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I go with two female coworkers to a bar for lunch every wednesday, because they have $.39 wings. Our waitress is always the same. Her name is Rachel. I live right around the corner from this bar, so I see her some other times during the week if I stop in.
I went there to watch the Tennessee-Florida game two weekends ago with a friend, who told me that Rachel was flirting with me and I should ask her out. Of course I tell my two female coworkers, and they say the same thing. That next Wednesday on wing day, I had at least 2 golden opportunities to ask her out. I had given her a recommendation for a Thai place in Central PA, I asked her if she had gone there yet and she said no. Then I asked her if she had been to the new cuban restaurant in town, she said no but she loves cuban food (who doesn't).
The Friday of that week, we went to the other place she works on her recommendation (a burger joint in the farmer's market). Again, I had an opportunity and wussed out. My coworkers think that she was talking about me while we were eating, with sideways glances at me and whispering with her coworker.
My position is that she's a waitress and she knows I'll tip her big if she flirts with me (I'm not a complicated person in this area). Three other people tell me she's flirting with me and to ask her out.
I don't know what I'm going to do, other than go there for wings tomorrow, but my one coworker said she is asking Rachel out for me if I don't do it by October 21. Which would be embarrassing...
Look, here's exactly what you need to do tomorrow. When she brings the bill, stick your erect penis in the little black folder and lay it down on the table. When she comes back to grab it, give her a huge smile and say "There's a really big 'tip' for you in there!". She'll then grab the folder, reveal your erect penis, and fall in love with you. Game over. Thank me later.
Look, here's exactly what you need to do tomorrow. When she brings the bill, stick your erect penis in the little black folder and lay it down on the table. When she comes back to grab it, give her a huge smile and say "There's a really big 'tip' for you in there!". She'll then grab the folder, reveal your erect penis, and fall in love with you. Game over. Thank me later.
How many restraining orders are you up to now?
Bitch please, you can't file a restraining order when you're tied up.
I go with two female coworkers to a bar for lunch every wednesday, because they have $.39 wings. Our waitress is always the same. Her name is Rachel. I live right around the corner from this bar, so I see her some other times during the week if I stop in.
I went there to watch the Tennessee-Florida game two weekends ago with a friend, who told me that Rachel was flirting with me and I should ask her out. Of course I tell my two female coworkers, and they say the same thing. That next Wednesday on wing day, I had at least 2 golden opportunities to ask her out. I had given her a recommendation for a Thai place in Central PA, I asked her if she had gone there yet and she said no. Then I asked her if she had been to the new cuban restaurant in town, she said no but she loves cuban food (who doesn't).
The Friday of that week, we went to the other place she works on her recommendation (a burger joint in the farmer's market). Again, I had an opportunity and wussed out. My coworkers think that she was talking about me while we were eating, with sideways glances at me and whispering with her coworker.
My position is that she's a waitress and she knows I'll tip her big if she flirts with me (I'm not a complicated person in this area). Three other people tell me she's flirting with me and to ask her out.
I don't know what I'm going to do, other than go there for wings tomorrow, but my one coworker said she is asking Rachel out for me if I don't do it by October 21. Which would be embarrassing...
Look, here's exactly what you need to do tomorrow. When she brings the bill, stick your erect penis in the little black folder and lay it down on the table. When she comes back to grab it, give her a huge smile and say "There's a really big 'tip' for you in there!". She'll then grab the folder, reveal your erect penis, and fall in love with you. Game over. Thank me later.
