air. Those are my favorite conversations. I've had them with maybe 4 other people in my whole life. All of a sudden this guy pops up, she introduces him, he sort of laughs and says he's seen me around there before, she closes out and they leave almost within a minute. I talked to one of my bartenders afterward and he noted that she's been in there a couple times with him before, but he didn't say if they were together or just friends. I like to ere on the side of together, but that's never stopped my pursuit in the past, especially with a girl I've felt such a rare connection with for so long. Cut to this morning where I woke up on my friend's couch at 8am in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a particularly why wait, day-seizing attitude. I messaged her that we clearly get along with such fun conversation and asked if she'd want to hangout again sometime. She responded two minutes later with a pithy, positive response. I then said, "Cool you wanna meet in like 15? Jokes! I'm in Iowa. For real though, I don't have a smartphone and am about to travel all day. I don't mean to forward, but my number is []. Holler at'cha boy whenever you have some spare time." Anyway she texted me like fifteen minutes ago and my heart dropped, so I'm in a great mood.
Also, beside the point, but easily one of the greatest compliments and pieces of text I've read in years, back in 2013 she messaged me to say, "Dear friend, your candid lecture on orgasms was definitely the best thing ever heard in that class all semester. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay cool."
tl;dr I ran into a girl from my past who may or may not have a boyfriend or an interest in me, we're gonna hangout, and a few years ago I made several new friends by giving an improv, totally inappropriate, and unexpected (in the eyes of the professors) speech about the male and female orgasm to a class of about 30 and she complimented me on it.
edit. Why the fuck I honestly said, "Holler at'cha boy" is beyond me, but she texted me anyway, so I'm batting 1000 so far.
A couple weeks ago I was at the bar attached to my work. I'm often down there after work. On this particular night I was watching some ncaa basketball when out of absolutely nowhere this girl I've been attracted to for maybe three years or so whom I haven't seen since I graduated two years ago appears next to the vacant stool next to me. I practically gasp and say (if I remember correctly and can guess my typical manner of speaking) "Holy shit, what's up?! What the hell are you doing here?" She tells me she's there to meet her friend who works in the kitchen. After that brief fact we essentially riff, joke very seriously about outrageously hypothetical situations, and talk absolute nonsensical bullshit for 45 straight minutes almost without coming up for air. Those are my favorite conversations. I've had them with maybe 4 other people in my whole life. All of a sudden this guy pops up, she introduces him, he sort of laughs and says he's seen me around there before, she closes out and they leave almost within a minute. I talked to one of my bartenders afterward and he noted that she's been in there a couple times with him before, but he didn't say if they were together or just friends. I like to ere on the side of together, but that's never stopped my pursuit in the past, especially with a girl I've felt such a rare connection with for so long. Cut to this morning where I woke up on my friend's couch at 8am in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a particularly why wait, day-seizing attitude. I messaged her that we clearly get along with such fun conversation and asked if she'd want to hangout again sometime. She responded two minutes later with a pithy, positive response. I then said, "Cool you wanna meet in like 15? Jokes! I'm in Iowa. For real though, I don't have a smartphone and am about to travel all day. I don't mean to forward, but my number is []. Holler at'cha boy whenever you have some spare time." Anyway she texted me like fifteen minutes ago and my heart dropped, so I'm in a great mood.
Also, beside the point, but easily one of the greatest compliments and pieces of text I've read in years, back in 2013 she messaged me to say, "Dear friend, your candid lecture on orgasms was definitely the best thing ever heard in that class all semester. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay cool."
tl;dr I ran into a girl from my past who may or may not have a boyfriend or an interest in me, we're gonna hangout, and a few years ago I made several new friends by giving an improv, totally inappropriate, and unexpected (in the eyes of the professors) speech about the male and female orgasm to a class of about 30 and she complimented me on it.
edit. Why the fuck I honestly said, "Holler at'cha boy" is beyond me, but she texted me anyway, so I'm batting 1000 so far.
Bruh she was trying to smash back in 2013, shes tryna smash now. I've had just as few connections as you have with someone whom I don't want to stop talking to because of said instant connection. Get it, ask her if she likes politics and go in like a senator.
