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Thanks surfbumdj. It's definitely one day at a time. I am with you; I have never experienced such a profound loss either, so I don't know if what I am doing for her is what she needs or what is best for her. We just take it one day at a time, and enjoy every moment that we can. She is the strongest, most amazing person I have ever met and is a complete inspiration to me in every sense of the word.
whoa whoa whoa, we're supposed to be complaining here! How else can we feel better about ourselves??
Watch an episode or two of "Cheaters". It's pretty easy to feel good about yourself when you're watching a segment about two circus midgets fisticuffing over a morbidly obese woman.
the 'shiny object' comment could be replaced with anything. The point of the intereaction was to tool a guy who was trying to scoop my girl instead of getting in a physical altercation. Through text, I can see where it could come off as insulting, but it truly, honestly isn't.
Here is why: When you are around your friends, those who you are comfortable with, you occasionally playfully tease each other in a light, upbeat way, right? Like joking around, and nobody would ever take offense. Like stuff you would say to your brother or sister. Its said to amuse, not to insult. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Guys do it more than women probably, busting each others chops about this or that, but it is in no way personally insulting, EVER. Its just playful teasing, not meant to harm.
I totally get what you're saying. Thank you for clarifying though. I still don't think I'd be cool with that situation but I suppose I just have a different sense of humor. I mean, I admit that I do/say enough stupid crap to warrant jokes being made at my expense and I'm always fine with it but I'd probably be at least slightly irked if a guy I liked made one at my expense to one-up another guy, even if it was light-hearted.
Meh, I just delete my post, while typing it what I was saying was already said.
Surf I believe you confuse A!pha with confidence. Also, from what I have read you do come off as a man whore, might want to work on that, because the woman I think you are looking for, the "Inforoo" women, the smart, funny, beautiful, likes music, and a DTF kind of women, well you are not going to get her with the style you have been using on the wooks you have been fucking. What "style"? Like someone said, maybe Jess, I would not introduce you to my female friends without a warning first. Take that for whatever.
and Greg, I think Abra is the A!pha in that relationship.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
Scrog: I can agree with almost everything you wrote, with a few exceptions.
I wouldn't react that way to you cutting in line. That would not go down that way, but I do see your point. How I would react is tough to say, but if someone was that aggressive towards me, it would end in an altercation. I spent 2 weeks in solitary because I wouldn't let some thug take my chips in cell block D... Just sayin. (true story)
Confidence is a trait. (A) is an overall description. Confidence is a piece of that description.
As far as the kinds of women I hang out with, well, we aree going to have to agree to disagree on that. I have (probably unreasonably) high standards, and even when she meets them I don't always bite.
Man whore? I certainly had my Hayday, but that isn't me any more. I had my fun. But I see how I can come off that way.
As far as my sense of humor - yeah, It is a little offensive and pushes the envelope but a high percentage of people find me funny. I am a lot better in person. It doesn't always translate well over text. Think of how Louis CK's material would come off if you read it instead of seeing him perform. (I am not comparing myself to Louis CK, I am just illustrating a point)
This all started with me trying to make a very simple point and it got so screwed up because of my language and misunderstood/disliked joke. I really meant no offense by any of it, and of COURSE there are exceptions for everything I and everyone else said. I was trying to show that more confidence = more attractive. (regardless of a studder, ear hair, etc). That's all.
Scrog: I can agree with almost everything you wrote, with a few exceptions.
I wouldn't react that way to you cutting in line. That would not go down that way, but I do see your point. How I would react is tough to say, but if someone was that aggressive towards me, it would end in an altercation. I spent 2 weeks in solitary because I wouldn't let some thug take my chips in cell block D... Just sayin. (true story)
Confidence is a trait. (A) is an overall description. Confidence is a piece of that description.
As far as the kinds of women I hang out with, well, we aree going to have to agree to disagree on that. I have (probably unreasonably) high standards, and even when she meets them I don't always bite.