We went to go see Hippo Campus and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. last night. The show itself was pretty average (I saw the latter a few years ago before they got all poppy and serious and it was way better), but she was there and we made it fun. We both got reasonably tipsy. She hadn't ridden the bus since she's been in Minneapolis until earlier yesterday, so after the show she asked if we could take the train back to my house and if she could sleep on the couch since she was too nervous to get home around midnight by herself. I said that was perfectly fine. She was a little more drunk than I was so I offered her to follow me and I led her out of the venue and to the station with her holding my hand. I've never really held anyone's hand like that before. Hand holding is never something I ever participated in, in any relationship I've ever been in. I think it just felt really unnatural, so I never really liked doing it or instigating it. It simply never felt natural. Last night it couldn't have felt more natural. I did it without even thinking about it and she was fully on board. She didn't skip a beat. We were playful with each other. On the train she laid her head on my shoulder. She's so goddamn comfortable around me. She wanted me to get closer to where she was all night long. She slept on my couch. The blanket in my living room smells like her. This morning when I woke up I walked her to the bus and joined her for part of the journey, since I needed to walk to where I left my bike last night anyway. I got off at my stop, said I'd see her at work later, then we parted ways. I can't help but have the feeling that she's sort of trying me out. I can't wrap my head around the impulse to hold my hand and rest her head on me after the conversation we had the other night. I'm still sort of reeling from it. I feel like after the conversation we had and the night I had last night, I need to distance myself from her to stay sane. Or at the very least to get some clarity. We make so much sense together, we get along really well; I can see years with this girl. I realize that's a bit dramatic, but that's genuinely how I feel right now. I didn't just meet her. The one question I have now is that she wouldn't spend this much time with me and hold my hand and nuzzle up to me if she didn't like me romantically in some way, right? Is she just that friendly and comfortable around me? Especially after the conversation we had the other day. Especially after that. That seems unbelievable to me.
I don't know. I just don't know.
I'm kinda dying for an update. I figure you'd post one if there was one, but still...
Really nothing to report. I essentially haven't spoken to her since that night. Well. I suppose since that morning. It's been a little over two weeks I guess. However, I guess here's something. Last night she sent me the following text message: "Alright, [insert my real name here]. Here's what's what. I miss shootin' the shit with you and I am super bummed that you have been having a crummy couple of weeks. And because you're my friend and I care about you, I want to be here for you, obvi. But I also understand that being with me might be more hurtful than helpful which is totally shitty and I'm incredibly sorry for it. So in full disclosure, I need to know what you need me to do to maintain our friendship. And please do not say 'nothing' unless you have a very good explanation behind it."
I responded a couple of hours ago. I've just had a really upsetting couple weeks and I don't think seeing her again is really going to help. I really want to see her again. I really do. Friendship just seems heart-breaking. Maybe I should see her again and find out. This seems like a self-fulfilling-prophecy-waiting-to-happen situation.
I'm kinda dying for an update. I figure you'd post one if there was one, but still...
Really nothing to report. I essentially haven't spoken to her since that night. Well. I suppose since that morning. It's been a little over two weeks I guess. However, I guess here's something. Last night she sent me the following text message: "Alright, [insert my real name here]. Here's what's what. I miss shootin' the shit with you and I am super bummed that you have been having a crummy couple of weeks. And because you're my friend and I care about you, I want to be here for you, obvi. But I also understand that being with me might be more hurtful than helpful which is totally shitty and I'm incredibly sorry for it. So in full disclosure, I need to know what you need me to do to maintain our friendship. And please do not say 'nothing' unless you have a very good explanation behind it."
I responded a couple of hours ago. I've just had a really upsetting couple weeks and I don't think seeing her again is really going to help. I really want to see her again. I really do. Friendship just seems heart-breaking. Maybe I should see her again and find out. This seems like a self-fulfilling-prophecy-waiting-to-happen situation.
I've been in that situation before, dude. If your girl isn't married (which I seem to remember she isn't), then you are ahead of me in that situation...
I'm kinda dying for an update. I figure you'd post one if there was one, but still...
Really nothing to report. I essentially haven't spoken to her since that night. Well. I suppose since that morning. It's been a little over two weeks I guess. However, I guess here's something. Last night she sent me the following text message: "Alright, [insert my real name here]. Here's what's what. I miss shootin' the shit with you and I am super bummed that you have been having a crummy couple of weeks. And because you're my friend and I care about you, I want to be here for you, obvi. But I also understand that being with me might be more hurtful than helpful which is totally shitty and I'm incredibly sorry for it. So in full disclosure, I need to know what you need me to do to maintain our friendship. And please do not say 'nothing' unless you have a very good explanation behind it."
