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There are so many ways that this ^^^ conversation is interesting and confusing to me. I'll leave it at that.
I've got some more updates to my situation(s) but I'm holding off until some things work themselves out
So, I'll try to keep this update brief because I really should be doing work instead right now.
The professor has shown interest in me multiple times recently, but I've successfully turned her down. I got the nerve to tell the Match.com woman that I wasn't interested in any more dates after date #4. My friend's ex-girlfriend recently moved closer and reached out to me, and I politely turned her down.
The reason is that my feelings for the friend from the beach trip have grown significantly. We've taken many opportunities to see each other at least 2-3 times a week, but typically in group situations. Our texting is frequent, heavy, and emotional. And we have not been physical at all, not even a kiss, despite how badly we want it. But she is about to go on a ten day trip to New Hampshire to be with her boyfriend (it's been planned for months).
I know what everyone is thinking, especially if you haven't read the other novels I wrote involving this situation: I'm on the hook for her. I'm her man on the side. I'm her open option if she gets tired of her relationship. But I knew her situation from the beginning, and I knew what I was getting myself into. And I've known her as a friend for a few years now, so I have a certain level of trust with her. We open up to each other about things that we don't talk to anyone else about and have for far longer than our feelings for each other.
The situation is so much more complicated than that. She is a widow whose husband passed six years ago, and the guy she is dating was very close friends with the deceased husband. She never dated anyone for five years until this guy. They have a past, obviously, and bonded over the fact that they went through that trauma together. But they are also very long distance and have only seen each other about five times in the last year. For the first six months, she wasn't really even sure she wanted to be with him but for the convenience of the situation (rarely having to see him means every time she does it's like a vacation). I knew this before her and I ever started our fling. I've always been given the impression that she liked him because of how well they knew each other and because he is a genuinely nice person. But I never got the impression that she was in love with him. Like I said, I've known her for a few years now and the duration of the relationship and never got vibes that she was in love with him.
I had car trouble this morning and called her to come jump off my car. I told work I would be late, we took it to a repair shop, and then we went to get brunch (I was 2.5 hours late for work). She leaves for her trip on Tuesday, so I really wanted to have a chance to put it all on the table. At brunch, we really took the time to discuss the entirety of the situation. She said that she is hasn't physically felt the way that she does around me since her husband, and by that I mean the butterflies, the attraction, the anxiety, and the nervousness. And I feel the same way. No one has made me feel this way since my wife, and I've done my fair share of dating recently (please see above). She also noted that she never felt this way with her boyfriend.
She is going to tell him about how she is feeling during this trip, and essentially she is going to figure out who she wants to be with. Originally, she was supposed to move up to live near him in May, but she recently decided that she wants to stay here for the foreseeable future, so she is also dropping that bomb on him. I honest to god want her to be happy whatever she decides. If she goes there and realizes that she wants to be with him, and he is willing to move here to be with her, then yeah it's going to hurt, but I will be very happy for her. If they decide that they want to break up, then I'm going to pursue the hell out of her. But I'm not going to let this continue if she comes back in the same situation. I'll have to move on.
The non-plot with my co-worker continues. So recently I got a promotion (It's awesome, I love it, I got a raise, I'm now a Front of House Manager at the Guthrie, which is a pretty fucking big deal in my book, but also totally not the point of this story) which means that I have to dress up every day. I own one dress shirt that I actually wear/that looks good on me. I was chatting with this girl about it and she offered to take me to Goodwill/some outlet malls and shop with/for me to find some shirts. Anyway, we spent like 5 hours together shopping, which is something I haven't done in literal years. I honestly can't remember the last time I went shopping. It was a lot of fun; we got lunch together, we had some good laughs and we're clearly getting along better and better with each passing day. Our mutual friend keeps getting in my way, however. She keeps giving me the unfortunate feeling that me and my co-worker may not ever be able to have an actual relationship because of her friendship with this girl I used to be in a sexual relationship (who has a boyfriend now, mind you). I talked to her about it one of the first days we met that she is anti-men right now, as some of you may recall. I just think our friendship/relationship as people has changed so much in the past couple months that I might just have to bite the bullet and ask her out or at least ask her if she has any feelings for me. I'm dragging myself through the mud here and I can't go on like this without some knowledge of what the situation really is. I care about her a great deal and just being around her makes me happy. I don't mentally sexualize her, as I have a inadvertently relentless tendency of doing with girls I'm interested in. I want to know her. Goddamnit I want to make her happy. I just want to know if she feels the same way so that I can stop thinking about her constantly.
Ahhhhh, go for it! I would definitely let it be known that you want to get to know her/make her happy. Who knows what her friend has told her about you, and you don't want to come across as wanting another notch in your bedpost, ya know? I hope she sees that and goes for it! Please keep us posted
There are so many ways that this ^^^ conversation is interesting and confusing to me. I'll leave it at that.
I've got some more updates to my situation(s) but I'm holding off until some things work themselves out
So, I'll try to keep this update brief because I really should be doing work instead right now.
The professor has shown interest in me multiple times recently, but I've successfully turned her down. I got the nerve to tell the Match.com woman that I wasn't interested in any more dates after date #4. My friend's ex-girlfriend recently moved closer and reached out to me, and I politely turned her down.
The reason is that my feelings for the friend from the beach trip have grown significantly. We've taken many opportunities to see each other at least 2-3 times a week, but typically in group situations. Our texting is frequent, heavy, and emotional. And we have not been physical at all, not even a kiss, despite how badly we want it. But she is about to go on a ten day trip to New Hampshire to be with her boyfriend (it's been planned for months).