A couple weeks ago I was at the bar attached to my work. I'm often down there after work. On this particular night I was watching some ncaa basketball when out of absolutely nowhere this girl I've been attracted to for maybe three years or so whom I haven't seen since I graduated two years ago appears next to the vacant stool next to me. I practically gasp and say (if I remember correctly and can guess my typical manner of speaking) "Holy shit, what's up?! What the hell are you doing here?" She tells me she's there to meet her friend who works in the kitchen. After that brief fact we essentially riff, joke very seriously about outrageously hypothetical situations, and talk absolute nonsensical bullshit for 45 straight minutes almost without coming up for air. Those are my favorite conversations. I've had them with maybe 4 other people in my whole life. All of a sudden this guy pops up, she introduces him, he sort of laughs and says he's seen me around there before, she closes out and they leave almost within a minute. I talked to one of my bartenders afterward and he noted that she's been in there a couple times with him before, but he didn't say if they were together or just friends. I like to ere on the side of together, but that's never stopped my pursuit in the past, especially with a girl I've felt such a rare connection with for so long. Cut to this morning where I woke up on my friend's couch at 8am in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a particularly why wait, day-seizing attitude. I messaged her that we clearly get along with such fun conversation and asked if she'd want to hangout again sometime. She responded two minutes later with a pithy, positive response. I then said, "Cool you wanna meet in like 15? Jokes! I'm in Iowa. For real though, I don't have a smartphone and am about to travel all day. I don't mean to forward, but my number is []. Holler at'cha boy whenever you have some spare time." Anyway she texted me like fifteen minutes ago and my heart dropped, so I'm in a great mood.
Also, beside the point, but easily one of the greatest compliments and pieces of text I've read in years, back in 2013 she messaged me to say, "Dear friend, your candid lecture on orgasms was definitely the best thing ever heard in that class all semester. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay cool."
tl;dr I ran into a girl from my past who may or may not have a boyfriend or an interest in me, we're gonna hangout, and a few years ago I made several new friends by giving an improv, totally inappropriate, and unexpected (in the eyes of the professors) speech about the male and female orgasm to a class of about 30 and she complimented me on it.
edit. Why the fuck I honestly said, "Holler at'cha boy" is beyond me, but she texted me anyway, so I'm batting 1000 so far.
This story made me smile.
Also - do you have an audio recording of that lecture, per chance?
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
A couple weeks ago I was at the bar attached to my work. I'm often down there after work. On this particular night I was watching some ncaa basketball when out of absolutely nowhere this girl I've been attracted to for maybe three years or so whom I haven't seen since I graduated two years ago appears next to the vacant stool next to me. I practically gasp and say (if I remember correctly and can guess my typical manner of speaking) "Holy shit, what's up?! What the hell are you doing here?" She tells me she's there to meet her friend who works in the kitchen. After that brief fact we essentially riff, joke very seriously about outrageously hypothetical situations, and talk absolute nonsensical bullshit for 45 straight minutes almost without coming up for air. Those are my favorite conversations. I've had them with maybe 4 other people in my whole life. All of a sudden this guy pops up, she introduces him, he sort of laughs and says he's seen me around there before, she closes out and they leave almost within a minute. I talked to one of my bartenders afterward and he noted that she's been in there a couple times with him before, but he didn't say if they were together or just friends. I like to ere on the side of together, but that's never stopped my pursuit in the past, especially with a girl I've felt such a rare connection with for so long. Cut to this morning where I woke up on my friend's couch at 8am in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a particularly why wait, day-seizing attitude. I messaged her that we clearly get along with such fun conversation and asked if she'd want to hangout again sometime. She responded two minutes later with a pithy, positive response. I then said, "Cool you wanna meet in like 15? Jokes! I'm in Iowa. For real though, I don't have a smartphone and am about to travel all day. I don't mean to forward, but my number is []. Holler at'cha boy whenever you have some spare time." Anyway she texted me like fifteen minutes ago and my heart dropped, so I'm in a great mood.
Also, beside the point, but easily one of the greatest compliments and pieces of text I've read in years, back in 2013 she messaged me to say, "Dear friend, your candid lecture on orgasms was definitely the best thing ever heard in that class all semester. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay cool."
tl;dr I ran into a girl from my past who may or may not have a boyfriend or an interest in me, we're gonna hangout, and a few years ago I made several new friends by giving an improv, totally inappropriate, and unexpected (in the eyes of the professors) speech about the male and female orgasm to a class of about 30 and she complimented me on it.
edit. Why the fuck I honestly said, "Holler at'cha boy" is beyond me, but she texted me anyway, so I'm batting 1000 so far.