I responded a couple of hours ago. I've just had a really upsetting couple weeks and I don't think seeing her again is really going to help. I really want to see her again. I really do. Friendship just seems heart-breaking. Maybe I should see her again and find out. This seems like a self-fulfilling-prophecy-waiting-to-happen situation.
Move on. If she was emotionally available you wouldn't be making these posts. She doesn't want to be friends. She wants to date you, but she's scared of commitment. Find a girl that has her shit together. Im sorry, it sucks.
She decided to stay with the boyfriend. Anticlimactic and predictable ending to the story.
Her loss
Sad part is that she still doesn't seem happy with him, but I guess she is afraid to take a risk.
On the other hand, I've been hanging out with one of her best friends a lot lately. Me hanging out with the friend was purely innocent, but also has served as a smoke screen for all of our mutual friends. Basically, to throw them off the scent of me and the crush (we'll call her SR), everyone now thinks that me and the friend (we'll call her SG) are secretly hooking up.
During the course of all this, me and SG have been hanging out late at night together and joked around about a polyamorous trio. Now, obviously, SR is staying with her boyfriend. So... Would it be inappropriate at this point to attempt a friends with benefits situation with SG?
Sad part is that she still doesn't seem happy with him, but I guess she is afraid to take a risk.
On the other hand, I've been hanging out with one of her best friends a lot lately. Me hanging out with the friend was purely innocent, but also has served as a smoke screen for all of our mutual friends. Basically, to throw them off the scent of me and the crush (we'll call her SR), everyone now thinks that me and the friend (we'll call her SG) are secretly hooking up.
During the course of all this, me and SG have been hanging out late at night together and joked around about a polyamorous trio. Now, obviously, SR is staying with her boyfriend. So... Would it be inappropriate at this point to attempt a friends with benefits situation with SG?
If SG is agreeable to that, I don't see why it would be inappropriate. SR made her choice, and life is too short.
Sad part is that she still doesn't seem happy with him, but I guess she is afraid to take a risk.
On the other hand, I've been hanging out with one of her best friends a lot lately. Me hanging out with the friend was purely innocent, but also has served as a smoke screen for all of our mutual friends. Basically, to throw them off the scent of me and the crush (we'll call her SR), everyone now thinks that me and the friend (we'll call her SG) are secretly hooking up.
During the course of all this, me and SG have been hanging out late at night together and joked around about a polyamorous trio. Now, obviously, SR is staying with her boyfriend. So... Would it be inappropriate at this point to attempt a friends with benefits situation with SG?
If SG is agreeable to that, I don't see why it would be inappropriate. SR made her choice, and life is too short.
I'm actually pleasantly surprised that the first response to this was in the affirmative and not negative towards me thinking this way. I really wish that SG would work as a possible crush, but we are a little too dissimilar in many ways for that to really work. We are very much alike in some ways and very different in others. This is why I thought the friends with benefits idea made more sense. She has been telling me about how her previous friends with benefits situation ended a couple months ago and she misses the sex. I didn't bite on the possible bait at the time because we were still waiting on SR's answer. I, too, could benefit from a purely physical relationship because it keeps me off of Tinder or Bumble for a while.
If SG is agreeable to that, I don't see why it would be inappropriate. SR made her choice, and life is too short.
I'm actually pleasantly surprised that the first response to this was in the affirmative and not negative towards me thinking this way. I really wish that SG would work as a possible crush, but we are a little too dissimilar in many ways for that to really work. We are very much alike in some ways and very different in others. This is why I thought the friends with benefits idea made more sense. She has been telling me about how her previous friends with benefits situation ended a couple months ago and she misses the sex. I didn't bite on the possible bait at the time because we were still waiting on SR's answer. I, too, could benefit from a purely physical relationship because it keeps me off of Tinder or Bumble for a while.
Just be sure that not even a sliver of your intention is to make SR jealous, because that would be inappropriate
I'm actually pleasantly surprised that the first response to this was in the affirmative and not negative towards me thinking this way. I really wish that SG would work as a possible crush, but we are a little too dissimilar in many ways for that to really work. We are very much alike in some ways and very different in others. This is why I thought the friends with benefits idea made more sense. She has been telling me about how her previous friends with benefits situation ended a couple months ago and she misses the sex. I didn't bite on the possible bait at the time because we were still waiting on SR's answer. I, too, could benefit from a purely physical relationship because it keeps me off of Tinder or Bumble for a while.
