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Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
I really appreciate the responses from both of you!
I have 2 friends who are poly and pretty involved, but a bit shy, so I've actually attended a slosh with them as the "extroverted social lubricant friend" lol!
My girlfriend of 3 years and I started monog but have been ENM for over a year now and it's been a really positive experience. I think my problem is that... I don't even know what I'm looking for. I just know there's a whole world of sensation/pleasure/experience out there that I haven't explored. Even in a vanilla setting I don't really "know what I like." On top of that I really like meeting new people.
I've been holding off on getting a FL. I think I'm going to do that this week
I cannot recommend enough of following educators on social media like TikTok, Twitter and Instagram, and taking online courses to help you do reflective work on what makes YOU tick!
My GF really loves the Ask a Sub community (I think it's really heteronormative but that probably works in your favor if you're a het couple) and is on the discord because she's a patreon member. Ask a Sub has a course you can buy that helps partners discover their Dom/Sub practice.
The only other way to is to practice with other people, and it sounds like you have a partner who's open to trying stuff too? Think of it less in a dramatic way and more in a way of "hey let's try this out tonight and see how it goes". Much like when you get introduced to an artist and you give their album a shot. You're not buying tickets to a concert or anything - just trying it out, seeing if it resonates.
lmao the PERFECT analogy to use on a nerdy music forum where we are talking about sex stuff hahaha love it
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I cannot recommend enough of following educators on social media like TikTok, Twitter and Instagram, and taking online courses to help you do reflective work on what makes YOU tick!
My GF really loves the Ask a Sub community (I think it's really heteronormative but that probably works in your favor if you're a het couple) and is on the discord because she's a patreon member. Ask a Sub has a course you can buy that helps partners discover their Dom/Sub practice.
The only other way to is to practice with other people, and it sounds like you have a partner who's open to trying stuff too? Think of it less in a dramatic way and more in a way of "hey let's try this out tonight and see how it goes". Much like when you get introduced to an artist and you give their album a shot. You're not buying tickets to a concert or anything - just trying it out, seeing if it resonates.
lmao the PERFECT analogy to use on a nerdy music forum where we are talking about sex stuff hahaha love it
I'm smart like that!
But I do go to way more sex parties than concerts haha
Growing up pre-Internet, there wasn't a lot of access to info about kink, or even to porn that might showcase it. You were kind of limited to what magazines you found under your friend's dad's bed, or that other friends somehow got access to, and in my case, most of that was pretty vanilla (although, of course, being a pre-teen/teen awash in hormones who didn't get to see that kind of thing on the daily, it was still pretty mind-blowing). When it was shown or talked about, it was depicted as this kind out-there stuff - like, WHOA, that person likes to be flogged? WHAT A TOTAL PERVO. And, of course, ALL of it was filtered through a patriarchal lens in which the women were just there for the men's satisfaction, etc.
The idea of kink as a) nothing to clutch pearls over, b) something that could be mutually enjoyable for both genders, and c) a community wasn't something I really encountered until I picked up a (print - have I mentioned I'm old) copy of The Onion in college and read my first installment of Dan Savage's Savage Love advice column. I know Savage isn't always a saint, but holy shit, was his work important to my understanding of sex- and kink-positivity, overcoming the homophobia that I'd been taught as a child and teen, and kicking the shame around sex pounded into me by my Catholic upbringing (fun story: I went through a period, in high school, of cutting myself on the arm every time I masturbated in an effort to quit. Obviously, that didn't pan out - the masturbation has lasted much longer than the cutting).
From there, I mostly engaged with kink from a remove - reading about it, seeing more of it in porn thanks to the rise of the Internet and the way it made EVERYTHING available, etc. I didn't really start to explore it on a personal level until my early 20s in NYC, when two things happened: 1) I got involved in the downtown indie theater scene here, falling in with a community of freaky weirdos, and 2) I started exploring internet dating and sites like Nerve Personals and Lavalife Intimate Encounters that were more frank and open about sex. From there, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump to Fetlife.
But you don't USE Fet to meet people right? That's a nightmare place of creeps.
