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Post by SupeЯfuЯЯyanimal on Sept 6, 2015 16:03:06 GMT -5
You can't rally compare a Theater department's social norms to anywhere else on campus. That's just trying to justify acting on whatever impulse you know is best left inhibited.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
a friend of mine who's a second year told us he has a "one month rule" - if there's maybe somethin' a brewin', give it a solid month. if you still feel the same/stronger, then go for it.
I already know of a group that has 2 people in it that started hooking up right off the bat. and all I've heard are horror stories and how awk it is to be in a group with them.
I find that to be a good rule (the time frame thing). But at the same time, am I the only one here who thinks that it's pretty ridiculous that a group of adults, all at LEAST 21/22 and up, can't behave like adults and just move past it if things don't work out? I get how the whole breaking up after a long term thing could be a bit awkward for a bit. But if people can't be mature enough to put their personal lives and feelings aside to get work done then maybe they shouldn't be in a master's program....
I'm not aiming this at you specifically, Smelly. Just the comment "all I've heard are horror stories and how awk it is to be in a group with them" comes off a bit immature to the people who were involved.. I don't know, maybe I am just a bitch with no feelings so it is easy for me to just act like a grown up in these situations. I can be around exes and behave in a civil way. Is it ideal? Not really. Would I rather not have to do that? Of course. But I could still work in a group with them after the fact.
TL;DR- You've only been there for a few weeks, give it a bit longer to get to know him,(esp as a single guy) then go for it if you want to. You're a grown up, make grown up decisions and if it doesn't work out be an adult and put your feelings aside and just get shit done and remain friends, or at least civil. That's what big kids do.
right, I agree. which is why I don't want to impulsively jump into something. if I want to pursue a relationship with someone here, I want to make sure the risk I take is worth it. I don't want to attempt anything until I know for sure there is strong relationship potential.
hooking up is one thing, if there are 2 people involved and cool with meaningless hookups, I don't see anything wrong with that and people should definitely be able to not make it weird. but I don't want to attempt a relationship (which is what I would want in this scenario) if it's not worth it/isn't going to work out. I agree, people need to be mature about it, which is why I don't want to attempt anything unless I really feel strongly about it.
also, I don't know if you guys realize how tight knit this program is. we're like a cult. we have 1 building where all of our classes are and where people hang out and do work. and everyone is in 2-4 group projects at any given time, and these group projects are essential to learning & growing as much as you can in the program. most people here have their core group of friends coming from the school. everyone is hanging out with everyone - and it's like high school on crack. people are much less judgey than HS, but we all know each other and are all friends. and these relationships don't just stop at grad school - the alumni network of my program is extremely influential to all of our careers. just think about that couple that comes out of your group of friends - and then how the group dynamics change when they're dating each other. and then think about the group dynamics if they break up. now times that by a million and how it also influences your entire career and everyone around you's career.
I know this may sound bad, but I'm proud of you for thinking this one through and making the best, adult decision. Given what you just said, I would very much say getting involved with anyone from the program would be a bad idea.
a friend of mine who's a second year told us he has a "one month rule" - if there's maybe somethin' a brewin', give it a solid month. if you still feel the same/stronger, then go for it.
I already know of a group that has 2 people in it that started hooking up right off the bat. and all I've heard are horror stories and how awk it is to be in a group with them.
The one-month rule sounds pretty good. If you've got feelings feelings, it may be worth it. It might be awkward if you break up later, but romance is romance and if a connection is really there, you probably won't be able to keep it at bay for long especially because of the nature of the program. Instead of your classmates saying "Omg this is awkward", it'll be "Omg would you guys just fuck already?". Tension can get in the way of groups, even if it's a positive tension.
But if you start feeling like it's more of a physical or superficial attraction - someone you don't see yourself being with for a long time (and be brutally honest with yourself here) - then keep it in your pants and move on.
also, I don't know if you guys realize how tight knit this program is. we're like a cult. we have 1 building where all of our classes are and where people hang out and do work. and everyone is in 2-4 group projects at any given time, and these group projects are essential to learning & growing as much as you can in the program. most people here have their core group of friends coming from the school. everyone is hanging out with everyone - and it's like high school on crack. people are much less judgey than HS, but we all know each other and are all friends.
So in other words, it's like Inforoo but without a computer.
Post by abrakapokus on Sept 8, 2015 9:08:33 GMT -5
Last month I went to Blankfest with my local sweetie and had a great time. The last show we saw was a super jam and by that point the moonshine/beer had everyone dancing along, having a good time. One of the most energetic dancers was a tall, thin woman who would dance up and say something every so often to me. I couldn't hear anything so I would just smile at her. The last song she comes up and starts dancing with me and then moves in closer and closer. We are dancing and she is right up against me so I go to support her weight some and grab her butt. I apologize and start to explain myself and she kisses me. Woah. It was a pretty great kiss, soft and sweet. We exchange phone numbers and in the last two weeks she has been blowing up my phone. She's quite interesting, a Russian artist who's mother goes to our hippie like church. We talk about music, hooping, and yoga. She sends me songs that remind her of me, quotes very lovey lyrics and asked me out for ice cream, which is so cute. I was talking to my sweetie about this and he asked how old she was. I had no idea but guessed in her early 30s. Nope..she is 24 and we are going out tomorrow for tea and hooping. She had to ask her parent's permission to leave the house. Since finding out her age, I'm viewing everything in a different light and already feel motherly toward her. I can't cancel on her, she is so looking forward to it and I would like to know her more as a person but I feel like she has other expectations.
