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I am already a member of these boards, but I wanted to use another name so no one would know who I was. This isn't really a big secret, but it is bothering me and I guess I wanted to get it off my chest. Sorry for the length...
This past weekend I went to see a band with my boyfriend--we drove over 4 hours to see them. The night of the show, we both took a Xanax and had several glasses of whiskey. He drank a little bit more than I, but we were both floating by the time we arrived at the venue (it was across the street from the hotel, so we didn't drive). At the show, we both had about 4-5 shots of Jagermeister a piece. I was good and drunk, but my boyfriend didn't react to the mix of the pills and alcohol very well. About 4 songs into the set, he stood up to enjoy one of the songs and proceeded to fall into the aisle. I knew by this time that he needed to get out of there. I took him out into the lobby of the venue, and he said he needed to pee. I noticed at that time he was pissing all over the place...his shorts were soaked and the floor was soaking. I was so embarrassed for him and myself, that I took him out to go back to the room. By the time we made it out to the road, a very nice man helped me get him across the street. Imagine driving in a car and seeing a man with wet shorts, a sobbing girl, and a man helping both of us get across the street. When we got to the hotel, the hotel employees held the doors open for us and I proceeded to get us to our room. When I opened the door, he fell onto the ground face first. I took off his shoes and clothes, and held a cup for him to pee into...I've never seen someone pee that much. The whole time I'm helping him, he was telling me how much I sucked and making fun of me crying. When he was done pissing, I went into the bathroom to cry some more....I was sobbing so loud and he kept making fun of me. I came out of the bathroom, helped him get into bed, and then I changed clothes and went back outside. I was crying as I was walking down the street, and people were staring at me...one man stopped to see if I was ok. He talked to me for a while and I told him everything that happened. I was outside for about an hour, and after meeting some very interesting people in my drunken state of mind, I went back to the hotel room. I fell asleep, only to wake up at 2:30 and noticed my boyfriend had peed all over the bed. It was a tempurpedic bed...not cheap! I got towels, rolled him over, put the towels down...waited a while, rolled him over again and put down dry towels. He even farted in my face while I rolled him over. The entire night I would wake up to make sure he was still breathing. I didn't get any good sleep that night.
The next morning, I was awakened by my boyfriend, and he had a swollen black eye from where he fell when he walked into the hotel room. His elbows and knees were skinned. He was upset about missing the show and not knowing what happened that night....he couldn't remember anything. I wasn't upset with him because I was relieved nothing else bad happened to him, and seeing him with the black eye broke my heart. He is not mean to me....it was the mix of alchol and the pill that made him that way.
I am now really bummed that we missed the show...it was one of our favorite bands and we had been planning this for months. I am hurt that this happened, and I'm struggling to be happy right now. It breaks my heart to see him like this, and he has apologized to me for everything (after asking him if he felt bad for making us miss the show...he didn't volunteer an apology). I'm just upset that this happened, and he knew he couldn't mix alcohol and the pilll....he has been very mean to me on another occasion where he did both the pill and shots. We have argued and made peace with those times, but this time I'm just heartbroken that he caused us to miss the show and I had to take care of him during my drunken state of mind.
I know he feels bad about what happened...he sobbed when he woke up that morning and saw his eye and realized something bad happened the night before....but I am kind of mad that he did this to us.
Post by spookymonster on Apr 24, 2007 12:04:32 GMT -5
No. You are perfectly justified in your feelings. You can be angry (this show was important to you) and forgiving (he wasn't in his proper state of mind) at the same time. If he's really feeling bad about it, there's nothing you could say that would make it better, and probably a lot that could make it worse.
Just be aware of making too many excuses for him; once is an accident, twice is taking advantage of your good nature, and three times is just plain abusive.
Post by trippindaisy on Apr 24, 2007 12:05:44 GMT -5
Hell no. I was the tolerant wife for many years of crap like that and you should be mad. If he knew he couldn't handle the drinking and the pills then he needed the willpower to say no. Although really both of you are stupid for mixing that stuff imo.
If he is going to act that way when he goes out alone - that is his problem, but he needs to be considerate of you and what he put you through. If this stuff happens on a regular basis, I would be looking for another man.
If my fiance pulled crap like that, he would be sleeping on the couch for a LONG time.
Yeah, I've learned the hard way that I cannot, under any circumstances, take those little blue pills. They're like a memory eraser. I will seriously sleep for days if I take one.