I wouldn't recommend Fet Life for anything other than networking for group events where you already know some of the people IRL, or for shibari rope stuff. Definitely not for meeting people like a dating app.
EDIT: Sorry I wrote that and then my ADHD got the better of me, and then by the time I posted it you already followed up
I mean, I don't use Fet at all, now, and haven't since my wife and I went exclusive back when we were dating, so I don't know firsthand how bad it's gotten. But yeah, again, I'm thinking of it less as a dating site and more as a community. I learned a TON about the various nuances of D/S dynamics through exploration there, and it was mostly just by reading, engaging in group chat, and interacting one-on-one with folks who were open to sharing their experiences and expertise. I was never big on events because of my general social anxiety (the kinky part doesn't phase me at all, but go to a party where I don't know anyone? THE HORROR), but I've heard it's also very good for that, especially for, as was pointed out, munches and other meet-and-greet-type situations.
I will say that I think the experience is vastly different there based on whether one presents as male or female. I've seen the way a lot of the straight men there behave just in group discussions, and it *is* generally very gross, and I've been told by more than one woman with whom I've interacted there that it's even worse in the DMs. For someone like me, the issue is more sorting the fake accounts from the real ones - oh, sure, 22 year-old Eastern European woman with the obviously professional photos, let me hand my credit card number right over.
When I was single, I did meet a few women through that site. It's a tall order, as a straight man, because a) the ratio of men to women is HUGELY skewed toward the former, and b) so many of the men on that site are just bombarding women with awful messages or just trying to fuck. Honestly, I think I differentiated myself by going out of my way to *not* be creepy or so end result-oriented - the IRL encounters that manifested developed from conversations that didn't initially start out as an effort at getting laid, if that makes sense. It's just kind of where it ended up going in the course of the dialogue.
One of my first major boyfriends when I was 17 was very into kink, which started my interest in it. I’m a naturally curious person so I read about it and watched any informational media I could which included HBO’s Real Sex series lol. Ended up in an awful exceedingly vanilla relationship for 16 years, and now am back to exploring and living that side of me. Big shout out to Rummy 500 for being a knowledgeable ear and answering questions/making me feel normal for asking them.
But you don't USE Fet to meet people right? That's a nightmare place of creeps.
I wouldn't recommend Fet Life for anything other than networking for group events where you already know some of the people IRL, or for shibari rope stuff. Definitely not for meeting people like a dating app.
EDIT: Sorry I wrote that and then my ADHD got the better of me, and then by the time I posted it you already followed up
I mean, I don't use Fet at all, now, and haven't since my wife and I went exclusive back when we were dating, so I don't know firsthand how bad it's gotten. But yeah, again, I'm thinking of it less as a dating site and more as a community. I learned a TON about the various nuances of D/S dynamics through exploration there, and it was mostly just by reading, engaging in group chat, and interacting one-on-one with folks who were open to sharing their experiences and expertise. I was never big on events because of my general social anxiety (the kinky part doesn't phase me at all, but go to a party where I don't know anyone? THE HORROR), but I've heard it's also very good for that, especially for, as was pointed out, munches and other meet-and-greet-type situations.
I will say that I think the experience is vastly different there based on whether one presents as male or female. I've seen the way a lot of the straight men there behave just in group discussions, and it *is* generally very gross, and I've been told by more than one woman with whom I've interacted there that it's even worse in the DMs. For someone like me, the issue is more sorting the fake accounts from the real ones - oh, sure, 22 year-old Eastern European woman with the obviously professional photos, let me hand my credit card number right over.
When I was single, I did meet a few women through that site. It's a tall order, as a straight man, because a) the ratio of men to women is HUGELY skewed toward the former, and b) so many of the men on that site are just bombarding women with awful messages or just trying to fuck. Honestly, I think I differentiated myself by going out of my way to *not* be creepy or so end result-oriented - the IRL encounters that manifested developed from conversations that didn't initially start out as an effort at getting laid, if that makes sense. It's just kind of where it ended up going in the course of the dialogue.
