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And Zapp, I agree man. The hardest thing for me is to watch my fiance be down and out. She wears her emotions on the outside, and when there isn't a damn thing I can say or do to liven her spirits, its really tough.
What's the problem here? You guys can't agree on the definitions of "nice guy" and "alpha". I'll try to help:
A "nice guy" is one of those irritating asskissing, clingy, needy wussbags who will do anything, buy anything, or change anything about himself to garner the attention of any female. He hides his true nature because he's too insecure to show anyone who he really is, and mimics lead characters in chick flicks. He thinks that you have to be tall, good-looking, and rich to be worthy of the affection of his dream girl, so he's essentially manipulative to her and dishonest with himself and the females he's lucky enough to interact with. If he does end up with a girlfriend, she's usually very controlling and mean to him because he doesn't have the spine or the self-esteem to believe that he deserves better. So he puts up with either being henpecked or secretly in love with a girl who whines to him all about the "jerks" who don't treat her like a disney princess but still gets her affection and other things he wishes he was getting from her. That's what a "nice guy" is when someone like surfbum says "nice guys finish in a napkin".
An "alpha" (yeah, I said it. ALPHA! ALPHA!) is a man who isn't afraid to show his true, masculine self to anyone. He has good leadership skills; takes care of himself, his stuff, and his inner circle; he knows what his purpose is in life and he goes after it; has control over his own emotions; has a good sense of humor and isn't afraid of offending a woman that he's attracted to, and he doesn't put the woman of his choice in the center of his universe or above his life's purpose; doesn't fall head-over-heels over every woman who shows any sliver of interest in him; and doesn't pressure her to put out just because he bought her dinner and drinks.
Someone used Maynardave, Duddits, and Zapp as examples of "nice guys". I don't know Zapp or Duddits in person but I do know "Dave" and Abra. He is DEFINITELY an alpha. He doesn't cling to his wife 24/7, doesn't kiss her ass, or get jealous or insecure about his wife having male friends. He takes good care of his family and behaves like a real man should. He once observed an interaction I had with a beautiful and very cool woman and when the girls weren't around, said to me "Dude, I'm impressed. You got game." I said to him "Yeah, well you got Dee to marry you and start a family. YOU are the one here with game."
Vector, I'm disappointed to find out that anyone besides surfbum thinks in this direction. Life isn't a competition, for f*ck's sake. It's not about being an "alpha" or the best or being a leader or anything like that. You just do your best to help those around you when possible; that's it. Life isn't about you and your success; whether you believe in creation or evolution, we all sprang from the same seed, the same source. Life is about the brotherhood--AND sisterhood--of ALL men and women. I don't care how "nice" or how hippie that sounds; it's just true.
And that's why I took such an issue with what you were espousing, surfbum. You guys seem to think that helpfulness, being kind to others, is some sort of sign of weakness, and it just isn't.
Where did I say that life is a competition or that helpfulness or being kind to others is a sign of weakness? How did you arrive at the conclusion that surfbum or I are jerks because we believe that bettering ourselves will lead to more success in our relationships? I thought I was pretty clear, and you go off in some random tangent about the brotherhood of humanity that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic being discussed. Bottom line here is, do what works for you. What I'm doing and how I'm living is working fantastically for me. Wanna be disappointed with that? Fine, go be disappointed with that.
Vector, I'm disappointed to find out that anyone besides surfbum thinks in this direction. Life isn't a competition, for f*ck's sake. It's not about being an "alpha" or the best or being a leader or anything like that. You just do your best to help those around you when possible; that's it. Life isn't about you and your success; whether you believe in creation or evolution, we all sprang from the same seed, the same source. Life is about the brotherhood--AND sisterhood--of ALL men and women. I don't care how "nice" or how hippie that sounds; it's just true.
And that's why I took such an issue with what you were espousing, surfbum. You guys seem to think that helpfulness, being kind to others, is some sort of sign of weakness, and it just isn't.
Where did I say that life is a competition or that helpfulness or being kind to others is a sign of weakness? How did you arrive at the conclusion that surfbum or I are jerks because we believe that bettering ourselves will lead to more success in our relationships? I thought I was pretty clear, and you go off in some random tangent about the brotherhood of humanity that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic being discussed. Bottom line here is, do what works for you. What I'm doing and how I'm living is working fantastically for me. Wanna be disappointed with that? Fine, go be disappointed with that.