As for your situation. You obviously love your boyfriend very very much if you're willing to put up with a situation like that more than once. Your bf should know by now, to stay away from something that's gonna cause you so much turmoil and heartache. Spooky's right that if something like that happens again, then it's just plain abusive. But you have every right to be mad at him and let him know that your mad at him for what he did. Even if he feels bad, cause he should.
I don't blame you for being mad at all - I would be furious. As other people have already said - if he knew he could not handle the booze and pills togethe r- he should not have done them - that was just plan inconsiderate of him - but - imo - also - if it was a show that you both wanted to see so much - you both prolly should have been more careful about the booze and pills
I agree that it was stupid to mix the pills and booze together. He told me yesterday that he will never take those pills again. I never drink that much (I may have a beer once a month)...that night was the first time I've been drunk in several years. It was very stupid for us to mix the two, I know.
I know he feels bad about it, and he should, but I just feel this emotion that I don't know how to describe...it's not anger....could be disappointment from missing the show and dissapointment from his behavior towards me.
I just want him to realize how disappointed I am in him. I talked to him about it in the car ride home yesterday, and I told him that I will not take care of him again like that. We are going to Roo together, and I told him that I will not be taking care of anyone except myself. He told me that he doesn't expect me to do that for him, and he will only drink beer, and only at nighttime and stick to water during the day.
I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here...he is never this way towards me (except for the one other time we mixed the pill and booze)...I suppose it was the mix of the pill and the booze that made him behave that way. I'm not making excuses, either.
Since we've already discussed this and he knows how disappointed I am in him, where should I go from here? Wait out this feeling I have, or talk to him again? I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does (he's a very loving person...please don't think he's an asshole), and he's apologized, but I still feel this "anger" towards him.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 12:30:36 GMT -5 by baj - Back to Top
I'd tell you to wait out your disappointed feeling. It'll pass in good time. If he's been told once, how disappointed you are in him, that should be more than sufficient. You don't want to beat him over the head with it.
i agree, nothing worse then having the same discussion multiple times. i think its part of the lessons everyone has to learn. i used to think it was great to drink til i puked and then drink some more. then waking up feeling like nuts and being told what an ass i made of myself last night. but i outgrew it. i figured out my limits and i stay within them. i want to have fun and remember my fun. ive found my perfect festival/show party mix and i now have drama free great times that i can actually remember. and theres no puke (or in your case pee) to clean up. now if he knows he does dumb nuts while on pills and shots and continues to do them together then i would think more about it. the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. but id wait to see if a lesson was learned. from the sounds of it you care enough about him to give it a chance.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 13:00:39 GMT -5 by Dude - Back to Top
I agree with everyone here. Anyone can F#*% up once. Twice is pushing it. If he ever wants to do this again tell him you don't want to be there when he does and walk away.
You've been more than understanding (and put up with more than I would have) and your feelings are understandable. Just wait them out. If this was an isolated incident, they will pass.
Also your BF may be so ashamed of himself that he cannot bring himself to discuss it (therefore not know how to apologize). If you really care for him, give him one more chance, but only one.
Post by poopzilla33 on Apr 24, 2007 13:10:42 GMT -5
wow what a terrible story. i'd tell him i'm mad at him. he can't f*cking make fun of you while your f*ckign trying to f*cking help him! thats sh*t. my ex (wasn't ex at the time) and i went to see our first dylan show togetehr and she had a bad expereince and passed out. i pulled her out fo the enourmous crowd (from almsot the front) and made sure she felt okay. to this day she still apologizes to me, but its not her fault, she didn't know what would happen and i don't blame her, but your bf is a f*cking assh*le for f*ckign making fun of you while you try and help him pee into a cup cuz he's too f*cking f*cked up pee in the bathroom
Post by bojangles22 on Apr 24, 2007 13:28:49 GMT -5
............Xanax is the devil. I ask my brother not to mix it with booze cus it turns him into the loudest and most pitifully annoying assh*le, and totally kills my good time.I recomend to him, "enstead of a total memory blackout + a seveir ass beating, how about a modest portion of some whiskey and some good herb" it will treat you right every night.
Thanks to everyone for replying to my post. I really appreciate it.
For now, I have to believe that he will not do this again...I have to because he said he wouldn't. If he does, then I won't be there to witness his self-destructive behavior.