Dude you got IRL play from women through Fet? That is a seriously tall order, and you must have some serious non-creepy game. Good on you!
I think that now with Feeld, an app a lot of people have mentioned on this thread, those sort of Cinderella moments on Fet don't even happen as much. Feeld's become the new Tinder for kinky / group sex folks. Especially in 2022, where there are WAY more people on it than before the pandemic started.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
ok so i actually have a sex question - most applicably asking it to folks who suck dick but could also be answered by hetero-but-dick-having persons as well i suppose if they have insight from partners' comments on the matter lol.
i really really enjoy the activity (context dependently, that is - i do notttt much like giving to someone with whom im more casual/FWBish), and not just as a "couple mins of foreplay sometimes" thing but like, frequently & sometimes for a while at a time. HOWEVER, my neck cannot deal after a while. sure, mouth gets tired too, but that's much easier to push through and typically won't leave lasting pain *after* the fact (face fucking can leave throat hurting but idk, nothing like neck pain). this has off/on been an issue for me in the past (the neck pain) and i have yet to find a super viable solution.
so my question is: how have folks dealt with this themselves? i know certain positions are easier on the neck, and also im admittedly out of practice from doing this on the reg since it's been a while since my last regular male partner, but the struggle is real. pls help.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
ok so i actually have a sex question - most applicably asking it to folks who suck dick but could also be answered by hetero-but-dick-having persons as well i suppose if they have insight from partners' comments on the matter lol.
i really really enjoy the activity (context dependently, that is - i do notttt much like giving to someone with whom im more casual/FWBish), and not just as a "couple mins of foreplay sometimes" thing but like, frequently & sometimes for a while at a time. HOWEVER, my neck cannot deal after a while. sure, mouth gets tired too, but that's much easier to push through and typically won't leave lasting pain *after* the fact (face fucking can leave throat hurting but idk, nothing like neck pain). this has off/on been an issue for me in the past (the neck pain) and i have yet to find a super viable solution.
so my question is: how have folks dealt with this themselves? i know certain positions are easier on the neck, and also im admittedly out of practice from doing this on the reg since it's been a while since my last regular male partner, but the struggle is real. pls help.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
ok so i actually have a sex question - most applicably asking it to folks who suck dick but could also be answered by hetero-but-dick-having persons as well i suppose if they have insight from partners' comments on the matter lol.
i really really enjoy the activity (context dependently, that is - i do notttt much like giving to someone with whom im more casual/FWBish), and not just as a "couple mins of foreplay sometimes" thing but like, frequently & sometimes for a while at a time. HOWEVER, my neck cannot deal after a while. sure, mouth gets tired too, but that's much easier to push through and typically won't leave lasting pain *after* the fact (face fucking can leave throat hurting but idk, nothing like neck pain). this has off/on been an issue for me in the past (the neck pain) and i have yet to find a super viable solution.
so my question is: how have folks dealt with this themselves? i know certain positions are easier on the neck, and also im admittedly out of practice from doing this on the reg since it's been a while since my last regular male partner, but the struggle is real. pls help.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
As a penis-haver, I’ll wholeheartedly endorse the mouth-hand combo.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
As a penis-haver, I’ll wholeheartedly endorse the mouth-hand combo.
I remember being 10 and reading in like YM or Cosmo that you should perform a blow jobs like you were trying to eat a melting ice cream cone. Even then I was like "But I like my ice cream in a cup."
ok so i actually have a sex question - most applicably asking it to folks who suck dick but could also be answered by hetero-but-dick-having persons as well i suppose if they have insight from partners' comments on the matter lol.
i really really enjoy the activity (context dependently, that is - i do notttt much like giving to someone with whom im more casual/FWBish), and not just as a "couple mins of foreplay sometimes" thing but like, frequently & sometimes for a while at a time. HOWEVER, my neck cannot deal after a while. sure, mouth gets tired too, but that's much easier to push through and typically won't leave lasting pain *after* the fact (face fucking can leave throat hurting but idk, nothing like neck pain). this has off/on been an issue for me in the past (the neck pain) and i have yet to find a super viable solution.