I know what everyone is thinking, especially if you haven't read the other novels I wrote involving this situation: I'm on the hook for her. I'm her man on the side. I'm her open option if she gets tired of her relationship. But I knew her situation from the beginning, and I knew what I was getting myself into. And I've known her as a friend for a few years now, so I have a certain level of trust with her. We open up to each other about things that we don't talk to anyone else about and have for far longer than our feelings for each other.
The situation is so much more complicated than that. She is a widow whose husband passed six years ago, and the guy she is dating was very close friends with the deceased husband. She never dated anyone for five years until this guy. They have a past, obviously, and bonded over the fact that they went through that trauma together. But they are also very long distance and have only seen each other about five times in the last year. For the first six months, she wasn't really even sure she wanted to be with him but for the convenience of the situation (rarely having to see him means every time she does it's like a vacation). I knew this before her and I ever started our fling. I've always been given the impression that she liked him because of how well they knew each other and because he is a genuinely nice person. But I never got the impression that she was in love with him. Like I said, I've known her for a few years now and the duration of the relationship and never got vibes that she was in love with him.
I had car trouble this morning and called her to come jump off my car. I told work I would be late, we took it to a repair shop, and then we went to get brunch (I was 2.5 hours late for work). She leaves for her trip on Tuesday, so I really wanted to have a chance to put it all on the table. At brunch, we really took the time to discuss the entirety of the situation. She said that she is hasn't physically felt the way that she does around me since her husband, and by that I mean the butterflies, the attraction, the anxiety, and the nervousness. And I feel the same way. No one has made me feel this way since my wife, and I've done my fair share of dating recently (please see above). She also noted that she never felt this way with her boyfriend.
She is going to tell him about how she is feeling during this trip, and essentially she is going to figure out who she wants to be with. Originally, she was supposed to move up to live near him in May, but she recently decided that she wants to stay here for the foreseeable future, so she is also dropping that bomb on him. I honest to god want her to be happy whatever she decides. If she goes there and realizes that she wants to be with him, and he is willing to move here to be with her, then yeah it's going to hurt, but I will be very happy for her. If they decide that they want to break up, then I'm going to pursue the hell out of her. But I'm not going to let this continue if she comes back in the same situation. I'll have to move on.
This didn't end up being very brief.
I've been following this for a while now. If it does end up working out on the more negative side, for your sake, I really do hope that he doesn't move to where you are. I know that you'll still be happy for her, but that would cause you so much unnecessary emotional dissonance. You both seem to be handling this quite well and while it's clear that something truly wonderful is happening between the two of you, I do hope that the dust settles positively for both of you, not just one of you.
So, I'll try to keep this update brief because I really should be doing work instead right now.
The professor has shown interest in me multiple times recently, but I've successfully turned her down. I got the nerve to tell the Match.com woman that I wasn't interested in any more dates after date #4. My friend's ex-girlfriend recently moved closer and reached out to me, and I politely turned her down.
The reason is that my feelings for the friend from the beach trip have grown significantly. We've taken many opportunities to see each other at least 2-3 times a week, but typically in group situations. Our texting is frequent, heavy, and emotional. And we have not been physical at all, not even a kiss, despite how badly we want it. But she is about to go on a ten day trip to New Hampshire to be with her boyfriend (it's been planned for months).
I know what everyone is thinking, especially if you haven't read the other novels I wrote involving this situation: I'm on the hook for her. I'm her man on the side. I'm her open option if she gets tired of her relationship. But I knew her situation from the beginning, and I knew what I was getting myself into. And I've known her as a friend for a few years now, so I have a certain level of trust with her. We open up to each other about things that we don't talk to anyone else about and have for far longer than our feelings for each other.
The situation is so much more complicated than that. She is a widow whose husband passed six years ago, and the guy she is dating was very close friends with the deceased husband. She never dated anyone for five years until this guy. They have a past, obviously, and bonded over the fact that they went through that trauma together. But they are also very long distance and have only seen each other about five times in the last year. For the first six months, she wasn't really even sure she wanted to be with him but for the convenience of the situation (rarely having to see him means every time she does it's like a vacation). I knew this before her and I ever started our fling. I've always been given the impression that she liked him because of how well they knew each other and because he is a genuinely nice person. But I never got the impression that she was in love with him. Like I said, I've known her for a few years now and the duration of the relationship and never got vibes that she was in love with him.
I had car trouble this morning and called her to come jump off my car. I told work I would be late, we took it to a repair shop, and then we went to get brunch (I was 2.5 hours late for work). She leaves for her trip on Tuesday, so I really wanted to have a chance to put it all on the table. At brunch, we really took the time to discuss the entirety of the situation. She said that she is hasn't physically felt the way that she does around me since her husband, and by that I mean the butterflies, the attraction, the anxiety, and the nervousness. And I feel the same way. No one has made me feel this way since my wife, and I've done my fair share of dating recently (please see above). She also noted that she never felt this way with her boyfriend.
She is going to tell him about how she is feeling during this trip, and essentially she is going to figure out who she wants to be with. Originally, she was supposed to move up to live near him in May, but she recently decided that she wants to stay here for the foreseeable future, so she is also dropping that bomb on him. I honest to god want her to be happy whatever she decides. If she goes there and realizes that she wants to be with him, and he is willing to move here to be with her, then yeah it's going to hurt, but I will be very happy for her. If they decide that they want to break up, then I'm going to pursue the hell out of her. But I'm not going to let this continue if she comes back in the same situation. I'll have to move on.
This didn't end up being very brief.
