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I knocked out one of my best friends Sunday over a girl. That's a good start I guess. Nearly lost my job because of it, still am not clear on the exact repercussions but I think I'm alright. Anyways one of my good friends thought it would be a grand idea to interrupt me kissing a girl by taking my arm off of her an putting his own around her. It was not. I tried very hard to not let it escalate to the level it did but it was inevitable due to his attitude. Long story short I badly hurt a good friend, who unfortunately probably deserved what he got, and am now unsure of how to go forward with either relationship. I don't know what's going on in my life. I can't wait for Bonnaroo.
I knocked out one of my best friends Sunday over a girl. That's a good start I guess. Nearly lost my job because of it, still am not clear on the exact repercussions but I think I'm alright. Anyways one of my good friends thought it would be a grand idea to interrupt me kissing a girl by taking my arm off of her an putting his own around her. It was not. I tried very hard to not let it escalate to the level it did but it was inevitable due to his attitude. Long story short I badly hurt a good friend, who unfortunately probably deserved what he got, and am now unsure of how to go forward with either relationship. I don't know what's going on in my life. I can't wait for Bonnaroo.
I knocked out one of my best friends Sunday over a girl. That's a good start I guess. Nearly lost my job because of it, still am not clear on the exact repercussions but I think I'm alright. Anyways one of my good friends thought it would be a grand idea to interrupt me kissing a girl by taking my arm off of her an putting his own around her. It was not. I tried very hard to not let it escalate to the level it did but it was inevitable due to his attitude. Long story short I badly hurt a good friend, who unfortunately probably deserved what he got, and am now unsure of how to go forward with either relationship. I don't know what's going on in my life. I can't wait for Bonnaroo.
I've totally dated that totally nice dude that I just could NOT be with. I even tried being friends later but he just got on my nerves soooo bad LOL
Nice guys finish in a napkin. Awesome guys finish on her (fill in the blank).
The sweet/nice guy just is not generally attractive to women. Even though they would probably make a better boyfriend or husband, the sweet boy just does not get women's juices flowing.
There are very good, fundamental, evolutionary (and probably outdated - but our subconscious is so POWERFUL) reasons for this.
The bottom line, though, is (just an analogy - don't read too much into it) the dog wants to chase the darting rabbit, not the stationary rock. The sweet, sappy, pining, weak guy in this analogy is the rock.
Not to mention, Alpha guys are not outwardly sweet generally. Inside they may be, and they may show it away from other people.
Chicks dig the Alpha. End of story.
(disclaimer: all of this is GENERALITIES, and quite accurate - even though there will be some disagreement)
I knocked out one of my best friends Sunday over a girl. That's a good start I guess. Nearly lost my job because of it, still am not clear on the exact repercussions but I think I'm alright. Anyways one of my good friends thought it would be a grand idea to interrupt me kissing a girl by taking my arm off of her an putting his own around her. It was not. I tried very hard to not let it escalate to the level it did but it was inevitable due to his attitude. Long story short I badly hurt a good friend, who unfortunately probably deserved what he got, and am now unsure of how to go forward with either relationship. I don't know what's going on in my life. I can't wait for Bonnaroo.
Im not sure how this translates to your job, so I can't really comment on that.
However, the altercation was most likely a controllable situation that was allowed to get out of control. This is a classic case of this guy trying to out alpha you, and caveman your girl. And you got sucked right into it. Which is SUPER easy to do. Unfortunately he had control of your emotions and actions not you. It is SO EASY to react in this situation exactly the way you did.
He won.
I have been involved in these situations many times in the past. I don't do fighting or arguing publicly anymore. I don't do the Alpha pissing contest. The thing is, if that really was your girl, she would not have let him have his arm on her for long. My reaction to this is to crack a joke, tool him and walk away from the situation. She will come following.
"Sweet! I was looking for somebody to babysit my woman for a few minutes so I could go (whatever - get a drink, talk to some other hottie, take a leak, catch up with my friend over there, etc). Do me a favor, don't let her out of your sight, she tends to get sidetracked by shiny things" SOmething to that effect. Im way better on my feet than typing on a forum but you get the idea.