It wasn't a random tangent; it has everything to do with the topic being discussed. That's the last I'll say on this.
Post by A$AP Rosko on Mar 29, 2012 17:22:18 GMT -5
What is there to answer? You think that what I said doesn't have anything to do with this ridiculous dichotomy you and surfbum have set up of "needy wussbags" versus "alphas" (your words), whereas I think it has everything to do with it. I don't see things in those terms. That post was me trying to make sense of it. If you don't see it that way, I'm not trying to convince you. That's why I said that'd be the last I'd say on this.
What's the problem here? You guys can't agree on the definitions of "nice guy" and "alpha". I'll try to help:
A "nice guy" is one of those irritating asskissing, clingy, needy wussbags who will do anything, buy anything, or change anything about himself to garner the attention of any female. He hides his true nature because he's too insecure to show anyone who he really is, and mimics lead characters in chick flicks. He thinks that you have to be tall, good-looking, and rich to be worthy of the affection of his dream girl, so he's essentially manipulative to her and dishonest with himself and the females he's lucky enough to interact with. If he does end up with a girlfriend, she's usually very controlling and mean to him because he doesn't have the spine or the self-esteem to believe that he deserves better. So he puts up with either being henpecked or secretly in love with a girl who whines to him all about the "jerks" who don't treat her like a disney princess but still gets her affection and other things he wishes he was getting from her. That's what a "nice guy" is when someone like surfbum says "nice guys finish in a napkin".
An "alpha" (yeah, I said it. ALPHA! ALPHA!) is a man who isn't afraid to show his true, masculine self to anyone. He has good leadership skills; takes care of himself, his stuff, and his inner circle; he knows what his purpose is in life and he goes after it; has control over his own emotions; has a good sense of humor and isn't afraid of offending a woman that he's attracted to, and he doesn't put the woman of his choice in the center of his universe or above his life's purpose; doesn't fall head-over-heels over every woman who shows any sliver of interest in him; and doesn't pressure her to put out just because he bought her dinner and drinks.
Someone used Maynardave, Duddits, and Zapp as examples of "nice guys". I don't know Zapp or Duddits in person but I do know "Dave" and Abra. He is DEFINITELY an alpha. He doesn't cling to his wife 24/7, doesn't kiss her ass, or get jealous or insecure about his wife having male friends. He takes good care of his family and behaves like a real man should. He once observed an interaction I had with a beautiful and very cool woman and when the girls weren't around, said to me "Dude, I'm impressed. You got game." I said to him "Yeah, well you got Dee to marry you and start a family. YOU are the one here with game."
Vector, I'm disappointed to find out that anyone besides surfbum thinks in this direction. Life isn't a competition, for f*ck's sake. It's not about being an "alpha" or the best or being a leader or anything like that. You just do your best to help those around you when possible; that's it. Life isn't about you and your success; whether you believe in creation or evolution, we all sprang from the same seed, the same source. Life is about the brotherhood--AND sisterhood--of ALL men and women. I don't care how "nice" or how hippie that sounds; it's just true.
And that's why I took such an issue with what you were espousing, surfbum. You guys seem to think that helpfulness, being kind to others, is some sort of sign of weakness, and it just isn't.
1) That is YOUR philosophy on how to live YOUR life. You obviously do not agree with mine, and I will not push it on you. Your statement sounds a lot like "This is how you should live your life, so listen to me because my way is best". Sorry, I have a full, balanced, pretty great life. I wouldn't change much at all, and I am working towards just that.
2) Neither helpfulness nor kindness are weaknesses. That is absurd. Nobody said anything close to that.
3) life IS about me and my success. At least MY life is. YOUR life should be about YOUR success. If you do not have goals that you are working towards, and take pride in achieving them, you might consider that you are on an ambiguous path - leading to ???
We may have different viewpoints on male-female interaction and what we view as attractive to the opposite sex. We both have experiences on the matter. Neither of us are exactly right Im sure.
You seem to come off as a relatively smart person, and Im sure we could learn something from one another, but the manner in which you spew hatred and insulting language makes it hard to pick out something to learn from you.