I've been following this for a while now. If it does end up working out on the more negative side, for your sake, I really do hope that he doesn't move to where you are. I know that you'll still be happy for her, but that would cause you so much unnecessary emotional dissonance. You both seem to be handling this quite well and while it's clear that something truly wonderful is happening between the two of you, I do hope that the dust settles positively for both of you, not just one of you.
If I've learned anything from my divorce, it's that I am capable of moving forward and handling disappointment. I would hope that I will be able to handle this similarly if it came to that. I didn't really think about things from that perspective, but it's very true. Thank you for the well wishes, and I send them right back to you. I hope your situation works out, too!
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
The non-plot with my co-worker continues. So recently I got a promotion (It's awesome, I love it, I got a raise, I'm now a Front of House Manager at the Guthrie, which is a pretty fucking big deal in my book, but also totally not the point of this story) which means that I have to dress up every day. I own one dress shirt that I actually wear/that looks good on me. I was chatting with this girl about it and she offered to take me to Goodwill/some outlet malls and shop with/for me to find some shirts. Anyway, we spent like 5 hours together shopping, which is something I haven't done in literal years. I honestly can't remember the last time I went shopping. It was a lot of fun; we got lunch together, we had some good laughs and we're clearly getting along better and better with each passing day. Our mutual friend keeps getting in my way, however. She keeps giving me the unfortunate feeling that me and my co-worker may not ever be able to have an actual relationship because of her friendship with this girl I used to be in a sexual relationship (who has a boyfriend now, mind you). I talked to her about it one of the first days we met that she is anti-men right now, as some of you may recall. I just think our friendship/relationship as people has changed so much in the past couple months that I might just have to bite the bullet and ask her out or at least ask her if she has any feelings for me. I'm dragging myself through the mud here and I can't go on like this without some knowledge of what the situation really is. I care about her a great deal and just being around her makes me happy. I don't mentally sexualize her, as I have a inadvertently relentless tendency of doing with girls I'm interested in. I want to know her. Goddamnit I want to make her happy. I just want to know if she feels the same way so that I can stop thinking about her constantly.
Ahhhhh, go for it! I would definitely let it be known that you want to get to know her/make her happy. Who knows what her friend has told her about you, and you don't want to come across as wanting another notch in your bedpost, ya know? I hope she sees that and goes for it! Please keep us posted
She invited me to get drinks with her and some of our other co-workers (which was a touch odd since I'm technically sort of their manager now) last night and I walked her to her car again, as I've done pretty much every time we've gone out somewhere together. There is clearly something between us. I can see that now. The tension as we were saying goodnight was palpable and almost awkward how obvious it was. I've never seen her look at me like that before. She didn't look innocent, she looked almost serious; those few seconds were intense. Alas, I was on my bike and I got nervous and it was glaring that I was stalling after those few seconds, so I wished her a goodnight with some quippy, filler joke and went on my way. The crossroads has officially arrived.
Post by Decaanter on Sept 27, 2015 13:08:45 GMT -5
The story ends here, I suppose. I walked her to her car after another night of hanging out with folks and the two of us talked for about 45 minutes, leaning against her car. 1:15 rolls around and she says she should probably go home. I realize I bring this up now or I never bring it up. I ask her if she remembers the first night we hungout where she called me out on hitting on her and she told me that she wasn't emotionally available for anything like that right now. This was almost three months ago. I then followup by asking if there is still nothing coming back my way. Then she gives me that face and I realize it's over. She reminds me of a conversation we had several weeks ago about how she is afraid that she'll never be able to truly be intimate with another person. I finish her sentence because I remember this conversation vividly and I knew this was the problem; I knew that despite people telling me that she is obviously interested in me, this conversation we had held some weight; I knew that she doesn't make emotional decisions lightly or hastily. Maybe saying it's a problem is inappropriate. Problem isn't the right word. Disconnect, perhaps. She continued her thought by saying that she needs me to know that she takes things like this very seriously. I told her I understand, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask. I had to know. I then muttered that I had more to say but that this was no longer the forum for saying such things, so I picked up my bike and got ready to ride home, at which point she grabbed my left arm with both arms and said I had to say it right now. We were already there, why not just say it? When she grabbed my arm my heart skipped a beat. I can still feel it sinking as I write this. I took a deep breath and said the following: I told her that I care deeply for her, that I want nothing more than for her to be happy, that she is the only girl I've ever met and spoken to for lengthy periods of time that I feel like I could form a true emotional connection with and actually have a functional relationship with, and how deeply attracted to who she is, I am, and how I can't seem to help but think about her everyday. She started crying a bit as she told me no one has expressed those feelings to her before, which in turn made me start to well up a bit. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried even a little bit before last night. She started telling me how badly she feels about all this and how guilty she feels. I comforted her with the reality that it wasn't as if she was intentionally avoiding feelings for me; she simply didn't have them. I let a couple seconds go by. I told her there wasn't anything left to say or do and that I needed to leave. She stopped me again. She said she felt like she needed to do something. So she insisted on giving me a hug, which I was hesitant to because I knew that was going to make me feel like collapsing. She gave me a deep, steady breathing, calm, almost passionate hug as she told me she loved me. I told her I love her too. This must've lasted 15-20 seconds, but christ if it didn't feel like hours. I got back on my bike and said goodnight. Calling back to a conversation we were all having earlier, as a method of easing the tension, she asked me if I wanted a loaf of bread for the road. I laughed, said nope, and went on my way.
It was tense. I spoke passionately. The feeling of emotional implosion was thick, but it was necessary. I have no idea what happens now. We're going to a concert together on Tuesday because I'm a fool.