Make him your bitch, and walk away confidently knowing your girl will come to you. If she doesn't? If she gets flirty with this guy? She isnt worth it, and is definitely not worth fighting for. She will laugh, and feel super uncomfortable after a few minutes with the guy.
Here is the most powerful part of this scenario: She will feel uncomfortable with him, come back to you and feel safe and relieved that she is with you. People are always avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. you = pleasure, him = discomfort.
#winning
Plus, you kept your cool, and you came out smelling like a rose. WHile this dooche looks like a creeper to everyone who sees this go down. His stock for the entire night went down, and you did nothing violent or offensive.
I've totally dated that totally nice dude that I just could NOT be with. I even tried being friends later but he just got on my nerves soooo bad LOL
Nice guys finish in a napkin. Awesome guys finish on her (fill in the blank).
The sweet/nice guy just is not generally attractive to women. Even though they would probably make a better boyfriend or husband, the sweet boy just does not get women's juices flowing.
There are very good, fundamental, evolutionary (and probably outdated - but our subconscious is so POWERFUL) reasons for this.
The bottom line, though, is (just an analogy - don't read too much into it) the dog wants to chase the darting rabbit, not the stationary rock. The sweet, sappy, pining, weak guy in this analogy is the rock.
Not to mention, Alpha guys are not outwardly sweet generally. Inside they may be, and they may show it away from other people.
Chicks dig the Alpha. End of story.
(disclaimer: all of this is GENERALITIES, and quite accurate - even though there will be some disagreement)
This might be true on some level but when you are looking for a long term mate or someone to have children with it doesn't apply. Men need to have a backbone and their own interests and not be pushovers in general. In my experience Alphas do get a lot of girls, girls who leave them after they get to know their personality or lack of one.
I knocked out one of my best friends Sunday over a girl. That's a good start I guess. Nearly lost my job because of it, still am not clear on the exact repercussions but I think I'm alright. Anyways one of my good friends thought it would be a grand idea to interrupt me kissing a girl by taking my arm off of her an putting his own around her. It was not. I tried very hard to not let it escalate to the level it did but it was inevitable due to his attitude. Long story short I badly hurt a good friend, who unfortunately probably deserved what he got, and am now unsure of how to go forward with either relationship. I don't know what's going on in my life. I can't wait for Bonnaroo.
This is a classic case of this guy trying to out alpha you, and caveman your girl.
She will come following.
I was looking for somebody to babysit my woman for a few minutes so I could go (whatever - get a drink, talk to some other hottie, take a leak, catch up with my friend over there, etc). Do me a favor, don't let her out of your sight, she tends to get sidetracked by shiny things" SOmething to that effect. Im way better on my feet than typing on a forum but you get the idea.
Make him your bitch, and walk away confidently knowing your girl will come to you. If she doesn't? If she gets flirty with this guy? She isnt worth it, and is definitely not worth fighting for. She will laugh, and feel super uncomfortable after a few minutes with the guy.
Here is the most powerful part of this scenario: She will feel uncomfortable with him, come back to you and feel safe and relieved that she is with you. People are always avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. you = pleasure, him = discomfort.
Surf, I like you outside of these relationship posts but I have to say when I read shit like the above it makes me cringe and gag a little.
That is true for some, but in my experience a smaller percentage than most think (or want to realize). That is the LOGICAL thing, yes. But so many people (men AND women) make decisions on who to date based on emotion and not logic. (think about it... its true 80% or more of the time).
I do think that your comment about Alphas not having an undesirable personality, or lack of a personality is a relatively inaccurate, sweeping generality. A lot of people have an undesirable or unattractive personality for what we are seeking. That is not specific to Alphas. I would tend to think that the percentages of desirable to undesirable personalities is roughly equivalent in Betas as it in Alphas.
I've totally dated that totally nice dude that I just could NOT be with. I even tried being friends later but he just got on my nerves soooo bad LOL
Nice guys finish in a napkin. Awesome guys finish on her (fill in the blank).
The sweet/nice guy just is not generally attractive to women. Even though they would probably make a better boyfriend or husband, the sweet boy just does not get women's juices flowing.
There are very good, fundamental, evolutionary (and probably outdated - but our subconscious is so POWERFUL) reasons for this.