This reminds me of a relationship I had in college. I had a bf and this guy in several of my classes had a crush on me. We always took smoke breaks together and carried on conversations like that constantly, and I'm pretty sure I had feels for him for quite a long time. We stayed in touch, I broke it off with the other guy, and we started dating & had a great relationship. It didn't last, but it was pretty great while it did. Good luck
A couple weeks ago I was at the bar attached to my work. I'm often down there after work. On this particular night I was watching some ncaa basketball when out of absolutely nowhere this girl I've been attracted to for maybe three years or so whom I haven't seen since I graduated two years ago appears next to the vacant stool next to me. I practically gasp and say (if I remember correctly and can guess my typical manner of speaking) "Holy shit, what's up?! What the hell are you doing here?" She tells me she's there to meet her friend who works in the kitchen. After that brief fact we essentially riff, joke very seriously about outrageously hypothetical situations, and talk absolute nonsensical bullshit for 45 straight minutes almost without coming up for air. Those are my favorite conversations. I've had them with maybe 4 other people in my whole life. All of a sudden this guy pops up, she introduces him, he sort of laughs and says he's seen me around there before, she closes out and they leave almost within a minute. I talked to one of my bartenders afterward and he noted that she's been in there a couple times with him before, but he didn't say if they were together or just friends. I like to ere on the side of together, but that's never stopped my pursuit in the past, especially with a girl I've felt such a rare connection with for so long. Cut to this morning where I woke up on my friend's couch at 8am in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a particularly why wait, day-seizing attitude. I messaged her that we clearly get along with such fun conversation and asked if she'd want to hangout again sometime. She responded two minutes later with a pithy, positive response. I then said, "Cool you wanna meet in like 15? Jokes! I'm in Iowa. For real though, I don't have a smartphone and am about to travel all day. I don't mean to forward, but my number is []. Holler at'cha boy whenever you have some spare time." Anyway she texted me like fifteen minutes ago and my heart dropped, so I'm in a great mood.
Also, beside the point, but easily one of the greatest compliments and pieces of text I've read in years, back in 2013 she messaged me to say, "Dear friend, your candid lecture on orgasms was definitely the best thing ever heard in that class all semester. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay cool."
tl;dr I ran into a girl from my past who may or may not have a boyfriend or an interest in me, we're gonna hangout, and a few years ago I made several new friends by giving an improv, totally inappropriate, and unexpected (in the eyes of the professors) speech about the male and female orgasm to a class of about 30 and she complimented me on it.
edit. Why the fuck I honestly said, "Holler at'cha boy" is beyond me, but she texted me anyway, so I'm batting 1000 so far.
I love this story. I'm wishing you the best, man. I hope the next time I'm on here with a long story to tell it's something similar.
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
edit 1. She posted an actually pretty funny article about first date ideas in the middle of our conversation last night on Facebook, I just noticed. I mean. Come on.
edit 2. Sorry Rummy 500 , no audio recording. That was easily the best long-form and improvised speech I ever delivered. I was in the damn zone that afternoon. So many beautiful women in that class certainly fueled my focus.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
It sounds like she is considering it a date to me. I really can't tell from the information so far if she's in a relationship. On one hand, one might think she's not in a relationship since she seems to be eager to spend time with you. On the other hand, she could be in an unhappy relationship and looking for a change. If you don't want to come right out and ask, maybe you could ask her what brought her to that bar next to your office. In a completely "curious because I hang out there sometimes too" way...
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
edit 1. She posted an actually pretty funny article about first date ideas in the middle of our conversation last night on Facebook, I just noticed. I mean. Come on.
edit 2. Sorry Rummy 500 , no audio recording. That was easily the best long-form and improvised speech I ever delivered. I was in the damn zone that afternoon. So many beautiful women in that class certainly fueled my focus.
The problem with two person bowling can be that one person is always bowling while the other is waiting. I find it more conducive to a group activity than one on one. Maybe that is what she meant?
I'd be cautiously optimistic. Seems like she dropped some hints it isn't just a friend thing. Spending one on one time together on a Friday night is pretty date-y.
But I'm also an err-on-the-side-of-caution guy that has been told "will you just kiss me already?" So.
