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Post by potentpotables on Nov 5, 2016 16:55:09 GMT -5
Meanwhile, I met a gal on OKC last Sunday, had our first date last night, it went splendidly, now we are flirting via text and I broke convention and asked her to hang out again tonight. We are trying to figure out what to do.
So I like this girl right, but when my Spotify started to play David Bowie she was like "ew what is this, I hate this". Should I even bother with this person?
Not sure if you're joking or not...
If you're not, that's a pretty fucking mundane detail to get bent out of shape over. Jesus.
Edit: what he said^^^
I wasn't being serious
Edit: also after the Pixies and Sufjan Stevens came on and she hated both of them too, I realized my music wasn't going to get us anywhere and I handed her the aux cord. We ended up bonding on Spice Girls and Hilary Duff.
Last Edit: Nov 5, 2016 17:25:22 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
If you're not, that's a pretty fucking mundane detail to get bent out of shape over. Jesus.
Edit: what he said^^^
I wasn't being serious
Edit: also after the Pixies and Sufjan Stevens came on and she hated both of them too, I realized my music wasn't going to get us anywhere and I handed her the aux cord. We ended up bonding on Spice Girls and Hilary Duff.
You should find a bridge between pop fluff and awesome stuff.
Edit: what Bowie song?
Last Edit: Nov 5, 2016 22:45:08 GMT -5 by LD - Back to Top
Edit: also after the Pixies and Sufjan Stevens came on and she hated both of them too, I realized my music wasn't going to get us anywhere and I handed her the aux cord. We ended up bonding on Spice Girls and Hilary Duff.
You should find a bridge between pop fluff and awesome stuff.
What the hell is the bridge between pop fluff and awesome stuff?
Edit: also after the Pixies and Sufjan Stevens came on and she hated both of them too, I realized my music wasn't going to get us anywhere and I handed her the aux cord. We ended up bonding on Spice Girls and Hilary Duff.
You should find a bridge between pop fluff and awesome stuff.
Edit: what Bowie song?
It was Starman. She said it sounded too much like Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Also she likes non pop stuff, but it's mostly the kind of rock I don't like. She asked if I like Avenged Sevenfold and I gave a hard "NO" then right after she asked if like Lady Gaga and I give a hard "YES". So we bonded on pop music. She's also dissed Frank Ocean and Kanye West in the past so she pretty much dislikes all of my favorite artists.
But I guess something more interesting is she said that music doesn't affect her in the same way it affects me. She said that it's like I get a high when I listen to music....and she doesn't get that. I just wonder if she's just never found the right music or if music just doesn't do it for certain people.
Music is so integral to mine and my daughter's existence that if either ever brought home a musically retarded date - but no, I digress - they would have already pushed the eject button way before the "intro to mom" stage.
My youngest daughter's boyfriend has a dog named Mogwai by the way. So he passed the test.
If you think she's attractive and like her personality in other ways, perhaps it's worth pressing onward. Just don't be surprised if you're alone or with other friends going to shows/fests. I've been with my fiancee nearly five years now and I'm still going to shows solo at times.
If you think she's attractive and like her personality in other ways, perhaps it's worth pressing onward. Just don't be surprised if you're alone or with other friends going to shows/fests. I've been with my fiancee nearly five years now and I'm still going to shows solo at times.
I feel you especially would appreciate this conversation between the lady and I.
"Hey. Are you gonna be in town on the 13th?" "Yeah. I think so. Why?" "You wanna go see Dillinger Es..." "No." "And Cult Lea..." "No." "And Car Bo..." "No." "You can stand in the ba..." "No."
If you think she's attractive and like her personality in other ways, perhaps it's worth pressing onward. Just don't be surprised if you're alone or with other friends going to shows/fests. I've been with my fiancee nearly five years now and I'm still going to shows solo at times.
I feel you especially would appreciate this conversation between the lady and I.
"Hey. Are you gonna be in town on the 13th?" "Yeah. I think so. Why?" "You wanna go see Dillinger Es..." "No." "And Cult Lea..." "No." "And Car Bo..." "No." "You can stand in the ba..." "No."
