People Who Were On the Flight Logs

re the therapy speak, did anyone watch his documentary? I didn't and not really diving into the discourse much outside what's here so idk if the stuff around this incident was sort of touched on in that

We need less love in this world

LOL I know too fucking much:
Jonah Hill - total douche; shouldn't have been emotionally abusive to his now ex. Demanding them not spend time with ANYONE is a red flag.
Jortles - You don't know what... naaah that's all I'm going to say
EAP - You are, FAIRLY triggered by this, but it wasn't victim blaming
jackicker - You have a take. It might not be true as in how it works systemically for emotional or physical abuse - but you are at least putting your nuts out there.

jortles missed. but y'all taking shots like he gave jonah a pass? I know more about Jortles than he wants me to know. end of story. you get no answer to what that is.

I think the argument for what she did is that some people in relationships with partners who are shitty in this way can be manipulated into believing that they are actually doing something wrong when, really, they are just living their normal lives. That appears to be what was happening here. They got into this relationship, and suddenly, she was being too sexual and revealing by speaking to any other men in her job or posting pictures of herself in a bathing suit. Neither of those things are inherently sexual or wrong, but he was treating her like she was being a bad person and a bad girlfriend by doing them. Framing it as “these are just my boundaries and you’re free to leave if you can’t respect them” amounted to him painting himself as being the totally reasonable one, and it was also pretty clearly a threat (you’re free to leave = I will break up with you — except he wasn’t breaking up with her, he was just continually making her feel like shit for living her life and dressing a certain way). From her responses in the screenshots, she fell into that and was deleting things from her life to try to please him. Only after getting out of the relationship was she able to see more clearly that what she was doing was not actually wrong or unreasonable, and he was just making her feel like it was. So back to my original point, the argument for posting this stuff is that it brings this type of dynamic into the public so that maybe if someone out there is being treated this way, they might recognize it and realize that they are in an unhealthy situation.

i actually watched it twice, i liked it. runs a little long, i think the front half is more interesting than the back half. I liked Stutz (the therapist). I'm not a therapy expert, but Stutz seems to be a practical type of therapist, offering a framework and specific tools his patients can use. Not sure what the specific ethical claims are, but I can see how some might see it's unethical, but again I'm not a therapy expert, I thought there was a lot of useful stuff there.

full disclosure, i love Jonah Hill, probably one of my favorite celebrities. and as always i caveat my thoughts with people are allowed to feel any kind of way they want about this situation, i'm not trying to convince anybody of anything.

in situations like Hill and Brady's i like to think about what should have been done. in this situation, rather than setting this ultimatum on Brady, Hill should have realized that what he wanted from her was unreasonable. From there he could either (a) end the relationship or (b) accept his discomfort and learn to move past it.

With (b), he could have approach it stoically and realize it's a Hill problem and not a Brady problem and keep it to himself. I think that would've been the best way. I'm a big believer in communication and compromise in relationships, but part of communication is realizing what is skillful to communicate and what is unskillful to communicate. Or maybe there was a way to communicate how her actions made him uncomfortable, but he realizes its a Hill problem and not a Brady problem and he will learn to deal with it. but even that is tricky, because it might make Brady feel bad about something she shouldn't feel bad about.

Because of the program, I've been a confidant for a shitload of guys in recovery over the past 18 years. I also attract guys who want to work on their relationships since I've been in a relationship for 15 years. So I've been privy to the inner workings of a lot of marriages and relationships. And it absolutely blows my mind the shit that goes on between people. I've learned not to judge how people navigate their relationships. I mean I absolutely do judge lol, but I try not to judge harshly. Like it is shocking to me how frequently partners go through each others' phones, that is so fucked up to me. The fights people have and the things they say to each other, I don't know how some people get past that. But to be fair, for all the relationships I've had, only one of them has been successful (so far, it could become a successful relationship population of zero if Melody leaves me tomorrow).

