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So I've been going to bonnaroo ever since 06. I talk about it on an almost daily basis, artist I'm excited to see, funny stories from past bonnaroo's, etc... As a result my girlfreind has gotten really interested in it and when she found out I bought my ticket for this year she bought one for her too.
I love my girlfreind but she's a bit of an inside pet. She gets really uncomfortable behing hot and sweaty, she's never really gone camping, and she's been kinda sheltered from the corn-munchin-party-all-night type of people that make bonnaroo great.
At the same time she loves live music, she's incredibly chill and open minded, and she's willing to try anything once.
Part of me secretly fears that she has no idea what she's in for and she'll be miserable at roo. I plan on being a sweaty, dusty mess, and partying till sunrise friday and saturday night, it sounds bad but the last thing I want is a miserable girlfriend tagging along that I gotta try to keep happy.
Any advice on how to TACTFULLY share my concerns with this girl without putting myself in the doghouse? Any lady inforoo'ers out there that were kinda in the same boat your first Roo that might have some advice for her? The last thing I want to do is come across like: "listen bonnaroo isn't your bag and your just gonna slow me down" cause she could end up loving it and having an amazing time just like me, but I feel like she needs to know what she's getting into...
Post by Hollinators on Mar 4, 2009 12:26:14 GMT -5
I'd say, if she really is a cool, laid-back girl, you should be able to tell her everything you said here! Just explain the conditions of camping, the hours, the atmosphere, and what YOU expect to experience at roo. As long as you make yourself clear, she should understand! Being a girl, I'd also recommend that you have her bring her best friend along...that way if she does end up being a bit of a wet blanket, she can at least hang out with her friend while you enjoy shows
She didn't talk to you about it before she bought her ticket?
Suggest to her that she read this whole website. Try to sound excited like "hay I found this really cool website about bonnaroo! You can talk to other people and it's really informative....you should look at it!" Make sure you let her know ahead of time what you're like when you're there and what you do. Get everything out in the open so you have a chance to get on the same page and there's no reason for complaining. Also, it might help to go over possabilities with her....like if she gets tired and wants to go back to camp and you want to do more....what are you guys going to do. Just don't make it seem like she's being a downer or pain in the butt because she will pick up on that and she won't have fun....and if she's not having fun then most likely you're not having fun either.
I'd say, if she really is a cool, laid-back girl, you should be able to tell her everything you said here! Just explain the conditions of camping, the hours, the atmosphere, and what YOU expect to experience at roo. As long as you make yourself clear, she should understand! Being a girl, I'd also recommend that you have her bring her best friend along...that way if she does end up being a bit of a wet blanket, she can at least hang out with her friend while you enjoy shows
Bringing her best friend is a REALLY good idea! Good call!
She didn't talk to you about it before she bought her ticket?
Suggest to her that she read this whole website. Try to sound excited like "hay I found this really cool website about bonnaroo! You can talk to other people and it's really informative....you should look at it!" Make sure you let her know ahead of time what you're like when you're there and what you do. Get everything out in the open so you have a chance to get on the same page and there's no reason for complaining. Also, it might help to go over possabilities with her....like if she gets tired and wants to go back to camp and you want to do more....what are you guys going to do. Just don't make it seem like she's being a downer or pain in the butt because she will pick up on that and she won't have fun....and if she's not having fun then most likely you're not having fun either.
Post by NothingButFlowers on Mar 4, 2009 12:49:09 GMT -5
This was pretty much me and my boyfriend the first year we went ('04). I'm generally a low-maintenance kind of girl, but I'm also by no means the outdoors type. By the time we got in and got set up, I already was sweaty, exhausted, and sick to my stomach, which made me not hungry. By Friday morning, I had had very little to eat, and I ended up in the medical tent getting an IV of fluids. After that, I felt better for a little while, but when my stomach problems started coming back, my boyfriend could not hold back his irritation anymore (he had pretty much been telling me since we got there that I needed to eat something, and I kept saying that I didn't feel like I could eat). He left our campsite, and I was left alone with a choice: give in to feeling bad/uncomfortable all weekend or suck it up and decide I was going to be okay. So, I forced myself to eat a granola bar, and I immediately started feeling better. The rest of the weekend went relatively smoothly.
