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many of us have heard of the true and frightening facts of chuck norris such as "when chuck norris falls into water he doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norris" and "chuck norris can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves" tell me your favorites
"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, movie gods, and rock stars. But we wont, and we're slowly learning that fact & we're very, very pissed off......."
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fuc*ing hates lemonade.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack Bauer will never be as cool as Chuck Norris. As soon as Jack Bauer escapes from a Vietcong POW camp and then goes back to rescue his fellow POW's and whoop some Vietcong as* he will be the new Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer will never be as cool as Chuck Norris. As soon as Jack Bauer escapes from a Vietcong POW camp and then goes back to rescue his fellow POW's and whoop some Vietcong as* he will be the new Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every law of physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will his muscles to any level of strength he desires at any given time.
That makes Chuck Norris stronger than the Laws of Physics. That seems a little more impressive than getting killed.
That will be quite difficult because Chuck Norris can't die. Here are some more reasons Chuck Norris is the orginal badass.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
well truth be told. bruce lee is the true supreme badass of the universe. jack bauer got punched in the throat by a 70 year old secertary of defense. bruce lee would have snapped that arm off and shoved it right up chuck's as.s
besides when i think of "rangers" i think of cartoon rodents and rumprangers. and i dont see any cartoon rodents in walker texas "ranger"
i know it gets lonely rangering in the lone star state. maybe chuck norris in a broke back sequel?????
It is said that when a man looks into Chuck Norris's eyes, he can see his future. Unfortunately, all futures are the same: one roundhouse kick to the face.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Newborn babies cry because they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