Last month I went to Blankfest with my local sweetie and had a great time. The last show we saw was a super jam and by that point the moonshine/beer had everyone dancing along, having a good time. One of the most energetic dancers was a tall, thin woman who would dance up and say something every so often to me. I couldn't hear anything so I would just smile at her. The last song she comes up and starts dancing with me and then moves in closer and closer. We are dancing and she is right up against me so I go to support her weight some and grab her butt. I apologize and start to explain myself and she kisses me. Woah. It was a pretty great kiss, soft and sweet. We exchange phone numbers and in the last two weeks she has been blowing up my phone. She's quite interesting, a Russian artist who's mother goes to our hippie like church. We talk about music, hooping, and yoga. She sends me songs that remind her of me, quotes very lovey lyrics and asked me out for ice cream, which is so cute. I was talking to my sweetie about this and he asked how old she was. I had no idea but guessed in her early 30s. Nope..she is 24 and we are going out tomorrow for tea and hooping. She had to ask her parent's permission to leave the house. Since finding out her age, I'm viewing everything in a different light and already feel motherly toward her. I can't cancel on her, she is so looking forward to it and I would like to know her more as a person but I feel like she has other expectations.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
Last month I went to Blankfest with my local sweetie and had a great time. The last show we saw was a super jam and by that point the moonshine/beer had everyone dancing along, having a good time. One of the most energetic dancers was a tall, thin woman who would dance up and say something every so often to me. I couldn't hear anything so I would just smile at her. The last song she comes up and starts dancing with me and then moves in closer and closer. We are dancing and she is right up against me so I go to support her weight some and grab her butt. I apologize and start to explain myself and she kisses me. Woah. It was a pretty great kiss, soft and sweet. We exchange phone numbers and in the last two weeks she has been blowing up my phone. She's quite interesting, a Russian artist who's mother goes to our hippie like church. We talk about music, hooping, and yoga. She sends me songs that remind her of me, quotes very lovey lyrics and asked me out for ice cream, which is so cute. I was talking to my sweetie about this and he asked how old she was. I had no idea but guessed in her early 30s. Nope..she is 24 and we are going out tomorrow for tea and hooping. She had to ask her parent's permission to leave the house. Since finding out her age, I'm viewing everything in a different light and already feel motherly toward her. I can't cancel on her, she is so looking forward to it and I would like to know her more as a person but I feel like she has other expectations.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
Sometimes that doesn't stop them from trying. Also, when you've been in an environment where one/both of your parents are authoritarian, overbearing, and controlling - it may take a lot longer than 18 years old to really break free and become your own person. Legally and physically you might be an adult, but psychologically you might as well be 14 instead of 24.
I somehow missed the part about her asking permission to leave the house, when I first read her post. I found it more odd that Abra has a "sweetie" and yet this other girl either doesn't know about him, or doesn't care and is pursuing it anyway.
Last month I went to Blankfest with my local sweetie and had a great time. The last show we saw was a super jam and by that point the moonshine/beer had everyone dancing along, having a good time. One of the most energetic dancers was a tall, thin woman who would dance up and say something every so often to me. I couldn't hear anything so I would just smile at her. The last song she comes up and starts dancing with me and then moves in closer and closer. We are dancing and she is right up against me so I go to support her weight some and grab her butt. I apologize and start to explain myself and she kisses me. Woah. It was a pretty great kiss, soft and sweet. We exchange phone numbers and in the last two weeks she has been blowing up my phone. She's quite interesting, a Russian artist who's mother goes to our hippie like church. We talk about music, hooping, and yoga. She sends me songs that remind her of me, quotes very lovey lyrics and asked me out for ice cream, which is so cute. I was talking to my sweetie about this and he asked how old she was. I had no idea but guessed in her early 30s. Nope..she is 24 and we are going out tomorrow for tea and hooping. She had to ask her parent's permission to leave the house. Since finding out her age, I'm viewing everything in a different light and already feel motherly toward her. I can't cancel on her, she is so looking forward to it and I would like to know her more as a person but I feel like she has other expectations.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
It's the Russian.
You're going to have to explain that one a little more. East Tennessee is not known for its Russian population.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
I found it more odd that Abra has a "sweetie" and yet this other girl either doesn't know about him, or doesn't care and is pursuing it anyway.
Poly, yo.
Edit: I have no idea if this younger girl is poly or not herself, but I assume abra maybe has told her that's the deal.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I do actually. But first and foremost: are you gonna just be mean/make fun of me for it?
As long as it's quality advice, no.