Just be sure that not even a sliver of your intention is to make SR jealous, because that would be inappropriate
In all honesty, I wouldn't be doing it for that reason. I like hanging out with SG, but I don't think I could ever date her. And now in retrospect I've started feeling like maybe I wasn't as important to SR as I thought that I was. Definitely not as important as she was to me.
Post by abrakapokus on Oct 22, 2015 9:38:02 GMT -5
A little back story, for those who don't know, I've been seeing this fella for about a year now. He chooses to be monogamous and I see someone else occasionally. We have very open communication about everything and most things I can logically deal with but I'm quite shut off from all of it emotionally. When we first started dating, he would tell me he loved me and I would say, "No, you don't. You don't know me." That seems very true to me, he didn't know me, and I don't believe that he loved me. He loved the idea of me. Now that we are quite far in, I do think he knows who I am and he is saying that he's "in love" with me. I've told him I don't feel the same way. I love him. I care what happens to him. There are parts of him that I adore but I don't feel that overwhelming, crazy, I can't think about anything else, rabid "in love" feeling toward him or anyone. I'm not sure that I ever will again. In love to me seems to be hormonal or that you are dependent on the person for something you are lacking, that the person is filling something you can't fill yourself or can't do without. Since I have my children, and I don't want more, I feel like the hormonal part isn't there and I've been working on becoming more self sufficient so I don't need anyone else.
Last night, while he was taking me to do posters, he started getting emotional and said he feels like he is here until the next person comes along. I don't feel like he's a space filler, but I do feel like everyone is here until we change and grow and then something or someone else fits better comes in. I totally believe that if he found someone like me who is monogamous and wanted to have kids, get married, and move in with him that he would choose her and I would be hurt but understand. She would fit him better than me. He denies all of this and says he could never love anyone as much as he loves me. He is going to try harder to do things for me. This is something I've mentioned before to him that I would like. He doesn't do little things like cards or notes, bring me something unexpected, just because. He does do things like help with the kids, take Dave Maynar to work, give me rides here and there, help me with chores I need help with so it isn't really that big of a deal. I do feel loved by him. After he dropped me off I started thinking that I do much of the same things for him. I cook for him, help him with his job, help him navigate social situations, help him with is artists page and getting booked but I don't do little things. I sent him a text, "What can I do to make you feel special?" I fell asleep before he responded and woke to "I don't want to feel special, I want to feel loved."
How do I do that? I've told him I do love him but he wants me to be in love with him. I can't make myself do that...or can I? Should I think about cutting things off so he is not hurt more in the long run? I feel like he might regret staying with me when he could be looking for someone else. He said he wouldn't regret it and he is free to date or seek other people. I can't help feeling like I'm a bad guy. I'm lost on what to do.
A little back story, for those who don't know, I've been seeing this fella for about a year now. He chooses to be monogamous and I see someone else occasionally. We have very open communication about everything and most things I can logically deal with but I'm quite shut off from all of it emotionally. When we first started dating, he would tell me he loved me and I would say, "No, you don't. You don't know me." That seems very true to me, he didn't know me, and I don't believe that he loved me. He loved the idea of me. Now that we are quite far in, I do think he knows who I am and he is saying that he's "in love" with me. I've told him I don't feel the same way. I love him. I care what happens to him. There are parts of him that I adore but I don't feel that overwhelming, crazy, I can't think about anything else, rabid "in love" feeling toward him or anyone. I'm not sure that I ever will again. In love to me seems to be hormonal or that you are dependent on the person for something you are lacking, that the person is filling something you can't fill yourself or can't do without. Since I have my children, and I don't want more, I feel like the hormonal part isn't there and I've been working on becoming more self sufficient so I don't need anyone else.
