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Had to skip today's first question, but this one's great.
I don't like sleeping with people again who aren't totally compatible. I'm a real quality over quantity girl. Luckily I happen to have both lately, but that took years. I'd never even sleep with a mediocre-level person again. I love sex too much for it to ever be boring or just "fine".
Definitely with you on the quality over quantity thing.
The flip side though is that it can be hard to be on your A game 100% of the time, especially with someone new. I usually reach my full potential on round 2 or 3. When I go to bed with someone who's obviously got high sexual expectations I can sometimes cave under the pressure.
I'm always up for a second chance cause I'd hope they'd be willing to do the same for me!
Yah! You can't have the best sex of your life on the first date, unless the other person is somehow coincidentally EXTREMELY good at giving you what you like. But it usually takes a couple rounds before it gets into "holy shit" territory. But the first time should feel - in my opinion - like the sexual equivalent of watching the first episode of a TV show: you understand the tone, the idea, and you're really excited to see what happens next.
Definitely with you on the quality over quantity thing.
The flip side though is that it can be hard to be on your A game 100% of the time, especially with someone new. I usually reach my full potential on round 2 or 3. When I go to bed with someone who's obviously got high sexual expectations I can sometimes cave under the pressure.
I'm always up for a second chance cause I'd hope they'd be willing to do the same for me!
Do you ever know when you're on your A game before you even started?
Usually not. Even if it's one I'm really excited about and have the physical energy and psych for, I can get trapped in my own head and tread too carefully making for very B-level lovemaking. Passable but probably nothing someone would want to wank to.
Definitely with you on the quality over quantity thing.
The flip side though is that it can be hard to be on your A game 100% of the time, especially with someone new. I usually reach my full potential on round 2 or 3. When I go to bed with someone who's obviously got high sexual expectations I can sometimes cave under the pressure.
I'm always up for a second chance cause I'd hope they'd be willing to do the same for me!
Yah! You can't have the best sex of your life on the first date, unless the other person is somehow coincidentally EXTREMELY good at giving you what you like. But it usually takes a couple rounds before it gets into "holy shit" territory. But the first time should feel - in my opinion - like the sexual equivalent of watching the first episode of a TV show: you understand the tone, the idea, and you're really excited to see what happens next.
My best experience was a first time with someone. Can't really describe what made it the best but I remember being the most comfortable I've ever been.
Do you ever know when you're on your A game before you even started?
Usually not. Even if it's one I'm really excited about and have the physical energy and psych for, I can get trapped in my own head and tread too carefully making for very B-level lovemaking. Passable but probably nothing someone would want to wank to.
As someone who used to really self-sabotage with overthinking, I totally get this. I had to train myself to stop doing it.
Yah! You can't have the best sex of your life on the first date, unless the other person is somehow coincidentally EXTREMELY good at giving you what you like. But it usually takes a couple rounds before it gets into "holy shit" territory. But the first time should feel - in my opinion - like the sexual equivalent of watching the first episode of a TV show: you understand the tone, the idea, and you're really excited to see what happens next.
My best experience was a first time with someone. Can't really describe what made it the best but I remember being the most comfortable I've ever been.
Was it because they were good at giving you what you needed? What happened from there?
My best experience was a first time with someone. Can't really describe what made it the best but I remember being the most comfortable I've ever been.
First time is always fun cause (most of the time) it's your first time seeing them naked.
"Finally I get to see and touch the booooooooobs!"
My best experience was a first time with someone. Can't really describe what made it the best but I remember being the most comfortable I've ever been.
Was it because they were good at giving you what you needed? What happened from there?
It's strange when I think about it because nothing really stands out. Maybe the music and the party favors were a big help.
It lasted quite long, it got hot and sweaty but not a moment of discomfort. Switching things up, trying new positions went fluently without hesitation. I guess the vibe and connection were the biggest factors in making this a good experience.
Would you hook up with the worst sexual partner you’ve had if it meant you could hook up with the best again? Interested in Jake Jortles answer
No way - besides the trauma of my worst, my best were toxic AF in every other way.
I did come across a video we took years ago while searching for "dancing" in Google pics and immediately closed the screen. I always delete partner pics/videos after a breakup, but I don't think it was just the surprise of finding it, it was the memory of how good it was that frightened me.
Definitely with you on the quality over quantity thing.
The flip side though is that it can be hard to be on your A game 100% of the time, especially with someone new. I usually reach my full potential on round 2 or 3. When I go to bed with someone who's obviously got high sexual expectations I can sometimes cave under the pressure.
I'm always up for a second chance cause I'd hope they'd be willing to do the same for me!
Yah! You can't have the best sex of your life on the first date, unless the other person is somehow coincidentally EXTREMELY good at giving you what you like. But it usually takes a couple rounds before it gets into "holy shit" territory. But the first time should feel - in my opinion - like the sexual equivalent of watching the first episode of a TV show: you understand the tone, the idea, and you're really excited to see what happens next.
This is pretty spot on. One of my two best (I can't decide which I liked more) was the absolute worst the first few months. I actually sat him down to tell him I wanted to move on bc we just weren't sexually compatible. (Obv we stayed together for a while after that)
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Yah! You can't have the best sex of your life on the first date, unless the other person is somehow coincidentally EXTREMELY good at giving you what you like. But it usually takes a couple rounds before it gets into "holy shit" territory. But the first time should feel - in my opinion - like the sexual equivalent of watching the first episode of a TV show: you understand the tone, the idea, and you're really excited to see what happens next.