The story ends here, I suppose. I walked her to her car after another night of hanging out with folks and the two of us talked for about 45 minutes, leaning against her car. 1:15 rolls around and she says she should probably go home. I realize I bring this up now or I never bring it up. I ask her if she remembers the first night we hungout where she called me out on hitting on her and she told me that she wasn't emotionally available for anything like that right now. This was almost three months ago. I then followup by asking if there is still nothing coming back my way. Then she gives me that face and I realize it's over. She reminds me of a conversation we had several weeks ago about how she is afraid that she'll never be able to truly be intimate with another person. I finish her sentence because I remember this conversation vividly and I knew this was the problem; I knew that despite people telling me that she is obviously interested in me, this conversation we had held some weight; I knew that she doesn't make emotional decisions lightly or hastily. Maybe saying it's a problem is inappropriate. Problem isn't the right word. Disconnect, perhaps. She continued her thought by saying that she needs me to know that she takes things like this very seriously. I told her I understand, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask. I had to know. I then muttered that I had more to say but that this was no longer the forum for saying such things, so I picked up my bike and got ready to ride home, at which point she grabbed my left arm with both arms and said I had to say it right now. We were already there, why not just say it? When she grabbed my arm my heart skipped a beat. I can still feel it sinking as I write this. I took a deep breath and said the following: I told her that I care deeply for her, that I want nothing more than for her to be happy, that she is the only girl I've ever met and spoken to for lengthy periods of time that I feel like I could form a true emotional connection with and actually have a functional relationship with, and how deeply attracted to who she is, I am, and how I can't seem to help but think about her everyday. She started crying a bit as she told me no one has expressed those feelings to her before, which in turn made me start to well up a bit. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried even a little bit before last night. She started telling me how badly she feels about all this and how guilty she feels. I comforted her with the reality that it wasn't as if she was intentionally avoiding feelings for me; she simply didn't have them. I let a couple seconds go by. I told her there wasn't anything left to say or do and that I needed to leave. She stopped me again. She said she felt like she needed to do something. So she insisted on giving me a hug, which I was hesitant to because I knew that was going to make me feel like collapsing. She gave me a deep, steady breathing, calm, almost passionate hug as she told me she loved me. I told her I love her too. This must've lasted 15-20 seconds, but christ if it didn't feel like hours. I got back on my bike and said goodnight. Calling back to a conversation we were all having earlier, as a method of easing the tension, she asked me if I wanted a loaf of bread for the road. I laughed, said nope, and went on my way.
It was tense. I spoke passionately. The feeling of emotional implosion was thick, but it was necessary. I have no idea what happens now. We're going to a concert together on Tuesday because I'm a fool.
This was cathartic, thanks guys.
I could say something funny and trite, but you deserve better.
Thanks for sharing with us. Plus, you may want to look into writing if the stage doesn't work out. You good, I was hooked.
The story ends here, I suppose. I walked her to her car after another night of hanging out with folks and the two of us talked for about 45 minutes, leaning against her car. 1:15 rolls around and she says she should probably go home. I realize I bring this up now or I never bring it up. I ask her if she remembers the first night we hungout where she called me out on hitting on her and she told me that she wasn't emotionally available for anything like that right now. This was almost three months ago. I then followup by asking if there is still nothing coming back my way. Then she gives me that face and I realize it's over. She reminds me of a conversation we had several weeks ago about how she is afraid that she'll never be able to truly be intimate with another person. I finish her sentence because I remember this conversation vividly and I knew this was the problem; I knew that despite people telling me that she is obviously interested in me, this conversation we had held some weight; I knew that she doesn't make emotional decisions lightly or hastily. Maybe saying it's a problem is inappropriate. Problem isn't the right word. Disconnect, perhaps. She continued her thought by saying that she needs me to know that she takes things like this very seriously. I told her I understand, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask. I had to know. I then muttered that I had more to say but that this was no longer the forum for saying such things, so I picked up my bike and got ready to ride home, at which point she grabbed my left arm with both arms and said I had to say it right now. We were already there, why not just say it? When she grabbed my arm my heart skipped a beat. I can still feel it sinking as I write this. I took a deep breath and said the following: I told her that I care deeply for her, that I want nothing more than for her to be happy, that she is the only girl I've ever met and spoken to for lengthy periods of time that I feel like I could form a true emotional connection with and actually have a functional relationship with, and how deeply attracted to who she is, I am, and how I can't seem to help but think about her everyday. She started crying a bit as she told me no one has expressed those feelings to her before, which in turn made me start to well up a bit. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried even a little bit before last night. She started telling me how badly she feels about all this and how guilty she feels. I comforted her with the reality that it wasn't as if she was intentionally avoiding feelings for me; she simply didn't have them. I let a couple seconds go by. I told her there wasn't anything left to say or do and that I needed to leave. She stopped me again. She said she felt like she needed to do something. So she insisted on giving me a hug, which I was hesitant to because I knew that was going to make me feel like collapsing. She gave me a deep, steady breathing, calm, almost passionate hug as she told me she loved me. I told her I love her too. This must've lasted 15-20 seconds, but christ if it didn't feel like hours. I got back on my bike and said goodnight. Calling back to a conversation we were all having earlier, as a method of easing the tension, she asked me if I wanted a loaf of bread for the road. I laughed, said nope, and went on my way.
It was tense. I spoke passionately. The feeling of emotional implosion was thick, but it was necessary. I have no idea what happens now. We're going to a concert together on Tuesday because I'm a fool.
This was cathartic, thanks guys.
I could say something funny and trite, but you deserve better.
Thanks for sharing with us. Plus, you may want to look into writing if the stage doesn't work out. You good, I was hooked.
