Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
I mean yeah. People used to get married in their early twenties, get a house and everything ages ago. Now that isn't the case anymore. Almost everyone is getting a higher degree nowadays, which also makes for a different life period almost added next to teenage years - which also wasn't a thing in the 19xx's. Times change.
Lastly, we're talking people in their early twenties. I have no issue with people dating with big age gaps, but I basically fully agree and reiterate the brain thing Rummy was talking about.
I got married in my early twenties, bought a house, started a family. I've been called out for it many times that I was young, yet I don't regret it.
Now I'm in my 30s and figuring out the dating scene (in a different country as I grew up). Since I was married for 7 years and lived with her for about 10, most of my choices/desires are based on that experience.
It's good and bad. It's more clear to me now, what kind of person I want to end up with. It is a lot more difficult finding the right person since I know what I don't like in a relationship.
Dating older women makes it easier since they mostly have enough experience (marriage, kids, living together,...). Dating younger I feel like I'm educating them and since they lack experience I feel like I'm just a stepping stone for their future.
I think Andrea was still 18 when we met. I’m 6 and half years older. That was 17 years ago. I’d say it worked out.
Just because something happened doesn’t mean it was a good idea.
You should definitely judge any person who is dating a high school but they’re not in high school. It’s not ok. (Obviously if they met in high school & still dating after one of them graduates that’s different)
Anything when both partners are over 30 is different, obviously. Sure life experience gaps are still informative but not inherently traumatic
Check out my post under yours to Bing. I didn't say it was a good idea. It just was the way shit was. I mean if I wanted to be selfish about it, I'd say it a terrible idea since I wished most of them then were attracted to their immature friends they attended class with. But at the same time, shit like that worked at the time and was the way shit was. It's really not possible to separate the context from the lens of the time.
But it was happening in the 2000s and can still happen now.
I have a coworker who told me she hooked up with some rando that's 16 years younger.
With that said, what's y'all take on age range?
My longest relationships have been with folks my same age but I've also had a LTR with someone 8 years younger (who was incredibly immature). Other shorter relationships/fwb have been all over the place, from a guy 13 years older (I was 37 he was 50) to women in their late 20s at my current age of 43.
As time goes on I find older men, and men my age, less and less attractive. Many expect me to take care of them, sit around and watch TV, and aren't very progressive. The 50 year old was the exception - true feminist, worked in conservation, active activist - all the good things.
Recently I've dated more men in their early 30s. That's usually who hits on me, and we mostly have a lot in common concerning politics, social justice, and feminism. They tend to be more active and willing to go out and do things like hiking, shows, and festivals. The biggest downside I've seen so far is how awkward I feel when I'm meeting their friends and family. Some of these guys want a family and I'm not about that, so I think I don't ever really get that close to them, knowing it isn't going to last.
With women, the age difference is much less noticeable.
Quickly feeling like a piece of shit now lol yikes. Probably shouldn't have answered that question so honestly. 😵💫
GF: “a lot of my exes didn’t know how messed up the dynamic was because they were socialized to want it, just like I was. The fact that you’re being reflective and allowing it to inform your future choices is a good thing”
I agree! Also hey I’ve admitted adultery on here (not that I keep that a secret from my life story). You’re ok dude <3
I feel like there is irrefutable, objective truth to what you're saying, just honestly never felt there was that much gross about a 23 year old to 30 year old age difference until today. We were both hot and wanted each other, letting infatuation cloud our judgments. It was fucking dumb and lessons were learned, but I never felt it was culturally wrong.
GF: “a lot of my exes didn’t know how messed up the dynamic was because they were socialized to want it, just like I was. The fact that you’re being reflective and allowing it to inform your future choices is a good thing”
I agree! Also hey I’ve admitted adultery on here (not that I keep that a secret from my life story). You’re ok dude <3
I feel like there is irrefutable, objective truth to what you're saying, just honestly never felt there was that much gross about a 23 year old to 30 year old age difference until today. We were both hot and wanted each other, letting infatuation cloud our judgments. It was fucking dumb and lessons were learned, but I never felt it was culturally wrong.
GF: “a lot of my exes didn’t know how messed up the dynamic was because they were socialized to want it, just like I was. The fact that you’re being reflective and allowing it to inform your future choices is a good thing”
I agree! Also hey I’ve admitted adultery on here (not that I keep that a secret from my life story). You’re ok dude <3
I feel like there is irrefutable, objective truth to what you're saying, just honestly never felt there was that much gross about a 23 year old to 30 year old age difference until today. We were both hot and wanted each other, letting infatuation cloud our judgments. It was fucking dumb and lessons were learned, but I never felt it was culturally wrong.