Last night, while he was taking me to do posters, he started getting emotional and said he feels like he is here until the next person comes along. I don't feel like he's a space filler, but I do feel like everyone is here until we change and grow and then something or someone else fits better comes in. I totally believe that if he found someone like me who is monogamous and wanted to have kids, get married, and move in with him that he would choose her and I would be hurt but understand. She would fit him better than me. He denies all of this and says he could never love anyone as much as he loves me. He is going to try harder to do things for me. This is something I've mentioned before to him that I would like. He doesn't do little things like cards or notes, bring me something unexpected, just because. He does do things like help with the kids, take Dave Maynar to work, give me rides here and there, help me with chores I need help with so it isn't really that big of a deal. I do feel loved by him. After he dropped me off I started thinking that I do much of the same things for him. I cook for him, help him with his job, help him navigate social situations, help him with is artists page and getting booked but I don't do little things. I sent him a text, "What can I do to make you feel special?" I fell asleep before he responded and woke to "I don't want to feel special, I want to feel loved."
How do I do that? I've told him I do love him but he wants me to be in love with him. I can't make myself do that...or can I? Should I think about cutting things off so he is not hurt more in the long run? I feel like he might regret staying with me when he could be looking for someone else. He said he wouldn't regret it and he is free to date or seek other people. I can't help feeling like I'm a bad guy. I'm lost on what to do.
Have you guys discussed what being IN love means to you both? Maybe you are already on the same page and it's just a matter of semantics? Does being loved for him involve being monogamous?
Really nothing to report. I essentially haven't spoken to her since that night. Well. I suppose since that morning. It's been a little over two weeks I guess. However, I guess here's something. Last night she sent me the following text message: "Alright, [insert my real name here]. Here's what's what. I miss shootin' the shit with you and I am super bummed that you have been having a crummy couple of weeks. And because you're my friend and I care about you, I want to be here for you, obvi. But I also understand that being with me might be more hurtful than helpful which is totally shitty and I'm incredibly sorry for it. So in full disclosure, I need to know what you need me to do to maintain our friendship. And please do not say 'nothing' unless you have a very good explanation behind it."
I responded a couple of hours ago. I've just had a really upsetting couple weeks and I don't think seeing her again is really going to help. I really want to see her again. I really do. Friendship just seems heart-breaking. Maybe I should see her again and find out. This seems like a self-fulfilling-prophecy-waiting-to-happen situation.
Move on. If she was emotionally available you wouldn't be making these posts. She doesn't want to be friends. She wants to date you, but she's scared of commitment. Find a girl that has her shit together. Im sorry, it sucks.
At least you gave it a shot, right?
I know I know. I think it's just extra difficult because I haven't found myself in this situation in a long time and she seems really invested in maintaining our friendship that moving on is becoming tricky. And maybe it's because I'm too involved in this, but I don't see how you think that she wants to date me. She's made it pretty clear to me that she isn't interested in me or anyone else for that matter. Reading things like "She wants to date you, but she's scared of commitment." just makes it even worse.
Move on. If she was emotionally available you wouldn't be making these posts. She doesn't want to be friends. She wants to date you, but she's scared of commitment. Find a girl that has her shit together. Im sorry, it sucks.
At least you gave it a shot, right?
I know I know. I think it's just extra difficult because I haven't found myself in this situation in a long time and she seems really invested in maintaining our friendship that moving on is becoming tricky. And maybe it's because I'm too involved in this, but I don't see how you think that she wants to date me. She's made it pretty clear to me that she isn't interested in me or anyone else for that matter. Reading things like "She wants to date you, but she's scared of commitment." just makes it even worse.
It doesn't sound like she wants to date, but that she does enjoy your company and wants to continue to enjoy it. It's up to you if that's a good idea or not, considering your feelings for her.
As a general policy, I think remaining "just friends" is impracticable after being so emotionally invested. You know that won't work for you, so why even entertain the idea? You don't want to be "just friends" with her, so why torture yourself? I'd tell her to give you a call if she changes her mind. Otherwise, move on.
