Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
I feel like this take is gonna get me canceled so it's going here.
I always feel a little bit icky when the conversation around sexual assault focuses purely on male perpetrators, simply because I was sexually assaulted by a woman.
I understand that men are the majority of perpetrators but I always feel marginalized when people go "UGH MEN" in those conversations because it's not just men.
Oof. How do people just send these kinds of messages to another person and assume that it's never going to get out?? Like, in this time and having seen how many celebs have their private stuff leaked, hacked, or (like here)) given out by someone you've wronged.
Only read the second text in the thread where Jonah seems to be laying down boundaries and he sounds like such an asshole
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jul 8, 2023 13:12:39 GMT -5
Worse are the people commenting that there's nothing wrong or weird with Jonah telling her what she can/can't do, post on social media, or hangout with/spend time with if she wants to remain in the relationship. Lots of guys telling on themselves and not recognizing an insecure man's attempts to control his partner
Post by trick or trant on Jul 8, 2023 13:17:59 GMT -5
Sorry, is the story hear that Jonah doesn’t like his girlfriend having close friendships with guys and doesn’t like her posting revealing photos?
I don’t really know the nature of their relationship but I don’t think it’s crazy to have standards and boundaries in relationships. I think it’s kind of a dick thing to do but I don’t really know if I would called this emotional abuse.
Worse are the people commenting that there's nothing wrong or weird with Jonah telling her what she can/can't do, post on social media, or hangout with/spend time with if she wants to remain in the relationship. Lots of guys telling on themselves and not recognizing an insecure man's attempts to control his partner
I think he comes across as a dick but doesn’t this seem like a mountain out of a molehill situation? “My boyfriend was a dick” doesn’t really seem on par with the other stuff in this thread.
Worse are the people commenting that there's nothing wrong or weird with Jonah telling her what she can/can't do, post on social media, or hangout with/spend time with if she wants to remain in the relationship. Lots of guys telling on themselves and not recognizing an insecure man's attempts to control his partner
I think he comes across as a dick but doesn’t this seem like a mountain out of a molehill situation? “My boyfriend was a dick” doesn’t really seem on par with the other stuff in this thread.
Eh it comes across like emotionally abusive and manipulative. Telling someone what they can and can't do or who they can or can't hang out with is being a controlling piece of shit. Not just a guy with a shitty personality. Basically it comes off like he thinks that "We're in a relationship now so you are mine and only mine and have to do just what I say." It's clear insecurity but he's using his power in the relationship to basically tell her that unless she lives up to his exact standards (and in some cases with things that she's just supposed to automatically know without him telling her) then they can't be together. It's abusive. Gaslighting to make her feel like SHE is doing something wrong.
She's a fucking surfer as her main gig. Of fucking course she's going to have photos of her surfing and in bathing suits on social media.
Boundaries are "I need some personal time/space occasionally" or "I won't be with someone hurls slurs at people willy nilly" and stuff like that. Boundaries are not "Do what I say/want only or else you can't stay with me. Also, I'm such a weird dork who's socially awkward so it's not my fault....it's that you're the one who is doing this to our relationship". Dude was telling her she shouldn't be spending time with friends and family over her. That's classic manipulation.
She even tried to make him happy by removing things and answering to his demands.
This is no different than Keke Palmer's man being so insecure that he has to body shame her and call her out because of her (not particularly scandalous) choice of outfit and smiling during a special moment at an Usher concert. Both guys think they get to tell another person how they should live or else there is something wrong/bad about them. He's specifically using terminology he learned by going to therapy like "triggering" and "hurtful" as part of his manipulation.
Hill has a history of being kinda shitty so this isn't a big surprise but I think it pretty easily falls in line with other things people have received backlash for. Nobody's acting like he was drugging women to assault them or that he is bashing gay rights or anything. But he is very clearly a piece of shit who believed he gets to control another person if they want to be with him. It's fucked up.
Post by trick or trant on Jul 8, 2023 13:45:36 GMT -5
Maybe I was too liberal on the word “boundary”. I just usually expect a second thing to cross the line into abuse. If they’d been together for years, blackmail, etc but I think his “you’re free to leave” approach might actually be legit. She’s even telling people “if you’re in this situation then break up with him” so I don’t think there was any conditional threat.
Maybe I was too liberal on the word “boundary”. I just usually expect a second thing to cross the line into abuse. If they’d been together for years, blackmail, etc but I think his “you’re free to leave” approach might actually be legit. She’s even telling people “if you’re in this situation then break up with him” so I don’t think there was any conditional threat.
