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My amazing bisexual girlfriend likes to play with men on occasion (this is how we know sexuality isn't a choice). She had a good coffee date with a potential BDSM play partner, and afterward he messaged her to check up about testing, birth control, etc, because their coffee conversation didn't cover that. She says she's got an IUD (mostly for her period pain management) and he says
"Great because I don't like to use condoms. I test monthly so we're good."
Y'all. Y'ALL.
She is whip smart and goes "So you got a vasectomy?" to which he goes "No, still got my swimmers". She goes "so it falls to the female partners to be on birth control?" to which he replies:
"It will be better for everyone if I don't wear a condom. It really disrupts the flow of the play."
He kept pushing back every time she'd give a reason why condom use, especially before there's a basis of personal safety, was a good idea. Eventually he said "Well for YOUR sake I GUESS we can."
She immediately blocked him after saying "That makes me feel super unsafe and uncomfortable. Bye." And then HE MESSAGED HER ON ANOTHER PLATFORM THEY MATCHED ON to say "I thought you should know I have erectile dysfunction, that's why I don't like condoms".
This is when I got home and saw her, fuming. She recaps the story and then writes to him: "I have been stealthed (removal of a condom without my consent) and sexually assaulted by men and that's why I wouldn't feel safe without one. With everything that's going on with women's reproductive rights, I can't believe you pushed back at all. You are not a safe person and I'll call it out if I ever see you at a party."
Anyway, she's going on a rage-run and I'm buying her dinner and smoking her out tonight.
MEN. WHY.
Super shitty all around but he gets tested monthly? O.o I don't believe it for a second.
My amazing bisexual girlfriend likes to play with men on occasion (this is how we know sexuality isn't a choice). She had a good coffee date with a potential BDSM play partner, and afterward he messaged her to check up about testing, birth control, etc, because their coffee conversation didn't cover that. She says she's got an IUD (mostly for her period pain management) and he says
"Great because I don't like to use condoms. I test monthly so we're good."
Y'all. Y'ALL.
She is whip smart and goes "So you got a vasectomy?" to which he goes "No, still got my swimmers". She goes "so it falls to the female partners to be on birth control?" to which he replies:
"It will be better for everyone if I don't wear a condom. It really disrupts the flow of the play."
He kept pushing back every time she'd give a reason why condom use, especially before there's a basis of personal safety, was a good idea. Eventually he said "Well for YOUR sake I GUESS we can."
She immediately blocked him after saying "That makes me feel super unsafe and uncomfortable. Bye." And then HE MESSAGED HER ON ANOTHER PLATFORM THEY MATCHED ON to say "I thought you should know I have erectile dysfunction, that's why I don't like condoms".
This is when I got home and saw her, fuming. She recaps the story and then writes to him: "I have been stealthed (removal of a condom without my consent) and sexually assaulted by men and that's why I wouldn't feel safe without one. With everything that's going on with women's reproductive rights, I can't believe you pushed back at all. You are not a safe person and I'll call it out if I ever see you at a party."
Anyway, she's going on a rage-run and I'm buying her dinner and smoking her out tonight.
MEN. WHY.
Super shitty all around but he gets tested monthly? O.o I don't believe it for a second.
Monthly testing isn't unheard of - I know people who do it - but if you're constantly bringing new people into your circle AND not using protection, what use is the testing? The testing becomes really just the STI detection you're waiting for because you're inviting and exposing others.
My amazing bisexual girlfriend likes to play with men on occasion (this is how we know sexuality isn't a choice). She had a good coffee date with a potential BDSM play partner, and afterward he messaged her to check up about testing, birth control, etc, because their coffee conversation didn't cover that. She says she's got an IUD (mostly for her period pain management) and he says
"Great because I don't like to use condoms. I test monthly so we're good."
Y'all. Y'ALL.
She is whip smart and goes "So you got a vasectomy?" to which he goes "No, still got my swimmers". She goes "so it falls to the female partners to be on birth control?" to which he replies:
"It will be better for everyone if I don't wear a condom. It really disrupts the flow of the play."
