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I'm bi in the way that like, I WAY prefer cheese pizza but can be swayed by a good pepperoni every once in a while.
Except with like, female-presenting and male-presenting people
I'm equally comfortable ID'ing as bi and lesbian
Why does identity have to be so goddamn complicated
it issss so damn complicated, but at least a lot of us are in the same boat together!
throughout high school i felt like i strongly leaned towards the gay side of things. i had a few things with guys, but the two people in my high school years who i was just truly enamored with - like butterflies whenever around them, always thinking about them - were femme identifying (one of those folx is now NB masc-presenting though!). i was attracted to men too, but it felt much more surface level.
then in college there were so few fellow queer women around (or at least that were also out), and i ended up predominantly hooking up with/dating men, including an almost two year relationship with a dude. at that point i was like, hmmm i guess i am more towards the middle of the spectrum after all...maybe even leaning closer towards the hetero side?
but over time i've just realized i can swing back & forth on the spectrum a bit, and i rarely feel perfectly 50/50 bi, but "queer" is such a great all encompassing word & luckily feels super resonant for me, so i don't try to label or discern beyond that.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
I'm bi in the way that like, I WAY prefer cheese pizza but can be swayed by a good pepperoni every once in a while.
Except with like, female-presenting and male-presenting people
I'm equally comfortable ID'ing as bi and lesbian
Why does identity have to be so goddamn complicated
To me trying to nail down identity on something that is very much a spectrum is often like trying to separate one wave in the ocean from another. As soon as I think I've got it, it tends to shift and change form or expression. I was pretty comfortable just calling myself bi and leaving it at that prior to exploring/deconstructing gender, but at this point I very genuinely think it's way too complicated and unhelpful for me to try and pinpoint. Aesthetic attraction is different from sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction; each of those has a degree of fluidity to it for me and personality can increase or nullify attraction in any of those domains. I see gender as being similar to race in that on the one hand it's a completely made-up social construct and in a vacuum doesn't speak to the core of who a person is, while on the other hand it's also an incredibly real and important lived experience that is both felt internally and interacted with externally, and thus shapes and molds our experience and aspects of our personalities. And there's fluidity in that also, plus it can change as our understanding and deconstruction of various identities change as well.
For me, it feels like a fool's game to tease anything solid and discrete out of that, and I've grown most comfortable floating on shifting waters. I call myself bi because that's a label I've been using for fifteen years and feel no need to change it. Queer or pansexual would also describe me just fine. I call myself non-binary because it requires the least explanation to other people (which is still a lot sometimes). Transandrogynous, agender, bigender, GNC, genderfluid, genderqueer...all appropriate as well. I see very, very little utility in seeking a specific label. Personally - and I want to be clear that I am only speaking for myself and don't want to be misconstrued as invalidating anyone else - I see most forms of individual identity as mostly bullshit and fairly useless outside of finding community amongst others who exist within various systems of oppression and social organization, and I guess it makes filtering online dating profiles easier (no need for me to match with a straight man, etc).
I like who and what I like and I am who and what I am. I don't have time for the rest of it; I got shit to do.
Last Edit: Jan 23, 2023 12:03:15 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
3.16/health 4.9/pierre kwenders 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.22/sofi tukker 5.25/hozier 6.16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 7.31/justice 9.6/st. vincent + yves tumor 9.12/sts9 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.25/charli xcx + troye sivan 9.27-29/making time 10.5/lupe fiasco 10.17/air 10.18/orville peck 11.20/caribou
I'm bi in the way that like, I WAY prefer cheese pizza but can be swayed by a good pepperoni every once in a while.
Except with like, female-presenting and male-presenting people
I'm equally comfortable ID'ing as bi and lesbian
Why does identity have to be so goddamn complicated
To me trying to nail down identity on something that is very much a spectrum is often like trying to separate one wave in the ocean from another. As soon as I think I've got it, it tends to shift and change form or expression. I was pretty comfortable just calling myself bi and leaving it at that prior to exploring/deconstructing gender, but at this point I very genuinely think it's way too complicated and unhelpful for me to try and pinpoint. Aesthetic attraction is different from sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction; each of those has a degree of fluidity to it for me and personality can increase or nullify attraction in any of those domains. I see gender as being similar to race in that on the one hand it's a completely made-up social construct and in a vacuum doesn't speak to the core of who a person is, while on the other hand it's also an incredibly real and important lived experience that is both felt internally and interacted with externally, and thus shapes and molds our experience and aspects of our personalities. And there's fluidity in that also, plus it can change as our understanding and deconstruction of various identities change as well.