I always share my experience with guys, and offer advice, but tempered by the fact that people are different, and have different needs, and approach relationships with the tools provided them by their parents, their past experience. Not every relationship is like mine, and my relationship isn't perfect. People fuck up and do stupid things all the time. If the relationship is worth salvaging they find ways to move through it. Relationships I never thought would work in a thousand years do, and relationships I thought were super solid don't.

so yeah what jonah did was wrong, definitely a dick move, but i'm not cancelling him over it.

strangely I'm working with a guy going through the gender inverse of a very similar situation. she caught him doing some flirty stuff on social media with other women. Nothing explicit, but certainly not respectful of his relationship. She has demanded he no longer interact with any women at work. so he can't go to the office since there are women there. and he is complying. i love him and his wife as friends, but i've told him in my opinion her request is unreasonable and unsustainable. But my hope is that over time she can learn to trust him again, and that her demand is temporary situation.

nah it would take a LOT for him to be fired. I can’t read the original article. A recruit went out drinking, got arrested for SA, charges got dropped and they still signed him? Eh, I mean maybe the case sucked and there wasn’t much merit to the charge. Cops in Athens love to harass and arrest kids especially black ones.

Kirby could probably straight up threaten accusers and still wouldn’t get fired.

The context matters here because HE could post pictures of her surfing or in a bathing suit but she couldn’t. It wasn’t like a picture of them having dinner with his mom or whatever.

From someone who is a hopefully reformed shit head - I hope she wants me to repair (I was already in therapy); but my last girlfriend would be in her full rights to publish when I used my suicidal tendencies in a possibly manipulative manner.  I luckily trusted and respected her enough to not hit any of the other red flags itrainmonkeys put up.  

This also relates to close relationships.  But some things are better unsaid to the public, sometimes, something pushes you over the edge.  Clearly something was said to her and she just -- stopped giving a fuck.   Imagine feeling pain and not being allowed to express it just because "it was a relationship".   It's not fair.   And I know people here who have gone through it, and make their own decisions to not expose it, but there is a breaking point for everyone.

If you don't put this stuff out in the air, no one learns. I know ppl don't always agree but I'd rather discourse than not. Things like this will affect someone, and they will work on themselves. That's all I want.

I did remember than Jonah was like just engaged to another person and I couldn't really find out how that fell apart (he said surfing really helped him move past that LMAO), but it's possible it was a lot of the same issues and that just doesn't get aired the same way, and maybe because of that he doesn't learn, but that's all speculative.

im going to answer this gently because i truly do not believe you are trying to be obtuse or dismissive of people who have suffered emotional abuse in romantic relationships, but ngl it is sorta triggering to read someone say "i just need to see proof of additional things for it to cross into abuse with something like blackmail" as if anything before or "less awful" than that doesn't actually count.

in my emotionally abusive relationship, i was gaslit and lied to and manipulated and controlled - but often in nuanced ways.

he didn't block the door from me going to meet up with a friend he didn't like, but he DID make up stories about things they'd done or said so i wouldn't trust them. 

he didn't force me to stay with him physically at any point but he did set up a toxic bubble for our relationship to exist within, where if i doubted his actions or intentions, he was always one step ahead of me for excuses of why he did it, and how it was just proof of how much he loved me, etc.

you catch my drift?

im not trying to lecture you here but hope you can read this & understand that all emotional abuse doesn't look the same, but it all HURTS and traumatizes the victim and shouldn't be labeled as "a step below abuse" just because it doesn't possess some of the harsher, more direct trademarks of such.

thank you for listing these & naming that ALL of this falls under abuse. 

Are you talking about before dating the surfer? Or his current wife and baby mama? Because the current wife situation is a bit interesting considering the shit he was saying to Brady about models. After telling her how shitty it would be to want to be a model and how she shouldn't do modeling and things like that. Then months after splitting with Brady he marries into a model family with a woman who's mom and sister are both models lol. I guess because she's not technically a model herself then it's totally fine.

The word "boundaries" is doing a lot of heavy lifting for some people here.

Also I'd love to see the reaction if like an NFL player or whatever revealed that he had a partner who got mad because he wore tight little football pants in front of a crowd that included women, or forbid him to be within 100 feet of the cheerleaders on the sidelines, or stopped him from posting workout photos on his IG or whatever. Pretty sure we'd see less people invoking the magical word "boundaries" and a lot more "holy shit she's fucking insane."