Man whore? I certainly had my Hayday, but that isn't me any more. I had my fun. But I see how I can come off that way.
As far as my sense of humor - yeah, It is a little offensive and pushes the envelope but a high percentage of people find me funny. I am a lot better in person. It doesn't always translate well over text. Think of how Louis CK's material would come off if you read it instead of seeing him perform. (I am not comparing myself to Louis CK, I am just illustrating a point)
This all started with me trying to make a very simple point and it got so screwed up because of my language and misunderstood/disliked joke. I really meant no offense by any of it, and of COURSE there are exceptions for everything I and everyone else said. I was trying to show that more confidence = more attractive. (regardless of a studder, ear hair, etc). That's all.
It is not really confidence, but courage. Typically the guy speaks up and says he is interested without worrying about a blow to his ego will be more successful. Maybe you mean these things interchangeably though.
I remember when I was working door, this Indian student came up to me and asked me "How do I get white girls?"
When I was finished laughing in astonishment, I replied, "Be confident and make them laugh."
I feel that is the most simple and most sound advice that you could give on any human relationship, be it for purposes of attraction or just plain friendliness. Even if you aren't a comedian, just show that you have a sense of humor. Be able to laugh, just to show that you are human and not a stonewall to emotion.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
For the record I do not condone stealing women. I think what you were referring to was my comments to one of the posters here not feeling bad about sleeping with a married woman because she came after him, and if he hadn't done it, someone else would have. It was her that was in the wrong. And yes, I am dating a married woman. But she is separated and moving towards divorce, and her marriage has been basically over for almost 3 years.
But going in and scooping another guys woman? Yeah, I don't agree with that one bit.
The last relationship I was in ended because a guy preyed on my girl through Facebook, and scooped her up. He broke up a positive, happy relationship.
As soon as I found out what happened, I deleted her from my life and walked away. Have not spoken a word to her since then, even though she has repeatedly emailed me asking for forgiveness, telling me what a horrible mistake she made, would do anything to take it back BLAH BLAH.
Yes it was HER FAULT, but without this bleep-explitive running his (obviously superior) game on her...well...who knows.
And Scrog, now that you deleted your post LOL minee doeesnt make much sense haha (some of it)
I remember when I was working door, this Indian student came up to me and asked me "How do I get white girls?"
When I was finished laughing in astonishment, I replied, "Be confident and make them laugh."
I feel that is the most simple and most sound advice that you could give on any human relationship, be it for purposes of attraction or just plain friendliness. Even if you aren't a comedian, just show that you have a sense of humor. Be able to laugh, just to show that you are human and not a stonewall to emotion.
Also I do mean this is a sexist way at all, I am just saying treating women as sexual equals can pay off big time for people.
I still say the most successful pickup line is "Do you want to bang? We do not have to tell any of our friends or brag about it on Facebook." Oddly enough it turns out despite what the GOP says that women enjoy a good tumble, as often or more often than men do. However they really hate the idea that they might get labeled a slut for enjoying sex the way men do.
Last Edit: Mar 29, 2012 11:05:58 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
and Greg, I think Abra is the A!pha in that relationship.
If you think that a woman that possesses the same qualities as someone like Abra could be attracted to anything other than an alpha, you're kidding yourself. Don't kid yourself, man. Don't do it! And no, surfbum isn't confusing alpha with confidence. All alphas have confidence. That's step 1.
the 'shiny object' comment could be replaced with anything. The point of the intereaction was to tool a guy who was trying to scoop my girl instead of getting in a physical altercation. Through text, I can see where it could come off as insulting, but it truly, honestly isn't.
Here is why: When you are around your friends, those who you are comfortable with, you occasionally playfully tease each other in a light, upbeat way, right? Like joking around, and nobody would ever take offense. Like stuff you would say to your brother or sister. Its said to amuse, not to insult. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Guys do it more than women probably, busting each others chops about this or that, but it is in no way personally insulting, EVER. Its just playful teasing, not meant to harm.