For me, it feels like a fool's game to tease anything solid and discrete out of that, and I've grown most comfortable floating on shifting waters. I call myself bi because that's a label I've been using for fifteen years and feel no need to change it. Queer or pansexual would also describe me just fine. I call myself non-binary because it requires the least explanation to other people (which is still a lot sometimes). Transandrogynous, agender, bigender, GNC, genderfluid, genderqueer...all appropriate as well. I see very, very little utility in seeking a specific label. Personally - and I want to be clear that I am only speaking for myself and don't want to be misconstrued as invalidating anyone else - I see most forms of individual identity as mostly bullshit and fairly useless outside of finding community amongst others who exist within various systems of oppression and social organization, and I guess it makes filtering online dating profiles easier (no need for me to match with a straight man, etc).
I like who and what I like and I am who and what I am. I don't have time for the rest of it; I got shit to do.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Sam Smith’s new album is such a beautiful lesson on loving and accepting yourself. I wish they had left off Unholy and Gimme. They are fun but don’t really fit into the album well.
Sam Smith’s new album is such a beautiful lesson on loving and accepting yourself. I wish he had left off Unholy and Gimme. They are fun but don’t really fit into the album well.
Maybe even just leaving off Unholy.
Naw I'm so here for "Unholy" despite hearing it 3000 times at this point.
Post by Capital Cincy on Jan 30, 2023 21:34:49 GMT -5
Jaz i resonate hard with what you said a few days ago. In truth, when I met you in person I was like 😯 with gender expression inspiration.
I've kind of given up on finding the right words for my gender. In my life overall I often take the path of least resistance, and bc I'm AMAB, presenting as a man usually makes most sense. But I've allowed myself to connect more and more with the she/her inside of me over the last few years, and it's felt really "holy" for lack of a better term.
I'm starting to acknowledge and respect the totality of my person.
Jaz i resonate hard with what you said a few days ago. In truth, when I met you in person I was like 😯 with gender expression inspiration.
I've kind of given up on finding the right words for my gender. In my life overall I often take the path of least resistance, and bc I'm AMAB, presenting as a man usually makes most sense. But I've allowed myself to connect more and more with the she/her inside of me over the last few years, and it's felt really "holy" for lack of a better term.
I'm starting to acknowledge and respect the totality of my person.
Sam Smith’s new album is such a beautiful lesson on loving and accepting yourself. I wish he had left off Unholy and Gimme. They are fun but don’t really fit into the album well.
Sam Smith’s new album is such a beautiful lesson on loving and accepting yourself. I wish they had left off Unholy and Gimme. They are fun but don’t really fit into the album well.
Jaz i resonate hard with what you said a few days ago. In truth, when I met you in person I was like 😯 with gender expression inspiration.
I've kind of given up on finding the right words for my gender. In my life overall I often take the path of least resistance, and bc I'm AMAB, presenting as a man usually makes most sense. But I've allowed myself to connect more and more with the she/her inside of me over the last few years, and it's felt really "holy" for lack of a better term.
I'm starting to acknowledge and respect the totality of my person.
D'aww no one's ever told me that before; legit warmed my heart. Gender really awakens the fashionista in me so I'm always happy to share new looks <3
Going on a date tonight... We don't have anything in particular planned. Maybe just doing Miami Beach things, idk. It's been a very, very, very long time for me.
My mom has been conservative evangelical for much of my life. So is most of my family in general. My mom however is now openly making homophobic and transphobic comments. Talking fondly of Ron DeSantis and talking shit about "woke culture". It's been getting worse in recent years, and I've had enough. After hearing her go off about trans people at Thanksgiving, I booked a trip to Charleston for Christmas.
I don't feel particularly bad if I cut her out. I've had long standing personal issues with her, but this is just getting disgusting.
My mom has been conservative evangelical for much of my life. So is most of my family in general. My mom however is now openly making homophobic and transphobic comments. Talking fondly of Ron DeSantis and talking shit about "woke culture". It's been getting worse in recent years, and I've had enough. After hearing her go off about trans people at Thanksgiving, I booked a trip to Charleston for Christmas.
I don't feel particularly bad if I cut her out. I've had long standing personal issues with her, but this is just getting disgusting.
Kids don't owe parents anything. Do what you gotta do.