Emotional abuse is still abuse, my man. And it's not something to just roll your eyes about as it can really fuck people up.
5 Signs of Emotional Abuse
- They are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You
According to The Hotline’s 2020 Data, 95% of contacts stated they were experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse may not be what most people think about when they picture abuse, but that does not make it any less real or less serious. Because of its subtleties, emotional abuse can be quite difficult to detect when it is being experienced. Emotional abuse is also a foundation for other forms of abuse. Often, it is used erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological dependency on the abusive partner. Let’s look at what emotional abuse is and how to know if emotional abuse is present in your relationship.
Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.
and
So how do you know if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Here are some red flags:
Your partner name calls you or demeans you. Your partner tries to control you, your time, and your actions. Your partner tells you what to do and what to wear. Your partner often makes you feel silly or dumb. Your partner questions your reality and says that things that you know happened didn’t happen. This is called gaslighting. Your partner is critical of your appearance. Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family. Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection. Your partner doesn’t want you hanging out with someone of another gender. Your partner makes threats to hurt you or others to get what they want. Your partner wants you to ask for permission before doing something or spending time with other people. Your partner monitors where you go and stalks your whereabouts. Your partner doesn’t want you to work. Your partner embarrasses you in public. *(This one we don't know but it sure seems like it could have been his idea to have her where his same suit to the premiere of Don't Look Up now in hindsight) Your partner does not trust you and acts possessive. Your partner threatens breaking up or divorce to manipulate an argument. Your partner wants access to your phone, your passwords, or your social media. Your partner threatens suicide during arguments. Your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating. Your partner blames you for their unhealthy/abusive behaviors. Your partner makes you feel guilty or immature for not wanting to have sex. Your partner overloads you with compliments and gifts, and then uses that to manipulate you later (love bombing).
If any of these red flags feel familiar to you, know that you do not deserve to be treated that way and that you are not alone. It can be hard to decide what your next step should be, after learning that your relationship is not healthy. You might consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to talk about what you have been going through. You can also reach out to our Hotline advocates to talk about next steps and options available to you.
Like, do not discount how serious manipulation and emotional abuse can be. And these are only the messages she has shared. There's totally a chance there's others that she's not giving out. Feels like you're downplaying what specifically has been categorized as abuse because it "doesn't seem so bad" from your perspective. I definitely agree with you that what other people's issues we've discussed in this thread probably rank higher on the "holy shit this is fucked up" meter but I really don't feel like this is "Oh, he was a dick to her and she could just walk away so it's really not a problem".
Hmm this one is tricky. Idk if this is cancelable behavior but definitely some huge dating red flags.
Based on those two screenshots I was kinda feeling this was just Jonah using very poor, somewhat condescending words to try to set boundaries, but I went to Sarah Brady's IG and read through her whole story and it's pretty clear that Jonah is insecure, controlling, and narcissistic. It does seem he was genuinely hurt by some of her actions but the better thing to do is just recognize the relationship isn't healthy for you and leave rather than make an effort to control her behavior through guilt tripping. "These things that are part of your every day life and being make me feel bad, can't you change for me?" Bro just leave if you can't support her lifestyle choices.
Not sure if I agree with the whole "putting it all out there for the world to see" in an effort to make yourself feel better, but maybe it'll prevent Jonah or anyone else from doing the same things in the future.
But as Tranter said yes, as far as cancelable offenses this ranks pretty low. Dude is just a shitty, selfish partner. And as was apparent throughout the many text exchanges he didn't seem to be forcing her to stay. Was very much like "leave me if you cannot do these things" and I guess that is what eventually happened.
Based on those two screenshots I was kinda feeling this was just Jonah using very poor, somewhat condescending words to try to set boundaries, but I went to Sarah Brady's IG and read through her whole story and it's pretty clear that Jonah is insecure, controlling, and narcissistic.
Yeah, I did the same thing and when I saw more and more of the messages it definitely painted a picture.
The thing is...people who do these things don't tend to ONLY do it to one person/relationship their in and then never do it again. So it does fly back in the face of the kind of persona that Jonah puts out to the world. The people who try to look like "nice guys" and "understanding feminists" can sometimes turn out to be just as shitty as the ones who display their flaws from the beginning.