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
edit 1. She posted an actually pretty funny article about first date ideas in the middle of our conversation last night on Facebook, I just noticed. I mean. Come on.
edit 2. Sorry Rummy 500 , no audio recording. That was easily the best long-form and improvised speech I ever delivered. I was in the damn zone that afternoon. So many beautiful women in that class certainly fueled my focus.
Ask her! "Is this considered a date? I'm having a hard time deciding between wearing my grease stained sweat pants or wearing something that is clean, for the most part."
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
edit 1. She posted an actually pretty funny article about first date ideas in the middle of our conversation last night on Facebook, I just noticed. I mean. Come on.
edit 2. Sorry Rummy 500 , no audio recording. That was easily the best long-form and improvised speech I ever delivered. I was in the damn zone that afternoon. So many beautiful women in that class certainly fueled my focus.
A couple things for you to consider when determining if she is in a relationship:
1. "Relationships" can be very complicated and fluid in modern dating. No one is officially off limits unless they are in an exclusive relationship. I always assume whomever I am dating to also be dating other people (like myself) until we sit down and have that type of exclusive relationship discussion.
2. You can straight up ask her who that guy is that she meets. I would suggest seeing how flirtatious things get during bowling. It's tough to not seem too eager while simultaneously avoiding the friend zone.
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
I'm pretty bad at coming up with location/ideas ideas too, but one trick I use to buy myself some time is to first suggest something outrageous like "I was thinking we could both crush a 4 Loko before stumbling into Chuck E Cheeses tonight. You game?" I have maybe ten of those ridiculous, trashy, only moderately funny ideas that I rotate through.
I personally stray from the clichés like dinner, movie, bowling, just because you are putting pressure on the situation. Here in Jacksonville, we have a nice string of bars right on the beach, and the actual beach, so its easy just to say "lets go for drinks at the beaches" and not have to worry about anything.
As for your question, just imagine being in a relationship with someone you deeply cared about. Would you be 1v1 bowling/drinking with other girls? Fuck no. And if she does end up saying something like "oh I'm just trying to be friends," well... I would hate to be her current boyfriend. See if you can pick up on a couple of signs early in the night before showing your hand. I bet she will work her bf into the conversation if she has one or if he is important. You know how girls love to do that.
Thanks for the words, ya'll. We've been texting back and forth semi-regularly the past couple days. She asked me what I wanted to do and told her I really wanted to go bowling, maybe since I've only bowled maybe twice in the past two years. My alternate suggestion was simply a sit and chat. I'm objectively bad at consistently coming up with good ideas for things to do. Her response was to go with the latter since bowling usually requires more than two people (a point I desperately look forward to contending when we get together tomorrow because while I get not wanting to do something that may appear relationship-y, that "more than two people" logic makes no damn sense). I was flying back from Iowa to Minneapolis via Chicago at the time we were discussing, so she suggested that if I didn't have any "sit and chat" locations that she'd compile a few while I was in transit. The following morning I asked her what she was thinking and she apologized and would have to get back to me as she was starting a new job. I reassured her that this should be the least stressful planning activity of all time and that I'm super easy to please and not to worry about it at all. After her shift I tried to lighten her load by riffing about her new job and vocabulary and we talked for a few hours on and off. Almost immediately after a pleasant exchange, she interrupted our narrative to say Okay, and Friday! You wanna go bowling. I wanna go bowling. Let's just go to Bryant Lake Bowl?? I was pretty stoked about the turnaround.
Seemingly superfluous details aside, I gotta ask you all a question. Based on what you know at this point, which is clearly the same information I have since I'm so godd^mn chatty, do you think she is in a relationship? I still can't tell if her and that guy at the bar are together, especially based on the way she's talking to me. Would someone in a relationship seem this stoked to talk to and hangout with me? Does she think this thing on Friday is just two old friends getting together (mind you, in a capacity we never hungout in before, particularly in the sense that we never hungout outside of class) or a date of some kind? Gimme your insights.
I'm pretty bad at coming up with location/ideas ideas too, but one trick I use to buy myself some time is to first suggest something outrageous like "I was thinking we could both crush a 4 Loko before stumbling into Chuck E Cheeses tonight. You game?" I have maybe ten of those ridiculous, trashy, only moderately funny ideas that I rotate through.
I think I'm going on a date tonight and am straight up going to steal this from you.
