Cum one cum all: A thread about sex

Most toxic relationship/dating I ever did were girls in their early 20s when I was 30/31. I look back on it with no real resentment. They were just, as you said, not fully formed, still experimenting and trying to figure out what they wanted. It was dumb of me to expect them to be on my level in terms of respect and maturity. When I'm honest with myself I only stayed in it so long because they both were just really, really fucking hot with major physical attraction. But the dishonesty and mind games took their toll on me mentally and after the 2nd one ended, I changed my age settings on the apps to 27 at the youngest.

I wasn't dating in my early 20's because I was in the closet, but my GF had a totally different experience (she's totally cool with me sharing about it). She's said that when she turned 30, she realized how weird and gross it would be to date someone in their early 20's. She felt like it would be predatory. I think she said something like "It's like going back to your elementary school. Too weird of a vibe." And then she proceeded to confront her exes! Not my bag, but she said it helped give her closure. 

Anyway, glad you figured it out. 

I had my kid at 22, my son's father was 7 years older than me. After him I never dated anyone more than 2 years older/younger than me. I know quite a few May/December romances, more in my parent's age group, but it is just not something for me.

it is so so context dependent on what the age is of the younger party involved.

e.g. a 30 year old deciding to consensually do whatev they want with someone in their 50s? it might not be my personal preference of age range, but i would not judge or take any issue with it. both are fully mentally formed adults who can decide what the fuck and who the fuck they want to do.

however, a 30 year old...with an 18 year old? nahhhh fam. that 18 year old may be legally able to consent but they're a literal teenager and their frontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision making, thinking through problems, etc.) is far from fully developed. it typically isn't until age 23-25, depending on the person.

whereas a 23 or 24 year old with someone in their 30s, again that seems much more OK to me because of the aforementioned scientific factual difference.

Does eating a hot dog count?

As for biggest age ranges I've personally experienced: when I was 23 I dated a guy for just a little while who was mid 30s (I think 33/34 at the time?) and then at 24 another mid-30s dude for almost a year. Any younger than that and I'd feel weird about it reflecting on it now, but at 23 I think I was pretty well matured (not saying 100% on that brain component but close to it).

Oh and in the same timeframe I was dating the mid-30s guy when I was 24, I actually was dating a woman too who was older than him--she was either 38 or 39 at the time. Ultimately the age difference was part of what made us decide to just be friends after a handful of months. That isn't to say 15 years difference has to be a deal breaker, but it was enough that after a while of dating we mutually agreed it felt more natural to be friends.

I have a friend (he's 28) who has a habit of being interested in 20-21 year Olds.

Me and several others all try and discourage it - but he's still dumb.

That's such an interesting perspective. 

I have my own experience with age gap relationships, but it's really different in lesbian relationships than in hetero dynamics. My GF refuses to join the forum because she generally hates "being online" (i love her) but she's literally over my shoulder asking me to say this so: 

"OK, I'm not trying to pick a fight, but when I've dated older man as a younger woman - barely not-a-girl anymore - I can tell you that none of those men thought about the consequences of their actions, or the responsibility they had when dating someone younger. They got off on being with someone with tons of energy and very little life experience. My standards weren't high because I didn't even know what was normal to expect in relationships. There's a power dynamic with more lived experience, and then when you add being male on top of it, there's a lot that can go wrong for the younger female partner. Not every single guy I dated with an age gap sucked, but they certainly were looking for someone who would put up with their shit. Because now, in my thirties I wouldn't look at them twice. Rose-colored glasses come with inexperience. Also a lot of girls are socialized to trust older men, and see them as vehicles of validation, which consciously or not, men use to their advantage. 

Not to say that it's always bad or harmful, but the potential for it to be is a lot more than when it's peer-level."

I think the main debate here isn't with people over 25. I think the debate here is over preference (obviously wildly different between people) and what feels "acceptable" now.  I HOPE I would have felt icky as fuck in that era dating someone 12 years younger than me at say 30?   I don't think anyone thinks it's that weird when you push past your 30's.

I hear you.  I couldn't tell since he said once someone is out of college they shouldn't date anyone younger without caveats which I suppose were intended.  I wasn't making a judgment call on anything except judging.  

Oldest-when I was 33 and he was 48. He was a tri-athlete. Vibrant and energetic. You would never know he was 48 so who cares. I didn't even think about it.

Youngest--She was 13 years younger. One time hookup.

Y'all can just consider me to be 35 from here on out. Such ageism.

Just because something happened doesn’t mean it was a good idea.

You should definitely judge any person who is dating a high school but they’re not in high school. It’s not ok. (Obviously if they met in high school & still dating after one of them graduates that’s different)

Anything when both partners are over 30 is different, obviously. Sure life experience gaps are still informative but not inherently traumatic

Right. When there’s kids involved it’s less about age and more about where you are in your life. Someone could be 37 and childless and have a hard time dating someone who has split custody of kids, as opposed to a single 28 year old mom who would understand how that kind of lifestyle goes

Check out my post under yours to Bing.  I didn't say it was a good idea.  It just was the way shit was.  I mean if I wanted to be selfish about it, I'd say it a terrible idea since I wished most of them then were attracted to their immature friends they attended class with.  But at the same time, shit like that worked at the time and was the way shit was.  It's really not possible to separate the context from the lens of the time.