Off topic but a bunch of friends went to see Dillinger this tour. The envy I feel is great because the short clips I saw of the shows were fucking awesome. I'm sad they're done.
I used to find myself getting too stuck on the details that it made me lose sight of the big picture. It's honestly the biggest problem we have in modern dating. Bumble, OKC, PoF, and Tinder have all of us thinking that we have a million options so you should never "settle" with someone who isn't exactly what you want.
You start forgetting that it's the differences between us that make us grow as people. You'd probably never know about things you now love had you never been around people with different tastes or opinions. Plus, you need your mate to have a separate life and interests so that you aren't attached at the hip all the time.
FYI - I'm not lecturing right now, I'm mostly talking out loud.
Update on my current situation: I've just recently gotten some form of closure on a lot of my past dating partners. While it's scary to be without a "backup plan" I feel good about moving forward with life. One even just got engaged (my professor from grad school).
I have been casually hanging out with a girl who used to be on my kickball team. We've known each other for about three months so we have a good history built already. I've found myself having some real feels for her, and I think it's because I decided to overlook some things I originally thought were red flags (bringing this post full circle to the first paragraphs...) to discover that my pre-conceived ideas of who she was were wrong.
Problem is that she is still a little stuck on her ex. She lived with him as recently as four months ago until he moved to Connecticut for work or something. Now he is about to come back closer to Florida and I feel like she may not be over the idea of him. I've been trying to play things slow and let her figure things out before I let myself get too invested, but I've sadly been obsessing a little. It's reminded me a little too much of feelings I had two years ago when my ex left me, which is why I've had this wall up for so long.
Break down the wall and probably get hurt or stay protected and remain a perpetually confused serial dater? That's such a negative way to think. I'd rather view it as a potential partner who currently makes me happy. So I'm going to try that instead.
When I started dating my girlfriend all she listened to was country. She is still mainly into country, but she now really enjoys some Folk/Americana acts (Jason Isbell, Trampled By Turtles, Old Crow Medicine Show, etc). I've tried to get her into some of the jam acts I love seeing live (any form of the Dead, UM, Keller Williams, etc) but it's just not for her. Oh well.
I'm taking her to the John Prine/Jason Isbell/Kacey Musgraves show in Nashville on New Years Eve. I plan to pop the question that weekend.
Meanwhile, I met a gal on OKC last Sunday, had our first date last night, it went splendidly, now we are flirting via text and I broke convention and asked her to hang out again tonight. We are trying to figure out what to do.
We just got done hanging out for the third night in a row.
I told her nothing but the truth about me and expected her to RUN in the opposite direction but she just kept advancing. She had questions and I answered truthfully every time wondering when I'll have revealed to much info. Unafraid I was determined to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the hideous ugly reality the truth implied. She just kept coming forward.
We met in DC in the flesh. We spent 5.5 days and 5 nights together at an ABNB. In the end I sat with her as we waited for the bus to pick her up and take her to the airport before I got on the DC metro to catch my flight from BWI back home.
Something you should realize about visiting DC is that the museums close around 5 - 5:30. We fell asleep very late and it took us several hours to get out of bed when we woke up. In order for you to see all the history and science the Smithsonian Museums offer you will need to curb your appetite for physical touch. We kissed on the train. We held hands across the streets. Escalators were nothing but excuses to embrace each other. She held my hand and her eyes were so beautiful. We were a couple of old teenagers.
I've got the feels for her something fierce. I think she feels the same.
If you're not, that's a pretty fucking mundane detail to get bent out of shape over. Jesus.
Edit: what he said^^^
I wasn't being serious
Edit: also after the Pixies and Sufjan Stevens came on and she hated both of them too, I realized my music wasn't going to get us anywhere and I handed her the aux cord. We ended up bonding on Spice Girls and Hilary Duff.
One of the coolest girls I ever dated thought Tyler Perry was hilarious. She made me watch White Chicks three times. In the shower she sang to awful reggae. I drew the line at having that shit on during a bang sesh. She was still pretty awesome.