The next year, we agreed to get a hotel room, which was fine except that it was rainy/drizzly all weekend, and we ended up staying in the room way too much.
The next year ('06) was by far our best year. We went back to camping, and the whole weekend went very smoothly. I think the biggest difference was that I knew what to expect, and knew that I had been through it before and would make it through again.
So, here's my advice for your girlfriend:
- Everyone will tell you to drink lots of water. This is absolutely true, but it is also very important that you eat food. You're using up a ton of energy every day you are there, and the body needs food to keep up that pace. So, even if you don't feel like it (I know this is not true of everybody, but when I feel bad, the last thing I want to do it eat), make sure that you eat regularly.
- If things start to get to you (the heat, the crowd, etc.), just remember that it is only temporary. I know that sounds kind of simplistic, but the mind is a pretty powerful thing. I will usually think about the reasons I'm happy I'm there (good music, away from work, time with my boyfriend), and remind myself that I should enjoy those things while I can because in a few days, it will be back to regular every day life. It makes the bad things seems less important.
- Another thing that helps me is remembering that there are resources all around to help you out if you get overwhelmed. There are tons of friendly people around, who will be happy to aid a person in need, and the folks in the medical tents are super-nice (at least they were in '04; thankfully, I haven't been back there since then).
Again, it sounds simplistic, but "go with the flow" should pretty much be everyone's motto at Roo.
As for tactfully sharing your concerns with her, I dunno, but it's probably best just to be somewhat straightforward. Maybe tell her that you've been researching/talked to some people about their experiences, and you want to talk to her about them to make sure that you both are prepared.
Post by robotrock1382 on Mar 4, 2009 13:47:20 GMT -5
sir, that is exactly how my girlfriend is. i went in 07, had a blast, brought her in 08 and she complained literally the whole time. i hate metallica, it's too hot, i hate walking, let's skip this band to go in the film tent, i hate pearl jam, bla blah blah. to say the least she never wants to go back, which i'm fine with bc i was not able to have the full experience with mind altering things, if you get my point. good luck with that. it did't hurt or hinder our relationship in anyway, i just know now never to bring her to a place where you have to endure all the things that you have to endure at roo, i.e., long walks, hot days, sleeping in tents.
Trust me, if I can live at Bonnaroo, your girlfriend can. I don't like the heat (at all), am not real big on being dirty, think the outdoors are pretty but prefer to look at it rather than be in it, and, before my first year, had never been around anyone that had been on anything stronger than corn or booze. I'm kind of like your girl, though, in that I'm very laid back and open minded. When I got there, none of the stuff that would bother me really mattered anymore, and I loved the experience. Hopefully she would, too, as long as she isn't the complaining type. Just make sure she stays hydrated. I highly suggest she bring a mister of some sort - it will help her acclimate a lot. A cute, wide-brimmed hat is smart, too.
Unfortunately, I am a little complainy, but mainly on the porto's. It's why I go VIP now, regardless of the debt I have to go into to do it.
I would strongly second the recommendation of having her check out Inforoo and reading up as much as she can. The bringing a friend of hers is a really good idea, too, if it's doable. That way she would feel more comfortable going off to do things without you if you wanted to party late night and she did not.
Well, I wouldn't go so far as to try to discourage her, but remind her of all the negative aspects of Roo beforehand. Put it all out on the table - the good, the bad and the ugly. First tell her that it will be extremely crowded, loud the entire weekend, and it will be hot as balls. Remind her that she'll have to deal with filthy porto-potties and messed up wooks, staying up 'til all hours of the night, and going days without a proper meal. Also, be very up front about any corn usage you plan to partake in.
If she's still eager after hearing all that, then let her know about the great parts of Roo - the musical diversity, the late nights, the comedians, the wild atmosphere and the awesome people you meet.