We've been together 3.5 years, and I've never seen him behave the way he has the past 2 weekends (that's when we had the pills...two weekends ago was the first time he took the pill with booze and he was mean to me then). We did the pills on Saturday night of this past weekend and had a little booze, and nothing bad happened, so I'm sure that's why he thought he could take the pill with some shots on Sunday night. (Again, not an excuse...just clarification for you.) That time he just had a lot more booze than Saturday night. (He's only been mean to me twice, but there WILL NOT be a third. I won't let it happen again.)
I realize he feels very bad about what he did to me, and what he could have done to himself, but I want some kind of justification. I feel myself clamming up around him because I am so disappointed in him. I'm hoping it will pass.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 13:33:00 GMT -5 by baj - Back to Top
no its not. when you have all those chemiclas in your body you loose control. you have no more power over emotions, ballance, regular body functions. him laughing at you comes from something deeper. something of his own issues. did you try to stop him from drinking so much? did you say, "hey, remember the last time we did this combo?" who bought the shots? who did the pills? who drank the whiskey? you both did. that very easily could have been you pissing your pants. remember, you were walking around drunk and crying so you weren't in tip top shape either. you're bothat fault.
that being said, i commend you on comming to his aid and being there for him. taking care of someone in that shape is extremley hard when your f'ed up too. sounds like you're a hell of a woman and he is lucky to have someone that would do that for him. remember, he was completly out of control of himself. ONE more chance.
Post by poopzilla33 on Apr 24, 2007 13:42:38 GMT -5
from personally experience (sigh). when you're that f'ed up, you tend not to say things you don't mean. you say things you don't want to or more angrily or more jeeringly, but i've found you usually mean what you say. if anyone has found different i'd like to know (i find the brain endlessly intersting)
no its not. when you have all those chemiclas in your body you loose control. you have no more power over emotions, ballance, regular body functions. him laughing at you comes from something deeper. something of his own issues. did you try to stop him from drinking so much? did you say, "hey, remember the last time we did this combo?" who bought the shots? who did the pills? who drank the whiskey? you both did. that very easily could have been you pissing your pants. remember, you were walking around drunk and crying so you weren't in tip top shape either.
Let me clarify for you. I have never had a reaction to the booze and pills like he had once before. I knew I could handle it, and I limited my alcohol because I wanted to enjoy the show.
I don't have to police his drinking or pill taking. I'm not going to tell him to not have one more shot. I shouldn't have to. It's not my fault he reacted the way he did.
Also, I wasn't walking around drunk after it happened. I had a buzz by that point...what happened sobered me up. I was on the street crying because I couldn't be in that room with him any longer...I had to get away for a moment.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 13:46:05 GMT -5 by baj - Back to Top
I knew that I could handle the mix of the two (but I won't be doing it again) so that's why I did it that night.
He had one good night of the mix of the two and thought he could do it again, so that's why he did it Sunday night. He just did too much of the booze this time.
I disagree with your statement that we're both at fault, though. This is 100% his fault. He's an adult, he knows what he can and cannot do. He knows it's his fault as well. He has that shiner to remind him.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 13:56:06 GMT -5 by baj - Back to Top
no its not. when you have all those chemiclas in your body you loose control. you have no more power over emotions, ballance, regular body functions. him laughing at you comes from something deeper. something of his own issues. did you try to stop him from drinking so much? did you say, "hey, remember the last time we did this combo?" who bought the shots? who did the pills? who drank the whiskey? you both did. that very easily could have been you pissing your pants. remember, you were walking around drunk and crying so you weren't in tip top shape either.
Let me clarify for you. I have never had a reaction to the booze and pills like he had once before. I knew I could handle it, and I limited my alcohol because I wanted to enjoy the show.
I don't have to police his drinking or pill taking. I'm not going to tell him to not have one more shot. I shouldn't have to. It's not my fault he reacted the way he did.
Also, I wasn't walking around drunk after it happened. I had a buzz by that point...what happened sobered me up. I was on the street crying because I couldn't be in that room with him any longer...I had to get away for a moment.
your still not getting it.
drugs like that make you totally lose control.
i know someone who took too many one night and ended up in the hospital calling a black doctor racist names, and hes not a racist at all. they had to tie him down and the entire time he was calling cops pigs and nurses sluts.
the next day he remember NONE of it, he's usually a really mellow guy, all that stuff is way out of charector for him. THATS WHAT THOSE DRUGS DO TO YOU.
and mabey its not your responsibilty to police his intake, but if you cared about someone you should, i know i would.
and like someone else had said it could have just as easily been you acting like that, dont say "i know my limits" cuz thats not how it works with drugs like that. it sounds like both of you basicly had the same amount to drink.
look im not attacking you. im just saying be a little more understanding of the situation.