I'm pretty bad at coming up with location/ideas ideas too, but one trick I use to buy myself some time is to first suggest something outrageous like "I was thinking we could both crush a 4 Loko before stumbling into Chuck E Cheeses tonight. You game?" I have maybe ten of those ridiculous, trashy, only moderately funny ideas that I rotate through.
I think I'm going on a date tonight and am straight up going to steal this from you.
Please do. If she plays along, you can promise her some love-making in the ball pit or assure her you will steal tokens/tickets from young, naïve children to go towards buying her a big stuffed animal or some shit.
I'll edit this with details in the morning, but today was a great day. It was a date.
edit. First of all, I appreciate all the folowups, advice, and notes about what was going on. I probably should have seen the signs that it was romantic, but you can never be too sure; I didn't want to be seemingly presumptuous. So, although many of you assumed that we were hanging out on a Friday night, considering the nature of my job and that conventional weekends aren't a thing that I get to experience, we met at 1pm. The place we went to is a combination bar/restaurant/bowling alley/theater (Bryant Lake Bowl, for the MPLS folks). Almost right off the bat of her showing up, we were off to the conversational races. We chatted about a very wide variety of things over those four hours: Palahniuk, Earl Sweatshirt, male singers that sound like women, buffalo, carrying around live rabbits, clumsiness, John Mulaney, "dopeness", stealing restaurants' framed first bills, puberty, lazy robbers, Kafka, bike helmets, etc, etc. You know, first date subjects. In the middle of all this we ate, we drank, we bowled (and then promptly washed out hands because you're right, bowling balls are fuckin' gnarly), we kept chatting. We went on like that almost nonstop for a little over four hours. I ran into some friends who were just finished with rehearsing their show, I ran into another dear friend of mine outside too as we were leaving. Apparently a friend of hers was visiting from Kentucky, so I walked her across the street to meet her ride before I left to ride to work. As we were waiting for the crosswalk to tell us how to live our lives, I interrupted our conversation. I asked her if we just went on a date. She sort of giggle-grunted (I don't have the vocabulary to explain noises, leave me alone) and sort of said, "uhhhah." I immediately interrupted because the way she was looking at me could only lead to positive outcomes and said, "because I'd really like if it were." She said, "Oh god, then yes, please," and I then did the celebratory motion of golfers and every other professional athlete who is excited and alone and clenched my fist and did that partial knee-bending, "Yuss." It was playful and probably a little strange from the perspective of waiting cars, but I stand by my uninhibited excitement. Apparently she was in a brief relationship with the guy at that bar, but it didn't last, so I wasn't entirely mistaken.
I invited her to an opening night party at the Guthrie next Friday, which should prove to be all kinds of interesting. I'm gonna try to meet up with her before then because yesterday was just too good of a day to wait another week.
Last night I went to a Korean spa thing after work from like 8-midnight. (Think Russian bath house). I didn't tell my girlfriend that I actually arrived there, and left my phone in my locker the whole time. When I get to my phone at midnight, I have 10 missed calls and 27 messages. My girlfriend is freaking out that I didn't tell her I got there. She even contacted my family and had my mother worried I got into a car accident.
Is my girlfriend a controlling psycho? Or am I insensitive for not texting her "at (insert place/venue)" every time I go somewhere?
Last night I went to a Korean spa thing after work from like 8-midnight. (Think Russian bath house). I didn't tell my girlfriend that I actually arrived there, and left my phone in my locker the whole time. When I get to my phone at midnight, I have 10 missed calls and 27 messages. My girlfriend is freaking out that I didn't tell her I got there. She even contacted my family and had my mother worried I got into a car accident.
Is my girlfriend a controlling psycho? Or am I insensitive for not texting her "at (insert place/venue)" every time I go somewhere?
#feels
1) I love that you assume a Russian bath house is something everyone knows. 2) It depends on the situation. Did you text her at work and tell her you would text when you got to the place? Is midnight the standard for you staying out on a Friday? Either way, the reaction seems a bit intense. Is this the first time this has happened? There might be other things going on with her that are causing her to be extra sensitive right now.
Last night I went to a Korean spa thing after work from like 8-midnight. (Think Russian bath house). I didn't tell my girlfriend that I actually arrived there, and left my phone in my locker the whole time. When I get to my phone at midnight, I have 10 missed calls and 27 messages. My girlfriend is freaking out that I didn't tell her I got there. She even contacted my family and had my mother worried I got into a car accident.