Anyone who keeps up with this thread and my contributions is probably a little skeptical any time I start talking about maybe having feels. But I definitely have them for this girl that I was hanging out with from my old kickball team (we will call her E). I've been constantly unsure where her head was at with everything. And last night I finally got some form of closure.
Last night was kickball and after games every week people come to the bar to compete in drinking games and socialize. It started with me seeing her make out with someone from across the bar. It really sucked. So childish response was to avoid her and openly start talking to a different girl. The girl I talked to instead was the girl from a year or so ago that I was hooking up with who secretly had a boyfriend (yeah she's in this league now too). I left with her and made out with her on her car and it was 90% out of spite. I really shouldn't have done that because it's pretty immature and involving someone else needlessly.
So I go home. E is still at the bar and texts to see if I'm still there. I tell her no and she leaves. We then have an extremely open and intense text conversation for two hours until 4 am. I'll try to summarize.
She has an ex from four months ago she is hung up on. They lived together and she's been figuring out how to be alone again. I can obviously relate. Anyway, she admitted to having feelings for me for the entirety of us playing on the same team (Aug/Sept). I knew she was interested at the time but I thought she was too wild for me because I had some idea in my head about what I thought I was looking for in someone. She spent a season inviting me to hang out periodically and me always declining. She watched me for a season flirt with and hang with multiple girls in the league.
Fast forward to now. I decided about 4 weeks ago that maybe I was wrong about her and I wanted to get to know her better. We started hanging out and we would always end the night by kissing. We would talk on the phone and text. She was always busy but I kept pursuing.
So at 2 am after seeing her make out with another guy I admit all my feelings for her. And that's when I realized that timing fucking sucks and I was a total dick to her for a long time. I can't expect to have someone be into me and put themselves out there for so long and then be surprised when they don't trust me and have moved on.
I'm left with a feeling of sadness wondering what could've been and regret for being selfish before. Sucks
Anyone who keeps up with this thread and my contributions is probably a little skeptical any time I start talking about maybe having feels. But I definitely have them for this girl that I was hanging out with from my old kickball team (we will call her E). I've been constantly unsure where her head was at with everything. And last night I finally got some form of closure.
Last night was kickball and after games every week people come to the bar to compete in drinking games and socialize. It started with me seeing her make out with someone from across the bar. It really sucked. So childish response was to avoid her and openly start talking to a different girl. The girl I talked to instead was the girl from a year or so ago that I was hooking up with who secretly had a boyfriend (yeah she's in this league now too). I left with her and made out with her on her car and it was 90% out of spite. I really shouldn't have done that because it's pretty immature and involving someone else needlessly.
So I go home. E is still at the bar and texts to see if I'm still there. I tell her no and she leaves. We then have an extremely open and intense text conversation for two hours until 4 am. I'll try to summarize.
She has an ex from four months ago she is hung up on. They lived together and she's been figuring out how to be alone again. I can obviously relate. Anyway, she admitted to having feelings for me for the entirety of us playing on the same team (Aug/Sept). I knew she was interested at the time but I thought she was too wild for me because I had some idea in my head about what I thought I was looking for in someone. She spent a season inviting me to hang out periodically and me always declining. She watched me for a season flirt with and hang with multiple girls in the league.
Fast forward to now. I decided about 4 weeks ago that maybe I was wrong about her and I wanted to get to know her better. We started hanging out and we would always end the night by kissing. We would talk on the phone and text. She was always busy but I kept pursuing.
So at 2 am after seeing her make out with another guy I admit all my feelings for her. And that's when I realized that timing fucking sucks and I was a total dick to her for a long time. I can't expect to have someone be into me and put themselves out there for so long and then be surprised when they don't trust me and have moved on.
I'm left with a feeling of sadness wondering what could've been and regret for being selfish before. Sucks
Sounds like a real kick in the balls.
For real though that sucks but it's a good a time as any to reiterate that the trick to uncomplicated dating is being direct, open, honest and respectful. And most importantly try not to get hung up on regret. Just learn from it an move on. It hurts now but when you find someone you have a healthy arrangement with this will feel like a minor blip on the dating radar.
