My Morning Jacket at Bonnaroo.

I wanted to just take a minute to try and put into words my gratitude for this moment in time. It's hard to believe we started playing open mic nights as "My Morning Jacket" back in 1998 and that our first album "The Tennessee Fire" came out in 1999. I still feel like a kid now, but when I look back on us then it seems we were only infants haha, drooling and crying and smiling and running wild trying to find our way out in the world. In those early years there was a lot of fun "first time beginner's mind" energy, but also a lot of turmoil and constant change. Anyone who knows anything about being in a touring rock and roll band knows that is is very difficult to get off the ground, especially in those early years when you are driving thousands of miles to play for no one, sleeping on the floor of the van in the freezing cold, returning home with barely enough money for anyone to even buy a candy bar, much less pay any bills, but still it was a grand adventure.... we put it all on the line - and I am so grateful to everyone who played on those early records and toured with us during those first formative years - most notably my dear cousin and friend Johnny Quaid, without whom this band never would have happened at all, and all of the other band members who carried their weight for the time they were in the band - Danny Cash, J. Glenn, Chris Guetig, and of course all of the wonderful people we have worked with in the music biz over the years. There are so many levels and realms I never even knew existed when I was just a wee babe in Louisville, KY dreaming of playing in a traveling rock and roll band, and I feel so blessed we have met so many wonderful souls who have helped guide us along the way.
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After John and Danny left the band in 2003 - Patrick, Tom, and myself were not so sure what would happen - would we carry on as a 3 piece? Would the band be over? The universe answered our question shortly thereafter in the wondrous beings now known to us as "Bo" and "Carl" and it was then in 2004 when the longest chapter of the band would begin - the one that is still going to this day.
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As some of you may know, we released a mini documentary about our 2004 show from Bonnaroo this year... I had not really thought about that show in a long while, until a year or so ago when we were approving the audio mixes with Tucker Martine - and I was really delighted to find I enjoyed how we sounded! Haha - I can be WAY too critical, it can be really tough for me to listen back to old things as I like to just live in the moment and let it go, ESP when it comes to live recordings, but this was such a treat for me to find enjoyment in listening to these younger versions of ourselves so many moons ago...
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But I was not prepared for the flood of emotion that came when I SAW the footage. Who were these goofball kids running around rocking the farm in the sun and magical storms?! I felt like I had died and was floating above my body in that space folks theorize about where you review your life in the moments before your soul moves on wherever it may go next.... and it got even WILDER when the montage footage came onscreen of all of our OTHER years at Bonnaroo up to that moment in time... so many different versions of us over the years rockin the farm! I was not prepared to SEE THEM again! So many different Jims I stared at trying to understand as I watched them roll across the screen. Some of them seemed so young and fun, but some of them seemed so old and sad, even though they were all technically younger in numerical age than I am now.
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I have struggled greatly with depression my entire life, and have tried many avenues of coping with this depression, but finally I found and have been doing some life changing therapy for the last few years - utilizing EMDR combined with parts work/IFS.... if you are not familiar - close your eyes and visualize... imagine that you are sitting in a safe space of your choosing in your mind's eye - as the YOU you are NOW, and you go inside of your mind/heart/soul to connect with different parts of yourself that may need to speak out about things they never got to express in real life. You basically act as a parent to yourself in a way, comforting and listening to the 5 year old YOU, or the 25 year old YOU, or whichever part of you may need to be SEEN... you give them time and space to try and find healing and support/recovery so that all of these different parts, all of these different "YOUs" can somehow find a greater peace together and live more fully as one in the present moment.
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And as I watched all of these different Jims roll across the screen at all of these Bonnaroo past - I felt this compassion for them as the Jim I am now- not that I have everything figured out by any means haha, but I feel a great deal more peaceful now and I could offer support to these other versions of myself who may have been trapped in depression/mental illness or tripping on never feeling good enough, I could offer them this new kind of mental HUG and support that I have never been able to offer myself before. I am tearing up just thinking about it now.
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And one night shortly after all of us band members had seen the doc, we were having the most beautiful conversation about how much we loved each other and how grateful we are for each other and for our life in music, and Tom said the most beautiful thing about how, when he watched the doc and saw the montage footage he felt like we had come full circle, and were back to being more like those goofy kids we were in the beginning - not tripping so hard on the comparisons and the ruthless aspects of fame / the ladder of capitalism hammered so hard into all of our consciousness we are trying to escape and the horrors of the music biz that can really mess with an artist's mind that we saw really haunting us in some of those years of footage... Tom said he saw us with new clarity as the people we are NOW finding a way to be goofy kids again, be better communicators, get emotional and create music we believe in, and most importantly - just have fun.
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I won't speak for the specifics of the other band members' personal journeys, but writing this I feel so proud to be a member of this group. Everyone has been working so hard on themselves striving to become healthier in soul/body/mind/spirit.... and it is WORKING! I can feel it every time we get together in every note that sounds.
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There has never been a greater sense of peace amongst us as individuals and as a band, and for us it opens greater possibilities every time we get together - be it trying to make a setlist special, playing during a show, or working on new music. There is still and always will be so much to learn, but after a lifetime of wandering helplessly through the forest I feel for once like I am on some kind of good path.
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I feel like I have been able to take off and set down this GIGANTIC energetic LOAD of sadness and darkness and self loathing that I have been carrying my entire life, and have begun to do the real work of learning how to love myself just as I am, as Mister Rogers would say, and therefore hopefully be of greater service to the world.
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If you have made it this far, I cannot express to you the deepest gratitude we feel every night we walk onstage and see your smiling faces, and the gratitude we have for each and every soul who finds some kind of comfort or healing or fun in listening to our recordings. Thank you.
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Music is love. God is love. God is music. Love is everything. There is a deep need in the heart of the performer to SHARE, and really all of this would be nothing if not for the sharing that goes on with music, the way we share it with each other is one of the most powerful ways of sharing love. I speak as an audience member, moved by the countless performers I have seen giving their all up onstage bringing spirit to life in this world, I speak as a listener who has listened to countless hours of recorded music that has shaped my life and healed my heart, and I am fortunate to speak as a performer as well, who works so hard each time I step on stage to try and just let go and let spirit move thru me and find god and find love in the moment in the music and share it with folks and feel them sharing it all in their hearts right back with me.
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I know the world can be a scary place. Life can be so difficult. I know reality is not the way that so many of us wish it was... but I have hope. I know that music is one of the main vehicles we have to journey together towards peace, love, and understanding... equality and forgiveness. I believe these things are possible, and though it almost always takes more time than we wish it would, if we keep listening, we will find a way.
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Peace and love,
Jim James