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Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
if it is the dude i think it is you're talking about, dont feel guilty whatsoever. hes immature and doesnt deserve ya anyway <3
It is who you’re thinking about, but I do still feel guilty, even if he’s done some seriously douche bag stuff.
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
Substantially, esp since you can reasonably assume they wouldn't consent to it if they knew all the facts. You're awesome enough to find great sexual partners without hurting anyone. People aren't for using.
You’re probably right, although there’s a lot of extra stuff going into this, but yeah
Just how morally reprehensible is it to go on one last date with someone before breaking things off with them since the sex is realllly good? Like going into a date knowing you’re going to say goodbye the next day?
Substantially, esp since you can reasonably assume they wouldn't consent to it if they knew all the facts. You're awesome enough to find great sexual partners without hurting anyone. People aren't for using.
i agree in most situations. knowing the deets behind this one, i don't agree for this particular scenario - but in general, i concur
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Yeah idk the context obviously, I'm just generally very wary of perpetuating cycles of hurt. He was a douche because he needs healing > you're okay with using him because he was a douche to you > his hurt gets further ingrained and the pattern repeats for the next person he's with. That pattern might repeat for him anyway but I personally wouldn't want to play a part in it.
Post by man1cpixiedreamgirl on May 19, 2022 22:19:16 GMT -5
I went on a date with a woman today and I would've crawled to her house if she would've let me. She had to work tonight, and I hopefully will see her on Monday. I haven't been this desperate for pussy in some time. I'm crushing hard.
I went on a date with a woman today and I would've crawled to her house if she would've let me. She had to work tonight, and I hopefully will see her on Monday. I haven't been this desperate for pussy in some time. I'm crushing hard.
Post by Jake Jortles on May 19, 2022 22:55:16 GMT -5
One time I knocked on the door of a first time tinder date thinking we were going out but she was just standing there with a rocking bod in her bra and panties. Grabbed my hand and guided me to her room past her roommate sitting on the couch. It was lit
One time I knocked on the door of a first time tinder date thinking we were going out but she was just standing there with a rocking bod in her bra and panties. Grabbed my hand and guided me to her room past her roommate sitting on the couch. It was lit
Post by piggy pablo on May 19, 2022 23:09:05 GMT -5
One time a girl invited me over and I asked if she wanted to get dinner or anything and she texted back "I might, but then I'd have to put pants on". She wasn't kidding.
One time a girl invited me over and I asked if she wanted to get dinner or anything and she texted back "I might, but then I'd have to put pants on". She wasn't kidding.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Post by jorgeandthekraken on May 20, 2022 8:42:24 GMT -5
Growing up pre-Internet, there wasn't a lot of access to info about kink, or even to porn that might showcase it. You were kind of limited to what magazines you found under your friend's dad's bed, or that other friends somehow got access to, and in my case, most of that was pretty vanilla (although, of course, being a pre-teen/teen awash in hormones who didn't get to see that kind of thing on the daily, it was still pretty mind-blowing). When it was shown or talked about, it was depicted as this kind out-there stuff - like, WHOA, that person likes to be flogged? WHAT A TOTAL PERVO. And, of course, ALL of it was filtered through a patriarchal lens in which the women were just there for the men's satisfaction, etc.
The idea of kink as a) nothing to clutch pearls over, b) something that could be mutually enjoyable for both genders, and c) a community wasn't something I really encountered until I picked up a (print - have I mentioned I'm old) copy of The Onion in college and read my first installment of Dan Savage's Savage Love advice column. I know Savage isn't always a saint, but holy shit, was his work important to my understanding of sex- and kink-positivity, overcoming the homophobia that I'd been taught as a child and teen, and kicking the shame around sex pounded into me by my Catholic upbringing (fun story: I went through a period, in high school, of cutting myself on the arm every time I masturbated in an effort to quit. Obviously, that didn't pan out - the masturbation has lasted much longer than the cutting).
From there, I mostly engaged with kink from a remove - reading about it, seeing more of it in porn thanks to the rise of the Internet and the way it made EVERYTHING available, etc. I didn't really start to explore it on a personal level until my early 20s in NYC, when two things happened: 1) I got involved in the downtown indie theater scene here, falling in with a community of freaky weirdos, and 2) I started exploring internet dating and sites like Nerve Personals and Lavalife Intimate Encounters that were more frank and open about sex. From there, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump to Fetlife.
alright I'll go with medium version and then if you (or anyone else!) has further questions, can ask here or via PM if preferred.
i would say i've been "in the scene" (with varying levels of activity/engagement) for about 6 years now, starting right around when i moved back down to NC from DC. however, it was during my time in DC that i guess i unearthed a good deal of my personal interest in that stuff, just didn't go out and be in community at the time. but i was dating a lovely human who was great at communicating the things he liked, asking if it was shared interests, etc. and we went from there--and found we were super S&m compatible and dabbled in role play but it was pretty much entirely "in the bedroom," not a power exchange dynamic that extended to other parts of our relationship at all. we dated for six ish months before he sadly moved away to Cali, but that relationship was huge for me in terms of both 1) discovering some of my biggest kinks and 2) gaining the confidence and communication skills to negotiate/talk candidly about all of it with a partner.