The bottom line, though, is (just an analogy - don't read too much into it) the dog wants to chase the darting rabbit, not the stationary rock. The sweet, sappy, pining, weak guy in this analogy is the rock.
Not to mention, Alpha guys are not outwardly sweet generally. Inside they may be, and they may show it away from other people.
Chicks dig the Alpha. End of story.
(disclaimer: all of this is GENERALITIES, and quite accurate - even though there will be some disagreement)
Surf, I generally have no issue with anything you post. But this is flat out wrong, as is your comment that came after this one.
First, I am 29, have been married for 5 years, have 2 kids, and I can completely understand kicking the crap out of someone for touching my wife. I have also lost a friend who I happened to work with at my last job for a similar situation. Instead of touching though, he was calling her and leaving her vm. Maybe I am too hot headed, but you know what, family comes before where I work or any of that.
Also your comments on sweet / nice guys are wrong. Being alpha does not = be an@sshole. In fact, most people who have to say they are alpha are not. They are usually obnoxious people no one wants to be around.
I can't speak for the women on this board, but I have tried to be a nice & sweet guy and it has worked out ok for me so far. You would be surprised how much less time you spend with a napkin when someone actually cares for you, and wants to be with you all the time. Just a friendly piece of advice. You can take it or leave it.
Surf, I like you outside of these relationship posts but I have to say when I read poop like the above it makes me cringe and gag a little.
Why? can you expand on that? I mean no offense by it, honestly. I just have a different perspective on things due to several factors.
I promise Im not a jerk...
No but a lot of times you come off as a wannabe player. I mean honestly from your posts on here about girls there is no way I would introduce you to any female I cared about regardless of whether or not I was dating her.
Instead of touching though, he was calling her and leaving her vm. Maybe I am too hot headed, but you know what, family comes before where I work or any of that.
This is a SIGNIFICANTLY different situation. I also beat a man into an ambulance for being quite inappropriate to my wife. He deserved it, and I gave it to him. Your actions in this case were warranted.
Also your comments on sweet / nice guys are wrong. Being alpha does not = be an@sshole. In fact, most people who have to say they are alpha are not. They are usually obnoxious people no one wants to be around.
I completely agree about your depiction of an alpha here.
I can't speak for the women on this board, but I have tried to be a nice & sweet guy and it has worked out ok for me so far. You would be surprised how much less time you spend with a napkin when someone actually cares for you, and wants to be with you all the time. Just a friendly piece of advice. You can take it or leave it.
That is fantastic! I wish more women understood what a nice guy could mean for them. Unfortunately, many MANY of them get involved with the wrong guy because their attraction is amped due to the hardwiring that tells women "Alphas will protect and feed you and your children"
Its an outdated brain function - but that does not make it go away.
This is a SIGNIFICANTLY different situation. I also beat a man into an ambulance for being quite inappropriate to my wife. He deserved it, and I gave it to him. Your actions in this case were warranted.
I completely agree about your depiction of an alpha here.
I can't speak for the women on this board, but I have tried to be a nice & sweet guy and it has worked out ok for me so far. You would be surprised how much less time you spend with a napkin when someone actually cares for you, and wants to be with you all the time. Just a friendly piece of advice. You can take it or leave it.
That is fantastic! I wish more women understood what a nice guy could mean for them. Unfortunately, many MANY of them get involved with the wrong guy because their attraction is amped due to the hardwiring that tells women "Alphas will protect and feed you and your children"
Its an outdated brain function - but that does not make it go away.
If I meet a woman who is attracted to jerks I am not usually attracted to her so it all works out I guess,
Wow, I mean, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm having an internal feminist meltdown reading some of the stuff you wrote.
I know some of this stuff is probably hard for people to read, hear or whatever.
The harsh reality is that our urges are often times generated from an outdated hardwiring.
We are kind of having 2 different conversations here. I am talking about science and psychology, and a practical application of those. Others are talking ideals and logic.
In most cases, these things do not cross.
BELIEVE ME, I want this stuff to be different. It sucks, and it makes dating quite difficult.
"wannabe player" I guess I can see how I come off as that. I won't argue with your perception.
But I am not a wannabe. And I am not a player. Anymore.
