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I definitely had feels for the girl I was seeing recently (we can call her "L"), but I'm starting to think it was more about right place right time and less about compatibility. We do have some differences that have put up a little bit of a wall between us. I feel like she is a little too conservative and reserved for me, which sounds like a lame excuse. Some of the more bold aspects of my interests and personality are strange to her and I find myself holding back on my personality. For example, she hardly drinks, so I hardly drink when I'm with her. Currently not a problem but eventually I'm going to be in a heavier drinking situation around her and I fear that it will be an issue. She doesn't like pot and I smoke sometimes. She's not very interested in music or avant garde experiences. She has also made it a point that we take things slowly relationship wise and we are only physical beyond kissing once a week.
So anyway, her grandfather's house in Baton Rouge was completely flooded two weeks ago, so she has been there helping clean up for about ten days. We never once talked by phone and only texted briefly twice. Needless to say, I think I lost my feels and emotionally moved on already. I feel guilt about it since she was away helping her family, but I also feel like she pushed me away first before any of this happened.
So since I was bored and wanted someone to talk to, I got back on Bumble last week. Kickball also started back and there are a few new girls on my team. One in particular (we can call her "A") is really cool, nerdy and athletic, very cute, smart, and fun.
You may see where I'm going with this.
So L is back in town and we will probably hang out tonight. I have a date with A tomorrow. I have a date with a pretty awesome Bumble girl (we can call her "C") on Wednesday. Obviously, I know L much better than the others, but I've spent a lot of in person time with A to know that I'm into her. C is very quirky and adventurous, driven, intelligent, pretty, and likes to have a fun weird time. So they all have their positives.
I'm not going to complain about my situation. I'm very lucky. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm in over my head. I don't plan to date three girls at the same time. My plan is to test my old feels for L tonight and seeing if I'm willing to stop seeing the other two after those dates. If I pick her, I won't have a second date with the other two and refocus on L. If I continue to not have doubts, I'll let her know that it's not going to work out and see if I have chemistry with the other two.
(I apologize for referring to them so indirectly or impersonally, but I want to respect them by not giving their names)
Is Tinder a good idea? I saw that they're teaming up with Spotify and I thought that was interesting. I'm not really desperate to get into a relationship as much as I just feel like getting out more and meeting new people.
Is Tinder a good idea? I saw that they're teaming up with Spotify and I thought that was interesting. I'm not really desperate to get into a relationship as much as I just feel like getting out more and meeting new people.
I never tried tinder, but it's my understanding that it would be pretty good for that!
Is Tinder a good idea? I saw that they're teaming up with Spotify and I thought that was interesting. I'm not really desperate to get into a relationship as much as I just feel like getting out more and meeting new people.
Go for it. I had one for 24 hours but I was way to awkward for it. It's definitely good for meeting people/ hookups.
Is Tinder a good idea? I saw that they're teaming up with Spotify and I thought that was interesting. I'm not really desperate to get into a relationship as much as I just feel like getting out more and meeting new people.
Use Bumble over Tinder. It's just an all around better dating app. That is to say if you are looking for someone to actually go on dates with. People just take Bumble more seriously and are typically better overall quality people.
On the other hand, if you're just looking to meet people and have casual encounters, use Tinder.
Is Tinder a good idea? I saw that they're teaming up with Spotify and I thought that was interesting. I'm not really desperate to get into a relationship as much as I just feel like getting out more and meeting new people.
I feel like half of the people I swipe past on tinder say, "just here for friends," or, "no hookups," or something to that extent. At this point Tinder is so widely used that it can kind of be all things to all people.
You could also use Happn. It connects you with people you walk past and tells you what general area you were both in as well as similar interested plus Spotify integration. I've met a couple cool people off of that.
Pro tip: If someone's tinder profile says no hookups then they definitely want to hookup.
Yeah it seems most people on Tinder kind of say the opposite of what they really want. If they say no hookups it means they wanna hookup. If they say "I've never huffed a paper sack of dog shit in order to cum" then in my experience it means you better bring your dog to the date.