pretty sure i opened a FL account while in DC but adam (the former partner i refer to above) told me about how in DC it can be super hard to get involved in the scene if you don't have an "in" so we never really tried doing that, like to go to parties and stuff.
but then i moved back down to NC! at this point i knew i was interested primarily in connections/relationships that had at least some element of kink and were some degree of non-monogamous, so within a few months i went ahead and attended a local "slosh" as we call it (basically a casual hang out, NOT play party, of people who are on FL and in the local area), and from there i found a play partner pretty quickly who turned into a partner-partner later as well as my ex girlfriend who i recently dated again. gah this makes me feel old to type out because that was all in 2016.
advice: attend a local casual event! i'd highly suggest a "slosh" (drinks/happy hour) or "munch" (eating out with a group) prior to any sort of play-inclusive event so you can get to know people on a human-to-human level and not a "you want your butt hit?!" level lol but also because it'll help you gain comfort and confidence in those spaces when you're able to get to know folks at a casual event like that.
i was v active from 2016-18, less so in 2019, and then obv when pandemic hit...i wasn't going to things at all. i hardly do anymore (play parties have lost their shine to me for the most part, but i can still have a lot of fun at a smaller/private home one hosted by someone i know and feel comfortable with), but the slosh is near my house so i'll pop over there sometimes.
my current partner is wonderfully kinky (and maybe the most compatible on the highest number of joint interest things of anyone i've been with, which is saying a lot--but it is early days, so we shall see!) but we found each other on OKC; his profile had a slight mention of kink interest, and as a woman i do NOT put that on mine but do look for it on others'. he hasn't been to local events at all before so we will probably go to one together soon, but i'd say the social/non-play events are most important when you're newly dipping your toes into the scene and getting to know people.
i have a lot to say about vetting/safety too, but i'll stop here for now lol
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Post by jorgeandthekraken on May 20, 2022 8:56:24 GMT -5
Other advice: Get on Fetlife...but don't think of it as, like, a dating site. It can certainly serve that purpose, but if you're just looking to learn, communicate with people in the scene, find events, etc., it can be a huge help. You don't even have to fill out much info to get your profile active, and so it's easy to lurk, read discussions in various groups, read what people write, etc., as a start. Go in more with an attitude of wanting to learn and connect with people and less with the idea "YEAH BRO I'M GONNA GET LAAAAIIIID," and it can be really useful...at least, in my experience.
Other advice: Get on Fetlife...but don't think of it as, like, a dating site. It can certainly serve that purpose, but if you're just looking to learn, communicate with people in the scene, find events, etc., it can be a huge help. You don't even have to fill out much info to get your profile active, and so it's easy to lurk, read discussions in various groups, read what people write, etc., as a start. Go in more with an attitude of wanting to learn and connect with people and less with the idea "YEAH BRO I'M GONNA GET LAAAAIIIID," and it can be really useful...at least, in my experience.
lol was literally coming back into the thread to add this!!!
THIS IS KEY. think of FL as a kinky Facebook, not a dating site. you've got friends added on it that show up in your feed, you can comment/like/discuss things on threads...and yes you can PM people, but *please don't cold-message chicks you don't know, unless their profile specifically states they are open to that*.
of people i've dated more than casually/ more than a few months in the past 6 years, pretty much all them have been some degree of kinky (i'm happy to have vanilla connections in addition to at least one partner who is kinky but would not say I'd be long-term satisfied having only vanilla partners for an extended period of time)...but none of them were connections established first from FL messaging! i met a few at that slosh i mentioned, one was through a friend setting us up, this current one from OKC... there are plenty of ways to connect with/find kinky partners, but just don't go into FL interactions with that as your goal.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Other advice: Get on Fetlife...but don't think of it as, like, a dating site. It can certainly serve that purpose, but if you're just looking to learn, communicate with people in the scene, find events, etc., it can be a huge help. You don't even have to fill out much info to get your profile active, and so it's easy to lurk, read discussions in various groups, read what people write, etc., as a start. Go in more with an attitude of wanting to learn and connect with people and less with the idea "YEAH BRO I'M GONNA GET LAAAAIIIID," and it can be really useful...at least, in my experience.
lol was literally coming back into the thread to add this!!!
THIS IS KEY. think of FL as a kinky Facebook, not a dating site. you've got friends added on it that show up in your feed, you can comment/like/discuss things on threads...and yes you can PM people, but *please don't cold-message chicks you don't know, unless their profile specifically states they are open to that*.
of people i've dated more than casually/ more than a few months in the past 6 years, pretty much all them have been some degree of kinky (i'm happy to have vanilla connections in addition to at least one partner who is kinky but would not say I'd be long-term satisfied having only vanilla partners for an extended period of time)...but none of them were connections established first from FL messaging! i met a few at that slosh i mentioned, one was through a friend setting us up, this current one from OKC... there are plenty of ways to connect with/find kinky partners, but just don't go into FL interactions with that as your goal.