I'll take the funny and trite comment, jfg, especially since I don't think I necessarily deserve anything in this situation. What happened, happens. Also being an interesting writer is a weird solace to take from this situation, but I'll take it.
The story ends here, I suppose. I walked her to her car after another night of hanging out with folks and the two of us talked for about 45 minutes, leaning against her car. 1:15 rolls around and she says she should probably go home. I realize I bring this up now or I never bring it up. I ask her if she remembers the first night we hungout where she called me out on hitting on her and she told me that she wasn't emotionally available for anything like that right now. This was almost three months ago. I then followup by asking if there is still nothing coming back my way. Then she gives me that face and I realize it's over. She reminds me of a conversation we had several weeks ago about how she is afraid that she'll never be able to truly be intimate with another person. I finish her sentence because I remember this conversation vividly and I knew this was the problem; I knew that despite people telling me that she is obviously interested in me, this conversation we had held some weight; I knew that she doesn't make emotional decisions lightly or hastily. Maybe saying it's a problem is inappropriate. Problem isn't the right word. Disconnect, perhaps. She continued her thought by saying that she needs me to know that she takes things like this very seriously. I told her I understand, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask. I had to know. I then muttered that I had more to say but that this was no longer the forum for saying such things, so I picked up my bike and got ready to ride home, at which point she grabbed my left arm with both arms and said I had to say it right now. We were already there, why not just say it? When she grabbed my arm my heart skipped a beat. I can still feel it sinking as I write this. I took a deep breath and said the following: I told her that I care deeply for her, that I want nothing more than for her to be happy, that she is the only girl I've ever met and spoken to for lengthy periods of time that I feel like I could form a true emotional connection with and actually have a functional relationship with, and how deeply attracted to who she is, I am, and how I can't seem to help but think about her everyday. She started crying a bit as she told me no one has expressed those feelings to her before, which in turn made me start to well up a bit. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried even a little bit before last night. She started telling me how badly she feels about all this and how guilty she feels. I comforted her with the reality that it wasn't as if she was intentionally avoiding feelings for me; she simply didn't have them. I let a couple seconds go by. I told her there wasn't anything left to say or do and that I needed to leave. She stopped me again. She said she felt like she needed to do something. So she insisted on giving me a hug, which I was hesitant to because I knew that was going to make me feel like collapsing. She gave me a deep, steady breathing, calm, almost passionate hug as she told me she loved me. I told her I love her too. This must've lasted 15-20 seconds, but christ if it didn't feel like hours. I got back on my bike and said goodnight. Calling back to a conversation we were all having earlier, as a method of easing the tension, she asked me if I wanted a loaf of bread for the road. I laughed, said nope, and went on my way.
It was tense. I spoke passionately. The feeling of emotional implosion was thick, but it was necessary. I have no idea what happens now. We're going to a concert together on Tuesday because I'm a fool.
The story ends here, I suppose. I walked her to her car after another night of hanging out with folks and the two of us talked for about 45 minutes, leaning against her car. 1:15 rolls around and she says she should probably go home. I realize I bring this up now or I never bring it up. I ask her if she remembers the first night we hungout where she called me out on hitting on her and she told me that she wasn't emotionally available for anything like that right now. This was almost three months ago. I then followup by asking if there is still nothing coming back my way. Then she gives me that face and I realize it's over. She reminds me of a conversation we had several weeks ago about how she is afraid that she'll never be able to truly be intimate with another person. I finish her sentence because I remember this conversation vividly and I knew this was the problem; I knew that despite people telling me that she is obviously interested in me, this conversation we had held some weight; I knew that she doesn't make emotional decisions lightly or hastily. Maybe saying it's a problem is inappropriate. Problem isn't the right word. Disconnect, perhaps. She continued her thought by saying that she needs me to know that she takes things like this very seriously. I told her I understand, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask. I had to know. I then muttered that I had more to say but that this was no longer the forum for saying such things, so I picked up my bike and got ready to ride home, at which point she grabbed my left arm with both arms and said I had to say it right now. We were already there, why not just say it? When she grabbed my arm my heart skipped a beat. I can still feel it sinking as I write this. I took a deep breath and said the following: I told her that I care deeply for her, that I want nothing more than for her to be happy, that she is the only girl I've ever met and spoken to for lengthy periods of time that I feel like I could form a true emotional connection with and actually have a functional relationship with, and how deeply attracted to who she is, I am, and how I can't seem to help but think about her everyday. She started crying a bit as she told me no one has expressed those feelings to her before, which in turn made me start to well up a bit. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried even a little bit before last night. She started telling me how badly she feels about all this and how guilty she feels. I comforted her with the reality that it wasn't as if she was intentionally avoiding feelings for me; she simply didn't have them. I let a couple seconds go by. I told her there wasn't anything left to say or do and that I needed to leave. She stopped me again. She said she felt like she needed to do something. So she insisted on giving me a hug, which I was hesitant to because I knew that was going to make me feel like collapsing. She gave me a deep, steady breathing, calm, almost passionate hug as she told me she loved me. I told her I love her too. This must've lasted 15-20 seconds, but christ if it didn't feel like hours. I got back on my bike and said goodnight. Calling back to a conversation we were all having earlier, as a method of easing the tension, she asked me if I wanted a loaf of bread for the road. I laughed, said nope, and went on my way.
It was tense. I spoke passionately. The feeling of emotional implosion was thick, but it was necessary. I have no idea what happens now. We're going to a concert together on Tuesday because I'm a fool.
This was cathartic, thanks guys.