I totally get what you're saying. Thank you for clarifying though. I still don't think I'd be cool with that situation but I suppose I just have a different sense of humor. I mean, I admit that I do/say enough stupid crap to warrant jokes being made at my expense and I'm always fine with it but I'd probably be at least slightly irked if a guy I liked made one at my expense to one-up another guy, even if it was light-hearted.
Understood. I think we are seeing it 2 different ways in our heads here. Seeing it in person may or may not make a difference.
Yeah sorry Surf, I read the posts above mine and I started to feel like I went to far, so I deleted it. what I was saying was already said and the conversation was moving away from Surfbum vs Inforoo females, so I also did not want to bring those things back up.
and Greg, I think Abra is the A!pha in that relationship.
If you think that a woman that possesses the same qualities as someone like Abra could be attracted to anything other than an alpha, you're kidding yourself. Don't kid yourself, man. Don't do it! And no, surfbum isn't confusing alpha with confidence. All alphas have confidence. That's step 1.
But not all people who have confidence are an Alpha. and Abra could kick Dave's ass, as well as mine and yours, so she is the A!pha A!pha in the relationship.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
For the record I do not condone stealing women. I think what you were referring to was my comments to one of the posters here not feeling bad about sleeping with a married woman because she came after him, and if he hadn't done it, someone else would have. It was her that was in the wrong. And yes, I am dating a married woman. But she is separated and moving towards divorce, and her marriage has been basically over for almost 3 years.
But going in and scooping another guys woman? Yeah, I don't agree with that one bit.
The last relationship I was in ended because a guy preyed on my girl through Facebook, and scooped her up. He broke up a positive, happy relationship.
As soon as I found out what happened, I deleted her from my life and walked away. Have not spoken a word to her since then, even though she has repeatedly emailed me asking for forgiveness, telling me what a horrible mistake she made, would do anything to take it back BLAH BLAH.
Yes it was HER FAULT, but without this bleep-explitive running his (obviously superior) game on her...well...who knows.
And Scrog, now that you deleted your post LOL minee doeesnt make much sense haha (some of it)
I'll call you out though, bro. I think the whole sleeping with a marriedseparatedabouttobedivorcedmaybebuthaskidswithhercurrenthusband woman is 1. You're settling, and 2. setting yourself up for a holy shitstorm of drama.
I remember when I was working door, this Indian student came up to me and asked me "How do I get white girls?"
When I was finished laughing in astonishment, I replied, "Be confident and make them laugh."
I feel that is the most simple and most sound advice that you could give on any human relationship, be it for purposes of attraction or just plain friendliness. Even if you aren't a comedian, just show that you have a sense of humor. Be able to laugh, just to show that you are human and not a stonewall to emotion.
Also I do mean this is a sexist way at all, I am just saying treating women as sexual equals can pay off big time for people.
I still say the most successful pickup line is "Do you want to bang? We do not have to tell any of our friends or brag about it on Facebook." Oddly enough it turns out despite what the GOP says that women enjoy a good tumble, as often or more often than men do. However they really hate the idea that they might get labeled a slut for enjoying sex the way men do.
Ugh, pickup lines. Ugh. True, women are built for enjoying sex. They have FAR more nerve endings specifically designed for enjoying a good romp than we men do. SCIENCE! Don't get me started on the whole social "slut" issue. Some people just can't let go of ridiculous ideas.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
For the record I do not condone stealing women. I think what you were referring to was my comments to one of the posters here not feeling bad about sleeping with a married woman because she came after him, and if he hadn't done it, someone else would have. It was her that was in the wrong. And yes, I am dating a married woman. But she is separated and moving towards divorce, and her marriage has been basically over for almost 3 years.
But going in and scooping another guys woman? Yeah, I don't agree with that one bit.
The last relationship I was in ended because a guy preyed on my girl through Facebook, and scooped her up. He broke up a positive, happy relationship.