Once again, I will go back to my opinion that there is no real "cancel culture" and that in most cases we are just discussing shitty people who have done shitty things and usually deserve some type of criticism or backlash. That's exactly the case here. Nobody (or nobody serious) will be shouting to lock jonah up. Jonah will continue to get big acting roles and in a few years (or even months?) nobody will remember or talk about this unless some future shitty behavior surfaces again. But it's fair to point out/condemn when someone is clearly being abusive in a relationship and I don't agree with the idea that there needs to be a second thing/level in order for it to be considered real abuse. Physical harm and threats are not the only kind of damaging abuse one can do to their partner.
It's the same thing as Ryan Adams. He clearly crossed a line and was being manipulative/abusive to his partner(s?). It's a shitty thing to do and it's okay to call out that behavior/decide you don't want to be a fan anymore.
Just because we discuss a topic in here does NOT mean we are equating every single offense or allegation in this thread to be on the same level.
I fully believe emotional abuse is abuse. I was just saying I don’t think these specific actions cross that line.
Fair enough. I believe when you count up the red flags just from the messages we saw (again...there's likely others/more) it does cross the line. And we could argue about whether him seeming like he was actually hurt by her actions were legit or just more of the manipulation to control her but it's beside the point. All I'm really saying is dude is a piece of shit for behaving that way and deserves all the criticism coming his way. Not saying he was committing crimes or anything.
I tend to be more sensitive on this topic as I have experienced emotional abuse/manipulation and gaslighting from a partner that went on for a while and really fucked me up. Made me feel like the bad guy and insane for thinking things were happening (meanwhile what was happening was even worse). So I recognize the things he's saying and know directly how it feels to be treated like you're the one being wrong or crazy when really you did nothing that should cause this kind of treatment. Nobody should feel that way in a happy, stable relationship so I applaud her for recognizing and getting away from the abuse.
You have to allow your partner the grace that much of the population could be a prospective sexual partner for them and it's up to them to choose not to indulge in that.
"Men" are roughly half the population. It's a completely unreasonable standard to ask of his partner to avoid men in the professional, or any other part of, her life.
My ex wouldn't allow me to have men over that he didn't know and made me stop being friends with men he didn't "approve" of, after we moved in together. It's one of the most controlling and toxic things I've ever experience. He also had me stop bartending (since I had a degree in graphic design), and took over all money things because I "wasn't responsible enough" (mind you I was raising a child on my own before we moved in together). When you're in a relationship like that, it makes you question everything about yourself and makes you think you need that person to even survive.
It's all insecurities and jealously projected on you. No normal partner would try to control who you hang out with or what you do as a living or what you post on your social media account.
I get boundaries in a relationship, but that is not those things. If there was a specific friend that your partner constantly got into shit with, asking your partner to have restraint, and not get into shit is boundaries. Or asking them not to party with that specific friend is boundaries. All male (opposite sex) friends off limits is toxic.
I feel for her, it took me a long time to trust myself again after that relationship.
Post by abefroman1 on Jul 10, 2023 16:24:46 GMT -5
I don't think Jonah Hill will/should be cancelled. But he is definitely a massive asshole that hopefully will date less (until he reflects) and have less starring roles in the future.
The using therapist speak to be controlling is extra gross.
The football coach at Northwestern is involved in some hazing scandal. I don't know a ton of details.
He'll probably get canned, sit a year or two out, then wind up at some bad P5 program.
they suspended their coach after an internal investigation into the hazing (described as students dry humping other students when they made practice mistakes) following a complaint from a former student, they sort of danced around the coaches involvement, people speculating that the report is worse than they're leading on which is why they haven't released the investigation results. then because of all that, other things are popping up suggesting the hazing has been going on his whole tenure, and that there's some not so subtle institutionalized racism.
AD getting canned seems like the next logical step
Do you want to dance while also thinking about all the ways you've failed as a human?
UPCOMING SHOWS 11/18 - Slowdive @ Brooklyn Paramount 11/21 - Caribou @ Avant Gardner 11/23 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 11/25 - TV on the Radio @ Webster Hall 12/5 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/7 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center
It is all v sad. Seemed like a legit great guy, had a number of friends on the football team that couldn’t speak higher of him. And yet, had to go regardless of what he knew. dum ass hazing
I don't think Jonah Hill will/should be cancelled. But he is definitely a massive asshole that hopefully will date less (until he reflects) and have less starring roles in the future.
The using therapist speak to be controlling is extra gross.
Lol he just had a baby with another girl last month.
And y’all please do not think this is normal or ok. Do I think Jonah should be tarred and feathered? No. But do I think he’s a POS? Yes. “Stop doing stuff you love bc I’m insecure.” Gross x 100000.