So the girl I've been dating and I have called it quits. I think we both felt this coming for a few weeks. We have a pretty great time together, but neither of us make any efforts to communicate otherwise. Just a general lack of any effort. And even though I have thought about doing it numerous times, her telling me she wanted to stop seeing me has me feeling pretty bummed out.
So the girl I've been dating and I have called it quits. I think we both felt this coming for a few weeks. We have a pretty great time together, but neither of us make any efforts to communicate otherwise. Just a general lack of any effort. And even though I have thought about doing it numerous times, her telling me she wanted to stop seeing me has me feeling pretty bummed out.
I guess it's on to the next one
Breakups always suck. I'm glad that it wasn't out of the blue though, and that part of you felt it coming to some extent. Doesn't really stop it from hurting though - it's a loss, and grief is never fun. I wish you healing and growth. <3
Ok boys, settle this debate my gf and I are having....I say a side hug means friend zone. She says it means boner zone. Thoughts??
It could mean friend zone but it could also mean that the guy lacks confidence to go for a good hug. I'm a hugger myself but when I'm not as confident I go for the side hug.
Ok boys, settle this debate my gf and I are having....I say a side hug means friend zone. She says it means boner zone. Thoughts??
I always front hug with guys and girls. I could see someone who is more shy or less into physical contact being a side hugger. Side hug doesn't necessarily mean friend zone.
I will add this, though: why does your friend think guys are just walking around with erections all the time? That hasn't happened since 10th grade. The only reason I have an erection around someone is because we were just making out, in which case we might still be friend zone.
Ok boys, settle this debate my gf and I are having....I say a side hug means friend zone. She says it means boner zone. Thoughts??
Huh?? I don't think it means one or the other point blank; it is super context dependent. I also think side hugs are awkward unless it is paired with a nice nuzzle.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Ok boys, settle this debate my gf and I are having....I say a side hug means friend zone. She says it means boner zone. Thoughts??
I always front hug with guys and girls. I could see someone who is more shy or less into physical contact being a side hugger. Side hug doesn't necessarily mean friend zone.
I will add this, though: why does your friend think guys are just walking around with erections all the time? That hasn't happened since 10th grade. The only reason I have an erection around someone is because we were just making out, in which case we might still be friend zone.
this leads me to something I think about a lot: in any large, populated space/venue at any given time, how many boners are present?
like if I'm in a packed movie theater, how many boners are there at any given moment??? if I'm walking through a campus commons, how many dudes in my vicinity are popping boners???
I always front hug with guys and girls. I could see someone who is more shy or less into physical contact being a side hugger. Side hug doesn't necessarily mean friend zone.
I will add this, though: why does your friend think guys are just walking around with erections all the time? That hasn't happened since 10th grade. The only reason I have an erection around someone is because we were just making out, in which case we might still be friend zone.
this leads me to something I think about a lot: in any large, populated space/venue at any given time, how many boners are present?
like if I'm in a packed movie theater, how many boners are there at any given moment??? if I'm walking through a campus commons, how many dudes in my vicinity are popping boners???
I'll never know.
Maybe one? Probably zero. I'm starting to think perhaps women misunderstand erections as badly as men misunderstand menstration.
this leads me to something I think about a lot: in any large, populated space/venue at any given time, how many boners are present?
like if I'm in a packed movie theater, how many boners are there at any given moment??? if I'm walking through a campus commons, how many dudes in my vicinity are popping boners???
I'll never know.
Maybe one? Probably zero. I'm starting to think perhaps women misunderstand erections as badly as men misunderstand menstration.
And maybe you need to get your boner checked out. Where is Boner for the definitive word on this?
Maybe one? Probably zero. I'm starting to think perhaps women misunderstand erections as badly as men misunderstand menstration.
And maybe you need to get your boner checked out. Where is Boner for the definitive word on this?
As an adult male, I don't get random erections, nor am I aroused by daily life. Haha call me crazy but I have control over my sexual urges in public. Does that make me weird? Maybe I'm weird.
this leads me to something I think about a lot: in any large, populated space/venue at any given time, how many boners are present?
like if I'm in a packed movie theater, how many boners are there at any given moment??? if I'm walking through a campus commons, how many dudes in my vicinity are popping boners???