He kept pushing back every time she'd give a reason why condom use, especially before there's a basis of personal safety, was a good idea. Eventually he said "Well for YOUR sake I GUESS we can."
She immediately blocked him after saying "That makes me feel super unsafe and uncomfortable. Bye." And then HE MESSAGED HER ON ANOTHER PLATFORM THEY MATCHED ON to say "I thought you should know I have erectile dysfunction, that's why I don't like condoms".
This is when I got home and saw her, fuming. She recaps the story and then writes to him: "I have been stealthed (removal of a condom without my consent) and sexually assaulted by men and that's why I wouldn't feel safe without one. With everything that's going on with women's reproductive rights, I can't believe you pushed back at all. You are not a safe person and I'll call it out if I ever see you at a party."
Anyway, she's going on a rage-run and I'm buying her dinner and smoking her out tonight.
You can always do “yes and no” questions where you lead with what you like. “I love when someone kisses my neck. How do you like it? Do you like doing that to someone?” etc etc
This "Want, Will, Won't" list is a good framework fun to fill out along side a partner and then compare.
This is the one I’m going through with my current partner; and as someone who has been in the scene for more than half a decade, I still had to Google a few of these words/phrases lololol
But if looking to negotiate intensively and especially if towards a dynamic, this list is great IMO
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
My amazing bisexual girlfriend likes to play with men on occasion (this is how we know sexuality isn't a choice). She had a good coffee date with a potential BDSM play partner, and afterward he messaged her to check up about testing, birth control, etc, because their coffee conversation didn't cover that. She says she's got an IUD (mostly for her period pain management) and he says
"Great because I don't like to use condoms. I test monthly so we're good."
Y'all. Y'ALL.
She is whip smart and goes "So you got a vasectomy?" to which he goes "No, still got my swimmers". She goes "so it falls to the female partners to be on birth control?" to which he replies:
"It will be better for everyone if I don't wear a condom. It really disrupts the flow of the play."
He kept pushing back every time she'd give a reason why condom use, especially before there's a basis of personal safety, was a good idea. Eventually he said "Well for YOUR sake I GUESS we can."
She immediately blocked him after saying "That makes me feel super unsafe and uncomfortable. Bye." And then HE MESSAGED HER ON ANOTHER PLATFORM THEY MATCHED ON to say "I thought you should know I have erectile dysfunction, that's why I don't like condoms".
This is when I got home and saw her, fuming. She recaps the story and then writes to him: "I have been stealthed (removal of a condom without my consent) and sexually assaulted by men and that's why I wouldn't feel safe without one. With everything that's going on with women's reproductive rights, I can't believe you pushed back at all. You are not a safe person and I'll call it out if I ever see you at a party."
Anyway, she's going on a rage-run and I'm buying her dinner and smoking her out tonight.
Super shitty all around but he gets tested monthly? O.o I don't believe it for a second.
Monthly testing isn't unheard of - I know people who do it - but if you're constantly bringing new people into your circle AND not using protection, what use is the testing? The testing becomes really just the STI detection you're waiting for because you're inviting and exposing others.
Maybe a stupid question, but what happens when you try broaching the subject? is there resistance? Deflection? Does your partner seem embarrassed, or like they're worried if they say anything, it'll make you feel like you're not doing a good job?
Just asking because I'm assuming the direct approach ("Hey, I really want to blow your mind sexually. What would do that?") isn't an option, and understanding the point of resistance might make figuring out how to tackle it clearer.
I've had potential partners look like deer in the headlights when it comes to broaching their likes / dislikes. Total "I dunno" responses. They'd want to talk about it, but then have a total brain fart when discussing things they like.
hygienequeen are they open to telling you what they like, as you're doing it to them? Like, can they tell you "more" or "less" when you're doing something?
That is a perfect description of what I'm finding with him total deer in the headlights...I'm not sure if he's worried I'll judge or if maybe he really isn't sure
I've had potential partners look like deer in the headlights when it comes to broaching their likes / dislikes. Total "I dunno" responses. They'd want to talk about it, but then have a total brain fart when discussing things they like.
hygienequeen are they open to telling you what they like, as you're doing it to them? Like, can they tell you "more" or "less" when you're doing something?