Just because I date a lot, does not make me a player. I know what I want, and I won't settle for less than everything. And I will not apologize for that.
You said to tell a guy to BABYSIT your girl while also calling her dumb in the same sentence. Read what you post, again, over and over until you get it.
Guys trying to get the attention of a girl Im with? I date attractive women. I don't really know what you are asking here. Its not really my doing.
I mean, what kind of people are you around/places are you at where someone would come up to a girl you're with and try and steal her like a caveman.
I think I understand. It generally happens in bars or clubs. When the girl I am with is all did up and looking her best, and the brahs wearing Drakkar and a popped collar have a few drinks in them and think they can run game.
I found out that playing it cool and being unresponsive to their presence is the easiest way to deflect it and deflate them.
Wow, I mean, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm having an internal feminist meltdown reading some of the stuff you wrote.
I know some of this stuff is probably hard for people to read, hear or whatever.
The harsh reality is that our urges are often times generated from an outdated hardwiring.
We are kind of having 2 different conversations here. I am talking about science and psychology, and a practical application of those. Others are talking ideals and logic.
In most cases, these things do not cross.
BELIEVE ME, I want this stuff to be different. It sucks, and it makes dating quite difficult.
"wannabe player" I guess I can see how I come off as that. I won't argue with your perception.
But I am not a wannabe. And I am not a player. Anymore.
Just because I date a lot, does not make me a player. I know what I want, and I won't settle for less than everything. And I will not apologize for that.
No dating a lot does not make you come off as a player, using (imo) pseudo psychology to try and manipulate your preconceived opinion of women's emotions so they see you as desirable however does make you a player.
Last Edit: Mar 28, 2012 11:05:36 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Post by FuzzyWarbles on Mar 28, 2012 11:10:05 GMT -5
Women who think Alphas will protect and feed them and their children need to update their hardwiring. I still encounter women with this attitude I guess, but it's normally in crowds of people I do not want to be around for very long.
You said to tell a guy to BABYSIT your girl while also calling her dumb in the same sentence. Read what you post, again, over and over until you get it.
Tone is difficult to translate over text. Basically, I was turning the guy into my errand boy, and joking around. I have a different kind of frame than most - and any girl that would be with me would laugh at what I said, not be offended because she KNOWS what I mean by it and what I don't mean by it.
I mean absolutely no offense when I say things like this. I am more teasing her in a fun way, like I would my little sister, or one of my friends.
Like, I made a joke about cliches to mayo a couple days back, and Druid mentioned that it may have been offensive. Mayo (said she) didnt take offense and saw it for what it was. Just a joke.
I have to agree with wlviking's post....and to say that there is defnitely a balance between the bad guy & good guy thing.
My husband is one of those guys that I really think is an anomaly - at least compared to most other husband's that I know and I really do think I'm lucky. We are 36 and met when we were 18, our freshman year in college and got married at 23. We have 2 kids (age 7 & 5).
In outward appearances and to people that don't know him he would probably fall into the bad boy category. He's always been the black sheep in his family - the artist that used to have dreads, has tattoos and rides a motorcycle. He doesn't take poop from anyone but he'd also do anything at anytime for people he cares about. He's very passionate and emotional - has an opinion about everything. I can't even buy a pair of shoes for the kids without him having something to say about it. It's bad in some ways but mostly good because being very optionated keeps things lively between us.
After almost 18 yrs together we still never run out of things to talk about, we still laugh, are still finding new and exciting things to do together and can have a good argument without it getting crazy like it did in our younger years. Now that the kids are a bit older and they are out of the harder baby/toddler years I feel like we've really hit our stride and things have never been better. Sometimes I worry that I'm so happy that something bad is going to happen.
I was sort of wild before I met him and what attracted me to him wasn't just the bad boy/alpha male thing which he really was but also that I was tired of that lifestyle and he had really good morals and we wanted the same things out of life and I haven't been disappointed. He's a wonderful husband and father. He's not like some of my friends d-bag husbands who never help with the kids or house and sit on their ass all the time playing video games. Don't get me wrong, my hubby loves the xbox but with him family always comes first. I've never had to complain about him spending too much time on stuff like that.
It really is like he's the perfect mix of both. He really is the nice bad boy!