I'm still hot by the way 😎
Your deduction is reasonable. There also would have been nothing wrong with me pursuing the 24yo because that would have been consensual. I think it's the general premise of who people pursue that people are thinking about.
And yes for me, it just feels like, I know who I was at 25 and I don't think I was mentally evolved enough to handle certain things. So a long term situation wouldn't work and I personally crave intimacy over a hook up
I feel like there is irrefutable, objective truth to what you're saying, just honestly never felt there was that much gross about a 23 year old to 30 year old age difference until today. We were both hot and wanted each other, letting infatuation cloud our judgments. It was fucking dumb and lessons were learned, but I never felt it was culturally wrong.
I'm still hot by the way 😎
Pics or it didn’t happen
I mean you DON'T believe he's the real John Stamos!
Someone could be 37 and childless and have a hard time dating someone
Side bar - the struggle is real
There's not many CF folks in the dating pool, and a lot of the ones I find are in the Boston area. It doesn’t bother me, but for most I'm imagining the Providence area to be a bit far.
Check out my post under yours to Bing. I didn't say it was a good idea. It just was the way shit was. I mean if I wanted to be selfish about it, I'd say it a terrible idea since I wished most of them then were attracted to their immature friends they attended class with. But at the same time, shit like that worked at the time and was the way shit was. It's really not possible to separate the context from the lens of the time.
But it was happening in the 2000s and can still happen now.
Human chemistry really is weird as hell. A friend of mine who studied anthropology told me he believed that we haven’t physically adjusted much from our cavemen origins when we had to have kids young since we mostly lived only into our 20’s or 30’s which was why he believed our hormones rage so much in puberty and our teen years - a primal signal to reproduce I suppose. But then guys peak sexually at 18 while women more around 30. In an ideal chemical world, that almost seems to indicate the best physical match in heterosexuals (I’m not saying it is, just hypothesizing on his theory). We al know older and younger people that have hooked up in a passionate situation. I’d say that’s different from someone in a position of power using that power to prey on others. I don’t mind being judgmental on the person in power. But I don’t want to come down morally on the guy or girl who found themselves in an impromptu situation they decided to advance with someone older or younger. OTOH intellectually and I suppose morally we have come a long way and continue to evolve in our belief of what should be right or wrong, legal or illegal. And we will continue to do that as we (society) come to understand more psychology and become more or less accepting of certain behaviors. That’s a whole other discussion in itself - things like how did we come to glorify cougars or whatever the specific behavior we will decide is more or less acceptable as we progress in time. I don’t have the answers just the questions.
But it was happening in the 2000s and can still happen now.
Human chemistry really is weird as hell. A friend of mine who studied anthropology told me he believed that we haven’t physically adjusted much from our cavemen origins when we had to have kids young since we mostly lived only into our 20’s or 30’s which was why he believed our hormones rage so much in puberty and our teen years - a primal signal to reproduce I suppose. But then guys peak sexually at 18 while women more around 30. In an ideal chemical world, that almost seems to indicate the best physical match in heterosexuals (I’m not saying it is, just hypothesizing on his theory). We al know older and younger people that have hooked up in a passionate situation. I’d say that’s different from someone in a position of power using that power to prey on others. I don’t mind being judgmental on the person in power. But I don’t want to come down morally on the guy or girl who found themselves in an impromptu situation they decided to advance with someone older or younger. OTOH intellectually and I suppose morally we have come a long way and continue to evolve in our belief of what should be right or wrong, legal or illegal. And we will continue to do that as we (society) come to understand more psychology and become more or less accepting of certain behaviors. That’s a whole other discussion in itself - things like how did we come to glorify cougars or whatever the specific behavior we will decide is more or less acceptable as we progress in time. I don’t have the answers just the questions.
Post by tewentytwo on Apr 20, 2022 14:53:08 GMT -5
The only time I "dated" someone older was in High School, I've had one FWB who was about 5 years older but that's it. The biggest gap was probably 13 years or so but that was just a hookup. Age wasn't usually a consideration when finding someone but I think now that I'm a little older I'd like to find someone closer to my age. Mainly due to my lifestyle with kids/work isn't conducive with most younger folk who aren't in the same situation. But honestly after 10+ years of marriage I have no idea what I'm doing lol.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I think that while power dynamics can inevitably come into play when it comes to certain factors - age being only one of them - I don't think it is inherently predatory or unhealthy, as long as it's acknowledged and actively worked through.