What's the problem here? You guys can't agree on the definitions of "nice guy" and "alpha". I'll try to help:
A "nice guy" is one of those irritating asskissing, clingy, needy wussbags who will do anything, buy anything, or change anything about himself to garner the attention of any female. He hides his true nature because he's too insecure to show anyone who he really is, and mimics lead characters in chick flicks. He thinks that you have to be tall, good-looking, and rich to be worthy of the affection of his dream girl, so he's essentially manipulative to her and dishonest with himself and the females he's lucky enough to interact with. If he does end up with a girlfriend, she's usually very controlling and mean to him because he doesn't have the spine or the self-esteem to believe that he deserves better. So he puts up with either being henpecked or secretly in love with a girl who whines to him all about the "jerks" who don't treat her like a disney princess but still gets her affection and other things he wishes he was getting from her. That's what a "nice guy" is when someone like surfbum says "nice guys finish in a napkin".
An "alpha" (yeah, I said it. ALPHA! ALPHA!) is a man who isn't afraid to show his true, masculine self to anyone. He has good leadership skills; takes care of himself, his stuff, and his inner circle; he knows what his purpose is in life and he goes after it; has control over his own emotions; has a good sense of humor and isn't afraid of offending a woman that he's attracted to, and he doesn't put the woman of his choice in the center of his universe or above his life's purpose; doesn't fall head-over-heels over every woman who shows any sliver of interest in him; and doesn't pressure her to put out just because he bought her dinner and drinks.
Someone used Maynardave, Duddits, and Zapp as examples of "nice guys". I don't know Zapp or Duddits in person but I do know "Dave" and Abra. He is DEFINITELY an alpha. He doesn't cling to his wife 24/7, doesn't kiss her ass, or get jealous or insecure about his wife having male friends. He takes good care of his family and behaves like a real man should. He once observed an interaction I had with a beautiful and very cool woman and when the girls weren't around, said to me "Dude, I'm impressed. You got game." I said to him "Yeah, well you got Dee to marry you and start a family. YOU are the one here with game."
I read the first two paragraphs of this and hit the like button and then read where it mentioned Dave and I and felt like a jackass really not being full of myself.
So what have we learned in the last 8 pages? There are many different types of people and people with confidence and the courage to "go out on a limb", are more likely to find what they are looking for.
Wait, I'm kinda drunk after bein' in school fer damne 12.5 hours and haven't bothered to read the last few pages.. Is the "A" still the hot topic of the moment?
Here's a limb .......................................... and here's me.
Maybe there are more then 2 types of guys and maybe there are more than 2 types of women.
I've never played the "sage" card before. But by my count, there are at no fewer than 7 types of guys and at least 4,517.6 types of women.
Honestly if I meet a person who says they fully understand the male female dynamic and can explain it to me, I try to figure out what else they are lying about.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I guess I just want to take on all of her sadness and make it mine and quickly dispose of it. I have always been a sort of...depressive...person and it's tough for me to be overwhelmingly positive and make her think of happier things, more carefree things, break the sadness with a silly joke or what-have-you.
Well-said. I know this feeling all too well. It's hard when all you want to do is cheer someone up, make them happy, and it's out of your (or anyone's) capability to. It makes you feel helpless and sad and depressed in turn. It sucks.
And Zapp, I agree man. The hardest thing for me is to watch my fiance be down and out. She wears her emotions on the outside, and when there isn't a damn thing I can say or do to liven her spirits, its really tough.
It does suck and it is really tough, but I think in symbolizes something beautiful, in that with true love it is necessary to put your significant other's feelings before your own. Basically, I don't think it is a bad problem to have, but it still hurts when they are hurting and there's nothing you can do about it. The amazing thing about relationships is that when each of you puts the other's feelings first, then you'll be taken care of forever. It was a hard thing to do--to let my guard down and completely rely on someone--but it has really powerful and amazing results.
It was a hard thing to do--to let my guard down and completely rely on someone--but it has really powerful and amazing results.
Amen, brother Zapp. I think we had been together for 4 or so years when Abra told me that she didn't really know much about me. She said I was super guarded when it comes to expressing emotions and such. I probably still am more than most people, but I think that I have improved some.
I have no relationships to whine about (been single for nearly six years! Woo!), but I will whine about dating.