I'll never know.
Maybe one? Probably zero. I'm starting to think perhaps women misunderstand erections as badly as men misunderstand menstration.
I always front hug with guys and girls. I could see someone who is more shy or less into physical contact being a side hugger. Side hug doesn't necessarily mean friend zone.
I will add this, though: why does your friend think guys are just walking around with erections all the time? That hasn't happened since 10th grade. The only reason I have an erection around someone is because we were just making out, in which case we might still be friend zone.
this leads me to something I think about a lot: in any large, populated space/venue at any given time, how many boners are present?
like if I'm in a packed movie theater, how many boners are there at any given moment??? if I'm walking through a campus commons, how many dudes in my vicinity are popping boners???
Local control of penile erection: Acetylcholine appears to be the neurotransmitter of the preganglionic parasympathetic neurons. The neurotransmitters for the short postganglionic neurons have not been fully defined. Acetylcholine does not appear to influence the contractility of the corporeal smooth muscle fibers directly, but does so through activation of cholinergic receptors on the endothelial cells (Fig. 3). Nitric oxide (NO) has been identified in the corporeal tissue (9) and is believed to be the endothelial-derived relaxation factor(s). NO is synthesized from its precursor, l-arginine, by the enzyme nitric oxide synthase (NOS). Both constitutive and inducible NOS isoforms are produced in the cavernosal tissues (10, 11). Constitutive NOS is produced by the endothelial cells and the nerve terminals, whereas the inducible NOS appears to be produced by the corporeal smooth muscle cells only. NO produced by the sinusoidal endothelial cells and by the noncholinergic parasympathetic neurons diffuses into the adjacent smooth muscle cells and activates soluble guanylate cyclase to increase the intracellular cGMP concentration. The cGMP appears to be the major intracellular effector of the smooth muscle cell relaxation (12) via a biochemical cascade of protein kinases. A putative mechanism for cGMP-induced corporeal smooth muscle relaxation involves protein kinase phosphorylation of myosin light chains directly or as a consequence of lowering intracellular calcium stores (10). Although several types of phosphodiesterase (PDE) isoenzymes have been identified in the human corpora cavernosa, type 5 was found to be the predominant isoenzyme responsible for the inactivation of cGMP (13). Sildenafil (Viagra, Pfizer Inc., New York, NY) inhibits this PDE, which is also found in vascular smooth muscles and platelets (14). Sildenafil, to a lesser extent, also inhibits PDE type 6 in the retinal rod photoreceptors (responsible for metabolism of the light-stimulated cGMP) and has little or no effect on the calcium/calmodulin-dependent PDE-1 and the calcium/ calmodulin-independent PDE-3 isoenzymes in the cardiac muscles (responsible for metabolism of cGMP that is involved in regulation of cardiac contractility) (14). Phosphodiestrase inhibitors are emerging as an attractive physiological means for induction and/or prolongation of erection in man (15). In addition to stimulation of cGMP production, NO itself could directly influence the contractility of the corporeal smooth muscle fibers by altering the transcellular ion flux through activation of the sodium/potassium-adenosinetriphosphatase (16) and the potassium-conductive membrane hyperpolarization pathway (17). Other noncholinergic parasympathetic neurotransmitters capable of promoting smooth muscle relaxation, and hence the erectile response, include vasoactive intestinal polypeptide (VIP), bradykinin, peptide histidine methionine, pituitary adenylate cyclase-activating polypeptide, helospectin, galanin, calcitonin gene-related peptide (CGRP), and prostaglandin E-1 (18, 19, 20, 21). Before the identification of NO in the penile tissue, VIP was thought to be the chief neuromediator of the erectile function; however, VIP was found to colocalize with NOS in penile neurons of rats and humans (22). Its relaxation effect on the corporeal smooth muscle fibers appears to be mediated by the NO-cGMP pathway (23) similar to bradykinin’s ability to stimulate the endothelial NOS pathway to generate NO (24). However, the exact mechanisms by which other neuropeptides participate in regulation of the erectile function remain to be determined. Norepinephrine is responsible for regulation of corpus cavernosum smooth muscle tone via the interaction with α-1 and α-2 adrenergic receptors (25). Other neurotransmitters capable of promoting smooth muscle contraction, and hence detumescence, include endothelin-1, substance-P, PGF-2α, thromboxane A-2, angiotensin II, and calcium (18, 20, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30). Some of these agents exert their effect through modulation of