so my question is: how have folks dealt with this themselves? i know certain positions are easier on the neck, and also im admittedly out of practice from doing this on the reg since it's been a while since my last regular male partner, but the struggle is real. pls help.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
As a penis-haver, I’ll wholeheartedly endorse the mouth-hand combo.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
As a penis-haver, I’ll wholeheartedly endorse the mouth-hand combo.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
You very well might. If you're already putting a lot of your upper body weight on their legs and even resting the side of your head above the crotch, then yah it may be more of a bigger issue that comes up due to that movement. As someone who can have lockjaw from performing oral, I get it.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
Apologies - I never meant to imply that it was. I was just speaking my truth.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
Apologies - I never meant to imply that it was. I was just speaking my truth.
I’m not offended in the least. I just sorta hope there aren’t many people out there who have been doing that thang for like almost 15 years but haven’t yet realized that you gotta use both mouth &&& hands!
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Apologies - I never meant to imply that it was. I was just speaking my truth.
I’m not offended in the least. I just sorta hope there aren’t many people out there who have been doing that thang for like almost 15 years but haven’t yet realized that you gotta use both mouth &&& hands!
It's really too bad men aren't open to toys like vagina-havers are. I would imagine using sleeves or wands would help ease the issue. I'm so grateful for clit and insertion toys to support the oral over here.
I’m not offended in the least. I just sorta hope there aren’t many people out there who have been doing that thang for like almost 15 years but haven’t yet realized that you gotta use both mouth &&& hands!
It's really too bad men aren't open to toys like vagina-havers are. I would imagine using sleeves or wands would help ease the issue. I'm so grateful for clit and insertion toys to support the oral over here.
Girlfriend suggests the penis-haver lays on their back and you can be on top (sort of like the way you would for 69ing but you can be perpendicular if you don't want to 69). Also she suggests using your hand as well as your mouth so you don't have to bob your head so much.
As a penis-haver, I’ll wholeheartedly endorse the mouth-hand combo.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
You are going to have to show me what you are doing (not creepy at all) bc you really don't need to move your neck much at all if you are using hands (two hands depending on length). Moving hands in opposite directions, up and down, with lots of spit, and mostly just using your mouth to for ball attention and focus on the head. Neck movement mostly only for when you go deep and you could grab their ass and move them to you, instead of you to them.
If that's not helpful Adrianne's neck/shoulder yoga might be useful.
I’m not offended in the least. I just sorta hope there aren’t many people out there who have been doing that thang for like almost 15 years but haven’t yet realized that you gotta use both mouth &&& hands!
It's really too bad men aren't open to toys like vagina-havers are. I would imagine using sleeves or wands would help ease the issue. I'm so grateful for clit and insertion toys to support the oral over here.
my current partner is very toy friendly! i just umm...enjoy deep throating and stuff which isn't exactly conducive to using a sleeve simultaneously. but we use toys plenty, dont worry
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
lol yes i definitelyyyy already use the mouth-hand combo y'all haha this ain't my first rodeo.
that angle you're describing still really makes my neck hurt after a while if done regularly enough though! guess i just need to get a chiropractor or something lol
You are going to have to show me what you are doing (not creepy at all) bc you really don't need to move your neck much at all if you are using hands (two hands depending on length). Moving hands in opposite directions, up and down, with lots of spit, and mostly just using your mouth to for ball attention and focus on the head. Neck movement mostly only for when you go deep and you could grab their ass and move them to you, instead of you to them.
If that's not helpful Adrianne's neck/shoulder yoga might be useful.
lol yes, this is the pertinent issue i think though ^^
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
It's really too bad men aren't open to toys like vagina-havers are. I would imagine using sleeves or wands would help ease the issue. I'm so grateful for clit and insertion toys to support the oral over here.
Definitely sleeves. Have had great experiences with those. I’m a fan of vibrating cock rings, but YMMV using that in an oral situation. Of course, there’s also vibrating stuff for the prostate, but that’s a tougher sell for a lot of dudes.
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