As soon as I found out what happened, I deleted her from my life and walked away. Have not spoken a word to her since then, even though she has repeatedly emailed me asking for forgiveness, telling me what a horrible mistake she made, would do anything to take it back BLAH BLAH.
Yes it was HER FAULT, but without this bleep-explitive running his (obviously superior) game on her...well...who knows.
And Scrog, now that you deleted your post LOL minee doeesnt make much sense haha (some of it)
I was referring to an earlier post of yours which I have not looked up where you said that you did not mind hitting on women who were attached. I believe you topped it off with a "Yes I am that guy". If I misinterpreted what you said I am apologize.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Mar 29, 2012 11:33:34 GMT -5
The arguments over the definition of "alpha" and "nice guy" is almost as bad as the "What is a jamband" stuff. Most everyone will have a slightly different idea/definition of what they consider "alpha" and "nice guy".
The arguments over the definition of "alpha" and "nice guy" is almost as bad as the "What is a jamband" stuff. Most everyone will have a slightly different idea/definition of what they consider "alpha" and "nice guy".
Even though I participated in them, I do agree with you. It's very subjective.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
For the record I do not condone stealing women. I think what you were referring to was my comments to one of the posters here not feeling bad about sleeping with a married woman because she came after him, and if he hadn't done it, someone else would have. It was her that was in the wrong. And yes, I am dating a married woman. But she is separated and moving towards divorce, and her marriage has been basically over for almost 3 years.
But going in and scooping another guys woman? Yeah, I don't agree with that one bit.
The last relationship I was in ended because a guy preyed on my girl through Facebook, and scooped her up. He broke up a positive, happy relationship.
As soon as I found out what happened, I deleted her from my life and walked away. Have not spoken a word to her since then, even though she has repeatedly emailed me asking for forgiveness, telling me what a horrible mistake she made, would do anything to take it back BLAH BLAH.
Yes it was HER FAULT, but without this bleep-explitive running his (obviously superior) game on her...well...who knows.
And Scrog, now that you deleted your post LOL minee doeesnt make much sense haha (some of it)
Something like this happened to me about 15 years ago. Not through fb, of course, but a so-called "friend" of mine sharked in on my then-gf. Fast-forward to the end of the story, I got a better girlfriend, and the ex got a prescription of valtrex. Don't think I need to rely on Aesop to pull a moral-of-story from this one.
I want to add that while I have been critical of some of your attitude and comments especially about stealing women surfbum I do not think you area bad guy. I just disagree with your approach.
For the record I do not condone stealing women. I think what you were referring to was my comments to one of the posters here not feeling bad about sleeping with a married woman because she came after him, and if he hadn't done it, someone else would have. It was her that was in the wrong. And yes, I am dating a married woman. But she is separated and moving towards divorce, and her marriage has been basically over for almost 3 years.
But going in and scooping another guys woman? Yeah, I don't agree with that one bit.
The last relationship I was in ended because a guy preyed on my girl through Facebook, and scooped her up. He broke up a positive, happy relationship.
As soon as I found out what happened, I deleted her from my life and walked away. Have not spoken a word to her since then, even though she has repeatedly emailed me asking for forgiveness, telling me what a horrible mistake she made, would do anything to take it back BLAH BLAH.
Yes it was HER FAULT, but without this bleep-explitive running his (obviously superior) game on her...well...who knows.
And Scrog, now that you deleted your post LOL minee doeesnt make much sense haha (some of it)
In another thread you told Phi he shouldn't feel bad about sleeping with a married woman because it was the husbands fault. I can't find the thread but basically you boiled it down to if a woman cheats, it's because her man isnt good enough.
You really contradict yourself a lot; maybe that is why people misunderstand you.
It is partially the mans fault. I stand by that. A good husband will maintain his wife's attention and affection by making her feel special, loved and important. Wanted. However, it is also her fault. She chreated. But it was in no way Phi's fault.
EDIT: don't mistake me. Some women are going to cheat anyways. Some women have no scruples regardless of how amazing their husband is. And vice versa.