the presynaptic α-2 adrenergic receptors. A role for sympathetic innervation of the penis in mediation of psychologically provoked erection has been suggested, but the validity of such a belief was disputed based upon the observation of a full retainment of erectile capacity in men who undergo bilateral complete sympathectomy (31, 32). However, the recent in vitro studies demonstrating the relaxation effect of the β-2 adrenergic receptor agonist isoproterenol on noradrenaline-precontracted human penile smooth muscle cells (33) suggest that, at least in some situations, β-adrenergic innervation could participate in the mediation of human erection. α-1 Adrenergic receptors are the preponderant subtype in corporeal smooth muscles (34) and the deep dorsal penile vein (35), whereas α-2 receptors dominate in the cavernosal arteries (34). However, no quantitative differences in the prevalence of the two subtypes have been found in the circumflex veins of either potent or impotent men. Crowe and colleagues (36) found the greatest density of nerves supplying the deep dorsal vein and the vasa vasorum to be (in decreasing order) neuropeptide-Y (NPY), VIP, and dopamine-β-hydroxylase-containing nerves. These investigators proposed that NPY, by its prolonged vasoconstricting effect, may aid in penile erection, and the vasodilating effect of VIP may be involved in facilitating the drainage of penile blood during detumescence. A recent series of in vitro experiments by Segarra and colleagues (37) using ring segments of human penile dorsal vein has provided additional evidence for an active role of the deep dorsal vein in the total penile vascular resistance through the release of NO from both neural and endothelial elements. The presence of a critical balance of smooth muscle to connective tissue has been suggested for the successful veno-occlusion and the manifestation of erectile response to occur. A potential role for transforming growth factor β-1 (TGF-β1) and PGE-1 in maintaining this critical balance of smooth muscle/connective tissue and a role for intracorporeal oxygen tension in regulation of synthesis of these regulatory factors have also been suggested (38). Thus, neuronal dysregulation or poor intrinsic compliance of the corporeal smooth muscle cells could be a significant factor in the pathogenesis of erectile dysfunction (Fig. 4) (39). Another aspect of the control of corporeal smooth muscle cell function that has recently been described is the role played by the gap junction (18, 38, 39). Gap junction channels interconnect the corpus cavernosum smooth muscle cells and allow them to function as a coordinated network with synchronous myographic activity. Second messengers, such as calcium ion and inositol triphosphate (IP3), are transported between corporeal smooth muscle cells through these junctions. Therefore, cell-to-cell communication is a likely means for synchronization and integration of the corporeal smooth muscle activity that occurs despite the paucity of nerve supply to individual smooth muscle cells.
Erection is the ultimate response to multiple psychogenic and sensory stimuli from imaginative, visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory, tactile, and genital reflexogenic sources, which effect several neurological and vascular cascades that lead to penile tumescence and rigidity sufficient for vaginal penetration. Further, erection is associated with significant psychological and physical changes, including heightened sexual arousal, full testicular assent and swelling, dilatation of the urethral bulb, an increase in glans and coronal size, cutaneous flush over the epigastrium, chest, and buttocks, nipple erection, tachycardia and elevation in blood pressure, hyperventilation, and generalized myotonia (40, 59). The local penile changes are effected by a vasodilating parasympathetic discharge subsequent to the central nervous system (CNS) inputs or as a result of reflex action in response to local afferent stimulation of the sacral parasympathetic nuclei. New data implicating gonadal androgens in modulation of penile erection through local regulation of NO secretion and/or action need to be emphasized. Experiments that have shown castrated rats to have reduced penile tissue NOS content and androgen replacement to restore NOS production and action (60) have cast doubt on the older dogma that androgens act only centrally to modulate sexual libido. Data in which androgens were shown to influence the frequency of nonerotic or“ reflex” erection support a role for peripheral androgen actions in the human (61). Moreover, a recent study in rats by Lugg and colleagues (62) implicates dihydrotestosterone and not testosterone as the local modulating androgen of the NO-cGMP pathway. However, the fact that androgens can enhance NPT, but not erection in response to erotic stimuli (61), may suggest the presence of both androgen-sensitive and androgen-insensitive central pathways for erectile control.