Is my girlfriend a controlling psycho? Or am I insensitive for not texting her "at (insert place/venue)" every time I go somewhere?
#feels
Did you tell her that you would text her when you arrived at the dirty bathhouse? Or was she just worried that she hadn't heard from you in half a day? The former is a little more understandable than the latter.
Either way... if it was an anomaly then just let it go. If it's a pattern of behavior then that's something to be concerned about. Either way you should talk to her about her reaction and what you both think are reasonable expectations for communication.
I'll edit this with details in the morning, but today was a great day. It was a date.
edit. First of all, I appreciate all the folowups, advice, and notes about what was going on. I probably should have seen the signs that it was romantic, but you can never be too sure; I didn't want to be seemingly presumptuous. So, although many of you assumed that we were hanging out on a Friday night, considering the nature of my job and that conventional weekends aren't a thing that I get to experience, we met at 1pm. The place we went to is a combination bar/restaurant/bowling alley/theater (Bryant Lake Bowl, for the MPLS folks). Almost right off the bat of her showing up, we were off to the conversational races. We chatted about a very wide variety of things over those four hours: Palahniuk, Earl Sweatshirt, male singers that sound like women, buffalo, carrying around live rabbits, clumsiness, John Mulaney, "dopeness", stealing restaurants' framed first bills, puberty, lazy robbers, Kafka, bike helmets, etc, etc. You know, first date subjects. In the middle of all this we ate, we drank, we bowled (and then promptly washed out hands because you're right, bowling balls are fuckin' gnarly), we kept chatting. We went on like that almost nonstop for a little over four hours. I ran into some friends who were just finished with rehearsing their show, I ran into another dear friend of mine outside too as we were leaving. Apparently a friend of hers was visiting from Kentucky, so I walked her across the street to meet her ride before I left to ride to work. As we were waiting for the crosswalk to tell us how to live our lives, I interrupted our conversation. I asked her if we just went on a date. She sort of giggle-grunted (I don't have the vocabulary to explain noises, leave me alone) and sort of said, "uhhhah." I immediately interrupted because the way she was looking at me could only lead to positive outcomes and said, "because I'd really like if it were." She said, "Oh god, then yes, please," and I then did the celebratory motion of golfers and every other professional athlete who is excited and alone and clenched my fist and did that partial knee-bending, "Yuss." It was playful and probably a little strange from the perspective of waiting cars, but I stand by my uninhibited excitement. Apparently she was in a brief relationship with the guy at that bar, but it didn't last, so I wasn't entirely mistaken.
I invited her to an opening night party at the Guthrie next Friday, which should prove to be all kinds of interesting. I'm gonna try to meet up with her before then because yesterday was just too good of a day to wait another week.
Last night I went to a Korean spa thing after work from like 8-midnight. (Think Russian bath house). I didn't tell my girlfriend that I actually arrived there, and left my phone in my locker the whole time. When I get to my phone at midnight, I have 10 missed calls and 27 messages. My girlfriend is freaking out that I didn't tell her I got there. She even contacted my family and had my mother worried I got into a car accident.
Is my girlfriend a controlling psycho? Or am I insensitive for not texting her "at (insert place/venue)" every time I go somewhere?
#feels
1) I love that you assume a Russian bath house is something everyone knows. 2) It depends on the situation. Did you text her at work and tell her you would text when you got to the place? Is midnight the standard for you staying out on a Friday? Either way, the reaction seems a bit intense. Is this the first time this has happened? There might be other things going on with her that are causing her to be extra sensitive right now.
These words exactly. Especially #1. It sounds like maybe she also isn't familiar with a Russian bath house or Korean spa. Both sound like places to get your penis handled.
1) I love that you assume a Russian bath house is something everyone knows. 2) It depends on the situation. Did you text her at work and tell her you would text when you got to the place? Is midnight the standard for you staying out on a Friday? Either way, the reaction seems a bit intense. Is this the first time this has happened? There might be other things going on with her that are causing her to be extra sensitive right now.
These words exactly. Especially #1. It sounds like maybe she also isn't familiar with a Russian bath house or Korean spa. Both sound like places to get your penis handled.
Given his background, I would assume his lady friend actually knows exactly what it is. I just wouldn't know if it wasn't for Eastern Promises and The Amazing Race.