I am simply suggesting that in a quality relationship the man should consistently make his woman feel great to maintain a level of attraction conducive to a happy relationship
Someone used Maynardave, Duddits, and Zapp as examples of "nice guys". I don't know Zapp or Duddits in person but I do know "Dave" and Abra. He is DEFINITELY an alpha. He doesn't cling to his wife 24/7, doesn't kiss her ass, or get jealous or insecure about his wife having male friends. He takes good care of his family and behaves like a real man should. He once observed an interaction I had with a beautiful and very cool woman and when the girls weren't around, said to me "Dude, I'm impressed. You got game." I said to him "Yeah, well you got Dee to marry you and start a family. YOU are the one here with game."
I guess I just want to take on all of her sadness and make it mine and quickly dispose of it. I have always been a sort of...depressive...person and it's tough for me to be overwhelmingly positive and make her think of happier things, more carefree things, break the sadness with a silly joke or what-have-you.
Well-said. I know this feeling all too well. It's hard when all you want to do is cheer someone up, make them happy, and it's out of your (or anyone's) capability to. It makes you feel helpless and sad and depressed in turn. It sucks.
What's the problem here? You guys can't agree on the definitions of "nice guy" and "alpha". I'll try to help:
A "nice guy" is one of those irritating asskissing, clingy, needy wussbags who will do anything, buy anything, or change anything about himself to garner the attention of any female. He hides his true nature because he's too insecure to show anyone who he really is, and mimics lead characters in chick flicks. He thinks that you have to be tall, good-looking, and rich to be worthy of the affection of his dream girl, so he's essentially manipulative to her and dishonest with himself and the females he's lucky enough to interact with. If he does end up with a girlfriend, she's usually very controlling and mean to him because he doesn't have the spine or the self-esteem to believe that he deserves better. So he puts up with either being henpecked or secretly in love with a girl who whines to him all about the "jerks" who don't treat her like a disney princess but still gets her affection and other things he wishes he was getting from her. That's what a "nice guy" is when someone like surfbum says "nice guys finish in a napkin".
An "alpha" (yeah, I said it. ALPHA! ALPHA!) is a man who isn't afraid to show his true, masculine self to anyone. He has good leadership skills; takes care of himself, his stuff, and his inner circle; he knows what his purpose is in life and he goes after it; has control over his own emotions; has a good sense of humor and isn't afraid of offending a woman that he's attracted to, and he doesn't put the woman of his choice in the center of his universe or above his life's purpose; doesn't fall head-over-heels over every woman who shows any sliver of interest in him; and doesn't pressure her to put out just because he bought her dinner and drinks.
Someone used Maynardave, Duddits, and Zapp as examples of "nice guys". I don't know Zapp or Duddits in person but I do know "Dave" and Abra. He is DEFINITELY an alpha. He doesn't cling to his wife 24/7, doesn't kiss her ass, or get jealous or insecure about his wife having male friends. He takes good care of his family and behaves like a real man should. He once observed an interaction I had with a beautiful and very cool woman and when the girls weren't around, said to me "Dude, I'm impressed. You got game." I said to him "Yeah, well you got Dee to marry you and start a family. YOU are the one here with game."
Vector, I'm disappointed to find out that anyone besides surfbum thinks in this direction. Life isn't a competition, for f*ck's sake. It's not about being an "alpha" or the best or being a leader or anything like that. You just do your best to help those around you when possible; that's it. Life isn't about you and your success; whether you believe in creation or evolution, we all sprang from the same seed, the same source. Life is about the brotherhood--AND sisterhood--of ALL men and women. I don't care how "nice" or how hippie that sounds; it's just true.
And that's why I took such an issue with what you were espousing, surfbum. You guys seem to think that helpfulness, being kind to others, is some sort of sign of weakness, and it just isn't.
It's pretty easy to feel good about yourself when you're watching a segment about two circus midgets fisticuffing over a morbidly obese woman.