And finally, I agree with what the poster above me said - tell her to read up on it as much as possible, and see if she has any friends who want to go along as well.
She didn't talk to you about it before she bought her ticket?
Suggest to her that she read this whole website. Try to sound excited like "hay I found this really cool website about bonnaroo! You can talk to other people and it's really informative....you should look at it!" Make sure you let her know ahead of time what you're like when you're there and what you do. Get everything out in the open so you have a chance to get on the same page and there's no reason for complaining. Also, it might help to go over possabilities with her....like if she gets tired and wants to go back to camp and you want to do more....what are you guys going to do. Just don't make it seem like she's being a downer or pain in the butt because she will pick up on that and she won't have fun....and if she's not having fun then most likely you're not having fun either.
Maybe delete/edit your post here, first
I don't understand, are you saying that I should delte my post? Why?
Post by NothingButFlowers on Mar 4, 2009 14:54:55 GMT -5
^I thought she was saying yoderoo should delete or modify his own post before advising his girlfriend to look on here. I don't think yoderoo said anything terrible about his girlfriend, but she might not want to look on here and find a whole thread dedicated to the fact that he's worried about how she'll handle Roo.
I'm bringing the boy for his first time. I've been doing festivals since I was 14. But he never has been. So my biggest thing to tell him was sometimes I wander. So he's not allowed to get mad or upset if he loses me. I'll just meet him back at the tent.
Remind her not to look for you if you get seperated. It's useless.
Make a meeting time. Like if we get seperated meet me at our tent at 7pm.
my girlfriend's first year was a little hard on her, she got over heated and passed out in one of the tents, so my buddy and I dragged her under a tree and gave her water and just let her chill out
she was fine after that, and we had a blast the rest of teh day/night
she wouldn't let me out of her sight either, but her second year she was good enough to walk back to camp without me during late night Gov Mule (albeit with some of our crew)
*i like coconuts, you can break them open they smell like ladies lyin in the sun** *Hell I don't even know where I am** *for now I must sit here and ponder the yonder: The herbivores did well cause their food didn't never run** *We listen, if it feels good We shake** *You made a big impression for a girl of your size, Now I can't get by without you and your big brown eyes.**
Post by DylanGoesElectric on Mar 4, 2009 15:24:35 GMT -5
the thing about girlfriends is that the second you bring up these valid concerns she will immediately get all sad and say you just don't want her to come. you have to tread lightly.
you may be at a point of no return tho. ive been in this situation before. even if at first shes like ok then i wont go. three weeks later she will bring it up again and turns out its been eating her alive the whole time. they always end up still coming.
the best friend idea has shot tho. thats pretty good.
the thing about girlfriends is that the second you bring up these valid concerns she will immediately get all sad and say you just don't want her to come. you have to tread lightly.
you may be at a point of no return tho. ive been in this situation before. even if at first shes like ok then i wont go. three weeks later she will bring it up again and turns out its been eating her alive the whole time. they always end up still coming.
the best friend idea has shot tho. thats pretty good.
As a girlfriend, I'm ever so slightly offended by this post. But I really like your avatar, so I'm gonna let it slide.
Haha you guys are awesome! thanks for all the good advice so far.
Luckily one of her better freinds will be going this year to, and fortunately she's a little bit more adventurous and wild so I'm hoping that'll help my gf relax and let loose.
My Roo crew had been using the buddy system ever since we started going where basically you find the one person you have alot in common as far as music tastes and ability to party, then basically you watch each others backs all wekend. Hopefully this system will work and she'll be a little less needy/dependant when I try to do my own thing if she can't keep up.
Sounds like alot of people can identify with my situation, there's defenitely a fine line between looking out for your girl, showing her the ropes at her first Roo, OR turning into a baby sitter and missing out on the party. Keep any advice you got coming
Just be up front with her. Tell her how it is going to be. Make sure she knows what she's getting into. At the same time though, make sure she feels prepared. If she's prepared, she'll be way more comfortable. Also, point her to the girly fashion thread there are a lot of "girly girls" who go to Bonnaroo and make it just fine. I'm one of them...I absolutely despise camping, but I LOVE Bonnaroo.