I really appreciate the responses from both of you!
I have 2 friends who are poly and pretty involved, but a bit shy, so I've actually attended a slosh with them as the "extroverted social lubricant friend" lol!
My girlfriend of 3 years and I started monog but have been ENM for over a year now and it's been a really positive experience. I think my problem is that... I don't even know what I'm looking for. I just know there's a whole world of sensation/pleasure/experience out there that I haven't explored. Even in a vanilla setting I don't really "know what I like." On top of that I really like meeting new people.
I've been holding off on getting a FL. I think I'm going to do that this week
Growing up pre-Internet, there wasn't a lot of access to info about kink, or even to porn that might showcase it. You were kind of limited to what magazines you found under your friend's dad's bed, or that other friends somehow got access to, and in my case, most of that was pretty vanilla (although, of course, being a pre-teen/teen awash in hormones who didn't get to see that kind of thing on the daily, it was still pretty mind-blowing). When it was shown or talked about, it was depicted as this kind out-there stuff - like, WHOA, that person likes to be flogged? WHAT A TOTAL PERVO. And, of course, ALL of it was filtered through a patriarchal lens in which the women were just there for the men's satisfaction, etc.
The idea of kink as a) nothing to clutch pearls over, b) something that could be mutually enjoyable for both genders, and c) a community wasn't something I really encountered until I picked up a (print - have I mentioned I'm old) copy of The Onion in college and read my first installment of Dan Savage's Savage Love advice column. I know Savage isn't always a saint, but holy shit, was his work important to my understanding of sex- and kink-positivity, overcoming the homophobia that I'd been taught as a child and teen, and kicking the shame around sex pounded into me by my Catholic upbringing (fun story: I went through a period, in high school, of cutting myself on the arm every time I masturbated in an effort to quit. Obviously, that didn't pan out - the masturbation has lasted much longer than the cutting).
From there, I mostly engaged with kink from a remove - reading about it, seeing more of it in porn thanks to the rise of the Internet and the way it made EVERYTHING available, etc. I didn't really start to explore it on a personal level until my early 20s in NYC, when two things happened: 1) I got involved in the downtown indie theater scene here, falling in with a community of freaky weirdos, and 2) I started exploring internet dating and sites like Nerve Personals and Lavalife Intimate Encounters that were more frank and open about sex. From there, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump to Fetlife.
But you don't USE Fet to meet people right? That's a nightmare place of creeps.
I wouldn't recommend Fet Life for anything other than networking for group events where you already know some of the people IRL, or for shibari rope stuff. Definitely not for meeting people like a dating app.
EDIT: Sorry I wrote that and then my ADHD got the better of me, and then by the time I posted it you already followed up
lol was literally coming back into the thread to add this!!!
THIS IS KEY. think of FL as a kinky Facebook, not a dating site. you've got friends added on it that show up in your feed, you can comment/like/discuss things on threads...and yes you can PM people, but *please don't cold-message chicks you don't know, unless their profile specifically states they are open to that*.
of people i've dated more than casually/ more than a few months in the past 6 years, pretty much all them have been some degree of kinky (i'm happy to have vanilla connections in addition to at least one partner who is kinky but would not say I'd be long-term satisfied having only vanilla partners for an extended period of time)...but none of them were connections established first from FL messaging! i met a few at that slosh i mentioned, one was through a friend setting us up, this current one from OKC... there are plenty of ways to connect with/find kinky partners, but just don't go into FL interactions with that as your goal.
I really appreciate the responses from both of you!
I have 2 friends who are poly and pretty involved, but a bit shy, so I've actually attended a slosh with them as the "extroverted social lubricant friend" lol!
My girlfriend of 3 years and I started monog but have been ENM for over a year now and it's been a really positive experience. I think my problem is that... I don't even know what I'm looking for. I just know there's a whole world of sensation/pleasure/experience out there that I haven't explored. Even in a vanilla setting I don't really "know what I like." On top of that I really like meeting new people.
I've been holding off on getting a FL. I think I'm going to do that this week
I cannot recommend enough of following educators on social media like TikTok, Twitter and Instagram, and taking online courses to help you do reflective work on what makes YOU tick!
My GF really loves the Ask a Sub community (I think it's really heteronormative but that probably works in your favor if you're a het couple) and is on the discord because she's a patreon member. Ask a Sub has a course you can buy that helps partners discover their Dom/Sub practice.
The only other way to is to practice with other people, and it sounds like you have a partner who's open to trying stuff too? Think of it less in a dramatic way and more in a way of "hey let's try this out tonight and see how it goes". Much like when you get introduced to an artist and you give their album a shot. You're not buying tickets to a concert or anything - just trying it out, seeing if it resonates.
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incinnati Ohio babeyyyy