All that stuff above happened on Thurs night/Fri morning. I felt like our conversation that night clarified a lot for me, and I generally felt glad we had it. My plan was to just give things some space and see what happens naturally.
I have Friday off, so I have a relaxing day and get some errands done. Friday afternoon I'm checking Facebook and see that she has asked her FB friends to help her decide on a color grout for her kitchen she is tiling. I respond with a color choice and very soon after she likes and responds to it. Not long after that, she is texting me to say she picked the color I picked and we text for a while. On Saturday, I was in an all day charity kickball tournament and she was working out of town, but she continues texting me throughout the day. That night, I went to a friend's house to drink and play some board games, and she texts inviting me to join her and a couple people at a bar.
I eventually go and stay out with them until about 3 am when the last of the other friend's leave. So then we go back to her car to talk. We come to the conclusion that we both feel like we have a weird strong bond with each other. We've kinda always had it, like some sort of weird understanding of each other. I think we both just feel misunderstood, confused, lonely, adventurous, hesitant to settle down, chaotic, and occasionally self-obsorbed. I get that these aren't all positive characteristics, but it's healthy to have some self-awareness and acceptance of your flaws. Her breakup from four months ago is still very fresh in her mind and keeping her from any type of commitment, but it is also a bond because I know all too well what it is like to suddenly be living on your own and struggling with this new independence.
She invites me back to her house to stay the night. Reminder that all we've done to this point is kiss. Due to unfortunately timed biological reasons, we don't "sleep together" but we do sleep together. Other things do happen, mostly Sunday morning after we slept for about five hours. It was a truly cool experience because we were completely interlocked the whole time we slept. I mean, most everyone has cuddled or spooned before, but this was a whole other level. A few times we repositioned, she attached herself to me like a baby monkey (she's a very petite person, so this was not uncomfortable in the slightest).
We wake up in the morning and talked and fooled around a little. And then when I left, we hugged and kissed goodbye. I did the walk of shame out of her house because one of her AirBNB folks was on the porch.
Under any other circumstance, I'd chalk this up to either just a booty call without the full booty or a straight up romantic encounter, but this was neither. I don't really have anything to compare it against. I 100% do not think this changed her mind into thinking she's ready to date me, but it's not really about that. If anything, trying to date her would probably mean the end of things anyway because I've sabotaged all other potential relationships within a month.
So my question is, has anyone else ever experienced something like this? A weird bond that was in a gray area between friends with benefits, relationship, and great friend? I'm just going to go with the flow here, but this just feels different
All that stuff above happened on Thurs night/Fri morning. I felt like our conversation that night clarified a lot for me, and I generally felt glad we had it. My plan was to just give things some space and see what happens naturally.
I have Friday off, so I have a relaxing day and get some errands done. Friday afternoon I'm checking Facebook and see that she has asked her FB friends to help her decide on a color grout for her kitchen she is tiling. I respond with a color choice and very soon after she likes and responds to it. Not long after that, she is texting me to say she picked the color I picked and we text for a while. On Saturday, I was in an all day charity kickball tournament and she was working out of town, but she continues texting me throughout the day. That night, I went to a friend's house to drink and play some board games, and she texts inviting me to join her and a couple people at a bar.
I eventually go and stay out with them until about 3 am when the last of the other friend's leave. So then we go back to her car to talk. We come to the conclusion that we both feel like we have a weird strong bond with each other. We've kinda always had it, like some sort of weird understanding of each other. I think we both just feel misunderstood, confused, lonely, adventurous, hesitant to settle down, chaotic, and occasionally self-obsorbed. I get that these aren't all positive characteristics, but it's healthy to have some self-awareness and acceptance of your flaws. Her breakup from four months ago is still very fresh in her mind and keeping her from any type of commitment, but it is also a bond because I know all too well what it is like to suddenly be living on your own and struggling with this new independence.
She invites me back to her house to stay the night. Reminder that all we've done to this point is kiss. Due to unfortunately timed biological reasons, we don't "sleep together" but we do sleep together. Other things do happen, mostly Sunday morning after we slept for about five hours. It was a truly cool experience because we were completely interlocked the whole time we slept. I mean, most everyone has cuddled or spooned before, but this was a whole other level. A few times we repositioned, she attached herself to me like a baby monkey (she's a very petite person, so this was not uncomfortable in the slightest).