My mom has been conservative evangelical for much of my life. So is most of my family in general. My mom however is now openly making homophobic and transphobic comments. Talking fondly of Ron DeSantis and talking shit about "woke culture". It's been getting worse in recent years, and I've had enough. After hearing her go off about trans people at Thanksgiving, I booked a trip to Charleston for Christmas.
I don't feel particularly bad if I cut her out. I've had long standing personal issues with her, but this is just getting disgusting.
If you did care, I would have suggested that you simply question her as to why all this matters now when it's never been an issue before. Some of them might (?) actually get that they're being worked. I plan to use that on the very limited number of right-wingers I know if they start that bullshit with me. I used to bait them when gay marriage was such a family destroying proposition. "Why do you care? What difference does it make to you?" Luckily most people have come around on that front. But it wasn't always that way.
My mom has been conservative evangelical for much of my life. So is most of my family in general. My mom however is now openly making homophobic and transphobic comments. Talking fondly of Ron DeSantis and talking shit about "woke culture". It's been getting worse in recent years, and I've had enough. After hearing her go off about trans people at Thanksgiving, I booked a trip to Charleston for Christmas.
I don't feel particularly bad if I cut her out. I've had long standing personal issues with her, but this is just getting disgusting.
If you did care, I would have suggested that you simply question her as to why all this matters now when it's never been an issue before. Some of them might (?) actually get that they're being worked. I plan to use that on the very limited number of right-wingers I know if they start that bullshit with me. I used to bait them when gay marriage was such a family destroying proposition. "Why do you care? What difference does it make to you?" Luckily most people have come around on that front. But it wasn't always that way.
Now that I think of it, I remember about 10 years ago - my brother first moved out and got his house. Had a roommate at the time, who later came out as gay. My mom was all kinds of freaking out and hoping my brother wasn't.
I'm just used to her talking a bunch of shit about things she knows little to nothing about - then blaming it on something else she knows little to nothing else about. If I'm gonna be more confrontational - I should try what you suggested.
My boss who retired a couple years ago was an email reading, bullshit believing NRA nut. I talked to him about a month ago and he was saying shit like why do people care about who marries who? Apparently he had a sister who was in pretty bad shape, but her best friends and next door neighbors who helped take care of her for a couple years before she died were a gay couple. Their kindness rubbed off on him and he was able to put aside his usual politics because he now had experience with a positive aspect of them. It’s easy for “leaders” to isolate and demonize others who make easy targets. And it’s easy for their followers to latch on after hearing shit over and over on Fox or AM Radio or church or whatever. But it’s also pretty easy to just chalk up the idea that as Americans, we are supposed to be free to find the pursuits of our own happiness. Authoritarians need boogeymen to succeed. It’s always ‘them’ to blame whoever or whatever they are. Since trans and non-binary awareness is pretty new and evolving in mainstream America, and also because they are a relatively small group of people, they make an easy target right now. Eventually that will pass as all their other bullshit usually does.
My mom has been conservative evangelical for much of my life. So is most of my family in general. My mom however is now openly making homophobic and transphobic comments. Talking fondly of Ron DeSantis and talking shit about "woke culture". It's been getting worse in recent years, and I've had enough. After hearing her go off about trans people at Thanksgiving, I booked a trip to Charleston for Christmas.
I don't feel particularly bad if I cut her out. I've had long standing personal issues with her, but this is just getting disgusting.
If you did care, I would have suggested that you simply question her as to why all this matters now when it's never been an issue before. Some of them might (?) actually get that they're being worked. I plan to use that on the very limited number of right-wingers I know if they start that bullshit with me. I used to bait them when gay marriage was such a family destroying proposition. "Why do you care? What difference does it make to you?" Luckily most people have come around on that front. But it wasn't always that way.
The answer my family gives if I question them is that “it’s a slippery slope” to stuff like people marrying their dogs.
If you did care, I would have suggested that you simply question her as to why all this matters now when it's never been an issue before. Some of them might (?) actually get that they're being worked. I plan to use that on the very limited number of right-wingers I know if they start that bullshit with me. I used to bait them when gay marriage was such a family destroying proposition. "Why do you care? What difference does it make to you?" Luckily most people have come around on that front. But it wasn't always that way.
The answer my family gives if I question them is that “it’s a slippery slope” to stuff like people marrying their dogs.
That’s a pretty simple one too. Dogs don’t have marital rights. People do. And discrimination is against the law much of the time. It’s about equality. The slippery slope argument is another bullshit right wing talking position.