Didn't go on a single date or have even one random hook-up for 2.5 years after that break-up. Since then, DISAPPOINTMENT. Constant disappointment. One guy set the standard for human scumbaggery. We had been friends for YEARS and a few months after his divorce, we started dating. We also happened to be former co-workers. So, one day I'm blindsided by a phone call from him (he lived 6 hours away) in which he tells me that his best friend's wife has basically left her husband and would be staying with him, so we had "to put our thing on hold". Later, he tried to tell me that I made up anything other than us being flirty friends ("You're not special."). The ensuing nervous breakdown/massive panic attack put me in the hospital. He honestly believed that screwing me and his best friend over was okay ("I'm not wrong.") because he was in love. It didn't matter that it ruined his professional reputation and made me pitiful gossip to all of my former co-workers, whom I also considered my family.
Since then, I haven't really dated anyone. My ex-boyfriend's abuse made it difficult for me to even let people give me hugs for almost three years and this other guy topped off a long string dudes who just used me for sex long enough to get a real girlfriend. There has only been one guy that I loved, loved me back, but we lived too weirdly different lives and the timing was never right. He was actually the first guy I dated after the 2.5 year slump. And he died last year. Actually, it's nearing one year ago.
*sigh*
That's my relationship story. Pretty damn tragic now that I'm reading it, but I don't dwell on any of it much. At this point in my life, I'm so not where I want to be and I don't really want to get involved with someone when I know that I'll eventually move somewhere else. Especially around here, people are pretty settled into their lives (mortgage, kids, careers, etc.) by my age and it's hard to find a relationship where the expectation going in is just "have fun and see" over "we can have fun for five minutes, but what's your five-year plan?".
Post by cwatudidthere on Mar 30, 2012 11:47:16 GMT -5
DNA keep that chin up! Sounds like you've had a pretty crappy hand dealt thus far, but I hope you won't give up. (Not all of us suck!*) I truly mean it when I say I wish you the best of luck.
*edit, In the same vein as bonzai admitting that all women are at least a little crazy, all men suck. It's just varying degrees.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
I'll come forth and admit that I have a history of being a terrible boyfriend.
Sometimes I want to travel back in time and punch myself squarely in the face.
This. I look back and just yearn to fix all those stupid mistakes. Even knowing that it wouldn't have worked out, there were so many better ways I could have handled certain situations.
DNA keep that chin up! Sounds like you've had a pretty crappy hand dealt thus far, but I hope you won't give up. (Not all of us suck!*) I truly mean it when I say I wish you the best of luck.
*edit, In the same vein as bonzai admitting that all women are at least a little crazy, all men suck. It's just varying degrees.
Thanks! Not giving up really, but I've had my dating life on hold since October and I haven't even spent much time obsessing over random crushes. Usually only give a day or two of pining/crazy before going back to being a normal human being. Glad I do since most of these dudes turn out to not be worth it.
The avatar brings me vast amounts of joy and the clip is majorly awesome.
Sometimes I want to travel back in time and punch myself squarely in the face.
This. I look back and just yearn to fix all those stupid mistakes. Even knowing that it wouldn't have worked out, there were so many better ways I could have handled certain situations.
I mostly want to punch myself in the face for putting up with some BS I did in past relationships. Being in love can make you say and do some really stupid things.
I think it's so important to enjoy single time. I didn't have a whole lot of it between major relationships (2 yrs) but I grew so much during that time. The most unique and interesting people I've met have been through heartbreak and spent a significant amount of time with themselves.
I agree abra. As I've mentioned before, I do not see myself getting married simply bc I love my independence too much (I also don't want kids). Dating for me has always been fun and not serious. I feel comfortable doing things like going on vacation alone, going to a show alone or a movie alone. It is only in the past few years that I've fully embraced the fact I like being single and ironically enough I've had more suitors since then. Haha
I know when I am with the right person for me, they will compliment me, not complete me. I'm already whole!
(I might even have a pretty good candidate right now if we can wade through all his baggage.)
^EAP, I totally feel you. I lived alone and paid all my own bills since seventeen and have even took vacation to Europe alone. I've never dated anyone for more than three months until my current relationship, and we even share a cell phone plan now 0.o
So, after zero activity on my online dating profile junk for a couple of months, I just got asked out on Match.com and OK Cupid. And neither of them appear have shirtless redneck photos! Excitement!
really not being full of myself. 
but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal. 