We wake up in the morning and talked and fooled around a little. And then when I left, we hugged and kissed goodbye. I did the walk of shame out of her house because one of her AirBNB folks was on the porch.
Under any other circumstance, I'd chalk this up to either just a booty call without the full booty or a straight up romantic encounter, but this was neither. I don't really have anything to compare it against. I 100% do not think this changed her mind into thinking she's ready to date me, but it's not really about that. If anything, trying to date her would probably mean the end of things anyway because I've sabotaged all other potential relationships within a month.
So my question is, has anyone else ever experienced something like this? A weird bond that was in a gray area between friends with benefits, relationship, and great friend? I'm just going to go with the flow here, but this just feels different
Is this the same one where her ex moved to Connecticut and she stayed home?
All that stuff above happened on Thurs night/Fri morning. I felt like our conversation that night clarified a lot for me, and I generally felt glad we had it. My plan was to just give things some space and see what happens naturally.
I have Friday off, so I have a relaxing day and get some errands done. Friday afternoon I'm checking Facebook and see that she has asked her FB friends to help her decide on a color grout for her kitchen she is tiling. I respond with a color choice and very soon after she likes and responds to it. Not long after that, she is texting me to say she picked the color I picked and we text for a while. On Saturday, I was in an all day charity kickball tournament and she was working out of town, but she continues texting me throughout the day. That night, I went to a friend's house to drink and play some board games, and she texts inviting me to join her and a couple people at a bar.
I eventually go and stay out with them until about 3 am when the last of the other friend's leave. So then we go back to her car to talk. We come to the conclusion that we both feel like we have a weird strong bond with each other. We've kinda always had it, like some sort of weird understanding of each other. I think we both just feel misunderstood, confused, lonely, adventurous, hesitant to settle down, chaotic, and occasionally self-obsorbed. I get that these aren't all positive characteristics, but it's healthy to have some self-awareness and acceptance of your flaws. Her breakup from four months ago is still very fresh in her mind and keeping her from any type of commitment, but it is also a bond because I know all too well what it is like to suddenly be living on your own and struggling with this new independence.
She invites me back to her house to stay the night. Reminder that all we've done to this point is kiss. Due to unfortunately timed biological reasons, we don't "sleep together" but we do sleep together. Other things do happen, mostly Sunday morning after we slept for about five hours. It was a truly cool experience because we were completely interlocked the whole time we slept. I mean, most everyone has cuddled or spooned before, but this was a whole other level. A few times we repositioned, she attached herself to me like a baby monkey (she's a very petite person, so this was not uncomfortable in the slightest).
We wake up in the morning and talked and fooled around a little. And then when I left, we hugged and kissed goodbye. I did the walk of shame out of her house because one of her AirBNB folks was on the porch.
Under any other circumstance, I'd chalk this up to either just a booty call without the full booty or a straight up romantic encounter, but this was neither. I don't really have anything to compare it against. I 100% do not think this changed her mind into thinking she's ready to date me, but it's not really about that. If anything, trying to date her would probably mean the end of things anyway because I've sabotaged all other potential relationships within a month.
So my question is, has anyone else ever experienced something like this? A weird bond that was in a gray area between friends with benefits, relationship, and great friend? I'm just going to go with the flow here, but this just feels different
Is this the same one where her ex moved to Connecticut and she stayed home?
Yeah. I fully wouldn't expect her to be ready to be in a relationship until she gets completely over that (just like I never expected myself to be in a relationship until I got over my marriage). So I'm not holding my breath for that from her. I also know that I've either given up or sabotaged just about every quasi-relationship I've had, so it's probably best that I don't try for that either. I guess that's why I'm asking if something like this ever happened to anyone else and what to expect
Meanwhile, I met a gal on OKC last Sunday, had our first date last night, it went splendidly, now we are flirting via text and I broke convention and asked her to hang out again tonight. We are trying to figure out what to do.
We just got done hanging out for the third night in a row.