I knew that I could handle the mix of the two (but I won't be doing it again) so that's why I did it that night.
He had one good night of the mix of the two and thought he could do it again, so that's why he did it Sunday night. He just did too much of the booze this time.
I disagree with your statement that we're both at fault, though. This is 100% his fault. He's an adult, he knows what he can and cannot do. He knows it's his fault as well. He has that shiner to remind him.
how is it his fault that he had an adverse reaction to a drug. i dont think he took it with the intent of doing the things he did.
once again, im sorry im fighting you soo hard on this, but i dont think your looking at it right and too many ppl on this board are quick to just try and make someone feel better instead of giving out real advice.
I knew that I could handle the mix of the two (but I won't be doing it again) so that's why I did it that night.
He had one good night of the mix of the two and thought he could do it again, so that's why he did it Sunday night. He just did too much of the booze this time.
I disagree with your statement that we're both at fault, though. This is 100% his fault. He's an adult, he knows what he can and cannot do. He knows it's his fault as well. He has that shiner to remind him.
but he did need help. this happened before so you should have seen this comming. you don't need to say "what" and "how much". but you could have sugested to take it easy. "hey bf, remember the last time you took that pill and all those drinks?" yes he's a big boy and you don't need to hold his hand. but sometimes people need help. trust me on this. i've had my own issues that i needed a helping hand on. i thought i knew my limits too.
i know someone who took too many one night and ended up in the hospital calling a black doctor racist names, and hes not a racist at all. they had to tie him down and the entire time he was calling cops pigs and nurses sluts.
the next day he remember NONE of it, he's usually a really mellow guy, all that stuff is way out of charector for him. THATS WHAT THOSE DRUGS DO TO YOU.
and mabey its not your responsibilty to police his intake, but if you cared about someone you should, i know i would.
and like someone else had said it could have just as easily been you acting like that, dont say "i know my limits" cuz thats not how it works with drugs like that. it sounds like both of you basicly had the same amount to drink.
look im not attacking you. im just saying be a little more understanding of the situation.
I don't know what you think I'm not getting. I get it. Those pills make people crazy. I get it. I'm not asking if he really thinks I'm silly for crying.
I don't have to be understanding of the situation. He knew what he could and could not take, but he still chose to do it.
By the way, he had about twice the amount of alcohol I did. I do know my limits...please don't tell me I don't know my own limits. We've done this before and I haven't reacted any other way than I did that night, which was no reaction other than feeling laid back. He had a bad reaction once before, but chose to do it again.
Why are people saying I should tell him not to? I'm not his mother. He's a grown man that should take responsibility into his own hands. He would have taken the pill no matter what anyone said to him.
I knew that I could handle the mix of the two (but I won't be doing it again) so that's why I did it that night.
He had one good night of the mix of the two and thought he could do it again, so that's why he did it Sunday night. He just did too much of the booze this time.
I disagree with your statement that we're both at fault, though. This is 100% his fault. He's an adult, he knows what he can and cannot do. He knows it's his fault as well. He has that shiner to remind him.
how is it his fault that he had an adverse reaction to a drug. i dont think he took it with the intent of doing the things he did.
once again, im sorry im fighting you soo hard on this, but i dont think your looking at it right and too many ppl on this board are quick to just try and make someone feel better instead of giving out real advice.
It's his fault because he had the same reaction once before. PERIOD.
I knew that I could handle the mix of the two (but I won't be doing it again) so that's why I did it that night.
He had one good night of the mix of the two and thought he could do it again, so that's why he did it Sunday night. He just did too much of the booze this time.
I disagree with your statement that we're both at fault, though. This is 100% his fault. He's an adult, he knows what he can and cannot do. He knows it's his fault as well. He has that shiner to remind him.
but he did need help. this happened before so you should have seen this comming. you don't need to say "what" and "how much". but you could have sugested to take it easy. "hey bf, remember the last time you took that pill and all those drinks?" yes he's a big boy and you don't need to hold his hand. but sometimes people need help. trust me on this. i've had my own issues that i needed a helping hand on. i thought i knew my limits too.
Look, he had a bad reaction once before. Two weekends ago he took the pill and the alcohol on an empty stomach and thought that was why he had the reaction he did. He took one Saturday night on a full stomach, had a little booze and was fine. Sunday night he took the pill on a full stomach, but drank way too much.
It IS his fault, people.
Last Edit: Apr 24, 2007 14:14:46 GMT -5 by baj - Back to Top