A little back story, for those who don't know, I've been seeing this fella for about a year now. He chooses to be monogamous and I see someone else occasionally. We have very open communication about everything and most things I can logically deal with but I'm quite shut off from all of it emotionally. When we first started dating, he would tell me he loved me and I would say, "No, you don't. You don't know me." That seems very true to me, he didn't know me, and I don't believe that he loved me. He loved the idea of me. Now that we are quite far in, I do think he knows who I am and he is saying that he's "in love" with me. I've told him I don't feel the same way. I love him. I care what happens to him. There are parts of him that I adore but I don't feel that overwhelming, crazy, I can't think about anything else, rabid "in love" feeling toward him or anyone. I'm not sure that I ever will again. In love to me seems to be hormonal or that you are dependent on the person for something you are lacking, that the person is filling something you can't fill yourself or can't do without. Since I have my children, and I don't want more, I feel like the hormonal part isn't there and I've been working on becoming more self sufficient so I don't need anyone else.
Last night, while he was taking me to do posters, he started getting emotional and said he feels like he is here until the next person comes along. I don't feel like he's a space filler, but I do feel like everyone is here until we change and grow and then something or someone else fits better comes in. I totally believe that if he found someone like me who is monogamous and wanted to have kids, get married, and move in with him that he would choose her and I would be hurt but understand. She would fit him better than me. He denies all of this and says he could never love anyone as much as he loves me. He is going to try harder to do things for me. This is something I've mentioned before to him that I would like. He doesn't do little things like cards or notes, bring me something unexpected, just because. He does do things like help with the kids, take Dave Maynar to work, give me rides here and there, help me with chores I need help with so it isn't really that big of a deal. I do feel loved by him. After he dropped me off I started thinking that I do much of the same things for him. I cook for him, help him with his job, help him navigate social situations, help him with is artists page and getting booked but I don't do little things. I sent him a text, "What can I do to make you feel special?" I fell asleep before he responded and woke to "I don't want to feel special, I want to feel loved."
How do I do that? I've told him I do love him but he wants me to be in love with him. I can't make myself do that...or can I? Should I think about cutting things off so he is not hurt more in the long run? I feel like he might regret staying with me when he could be looking for someone else. He said he wouldn't regret it and he is free to date or seek other people. I can't help feeling like I'm a bad guy. I'm lost on what to do.
You and him want two different things and it would be the best thing for him and his feelings if you broke it off.
A little back story, for those who don't know, I've been seeing this fella for about a year now. He chooses to be monogamous and I see someone else occasionally. We have very open communication about everything and most things I can logically deal with but I'm quite shut off from all of it emotionally. When we first started dating, he would tell me he loved me and I would say, "No, you don't. You don't know me." That seems very true to me, he didn't know me, and I don't believe that he loved me. He loved the idea of me. Now that we are quite far in, I do think he knows who I am and he is saying that he's "in love" with me. I've told him I don't feel the same way. I love him. I care what happens to him. There are parts of him that I adore but I don't feel that overwhelming, crazy, I can't think about anything else, rabid "in love" feeling toward him or anyone. I'm not sure that I ever will again. In love to me seems to be hormonal or that you are dependent on the person for something you are lacking, that the person is filling something you can't fill yourself or can't do without. Since I have my children, and I don't want more, I feel like the hormonal part isn't there and I've been working on becoming more self sufficient so I don't need anyone else.
Last night, while he was taking me to do posters, he started getting emotional and said he feels like he is here until the next person comes along. I don't feel like he's a space filler, but I do feel like everyone is here until we change and grow and then something or someone else fits better comes in. I totally believe that if he found someone like me who is monogamous and wanted to have kids, get married, and move in with him that he would choose her and I would be hurt but understand. She would fit him better than me. He denies all of this and says he could never love anyone as much as he loves me. He is going to try harder to do things for me. This is something I've mentioned before to him that I would like. He doesn't do little things like cards or notes, bring me something unexpected, just because. He does do things like help with the kids, take Dave Maynar to work, give me rides here and there, help me with chores I need help with so it isn't really that big of a deal. I do feel loved by him. After he dropped me off I started thinking that I do much of the same things for him. I cook for him, help him with his job, help him navigate social situations, help him with is artists page and getting booked but I don't do little things. I sent him a text, "What can I do to make you feel special?" I fell asleep before he responded and woke to "I don't want to feel special, I want to feel loved."