That is a perfect description of what I'm finding with him total deer in the headlights...I'm not sure if he's worried I'll judge or if maybe he really isn't sure
Right, and if he can't open up or TRY to articulate things or express himself sexually, you may want to reconsider if that's a partner that's right for you right now. Sometimes people can get caught up to someone else sexually, and sometimes they're too far behind on their own journey to be compatible.
I sometimes ask partners to show me some porn they’re really into so I can understand what gets them going, or suggest watching some together to make the mental barrier come down, showing then what you like first to make them feel more comfortable
I sometimes ask partners to show me some porn they’re really into so I can understand what gets them going, or suggest watching some together to make the mental barrier come down, showing then what you like first to make them feel more comfortable
I recently brought up him showing me what he enjoys...he seams open to that.
I sometimes ask partners to show me some porn they’re really into so I can understand what gets them going, or suggest watching some together to make the mental barrier come down, showing then what you like first to make them feel more comfortable
I recently brought up him showing me what he enjoys...he seams open to that.
Is it mostly a matter of his shyness/uncertainty of how to communicate directly about sex or might there be something else at play too, like having been raised in a super religious household and thus dealing with residual shame and guilt around sex?
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I recently brought up him showing me what he enjoys...he seams open to that.
Is it mostly a matter of his shyness/uncertainty of how to communicate directly about sex or might there be something else at play too, like having been raised in a super religious household and thus dealing with residual shame and guilt around sex?
I've spent a good amount of time with his parents and I highly doubt shame/guilt from childhood...I think it's having a hard time vocalizing
Post by abrakapokus on May 13, 2022 19:08:56 GMT -5
"The Food and Drug Administration has authorized the panties to be considered protection against infections that can be transmitted from the vagina or anus during oral sex. It is a first for underwear."
"Wearing them during oral sex worked very well, said Shelly, who added that she could barely feel the panties and that Ashton said the texture resembled skin and the taste was “like you’re eating a cookie.”
"The Food and Drug Administration has authorized the panties to be considered protection against infections that can be transmitted from the vagina or anus during oral sex. It is a first for underwear."
"Wearing them during oral sex worked very well, said Shelly, who added that she could barely feel the panties and that Ashton said the texture resembled skin and the taste was “like you’re eating a cookie.”
I haven't used that specific brand, but I have used a similar type in a pinch when a partner couldn't get tested prior to playing (and it had been a while since they'd gotten tested) and it was actually fun! And WAY sexier than dental dams.
"The Food and Drug Administration has authorized the panties to be considered protection against infections that can be transmitted from the vagina or anus during oral sex. It is a first for underwear."
"Wearing them during oral sex worked very well, said Shelly, who added that she could barely feel the panties and that Ashton said the texture resembled skin and the taste was “like you’re eating a cookie.”
I haven't used that specific brand, but I have used a similar type in a pinch when a partner couldn't get tested prior to playing (and it had been a while since they'd gotten tested) and it was actually fun! And WAY sexier than dental dams.
It is a really cool idea and opens up tons of possible ways to use them!
Somehow a disproportionate number of guys I’ve been with are Libras. Which is coincidental and I don’t ascribe it to anything metaphysical. But an interesting observation nonetheless.
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
I had a college roommate who did it.
It was one weekend of nonstop drinking and hooking up, and then he dumped her.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
I guess it depends on why you're breaking off things with them, and how hurt they'd be if they knew you had decided to end it before sleeping with them.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
if it is the dude i think it is you're talking about, dont feel guilty whatsoever. hes immature and doesnt deserve ya anyway <3
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
if it is the dude i think it is you're talking about, dont feel guilty whatsoever. hes immature and doesnt deserve ya anyway <3
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
Substantially, esp since you can reasonably assume they wouldn't consent to it if they knew all the facts. You're awesome enough to find great sexual partners without hurting anyone. People aren't for using.
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fun to fill out along side a partner and then compare. 