This is pretty spot on. One of my two best (I can't decide which I liked more) was the absolute worst the first few months. I actually sat him down to tell him I wanted to move on bc we just weren't sexually compatible. (Obv we stayed together for a while after that)
That’s so interesting. My GF and I had pretty good but not the best sex of my life the first 9ish months of our relationship, but then BAM something really clicked and it’s been insane ever since haha
This is pretty spot on. One of my two best (I can't decide which I liked more) was the absolute worst the first few months. I actually sat him down to tell him I wanted to move on bc we just weren't sexually compatible. (Obv we stayed together for a while after that)
That’s so interesting. My GF and I had pretty good but not the best sex of my life the first 9ish months of our relationship, but then BAM something really clicked and it’s been insane ever since haha
Since I wrote that I've been trying to think of what it was. Maybe being more comfortable, maybe him stepping up his game but honestly I can't pinpoint what it was.
The last sex we had was angry and awful - I'm eternally grateful for that.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
How do men here have open communication about sexual past without seeming like a dick or a perv?
I relate to things said here, and I feel like the rules are - if you break up, you say nothing.
“With a previous partner, we did ___ and both parties enjoyed it. Is that something you’d be interested in? Or want to try out?”
I really can’t recommend following sex positive educators on Instagram, tiktok, or patreon enough. And make sure they’re women or non-binary, not men (assuming you’re someone who only dates women?). Though one great male-fronted podcast I’d recommend is “Man Enough,” that helps break away from toxic masculinity & connect with others in an authentic way.
How do men here have open communication about sexual past without seeming like a dick or a perv?
I relate to things said here, and I feel like the rules are - if you break up, you say nothing.
“With a previous partner, we did ___ and both parties enjoyed it. Is that something you’d be interested in? Or want to try out?”
I really can’t recommend following sex positive educators on Instagram, tiktok, or patreon enough. And make sure they’re women or non-binary, not men (assuming you’re someone who only dates women?). Though one great male-fronted podcast I’d recommend is “Man Enough,” that helps break away from toxic masculinity & connect with others in an authentic way.
How do men here have open communication about sexual past without seeming like a dick or a perv?
I relate to things said here, and I feel like the rules are - if you break up, you say nothing.
“With a previous partner, we did ___ and both parties enjoyed it. Is that something you’d be interested in? Or want to try out?”
I really can’t recommend following sex positive educators on Instagram, tiktok, or patreon enough. And make sure they’re women or non-binary, not men (assuming you’re someone who only dates women?). Though one great male-fronted podcast I’d recommend is “Man Enough,” that helps break away from toxic masculinity & connect with others in an authentic way.
My insta, and past activities are awash in sex positivity towards sex educators. I really just mean on this website and while trying to write as man in this situation. I'm instantly more sensitive to the fact that we are a dominant section here by numbers. I worry about what I say to not contribute to that toxicity if I can but know I'm not perfect.
How do men here have open communication about sexual past without seeming like a dick or a perv?
I relate to things said here, and I feel like the rules are - if you break up, you say nothing.
If action in my sexual past paint me as a dick, I am open and honest about it and take accountability for it. Like, for example, I was open with my wife that I had cheated during my last long-term relationship (I explained this in a big post a while back, but TL;DR - fell for bandmate, cheated with her, torpedoed the relationship to start a relationship with said bandmate that turned out to be fucking awful). It was a horrible mistake, but it’s part of who I am, and I didn’t feel like I was going to get anywhere with someone with whom I wanted to have a real relationship hiding it.
As for seeming like a perv…if someone’s going to judge me for consensual sexual activity because it wasn’t vanilla, or because it’s above some arbitrary number they deem to be “too much,” then they’re not for me - and I mean that with friends, too. I like and have enjoyed a lot of sex. There’s nothing shameful in that and anyone who might want to make me feel like there is can suck it (figuratively).
“With a previous partner, we did ___ and both parties enjoyed it. Is that something you’d be interested in? Or want to try out?”
I really can’t recommend following sex positive educators on Instagram, tiktok, or patreon enough. And make sure they’re women or non-binary, not men (assuming you’re someone who only dates women?). Though one great male-fronted podcast I’d recommend is “Man Enough,” that helps break away from toxic masculinity & connect with others in an authentic way.
My insta, and past activities are awash in sex positivity towards sex educators. I really just mean on this website and while trying to write as man in this situation. I'm instantly more sensitive to the fact that we are a dominant section here by numbers. I worry about what I say to not contribute to that toxicity if I can but know I'm not perfect.
I mean, for me, it comes down to
1) Try your best
and
2) Be open to constructive feedback in terms of whether what you’re saying is contributing to an atmosphere of toxicity.
“With a previous partner, we did ___ and both parties enjoyed it. Is that something you’d be interested in? Or want to try out?”
I really can’t recommend following sex positive educators on Instagram, tiktok, or patreon enough. And make sure they’re women or non-binary, not men (assuming you’re someone who only dates women?). Though one great male-fronted podcast I’d recommend is “Man Enough,” that helps break away from toxic masculinity & connect with others in an authentic way.
My insta, and past activities are awash in sex positivity towards sex educators. I really just mean on this website and while trying to write as man in this situation. I'm instantly more sensitive to the fact that we are a dominant section here by numbers. I worry about what I say to not contribute to that toxicity if I can but know I'm not perfect.
So if I’m understanding correctly, you just want to write about sex here without offending anyone?
If that’s the case, just write how you would, knowing someone here may not enjoy explicit content, if you’re specifically crushing on someone here. Not everyone enjoys reading about purposeful facials.
You mean like, "We tried this, it was ____"? I think it's perfectly fine to tell stories but I don't use names.
The hard part is that some of you know who I'm talking about, but I'll try to share in the future.
What I'll say is, I wouldn't trade my mediocre screws for the great past ones from a certain person.
I don't think anyone would have assumed we knew who you were talking about before this post. So just keeping names out if it and speaking in general terms.
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