How do I do that? I've told him I do love him but he wants me to be in love with him. I can't make myself do that...or can I? Should I think about cutting things off so he is not hurt more in the long run? I feel like he might regret staying with me when he could be looking for someone else. He said he wouldn't regret it and he is free to date or seek other people. I can't help feeling like I'm a bad guy. I'm lost on what to do.
Have you guys discussed what being IN love means to you both? Maybe you are already on the same page and it's just a matter of semantics? Does being loved for him involve being monogamous?
He says that what makes being in love different that loving someone is: You think about that person in every decision you make. They are the first person you think of in the morning, and the last person at night. When you choose how you spend your time you want to spend all of it with the person you are in love with. That you are working toward a future together.
To me, this sounds like depending on one person for everything. That you are looking for that "one true love" or "soul-mate". I don't want to do everything with one person. I want to spend time with my friends, alone, and with other people. The only people I think about before I go to bed and when I wake up are my children and I don't expect that to change. I'm not the type of person to envision the future and I would hope that I'm not the same person in ten years, with the same ideas and wants, as I am now.
He said he thinks that I was in love with him in the beginning and I responded truthfully, that I might have been in love with the possibility of what could be. I think we all still have this idea that someone will be perfect and be your everything but that's not my reality. I didn't know him, before, like I do now. There is an excitement that he might think is "in-love" but I didn't fully trust him, like I do now. I wasn't comfortable around him, like I am now. Those things mean more to me than some hormonal fantasy of someone.
As a general policy, I think remaining "just friends" is impracticable after being so emotionally invested. You know that won't work for you, so why even entertain the idea? You don't want to be "just friends" with her, so why torture yourself? I'd tell her to give you a call if she changes her mind. Otherwise, move on.
Have you guys discussed what being IN love means to you both? Maybe you are already on the same page and it's just a matter of semantics? Does being loved for him involve being monogamous?
He says that what makes being in love different that loving someone is: You think about that person in every decision you make. They are the first person you think of in the morning, and the last person at night. When you choose how you spend your time you want to spend all of it with the person you are in love with. That you are working toward a future together.
To me, this sounds like depending on one person for everything. That you are looking for that "one true love" or "soul-mate". I don't want to do everything with one person. I want to spend time with my friends, alone, and with other people. The only people I think about before I go to bed and when I wake up are my children and I don't expect that to change. I'm not the type of person to envision the future and I would hope that I'm not the same person in ten years, with the same ideas and wants, as I am now.
He said he thinks that I was in love with him in the beginning and I responded truthfully, that I might have been in love with the possibility of what could be. I think we all still have this idea that someone will be perfect and be your everything but that's not my reality. I didn't know him, before, like I do now. There is an excitement that he might think is "in-love" but I didn't fully trust him, like I do now. I wasn't comfortable around him, like I am now. Those things mean more to me than some hormonal fantasy of someone.
Oof, yeah that sounds like you guys may essentially want different things. That's a tough spot to be in, especially from your end.
He says that what makes being in love different that loving someone is: You think about that person in every decision you make. They are the first person you think of in the morning, and the last person at night. When you choose how you spend your time you want to spend all of it with the person you are in love with. That you are working toward a future together.
To me, this sounds like depending on one person for everything. That you are looking for that "one true love" or "soul-mate". I don't want to do everything with one person. I want to spend time with my friends, alone, and with other people. The only people I think about before I go to bed and when I wake up are my children and I don't expect that to change. I'm not the type of person to envision the future and I would hope that I'm not the same person in ten years, with the same ideas and wants, as I am now.
He said he thinks that I was in love with him in the beginning and I responded truthfully, that I might have been in love with the possibility of what could be. I think we all still have this idea that someone will be perfect and be your everything but that's not my reality. I didn't know him, before, like I do now. There is an excitement that he might think is "in-love" but I didn't fully trust him, like I do now. I wasn't comfortable around him, like I am now. Those things mean more to me than some hormonal fantasy of someone.