I have a feeling this isn't the end of the story.
With a story like this,,,,definitely not the end. And if it is...then what the hell are we all here for? Beautiful. Just beautiful.
I once had a person run up to me just to give me a kiss. Actual running. And after that kiss...at the time...I didn't know if the kiss would ever happen again. So I took it in. I took it all in. And, thankfully, it happend again.
Post by Decaanter on Sept 30, 2015 14:26:54 GMT -5
We went to go see Hippo Campus and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. last night. The show itself was pretty average (I saw the latter a few years ago before they got all poppy and serious and it was way better), but she was there and we made it fun. We both got reasonably tipsy. She hadn't ridden the bus since she's been in Minneapolis until earlier yesterday, so after the show she asked if we could take the train back to my house and if she could sleep on the couch since she was too nervous to get home around midnight by herself. I said that was perfectly fine. She was a little more drunk than I was so I offered her to follow me and I led her out of the venue and to the station with her holding my hand. I've never really held anyone's hand like that before. Hand holding is never something I ever participated in, in any relationship I've ever been in. I think it just felt really unnatural, so I never really liked doing it or instigating it. It simply never felt natural. Last night it couldn't have felt more natural. I did it without even thinking about it and she was fully on board. She didn't skip a beat. We were playful with each other. On the train she laid her head on my shoulder. She's so goddamn comfortable around me. She wanted me to get closer to where she was all night long. She slept on my couch. The blanket in my living room smells like her. This morning when I woke up I walked her to the bus and joined her for part of the journey, since I needed to walk to where I left my bike last night anyway. I got off at my stop, said I'd see her at work later, then we parted ways. I can't help but have the feeling that she's sort of trying me out. I can't wrap my head around the impulse to hold my hand and rest her head on me after the conversation we had the other night. I'm still sort of reeling from it. I feel like after the conversation we had and the night I had last night, I need to distance myself from her to stay sane. Or at the very least to get some clarity. We make so much sense together, we get along really well; I can see years with this girl. I realize that's a bit dramatic, but that's genuinely how I feel right now. I didn't just meet her. The one question I have now is that she wouldn't spend this much time with me and hold my hand and nuzzle up to me if she didn't like me romantically in some way, right? Is she just that friendly and comfortable around me? Especially after the conversation we had the other day. Especially after that. That seems unbelievable to me.
Hand holding; head resting; comfy enough with you to pass out on your couch feeling safe and smell your blanket up real good...
I don't know either, but those signs point to a good outcome from where I am standing. Eyes wide open, right? For good and bad.
Speaks to you taking this seriously that you are cautious. But given what you've posted, the initial race is most likely yours to...not win, that sounds like conquest; it sounds like you are in a good spot to come through down the stretch in a split decision with her this first(ish) race, however things go.
Here is to many more exciting races for you and your friend.
You know the movie Swingers? Guy can’t get over an ex even though its been a long time. Friends tell him she won’t call until he gets over her. He meets a girl at a bar and the next day he has a voicemail from his ex?
Well, I had a great night last night, met a lovely (wayyyyyy out of my league) lady at Jamie xx that I took home. Went out to lunch today and sure enough, the one and only woman who still has free rent in my headspace runs into me for the first time in years. Things ended extremely messy and complicated. She hugged me and wanted to play catchup. I found out she works two blocks from me. I’m on full tilt right now.
I have to enjoy that this happened to you.
Were you on a lunch date with the woman from Jamie xx? Or out with the booooooooys?
And very importantly, are you going to Bully or Diiv this week?
Were you on a lunch date with the woman from Jamie xx? Or out with the booooooooys?
And very importantly, are you going to Bully or Diiv this week?
I'm not enjoying this. At all. I'm still on tilt because I would have preferred to never see her again but the majority of the drama between the two of us is my fault. I was having brews with my bro's. I can't believe she came up to me. If I saw her first I woulda just left the restaurant. There are only two people I don't want to see ever again and its her and her boyfriend (she was nice enough to tell me he just got fired from his job so that made me happy.)
And I am going to both Bully and DIIV (Disclosure too) but last night was a long, long night so my Bully attendance is iffy.
Bully is very iffy for me too. Diiv is a strong likely. I'll text you. Disclosure is probably out because I'm planning to be out of town and I think I'll hate a show at Navy Pier.
And at least you got a bit of the good with the bad. But now you know which place to avoid for beers.
You know the movie Swingers? Guy can’t get over an ex even though its been a long time. Friends tell him she won’t call until he gets over her. He meets a girl at a bar and the next day he has a voicemail from his ex?
Well, I had a great night last night, met a lovely (wayyyyyy out of my league) lady at Jamie xx that I took home. Went out to lunch today and sure enough, the one and only woman who still has free rent in my headspace runs into me for the first time in years. Things ended extremely messy and complicated. She hugged me and wanted to play catchup. I found out she works two blocks from me. I’m on full tilt right now.
So I'm going to assume playing catchup would serve to make things more complicated and not serve as a method to get some closure?
P.S. Totally not surprised Chico blew past your issue. P.P.S. Congrats on batting out of your league.
So I'm going to assume playing catchup would serve to make things more complicated and not serve as a method to get some closure?
P.S. Totally not surprised Chico blew past your issue. P.P.S. Congrats on batting out of your league.