Post by easymorningrebel on Mar 4, 2009 17:11:39 GMT -5
like others have said, tell her to read Inforoo to give her an idea of what it's like being at 'roo... maybe take her camping beforehand to see how she handles it...good luck!!!
Post by viciouscircle on Mar 4, 2009 17:22:30 GMT -5
It sounds like many of the things you are afraid will bother her could be managed - a shower tent and portable shower will keep her clean, if it's big enough she can get a camp toilet for it as well. Good earplugs to help her sleep at night, food that is easy to eat in the heat - fresh fruit, applesauce cups in the cooler - I have a hard time eating when it's hot; getting a little applesauce down does wonders as far as getting the stomach ready for more solid foods. Those things and clarity about what you like and expect to do at Roo, and it should be fine. Just present your concerns as concerns for her comfort, rather than as concerns for your fun being ruined, and she'll probably appreciate it and rise to the challenge without much trouble.
Post by sassyflamingo on Mar 5, 2009 19:08:24 GMT -5
Ah, Bonnaroo... the place that put the final nail in the coffin that was my last relationship. My gal and I brought two cars last year and she had to leave early because she missed her son and she was not feeling being dirty. It went downhill from there. ANYWAY, she said she was cool with the outdoors and heat and all that, but she REALLY wasn't. And we had a really cool setup with an EZ up, air mattress, tent fans, water misters, ear plugs, etc. The only thing we didn't have was the portable shower. I didn't let it ruin my trip though.
Bringing the new girl this year. Fingers crossed the relationship survives!!
Post by Filthy McNasty on Mar 6, 2009 17:08:30 GMT -5
My boyfriend is taking me to Roo for the first time this year, and he had the same concerns as expressed. He has been going since '07 and knows the ups and downs of Bonnaroo. What I would advise you to do is to do what he did for me. He simply explained to me that it's gonna be hot, I might get detached from the group, and such sorts of things.
Now, I don't know about your girl, but I have camped out alot and I really don't mind heat and walking, I'd rather walk then sit around and do nothing, and I love the heat... However, I have been known to freak when I get lost and that was what he was concerned about.
Just explain to her that you might get seperated (as my boyfriend did) and that if it happens, don't freak, and don't look for you, cause if she does, she won't find you... Not that you're hiding, that there are so many people, chances are not good. He simply told me, "If you get to where you're by yourself, just have your fun and go back to camp when you're ready to, and we'll eventually meet back again."
I asked about the use of cell phones, but he says the signal is pretty bad, so just tell her to have fun, and take it as it is. Make the best of it is what I'm saying.
If she's very open minded, you can just tell her to go there looking for a good time with a positive attitude, and don't let anything mess with her mood, but also let her know that you're there to have fun too, and there's nothing worse then baby sitting on your vacation.
Post by Filthy McNasty on Mar 7, 2009 17:20:59 GMT -5
My boyfriend says that there is signal, but that there are so many people there that you're lucky if you can catch an open line to call with. So you pretty much have to try calling a couple times before you can get a hold of anyone. That's what he says, I've never been so I'm not sure.
Texts get through with no problem out there. About the girlfriend - so much good advice on here - I second the idea of telling her the real deal about the heat and dirt and crowds and let her read inforoo.Then have that if-lost-just-go-have-fun rule.If she knows the truth first she has less room to grip.
Instead of dirt and poison, we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax; thus furnishing mankind with the two noblest of things, which are sweetness and light.
1/22/2010- Mule
2/06/2010- Bob Weir & Phil Lesh
2/25- Buffet
3/18- Tea Leaf Green
4/3- Paul McCartney
4/15-Wanee Fest
6/5- James Taylor
6/10-6/13- Bonnaroo
7/28-DMB in Tampa
7/30 & 7/31- DMB in WPB