Well I think it actually is important to know if the chick is privy to Abra's situation or not. I assume she must be, if Abra's boo was with her that night - yes? Abra should just be upfront and blunt when she sees her, in the sense that she isn't so comfortable with the age difference. And who knows if the girl would even do well with a poly arrangement anyway - if abra has reason to believe that she wouldn't, then maybe she can state this as the reason to keep things platonic (in addition to or instead of mentioning the age part).
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I know I already talked to you about this, but reading this made me think of something. Above and beyond her age, why does she need her parent's permission at 24 y.o.? You are usually years past your parents being able to tell you what to do at that point.
Sometimes that doesn't stop them from trying. Also, when you've been in an environment where one/both of your parents are authoritarian, overbearing, and controlling - it may take a lot longer than 18 years old to really break free and become your own person. Legally and physically you might be an adult, but psychologically you might as well be 14 instead of 24.
I somehow missed the part about her asking permission to leave the house, when I first read her post. I found it more odd that Abra has a "sweetie" and yet this other girl either doesn't know about him, or doesn't care and is pursuing it anyway.
I made sure to mention early on that I identify as poly, like Rummy 500 said, and made mention to my local fella who was right there the night I met/made out with her. She already knew what polyamory was and that might have been one of the reasons that I assumed she was older than she is. She was adopted when she was a child, funny enough by a woman we go to church with but who I don't really know, and brought here to the US. She said that she has only lived away from home for a couple years in college, but now that she is going back to school her parents are not letting her go out late or come and go as she pleases. I'm still planning on meeting with her tonight, I'm picking her up at her parents house hopefully I don't have to go in and meet them too.
Post by Decaanter on Sept 24, 2015 15:13:11 GMT -5
The non-plot with my co-worker continues. So recently I got a promotion (It's awesome, I love it, I got a raise, I'm now a Front of House Manager at the Guthrie, which is a pretty fucking big deal in my book, but also totally not the point of this story) which means that I have to dress up every day. I own one dress shirt that I actually wear/that looks good on me. I was chatting with this girl about it and she offered to take me to Goodwill/some outlet malls and shop with/for me to find some shirts. Anyway, we spent like 5 hours together shopping, which is something I haven't done in literal years. I honestly can't remember the last time I went shopping. It was a lot of fun; we got lunch together, we had some good laughs and we're clearly getting along better and better with each passing day. Our mutual friend keeps getting in my way, however. She keeps giving me the unfortunate feeling that me and my co-worker may not ever be able to have an actual relationship because of her friendship with this girl I used to be in a sexual relationship (who has a boyfriend now, mind you). I talked to her about it one of the first days we met that she is anti-men right now, as some of you may recall. I just think our friendship/relationship as people has changed so much in the past couple months that I might just have to bite the bullet and ask her out or at least ask her if she has any feelings for me. I'm dragging myself through the mud here and I can't go on like this without some knowledge of what the situation really is. I care about her a great deal and just being around her makes me happy. I don't mentally sexualize her, as I have a inadvertently relentless tendency of doing with girls I'm interested in. I want to know her. Goddamnit I want to make her happy. I just want to know if she feels the same way so that I can stop thinking about her constantly.
The non-plot with my co-worker continues. So recently I got a promotion (It's awesome, I love it, I got a raise, I'm now a Front of House Manager at the Guthrie, which is a pretty fucking big deal in my book, but also totally not the point of this story) which means that I have to dress up every day. I own one dress shirt that I actually wear/that looks good on me. I was chatting with this girl about it and she offered to take me to Goodwill/some outlet malls and shop with/for me to find some shirts. Anyway, we spent like 5 hours together shopping, which is something I haven't done in literal years. I honestly can't remember the last time I went shopping. It was a lot of fun; we got lunch together, we had some good laughs and we're clearly getting along better and better with each passing day. Our mutual friend keeps getting in my way, however. She keeps giving me the unfortunate feeling that me and my co-worker may not ever be able to have an actual relationship because of her friendship with this girl I used to be in a sexual relationship (who has a boyfriend now, mind you). I talked to her about it one of the first days we met that she is anti-men right now, as some of you may recall. I just think our friendship/relationship as people has changed so much in the past couple months that I might just have to bite the bullet and ask her out or at least ask her if she has any feelings for me. I'm dragging myself through the mud here and I can't go on like this without some knowledge of what the situation really is. I care about her a great deal and just being around her makes me happy. I don't mentally sexualize her, as I have a inadvertently relentless tendency of doing with girls I'm interested in. I want to know her. Goddamnit I want to make her happy. I just want to know if she feels the same way so that I can stop thinking about her constantly.
Go for it man. No one wants to be rejected, but it sounds like you're agonizing over this and that's definitely not healthy. You seem like you'll be able to convey exactly how you feel about her, and if things have been going as well as you think then maybe she'll feel the same way. Even if things don't go your way, you'll be able to say you tried, and that's better than most guys nowadays. I really hope things work out, I know it's not easy being unsure of how someone feels about you.
hopefully I don't have to go in and meet them too. 