If we sat down, I would owe her an explanation and there are about 10 different things I have to apologize for. I know that I do owe her several heartfelt apologies if we talked again. She would owe me a fair amount of explanations and apologies as well. This wasn't just a regular breakup. My roommates pretty much kicked me out of the house we shared, I lost my job, all my college friends chose her over me (which I think is what I'm still the most aggravated about even though I now hang out with some of them again), she ended up dating my best friend, and I had a fair amount of substance/mental health issues to sort out that all kinda came to a head at once and I had a few really, really rough months because of that. It ended up with me kinda starting all over and I'm certainly a much better person for it but I wish it wouldn't have played out the way it did. Now I'm just flooded with memories of shit I've done that I still feel bad about and some of it I still haven't gotten over. Maybe this should have gone in the GRRRRR thread but there's been some heavy shit in there recently and I didn't want to post in there whining about the one girl who fucked with my head.
Since this tend to be happier, I would like to say that by the end of the night last night, I had multiple choices for which woman to hang out with. Can't say that is a regular occurrence but I'll take it.
I would advise not playing catch-up, unless you think that is the only way you will receive closure (apologies can sometimes do that), or that you care enough about her at this point that you're willing to risk what are seemingly very unpleasant emotions for her sake (and if you're not, that's A-OK).
I've been in an eerily similar situation before; long story short, we bumped into each other and made dinner plans, I ended up not being able to make them and then afterward decided not to reschedule. We haven't spoken since and I'm happier now.
So I'm going to assume playing catchup would serve to make things more complicated and not serve as a method to get some closure?
P.S. Totally not surprised Chico blew past your issue. P.P.S. Congrats on batting out of your league.
If we sat down, I would owe her an explanation and there are about 10 different things I have to apologize for. I know that I do owe her several heartfelt apologies if we talked again. She would owe me a fair amount of explanations and apologies as well. This wasn't just a regular breakup. My roommates pretty much kicked me out of the house we shared, I lost my job, all my college friends chose her over me (which I think is what I'm still the most aggravated about even though I now hang out with some of them again), she ended up dating my best friend, and I had a fair amount of substance/mental health issues to sort out that all kinda came to a head at once and I had a few really, really rough months because of that. It ended up with me kinda starting all over and I'm certainly a much better person for it but I wish it wouldn't have played out the way it did. Now I'm just flooded with memories of shit I've done that I still feel bad about and some of it I still haven't gotten over. Maybe this should have gone in the GRRRRR thread but there's been some heavy shit in there recently and I didn't want to post in there whining about the one girl who fucked with my head.
Since this tend to be happier, I would like to say that by the end of the night last night, I had multiple choices for which woman to hang out with. Can't say that is a regular occurrence but I'll take it.
I would really think about having the conversation since it seems like you might benefit from it by being able to get some things out and you both may be far enough past it to where you can talk about it appropriately.
For my own thing, I made the mistake of figuring it up last week and sometime next week will mark the point at which the lady and I will be long distance more than we've been local. I'm taking it rougher than expected. It may just be because we're not going to see each other until next month. Aside from that, things are going really well, so I should probably focus on that.
We went to go see Hippo Campus and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. last night. The show itself was pretty average (I saw the latter a few years ago before they got all poppy and serious and it was way better), but she was there and we made it fun. We both got reasonably tipsy. She hadn't ridden the bus since she's been in Minneapolis until earlier yesterday, so after the show she asked if we could take the train back to my house and if she could sleep on the couch since she was too nervous to get home around midnight by herself. I said that was perfectly fine. She was a little more drunk than I was so I offered her to follow me and I led her out of the venue and to the station with her holding my hand. I've never really held anyone's hand like that before. Hand holding is never something I ever participated in, in any relationship I've ever been in. I think it just felt really unnatural, so I never really liked doing it or instigating it. It simply never felt natural. Last night it couldn't have felt more natural. I did it without even thinking about it and she was fully on board. She didn't skip a beat. We were playful with each other. On the train she laid her head on my shoulder. She's so goddamn comfortable around me. She wanted me to get closer to where she was all night long. She slept on my couch. The blanket in my living room smells like her. This morning when I woke up I walked her to the bus and joined her for part of the journey, since I needed to walk to where I left my bike last night anyway. I got off at my stop, said I'd see her at work later, then we parted ways. I can't help but have the feeling that she's sort of trying me out. I can't wrap my head around the impulse to hold my hand and rest her head on me after the conversation we had the other night. I'm still sort of reeling from it. I feel like after the conversation we had and the night I had last night, I need to distance myself from her to stay sane. Or at the very least to get some clarity. We make so much sense together, we get along really well; I can see years with this girl. I realize that's a bit dramatic, but that's genuinely how I feel right now. I didn't just meet her. The one question I have now is that she wouldn't spend this much time with me and hold my hand and nuzzle up to me if she didn't like me romantically in some way, right? Is she just that friendly and comfortable around me? Especially after the conversation we had the other day. Especially after that. That seems unbelievable to me.
I don't know. I just don't know.
I'm kinda dying for an update. I figure you'd post one if there was one, but still...
If we sat down, I would owe her an explanation and there are about 10 different things I have to apologize for. I know that I do owe her several heartfelt apologies if we talked again. She would owe me a fair amount of explanations and apologies as well. This wasn't just a regular breakup. My roommates pretty much kicked me out of the house we shared, I lost my job, all my college friends chose her over me (which I think is what I'm still the most aggravated about even though I now hang out with some of them again), she ended up dating my best friend, and I had a fair amount of substance/mental health issues to sort out that all kinda came to a head at once and I had a few really, really rough months because of that. It ended up with me kinda starting all over and I'm certainly a much better person for it but I wish it wouldn't have played out the way it did. Now I'm just flooded with memories of shit I've done that I still feel bad about and some of it I still haven't gotten over. Maybe this should have gone in the GRRRRR thread but there's been some heavy shit in there recently and I didn't want to post in there whining about the one girl who fucked with my head.