Oof, yeah that sounds like you guys may essentially want different things. That's a tough spot to be in, especially from your end.
Are you sure that he is okay with you dating other people, also? It's tough for me to imagine him feeling this way and not being hurt by that, even if he says that he isn't. But then again, I'm not directly in the situation.
Oof, yeah that sounds like you guys may essentially want different things. That's a tough spot to be in, especially from your end.
Are you sure that he is okay with you dating other people, also? It's tough for me to imagine him feeling this way and not being hurt by that, even if he says that he isn't. But then again, I'm not directly in the situation.
We talked about it (me not being monogamous) before we started dating. We did have a period of time where we didn't see other people, so he does have issues when I do see someone new, but those conversations focus more on jealousy and we workout ways to get through that. This conversation last night was primarily about him not feeling loved, he wanted to know what our future was. He mentioned that the holidays were coming up and he didn't feel like he knew for sure that I would be involved in going to his family's house for dinner or that he would be invited to come to mine. Somewhere in there he mentioned lots of things like me moving, marriage, and multiple years together. Now, none of those were topics but kinda thrown in there to gauge my reaction, I believe. They were all future focused and focused on him and I. Of course, everything builds on everything so it probably adds into insecurity overall but I cannot change how he feels about himself. I'm trying to focus on what is best for him and I, what does he mean by in love, and how to make him feel loved.
I think we do want different things, as a couple of you noted, which is probably due to the fact that I've experienced a lot of what he wants. Being in love, marriage, children, and I'm almost 8 years older. He is looking for something easy, comfortable, dependable, and steady. I'm looking to grow, explore, and try new things.
I do adore him. He's a great person and really good in bed. A lot of our lives overlap. I work at the venue that he plays at and he is involved in production there. We like a lot of the same music, same festivals, and have some of the same friends. One good thing is, we are very open with communication. Everything I've said here, I've said to him. I'm just looking for some outside perspective.
Are you sure that he is okay with you dating other people, also? It's tough for me to imagine him feeling this way and not being hurt by that, even if he says that he isn't. But then again, I'm not directly in the situation.
We talked about it (me not being monogamous) before we started dating. We did have a period of time where we didn't see other people, so he does have issues when I do see someone new, but those conversations focus more on jealousy and we workout ways to get through that. This conversation last night was primarily about him not feeling loved, he wanted to know what our future was. He mentioned that the holidays were coming up and he didn't feel like he knew for sure that I would be involved in going to his family's house for dinner or that he would be invited to come to mine. Somewhere in there he mentioned lots of things like me moving, marriage, and multiple years together. Now, none of those were topics but kinda thrown in there to gauge my reaction, I believe. They were all future focused and focused on him and I. Of course, everything builds on everything so it probably adds into insecurity overall but I cannot change how he feels about himself. I'm trying to focus on what is best for him and I, what does he mean by in love, and how to make him feel loved.
I think we do want different things, as a couple of you noted, which is probably due to the fact that I've experienced a lot of what he wants. Being in love, marriage, children, and I'm almost 8 years older. He is looking for something easy, comfortable, dependable, and steady. I'm looking to grow, explore, and try new things.
I do adore him. He's a great person and really good in bed. A lot of our lives overlap. I work at the venue that he plays at and he is involved in production there. We like a lot of the same music, same festivals, and have some of the same friends. One good thing is, we are very open with communication. Everything I've said here, I've said to him. I'm just looking for some outside perspective.
I'm sure you've considered this but just to add my perspective. He's not being honest with himself. It seems he's just agreeing to your more open philosophy on dating until you come around and settle down to his way of thinking.
He doesn't want to lose you so he's going along with it. BUT, it seems clear what he wants is the more traditional relationship you described above. It seems emotionally unhealthy for him to continue with this but he's been told the score.The next time he drops one of his "I want to feel loved" texts remind him of that and let him know that he really needs to consider if he's truly comfortable with the situation as it's been explained. If not then it's best he moves on.
Sounds to me like he is looking for you to be dedicated to a more traditional relationship with him and only him. Based off of what you posted, I'd imagine he is looking for the relationship to develop into the next step, whatever that may be.