The evidence reviewed above suggests that a fall of resistance within the corporeal vascular bed and the subsequent increase in arterial inflow are the major vascular events leading to erection of the penis (Figs. 4 and 5) (39, 63, 67). A dramatic increase in penile arterial blood flow to about 25 to 60 times that of the flaccid state occurs during the rapid period of tumescence (63). Pulse Doppler analysis studies with intracavernous vasoactive drug injections have established that a peak cavernosal artery systolic flow greater than 25 ml/sec is required for erection to occur (68, 69, 70, 71). At full rigidity, an increase in penile length of 7.5 cm usually requires the entrapment of 80–115 ml of blood. As the penile volume increases to near maximum (from <10 ml in the flaccid state to ∼60 ml in the erect state), the arterial influx declines and plateaus at a level that is sufficient to keep the penis in the rigid (full erection) state. Dynamic infusion cavernosometry and cavernosography (DICC) studies have shown that a fluid flow rate between 5 and 40 ml/min is required to maintain a normal penis in the erect state (72, 73). Further, at these minimum flow rates of full erection, the cavernosal artery occlusion pressure (CAOP) equilibrates with the intracavernous pressure. The intracorporeal pressure during the flaccid state is between 10 to 15 mm Hg. Intrapenile pressure changes are modest during the initial phase of the sexual cycle and remain so until near-maximum changes in circumference and volume are attained. As the penis becomes erect, the penile body pressure increases rapidly to about 90 mm Hg. Perineal muscle contraction results in further increase in penile body pressure to greater than 120 mm Hg (suprasystolic pressure), which results in full rigidity and elevation of the penis to greater than 90 degrees from the plane of lower extremities (63, 67). After orgasm, penile body pressure declines rapidly and the penile volume returns to the flaccid size. The aforementioned DICC studies suggested that the intrapenile pressure normally drops at a rate of less than 1 mm Hg/sec during detumescence, as reflected by the rate of drop in intrapenile pressure when fluid infusion is discontinued.
I've been reading a lot about boners this morning, thanks y'all.
Erections are part of the parasympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system (ie: "feed and breed" opposite of "fight or flight"). As such it isn't under concious control and doesn't necessarily indicate sexual arousal. There's a big cascade or neural, endocrine, vascular, and even psychological factors that contribute to parasympathetic activation and make erections more likely (hence the basis for aphrodisiacs). I had trouble finding scientific sources for the number of erections the averagean has in a day, but there is a large body of evidence that "spontaneous" or "reflex" erections happen throughout both waking and sleeping hours. More studies are done on nocturnal penile tumescence, and indicate men have 3-5 boners at night during REM sleep that aren't necessarily correlated with erotic dreams or anything. Morning wood is usually attributable to this, rather than the need to urinate (though that can also be the cause of an erection. Researchers are still unsure of the purpose of NPT. The number of night time boners peaks around age 13 and decreases with age.
So I like this girl right, but when my Spotify started to play David Bowie she was like "ew what is this, I hate this". Should I even bother with this person?
So I like this girl right, but when my Spotify started to play David Bowie she was like "ew what is this, I hate this". Should I even bother with this person?
Yes, you should. I don't know how old you are but I'll assume you're younger than me, and I'll pass a lesson along. Overlook stupid shit like that. It seems important now - it won't later. Maybe Bowie will grow on her. Maybe you'll learn to overcome it. Maybe something else will disqualify her. Don't let it be this.
So I like this girl right, but when my Spotify started to play David Bowie she was like "ew what is this, I hate this". Should I even bother with this person?
Not sure if you're joking or not...
If you're not, that's a pretty fucking mundane detail to get bent out of shape over. Jesus.