Since this tend to be happier, I would like to say that by the end of the night last night, I had multiple choices for which woman to hang out with. Can't say that is a regular occurrence but I'll take it.
I would advise not playing catch-up, unless you think that is the only way you will receive closure (apologies can sometimes do that), or that you care enough about her at this point that you're willing to risk what are seemingly very unpleasant emotions for her sake (and if you're not, that's A-OK).
I've been in an eerily similar situation before; long story short, we bumped into each other and made dinner plans, I ended up not being able to make them and then afterward decided not to reschedule. We haven't spoken since and I'm happier now.
Post by potentpotables on Oct 13, 2015 14:50:57 GMT -5
So, I've caught feelings, which is always fun.
I go with two female coworkers to a bar for lunch every wednesday, because they have $.39 wings. Our waitress is always the same. Her name is Rachel. I live right around the corner from this bar, so I see her some other times during the week if I stop in.
I went there to watch the Tennessee-Florida game two weekends ago with a friend, who told me that Rachel was flirting with me and I should ask her out. Of course I tell my two female coworkers, and they say the same thing. That next Wednesday on wing day, I had at least 2 golden opportunities to ask her out. I had given her a recommendation for a Thai place in Central PA, I asked her if she had gone there yet and she said no. Then I asked her if she had been to the new cuban restaurant in town, she said no but she loves cuban food (who doesn't).
The Friday of that week, we went to the other place she works on her recommendation (a burger joint in the farmer's market). Again, I had an opportunity and wussed out. My coworkers think that she was talking about me while we were eating, with sideways glances at me and whispering with her coworker.
My position is that she's a waitress and she knows I'll tip her big if she flirts with me (I'm not a complicated person in this area). Three other people tell me she's flirting with me and to ask her out.
I don't know what I'm going to do, other than go there for wings tomorrow, but my one coworker said she is asking Rachel out for me if I don't do it by October 21. Which would be embarrassing...
I go with two female coworkers to a bar for lunch every wednesday, because they have $.39 wings. Our waitress is always the same. Her name is Rachel. I live right around the corner from this bar, so I see her some other times during the week if I stop in.
I went there to watch the Tennessee-Florida game two weekends ago with a friend, who told me that Rachel was flirting with me and I should ask her out. Of course I tell my two female coworkers, and they say the same thing. That next Wednesday on wing day, I had at least 2 golden opportunities to ask her out. I had given her a recommendation for a Thai place in Central PA, I asked her if she had gone there yet and she said no. Then I asked her if she had been to the new cuban restaurant in town, she said no but she loves cuban food (who doesn't).
The Friday of that week, we went to the other place she works on her recommendation (a burger joint in the farmer's market). Again, I had an opportunity and wussed out. My coworkers think that she was talking about me while we were eating, with sideways glances at me and whispering with her coworker.
My position is that she's a waitress and she knows I'll tip her big if she flirts with me (I'm not a complicated person in this area). Three other people tell me she's flirting with me and to ask her out.
I don't know what I'm going to do, other than go there for wings tomorrow, but my one coworker said she is asking Rachel out for me if I don't do it by October 21. Which would be embarrassing...
Do it, do it! Ask her to check out that Cuban place with you.
Post by g a b f r a b on Oct 13, 2015 23:20:27 GMT -5
Ehhh, I'm of the position that you should virtually never ask a service person out. They're just trying to do their job and get that stuff nonstop. If she's into you then let her make the move. If you fuck it up then no more 39 cent wings.
Ehhh, I'm of the position that you should virtually never ask a service person out. They're just trying to do their job and get that stuff nonstop. If she's into you then let her make the move. If you fuck it up then no more 39 cent wings.
I've had this line of thinking so many times. "Nope can't put the moves on that girl, I like coming to this place too much to fuck that up"
Ehhh, I'm of the position that you should virtually never ask a service person out. They're just trying to do their job and get that stuff nonstop. If she's into you then let her make the move. If you fuck it up then no more 39 cent wings.
As someone who has worked in restaurants before, I have to agree with this kid b
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I go with two female coworkers to a bar for lunch every wednesday, because they have $.39 wings. Our waitress is always the same. Her name is Rachel. I live right around the corner from this bar, so I see her some other times during the week if I stop in.
I went there to watch the Tennessee-Florida game two weekends ago with a friend, who told me that Rachel was flirting with me and I should ask her out. Of course I tell my two female coworkers, and they say the same thing. That next Wednesday on wing day, I had at least 2 golden opportunities to ask her out. I had given her a recommendation for a Thai place in Central PA, I asked her if she had gone there yet and she said no. Then I asked her if she had been to the new cuban restaurant in town, she said no but she loves cuban food (who doesn't).
The Friday of that week, we went to the other place she works on her recommendation (a burger joint in the farmer's market). Again, I had an opportunity and wussed out. My coworkers think that she was talking about me while we were eating, with sideways glances at me and whispering with her coworker.
My position is that she's a waitress and she knows I'll tip her big if she flirts with me (I'm not a complicated person in this area). Three other people tell me she's flirting with me and to ask her out.
I don't know what I'm going to do, other than go there for wings tomorrow, but my one coworker said she is asking Rachel out for me if I don't do it by October 21. Which would be embarrassing...
Look, here's exactly what you need to do tomorrow. When she brings the bill, stick your erect penis in the little black folder and lay it down on the table. When she comes back to grab it, give her a huge smile and say "There's a really big 'tip' for you in there!". She'll then grab the folder, reveal your erect penis, and fall in love with you. Game over. Thank me later.