I'm 33, and haven't dated more than two years older or younger. I wouldn't think twice about a 5 year difference but any more than that and it becomes something I start to consider more (solely talking about my own preferences here). The nature of the relationship changes things too - I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with a FWB sitch with someone substantially younger as long as you're not fetishizing their youth or otherwise taking some sort of advantage. A couple years ago I'd probably have said differently, but a recent FWB of mine is younger than I ever thought I'd be comfortable with - ten year difference - and while I was hesitant at first, the convo online was good enough for me to step out of my comfort zone and meet up for drinks, to find that he's a great communicator, sets and holds clear boundaries, and is just enjoyable to be around. If I hadn't known his age when we met I'd have thought him to be 4 or 5 years older than he is. We talked about the age/power difference early on and it hasn't really been an issue. Only thing I've noticed is that he'll call out Millenials for being self-absorbed and now I notice it everywhere. 🙃
I think that while power dynamics can inevitably come into play when it comes to certain factors - age being only one of them - I don't think it is inherently predatory or unhealthy, as long as it's acknowledged and actively worked through.
I'm 33, and haven't dated more than two years older or younger. I wouldn't think twice about a 5 year difference but any more than that and it becomes something I start to consider more (solely talking about my own preferences here). The nature of the relationship changes things too - I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with a FWB sitch with someone substantially younger as long as you're not fetishizing their youth or otherwise taking some sort of advantage. A couple years ago I'd probably have said differently, but a recent FWB of mine is younger than I ever thought I'd be comfortable with - ten year difference - and while I was hesitant at first, the convo online was good enough for me to step out of my comfort zone and meet up for drinks, to find that he's a great communicator, sets and holds clear boundaries, and is just enjoyable to be around. If I hadn't known his age when we met I'd have thought him to be 4 or 5 years older than he is. We talked about the age/power difference early on and it hasn't really been an issue. Only thing I've noticed is that he'll call out Millenials for being self-absorbed and now I notice it everywhere. 🙃
Oh Gen Z is self absorbed too! Don’t let him fool ya!!
Quickly feeling like a piece of shit now lol yikes. Probably shouldn't have answered that question so honestly. 😵💫
a lot of my exes didn’t know how messed up the dynamic was because they were socialized to want it
In high school I dated my "boss" (he was the dining room lead, I was just a server). He was 9 years older than me. I was a few days before my 17th birthday the first time we hooked up. We dated for 8 years....
Took a few years clear of that relationship to really see how fucked up it was. Wasn't until I hit the age he was when we started dating that I think it really hit me.
Which leads me to answering a previously asked question. I really racked up the numbers in 2013-2014 (So ~24) the year we broke up. It was my first time being single as an adult and I went a little wild. I refer to that as my 'slutty summer' because I was basically just tearing through Tinder. 😂
Post by Jake Jortles on Apr 21, 2022 6:14:02 GMT -5
Banged a 42 year old when I was 24. It was pretty cool. Widest gap in the other direction is my current relationship that I mentioned (6 years).
My understanding of it has always been that girls in their early 20s are more likely to be attracted to older guys because guys of the same age are less mature than girls of the same age. They’re tryna date and fuck a man not some lil college frat boi. If a 35 year old guy is out here scouring exclusively for 18-22 years olds that’s weird, but almost anything shy of that creepy of a situation is fine. I would guess that if you made some sort of cutoff at 25, you’d find people at 26 making a lot of stupid decisions 18 year olds currently make. Full brain or not full brain at some point people have to start freely navigating life and the range of maturity that exists between people on a case by case basis makes me ok with the 18 cutoff.
When I banged that 42 year old I can confirm that there was no shot in hell that there was anything wrong with what she did. If an outside observer wanted to look at the power dynamics of that one, I think you’d still easily conclude they were in my favor.
Banged a 42 year old when I was 24. It was pretty cool. Widest gap in the other direction is my current relationship that I mentioned (6 years).
My understanding of it has always been that girls in their early 20s are more likely to be attracted to older guys because guys of the same age are less mature than girls of the same age. They’re tryna date and fuck a man not some lil college frat boi. If a 35 year old guy is out here scouring exclusively for 18-22 years olds that’s weird, but almost anything shy of that creepy of a situation is fine. I would guess that if you made some sort of cutoff at 25, you’d find people at 26 making a lot of stupid decisions 18 year olds currently make. Full brain or not full brain at some point people have to start freely navigating life and the range of maturity that exists between people on a case by case basis makes me ok with the 18 cutoff.
When I banged that 42 year old I can confirm that there was no shot in hell that there was anything wrong with what she did. If an outside observer wanted to look at the power dynamics of that one, I think you’d still easily conclude they were in my favor.
Having a consensual sexual encounter that would constitute as “banging” is not the same as having a relationship in terms of potential harms that come out of it.
I had sex with someone who was 51 when I was 30 and it was fine. But if I had dated her it would’ve been a whole other story.
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/57846439/harley.0.0.jpg)
